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Update & Venting Time


lamp

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It has been almost two months since my dad died and every single day continues to be a struggle, although I have started exercising again so that's a plus. On the 17th, it will officially be two months and I'm dreading that day although it's supposed to be joyful, being St. Patrick's Day and all, because of that and also because it will also be the due date for my first child who I lost to miscarriage. It sucks both occasions will coincide.

I'm going through the motions mostly. I'm rethinking my life and trying to set goals. I know it's probably not a good idea to make any huge changes while you're grieving, but I can't help but wonder what else I'm supposed to be doing.

Now time for my vent -- I need to do this because I have no one else to talk to. Prior to last weekend, I was at the lowest point I have ever been, I think. Had it not been for my kids, my mom, my sister and best friend, I would have killed myself - that I know. Plus, a friend lost her husband to suicide last fall, so I didn't want my family to experience the devastation that tragedy has wrought. Knowing that my husband has not been there for me and realizing that perhaps I married the wrong person brought me to the brink. He asked me last week if I was "still depressed." I mean, WTF??? HELL, YEAH!! On Friday, an incident, which I won't get into, made me rethink things and then a message I heard during prayer group on Monday hit me like a lightning bolt! I was so grateful for that because I know God meant that message to be for me. A monumental life change like divorce is not in the cards for me because I take my faith very seriously and I made a promise before God that I would stay married until death do us part. Also, in my work, I've seen the collateral damage from divorce - there is no such thing as a "friendly" divorce - and I don't want to destroy my kids. My husband is a good dad. He just sucks as a spouse.So, I'm looking within myself and my faith for ways to cope. I'm also wondering how much of my turmoil is grief-related.

Thanks for letting me vent.

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lamp, I'm so sorry - for the loss obviously, but also for the difficult day coming up on the 17th, and for the incredibly dumbass thing(s) your husband said. I hope you both can work through this rough patch - but if that wasn't an isolated remark and he's being totally unsupportive, I think he very much needs a clue (counseling maybe?). It takes two to make a marriage work, after all. You deserve better and have every right to DEMAND better, IMO. As to your last question, your loss is no doubt exacerbating things, but clearly that's not all that's going on. Again I'm sorry for all this and wish you the best. Feel free to vent here any time!

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Yes Lamp, every little thing can be exaggerated when grieving, the silliest thing can set me off and it is really early days for you. I am glad you are going to work on your marriage but remember it is a two way street. I wish you well lamp Hugs

Kay

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It's been 6 months today since I lost my mom.

I have the perfect fiancé, who is my best friend. We've never had one argument in 3 yrs, prior to mom passing.

In this 6 months, he has seemed SOOOO unsupportive!!! We have foughtto the point f me throwing my 4 carat ring in his face, cutting him..

Then I realized, this is GRIEF! It's reared it's ugly self, into my life! I blamed him for everything. And even when he wasn't being rude, I accused him of it. I had to pray, and realize, not all are aware how to "speak" or act to a grieving person.

I hav apologized, and take a deep breath now, and for him that "look", so he can realize when he's hurting my feelings. This has helped us so much, and we are back on track, and happy again. Communication is key- talk to him about your feelings. Never say you married the wrong person...for you married him for a reason ;) if things were bad before hand, that's a different story! But if you're like me, and they were great, then take a look at this thing called grief!

Hugs to you!!

Ronda

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