I'm new, lost my Mom

[Baylensmom]

Hi, Im Very new at this forum thing. I lost my Mom on October 29th, the day after my 34th Birthday. I was numb for a long time and now it's wearing off. I'm a mess, I cry all the time. I just want her back, I find myself saying " I want my Mom" over And over throughout the day. I am going to a grief support group through hospice and I don't feel like it's helping me at all. I feel broken.

[widower2]

I'm very sorry for your loss. As you're finding out, this takes time to wrestle with, and lots of it. If you don't feel the hospice is helping, try another way - other groups or grief counseling. I had to try several before finding one that helped. Best to you -

[ModKonnie]

Hi Baylensmom,

I am very sorry about the loss of your mom. Is that a picture of you and her in your profile? If so, ya'll look beautiful. Do you have other family members to talk to? Have you tried writing letters to your Mom? Strangely, that does help. It's okay to cry. And if you don't like the hospice group then try another one. Please feel free to come here to talk about your mom. We we will here to listen to you.

ModKonnie

[mcp_sb]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I just lost my mom on January 12. She was only 58, and I'm 33. I'm also now 6 months pregnant with my first child. Like you, I just want my mom back. Please feel free to message me if you want to talk. This is a very painful, difficult process.

[Mermaid Tears]

So sorry for your loss....I lost my Mom in 1995....and I think of her each day...sometimes many times each day....just know this...she wouldn't have left you unless she had to....I read many books by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross....and it was very healing and comforting....but each person walks their own unique path of grief....it is so..so hard to lose that Mommie....please tell us about her...and yourself....and please take very good care of yourself....'some real self-care'....be gentle with yourself and know that this is not an overnight episode....and we are here for you.

[Butterflyys]

Hi there, I'm new too. I'm sorry to hear your lost your mom. I lost my mom on Feb. 21 due to uterine cancer. She was diagnosed in July 2012, and it progressed very rapidly. I am 41 and feel like I am too young to have lost my mom. I think my numbness has worn off now, and I am really feeling the pain and crying a lot as well. I can't eat much and don't sleep very much either. I was going to look into the hospice support group. Perhaps try another or you may need one on one counseling? I am going to wait a week or two then decide whether to go. Perhaps this is something we each need to work through in our own time and space. Also, don't forget about your close friends and other family members. Let them help, and ask them for help. I am trying to do that more myself. I'm glad to have found this forum and hope to find some support here as well.

[mcp_sb]

I so feel that way...that I'm too young to be without a mom. I thought we had another 20 years at least! My mom was 58, 100% healthy, and then bam...stroke in late September, gone by mid-January. I found out I was pregnant right after the stroke. I NEVER DREAMED I would be having my first child without my mom.

For about a month I was a wreck...crying every day, didn't feel normal EVER. Every day felt worse than the one before. But then one day I felt sort of okay. And then some days I can push the pain away. Some days I am just in denial that it even happened (she lives far away so it's easy to think she's fine and well and we'll talk over the weekend). But then some days I'm crushed by it again. It ebbs and flows like waves. I hear it can go like this forever. I

think the most important thing is to just go with it. If you are feeling ok, that's great, don't feel guilty, enjoy those high function days. But when the hard days come, don't fight it. Stay in bed, cry all you want, call who you need, feel the pain. If you don't feel it, it will come back bigger and stronger. I've found some coping mechanisms...I'm seeing a counselor weekly, reading a book on grief, and doing some writing. It does help.

It's been 2 months today...I wonder when my brain will accept she's gone and stop thinking I can call her, or this is all a bad dream. Some day!

[TaraJ83]

I am so sorry for your loss. I recently lost my mom on February 28, 2013. Close to my birthday too. Her funeral was the day after I turned 30. Her death was very unexpected. I find writing to her and talking to her helps me so much. I had to move back in with my parents after I had my daughter. So seeing her body in her bed and trying to wake her up seems like a dream to me. I know that I'm still in shock so I expect it to hit me anytime now. I think what you're going through is normal. Everyone grieves differently. And cry, cry everyday all day if you need to. Good luck to you sweetie.

[hannahcc_]

I lost my mum on Monday night. It was very sudden and completely unexpected as she was a perfectly fit and healthy 51 year old woman. I am only 20 and feel that I am much too young to deal with what is happening right now. Everything seems completely surreal and I keep expecting her to walk through the door any second, or shout my name up the stairs.

Me and my dad were both with her right till the very end, i believe that she knew that and i know that she won't leave us on our own. She will always be watching over us. She will miss out on so many important milestones in my life but I hope/know that she will be there in spirit .

[Baylensmom]

Sorry it has taken me so long to respond, thank you all for your kind words and sharing your stories.

I honestly didn't know if I would come back to the forum after my original post, I feel overloaded most days and didnt know if I could handle reading what people had to say. I'm glad I came back.

Someone asked if the picture I have up is my mom, yes it is. I'm on the left and my older sis is on the right

A very nice person sent me a private message on here and I told her my story, so I decided to copy and paste it here too. Sorry for the run on sentences I'm horrible with punctuation.

My mom was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer January 2012, she responded well to chemo and was doing pretty good until the end of July. She started feeling sick and was admitted to the hospital and we found out the cancer had spread and she had 3 months to live. Our family, me, my sis, my stepdad and my moms 7 brothers and sisters ( the bros and sisters flew in from North Carolina) ( my sis flew in from texas) all came together to be with her. My stepdad and I were the only ones caring for her until this point as everyone else lives out of state. We decided along with mom that we wanted to fight, so we found a place in Arizona that did alternative cancer treatments, they accepted us and my mom, my stepdad and myself went to Arizona.

The first 3 weeks were pretty good...sadly at the end of the third week my mom ended up with pneumonia and ended up on life support in the ICU, the doctors said she wouldn't survive after being taken off the ventilator so we waited for my sis to fly in and then removed the vent two days later.

She didn't die, it was amazing. She was then moved to a hospice home on the mayo clinic hospital campus. She survived another 18 days. We never left her side, we slept on the floor of the ICU and then on air mattresses in her room at the hospice home.

It was awful, she wasn't really her anymore at this point, it was her but she was like a confused child. It was awful.

She passed away on October 29th, the day after my Birthday. I was away from my husband and two children for exactly 2 months.

I feel like I've been living in a bad dream for the past year, and it's now just hitting me.