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I was prepared for my dad to die but not my mom...


noahsmommi

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I have prepared myself pretty much my whole life for my dad to die. My dad is,and has been, a recovering drug addict. My whole life we have had so many close calls with him dying resulting from drugs. I prepared myself for when it wouldnt be a close call and he would die. Ive kept letters, said everything I wanted to, fixed my relationship with him, have TONS of pictures with him and myself as well as with my son. I was ready. But then my mom got sick and cancer ended up taking her. I realized I never prepared for this. Now shes gone and I dont have many pictures or little things to remember her by besides memories. Didnt get to say all I wanted to. As horrible as this sounds I cant help but feel like It sould have been my dad to die and not her. I wish it was him. I love my dad, hes my dad. But with everything he does I feel like he is killing himself and was the one who shouldve died. Not my momma who did everything right. Never did drugs or drink. Quit smoking cold turkey the day she found out she had cancer even tho the cancer wasnt related to smoking cigs. I hate that I feel so much anger towards him. Especially since I worked so hard to rebuild our relationship when I had my son. Has anyone else ever gone thru a similiar situation where one parent has died and you wish it was the other? Any advice?

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No, but I do know the "why this person they did everything right" feeling. That describes my beloved. No drugs, no smoking, just a light drinker, ate very healthy etc. I can also relate to the "why didn't I take more pictures" (etc etc) thing. But anyway - it sounds to me like you have a better handle on this than you realize. Your feelings are very understandable, don't beat yourself up about them.

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I can't really say I thought my father would die first, but I always ALWAYS find myself saying "Why in the hell didn't he go, and Mom live??????

My father was/is a child molestor. He molested my sister, and I, when I was 3, she was 8. My sister at the age of 8 years old, testitfied against him. He admitted it in court, and in the end, only served 2 years, of a nine years sentence. He was not only a child molestor, but an alcoholic, and a VERY abusive man, physically to my Mom, and us kids. Mom raised us the best she could, as a single mom. For years, she hid out with us kids, to keep dad from finding us.

The same day he got out of prison, he had sex with a 15 yr old (he was 38), and her mother found out he was a convicted molestor, and told him "Marry her, or I am sending you back to prison"...that's exactly what he did. So my stepmom is literally only 6 years older than my sister. They gave us hell growing up...mean, very mean man. I have heard from this woman he married, for the past 20 years, that he is dying, and I should "APPOLOGIZE" to my father, and build a relationship with this evil man, because he is dying!!!!!!!!!!! That is horrible, to say the least. We are the victims, and I owe this man no apology, and my 3 kids weren't going any where near him!!

Anyways.........yes, I do find myself so pissed off that this scum of a human is still alive, while my mother, who protected her children, while getting her head smashed in, is now gone....its so unfair! As a mother myself, I cannot imagine the pain she must have endured, realizing the father of her kids, and her husband, had molested THEIR own children, then about killed her while trying to get out...I can only hope and pray, that God had a grand world waiting for her.. Lord knows she already lived hell here on earth. I Will NEVER forgive my father!!

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Rms

Your story brought me to tears, I can only say what a brave wonderful mother you had, sending you hugs

Kayxx

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Rms

Your story brought me to tears, I can only say what a brave wonderful mother you had, sending you hugs

Kayxx

Kaycee, Thank you very much sweetie. That certainly wasn't my intent, to make any one feel sorry for me. I don't dare want to steal this feed for my pity. Yesterday was just a very bad day for me, and I could totally relate to Miss U Momma.... I pray for peace for each and every one of us! HUGS!

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RMS,

Your story is very sad and im sry for all youve been thru and the loss of your dear Mom. Even tho are story are different they have one main thing in common and its a hard feeling to have. I didnt have it as bad as you but my dilemma is now having to be responsible for my father which I HATE. My mother was a saint to have put up with all his crap but I dont feel like I can devote my life to taking care of him when he doesnt care for himself. My anger toward him is for not caring for my mother in her time of need when she did everything to care for him during his downfalls. I just cant help but wish it was him instead. Anyways, I appreciate you sharing your story and send lots of love ur way!

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RMS,

Your story is very sad and im sry for all youve been thru and the loss of your dear Mom. Even tho are story are different they have one main thing in common and its a hard feeling to have. I didnt have it as bad as you but my dilemma is now having to be responsible for my father which I HATE. My mother was a saint to have put up with all his crap but I dont feel like I can devote my life to taking care of him when he doesnt care for himself. My anger toward him is for not caring for my mother in her time of need when she did everything to care for him during his downfalls. I just cant help but wish it was him instead. Anyways, I appreciate you sharing your story and send lots of love ur way!

I commend you, for being able to do so!! If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't be able to do it (I actually refuse to do it for my father now) I am praying, and hugging you from far away!

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I agree that it can be unfair, seem like the wrong parent died, as in these cases mentioned in this topic.

I didn't hate my dad but I was close to my mom and not my dad, because of each parent's level of involvement with us kids. And then my mom was the first parent and family member to die, and it was totally unexpected when it happened, she had seemed healthy and had a positive attitude.

I was close to my dad after my mom and my sister died.

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I didnt have much of a relationship with my father growing up because he was always in jail or "gone". But after a near death incident he caused himself due to a big fight we had I decided I needed to change the way I went about things because I knew eventually he would end up dead. And I did, we had a decent relationship. We even told each other "i love you" (something we never had done before) whenever we saw each other. It was god to know we were on good terms. Until my mom got sick. And I saw how much she just wanted him to be near her. And the only day a week he could come to visit her, he would spend an hour and disappear. It made me so angry with him and put a lot of stres on my mom. I cant seem to forgive him for that. I dont know if I care at this point.

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