Loss of an Adult Child

[daveydow1]

Hello INDIGOS......I'm getting behind with posts (as usual), and will try to catch up. I've had

MANY troubles raining down on my head lately, so is hard to come and read posts.

balison----Sorry to hear that someone went ahead and cleaned out your daughter's room. That is

so difficult when that happens....and as you say, they are well-meaning. That happened to me

many years ago when my baby Lisa died. People cleaned out her nursery and when I came home

it was empty. What a shock....on top of all the grief to deal with. Peace to you.

Colleen----there are also Catholic church festivals most of the summer in our area, and they are a nice

place for families to go to. Your iris sounds so nice. Ours are about finished......I especially liked the

lt. lavender with dark purple petals ones. Don't give up hope on the Xmas cactus. I had a cactus once

(sm. one---not sure of the variety). I had it for years.....no blooms....I didn't even know that it was supposed

to bloom. Then one day I saw pretty star-shaped dk. red blooms on it. I don't have much of a green thumb.

Dee-----What a nice dream your friend told you she had of ERi (bird) guiding all the children 'across' to heaven.

I have Dave's wallet and watch (that's all we got back from the wreck....never got his cell phone back). The wallet

is still in my desk, and the $50. that he had in it is still there. He had planned on using it to get his dad a Father's

Day gift. Father's Day was the day after Dave's death that year. His watch ran for a long time, and I would check

it every so often-----then it stopped.

Kathy----Sending prayers for you dad in the hospital. May he return to health soon.

Betty----Thanks for you kind words. Yes,....those wonderful greeting cards from our kids are a treasure to hold onto.

Thanks for the pic !

HAPPY, BELATED HEAVENLY BIRTHDAY, ...........MICHEAL SHANE. SMILE DOWN ON YOUR FAMILY AND WARM THEIR HEARTS.

Sonya---Good to see Danielle's lovely smile. So sorry to hear of the 21-yr. old guy's death, and also....the little 8 yr-old

girl's passing away in an accident. Peace & prayers for the families.

Carol----Our garden needs rain. We've been trying to water the plants, but it's not as good as a nice rain, of course. I

have not heard of a yellow pear tomato, but I imagine they are quite tasty. Racheal, age 10 is quite a little gardener.

So nice to hear of a child so young with such a love for the land, and ambition to plant her garden. Bless her. How is

Jamie doing?

Lorri----Hope you are feeling better, friend.

Betsy----Thanks for posting the nice pics !!

Sus-----Electronic cigs !!!! I hope that they do what they are meant to do.. .....are they expensive.?

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[lolynbo]

YES IM ON THE UPSIDE OF THIS PNUMONIA CRAP...THOUGHT I WAS GONNA CHK OUT THERE FOR A BIT, MAYBE JUST WISHFUL THINKING...

IDK WHAT THESE KIDS ARE THINKING...THERE IS MORE TO THE STORY THEN WHATS BEING TOLD, THIS GIRL WAS BRUISED AND BEATN...AND SEXUALLY ASSAULTED...SO I HOPE THEY ALL GET LOTSA JAIL TIME..

[Brendan's Daddy]

Hello everybody. It has been a little while since my last post. I have been trying to keep up with the reading, but have not had the energy to post. It has been a little rough the past few days. Saturday was the 6 month mark without my Brendan. I can't believe it has been that long, but at the same time it feels like he has been gone forever. I miss him so bad. I miss coming home and having somebody sprint to me so he could hug me. It has been 6 months since anybody has missed me enough to run into my arms. Brendan did that almost every time I got home. Nobody loved me like Brendan did. I am not sure anybody will ever love me like that again. I never thought I would have to live even one second without Brendan. Now six months have gone by and somehow I am still here. I am still living my life one day at a time. I am living my life because I have to and I am expected to. I am not living because I want to. I still pray that God takes me soon. I guess I could say that I am stronger than I was one month ago. This is true, but I am not sure I will ever be happy again. I don't have the uncontrollable breakdowns as often, but I still think about him every second of every day. I still miss him every second of every day. Tonight I have to go to work and get little league games started. Brendan's league and team have their first game at 5:00. I am already dreading seeing his team out on that field without Brendan. I just can't believe he won't be out there playing ball with his friends. So many firsts. So much heartache.

I hope you are all doing as best you can. I wish I had to energy to respond to some of the posts. Right now I am having a hard time getting the energy to type at all.

Daddy loves you B-Diddy. Forever and always

Brendan's daddy-Tony

[mikesmomrs]

Tony: so very sorry to hear that you are having a difficult time. We are here for you, and I know that each time you come and post, it helps...we have all been there, we all understand. I can't imagine how difficult it will be for you to see Brendan's team playing...heartbreaking. I know that Brendan will be there with you, his little spirit surrounding you with his love. Sending love and strength to you and your wife...holding you all close.

Lorri: So sorry that you were so very sick. Glad to hear that you are kicking its butt. Also so very sorry to hear of the tragedy in your area...so very sad.

Sonya: My heart goes out to those losing their little ones in your area, also. I am so glad that you were able to give the little girl's mom your phone number. Hopefully she will call and you can help her through this terrible new journey she is on. I am glad to hear that Mattie and James are doing so well. Sorry to hear of Mattie's tears, but yes, I agree, she likely remembers more than we know.

I posted a little earlier about Rachel's garden...here is the pic of her tilling...it was a power tiller, not a hand one like I thought, but she is mighty tiny looking next to it! This was from last spring. She is a charmer...I will also post a front on pic:

[ericasmom]

Sherri, sorry things have been difficult lately, anything you want to talk about? I hope that the greenery and blossoms and birds help you feel better.

Lorri, i did not go to the doc, but I do wonder if I had/have pnenomia, still have the cough somewhat, it is much improved however, but boy has it lasted. feel better. I am sorry for the tragic circumstances of the young ones in your area.

Sonya, I am glad that Mattie does remember, that she carries her sister with her and knew adn understood what those candles represented. How nice that in those sweet memories she knows she has a big sister who loves her so much, and she misses knowing her more. Very sweet, sad adn sweet. I too am glad that you were able to reach out to that Mom of the young one who died. So very horrible to know what it is they must travel before getting to a place where life feels like there is a purpose again.

Tony, there is however a purpose again, and through the long and difficult journey you will find your purpose.

I am zapped, it was 98 in my classroom today, we took recess but it was 94 outside, so I am going to bed very soon.

Sleep tight Everyone,

[mysonrich]

Hello Indigo’s, just thoughts and maybe a warning that could save a life. Now, this isn't fact in my sons death however, I do believe I had a premonition, if only ( “if”, there it is again),If only I knew of the real danger lurking in my sons fridge.

Christmas 2008 at Richie's new home. We had a great time. He purchased his new Apple computer, a new stereo system, he seemed happy if not a little thought preoccupied.

When I opened his fridge for a drink I glanced to the door of the fridge. There I saw 2 Monster energy drinks. My thought was, “ they are not good for him”. DO I have proof that Monster contributed to his death? No but I sincerely believe it didn't help .

Richie's cause of death was listed as cardiac dysrhythmia. The corners could find nothing that would have killed him except, a anomaly in his right descending artery. Could he have lived longer with this anomaly if this was diagnosed somewhere along his short life ? Who knows. If only life choices were made with sound medical backing, warnings, would he have know what dangers waited in his beverage? We don't know.

When I hear of young lives ending suddenly, in sleep, playing a sport ( many famous soccer players have had their lives stop right on the field. Do they drink energy drink??) or just walking down the street,Rhonda, I look at these energy drinks. I wrote about this soon after Richie died and I will continue to voice my warning. Rich attended a concert that previous night. He Danced. My beautiful boy danced the night away. His heart rated increased. He had 2 beers ( known fact) , he had an energy drink early in the evening. HE died in his sleep.

Rhonda,Sonya, Marcia, anyone that will listen, I truly believe that the drinks should come with a very strong warning. During this past year especially I have noticed more and more medical news come forth,published, hopefully heeded, anoput Monster, Red Bull..others.

Check AHA as well. Other sources.

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article434389.ece

[mysonrich]

Hello Indigo’s, just thoughts and maybe a warning that could save a life. Now, this isn't fact in my sons death however, I do believe I had a premonition, if only ( “if”, there it is again),If only I knew of the real danger lurking in my sons fridge.

Christmas 2008 at Richie's new home. We had a great time. He purchased his new Apple computer, a new stereo system, he seemed happy if not a little thought preoccupied.

When I opened his fridge for a drink I glanced to the door of the fridge. There I saw 2 Monster energy drinks. My thought was, “ they are not good for him”. DO I have proof that Monster contributed to his death? No but I sincerely believe it didn't help .

Richie's cause of death was listed as cardiac dysrhythmia. The corners could find nothing that would have killed him except, a anomaly in his right descending artery. Could he have lived longer with this anomaly if this was diagnosed somewhere along his short life ? Who knows. If only life choices were made with sound medical backing, warnings, would he have know what dangers waited in his beverage? We don't know.

When I hear of young lives ending suddenly, in sleep, playing a sport ( many famous soccer players have had their lives stop right on the field. Do they drink energy drink??) or just walking down the street,Rhonda, I look at these energy drinks. I wrote about this soon after Richie died and I will continue to voice my warning. Rich attended a concert that previous night. He Danced. My beautiful boy danced the night away. His heart rated increased. He had 2 beers ( known fact) , he had an energy drink early in the evening. HE died in his sleep.

Rhonda,Sonya, Marcia, anyone that will listen, I truly believe that the drinks should come with a very strong warning. During this past year especially I have noticed more and more medical news come forth,published, hopefully heeded, anoput Monster, Red Bull..others.

Check AHA as well. Other sources.

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article434389.ece

[ericasmom]

Betsy, I think that your suspicions are a good warning to others and let's face it, those gut feelings that give us a glimmer of worry are what so many of us felt before we lost our LOVES. I know the IF ONLY syndrome, it is a hard one to deal with. Thinking of you on this very warm morning.

I finally just finished typing my letter to my students. Each year I type a letter to say So Long. I wrote last night but was too tired to continue, nothing like down to the wire, we are together today for an hour. I put in five little poems, the 5 kinds that I made sure that they could all identify and write on their own. I will miss them but boy, am I tired.

Small group, only 20, but due to some of the issues in their academic and or social skills, it felt like 30 kids. But here they are secure in my heart, always there with all the others.

Love to you all, hot day ahead, be safe.

[shorty16]

Good Morning my friends,

It amazes me how tired I am when I "Think" all day. My job is not physical, but challenges me mentally every day. The FAA audit is going well. No issues yet.

WOW 81 degrees at 6:45am. That almost never happens in Wisconsin. High humidity, high temps so I may have to run through the sprinkler tonight!?!?!

My husband was telling me about a 13 year old little leaguer who was trying to bunt and took a pitch to the chest - stopped his heart. They got his heart beating again only to have him die the next day. OMG - what a freak accident. I know those parents are asking again and again "How could this happen?" "Did this really happen?" "Someone wake me up from this nightmare."

I don't know why this particular death has affected me so much other than it is so unbelievable? I am praying for them and the 2 others Sonya (?) mentioned.

Take care my friends. I love coming here everyday - lets me realize I am not alone in this grief.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[hotrod]

Good Morning Indigos

It is going to be in the 90s here today but the sun feels good and I will enjoy it after all the cold and rain

Colleen I remember the auditing days as carol indicated Staying until 3 am to find a small error I was always tempted to juggle the numbers to make it fit. I am glad you are getting thru this

Dee Every year at this time I am reminded of what a wonderful treasure you are to your students A letter and 5 little poems how thoughtful and touching. Stephen had one such teacher and I treasure her in my heart to this day

Betsy This is a hard month for you. Time for reflection and the ever present deep missing. The warning on the Power Drinks is a good heads up. I hope some gentle memories of Rich, his smile, his love touch you today.

Sherry I am so sorry what happened when you returned after having lost little Lisa I guess people thought the were "Helping" So glad you still have some treasures

Sonya great to see Danielle's beautiful face

Carol great shot of the ballpark and the little one tilling Oh my!!

I am off not literally but to do some cleaning and shopping Have a Blessed Day

[ericasmom]

Colleen, I read about the 13 year old, and yes, what hell are these parents in, we know, but an innocent game of baseball. This happened here to two boys years ago, one playing basketball with friends and the ball hit him in the chest and his heart was stopped, he died. Another on the baseball field, so many years ago but it does happen, freak accident or was it his time? Don't know.

It is well over 90, high heat and humidity...yikes in this cluttered room that I have to pack up.

Thanks Betty, saying goodbye is made easier knowing that I said all that I needed to say to them.

love

[Guest msnher]

Checking in; sending love and light.

Susannah

[mysonrich]

Susannah, we could really use a nice shade tree here . and, thank you.

Betty, a roller coaster of emotions and memory. Later, I'll remember something and laugh.

Dee, care to share the poems?

Colleen, there are times that I connect to a strangers lose more then others. For me I think I see a bit of my son in their children. An event,a sport, the hair. thats just me

My week ahead....I hear the Wicked Witch of the West when I view our weather..""I'm melting, I'm melting"...also, I know, I'm cracked,not broken .stay cool everyone

TueWedThuFriCurrent: Partly CloudyWind: W at 11 mphHumidity: 39%87°F | 70°F98°F | 75°F97°F | 75°F86°F | 67°F

[andy88]

Hello Indigo Friends!

I hope today brings you at least one smile. This is one of the good weeks for me. I do hate the up and down, but not much to be done about that.

While the tears have been less this week, I have been feeling a lot of anger toward the police. They know, Andy's Dad and I know, and Andy's friends know, who gave him the drugs that killed him. The police seem like they can hardly be bothered to do anything about it. They tell us "no witnesses", "no good samaritan law". They won't fingerprint anything in Andy's room. Andy's dad and I are both absolutely certain someone came to our house that day. I guess to the police he was just another drug addict. But he wasn't...he was a straight-A student, he was not a habitual drug user, there was only one puncture wound in his arm, he was everything to me, he was my son, my reason for living.

The kid that gave him the drugs admitted it "off the record". He has 3 pending heroin charges against him. But they won't pressure him. They talked to him one time. I don't get it. I would really like to offer a reward (bounty?) for information leading to this kid's arrest and conviction. Is there any law against that? Any legal implications? Should I just let it go? This is the worst part about the whole thing...feeling that the police think my son was nothing worth advocating for. I loved him and he was a wonderful son to me.

With love,

Pam

[daveydow1]

Carol-----Thanks for the cute pics of Rachael. My, she sure shows a lot of determination behind

that roto-tiller. So nice to see a child so young with determination and goals. Let us know how her

garden turns out......I bet it will be productive.

Dee----YIKES----such a HOT classroom. that's a nice thing you are doing----a letter with poems for

your students.....your last few days with the class. I know you will welcome the reprieve from the

heat in the school. My troubles are ironing out considerably.......not as bad as they seemed in the

beginning (as is often the case). Such is life-----seems smooth for awhile, then....something pops up.

Getting that old feeling of dread since it's getting close to that day.

Betsy-----I, too, have been reading about the dangers of the energy drinks. I don't think that they should

be for sale......because of the large hits of caffeine they contain...(and who knows what else). So very

sad. Yes,......those "If Only" thoughts can be so hard to bear. Peace, friend.

Betty----Thanks for your kind words. Luckily, after they cleaned out Lisa's room (taking crib, furniture,

and other items), I ended up with her few clothes and small box of toys we had for her. We were

pretty poor at the time, so Lisa did not have much. We were blessed to have her for the short 6 mo.

Colleen----So very sorry to learn of the Little League boy who was hit in the chest with a ball, and died.

It seems that this tragedy is not all that uncommon, and I wonder why they are not required to wear some

sort of chest protector. I don't know much about baseball for Little League, but it seems that a child's

developing rib and bone structure is still a bit vulnerable to hard blows like a baseball to the chest. So very sad.

I'm sorry for the family, and send prayers for them.

We got some much-needed rain today. I could almost see & hear the field corn growing. We are to get

a couple hot days Wed. and Thurs., then moderate a bit.

PEACE TO ALL INDIGOS.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[daveydow1]

Pam-----We posted at the same time. I'm so very sorry that the police seem to be not that interested

in getting the person who gave Andy the drug that caused him to die. It can be very frustrating to

know something and not be able to get the authorities to act. Could you find out from the county

prosecutor or others at the courthouse if it is something you could do? (reward). I can feel the pain and

heartache in your words, and I am so sorry. As you say,......Andy was your son....your world, and you

want justice for him. Wishing you success in whatever you're able to do. I feel for you, friend.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[Toby'sMom]

Hi Pam,

I'm Toby's Mom. I lost my son on 04/01/11. He died after a light pole that he hit fell on the roof of his car. He had been drinking at a friends house - only 4 boys - my son was 18, the other boys were 18, 19 and 21. After the accident, the sherrif said they were doing an investigation. Although they talked to the kids, no one really cares where the alcohol came from. Of course the three boys were interviewed almost a WEEK after the accident and they ALL said that Toby brought it! How convenient. I asked the sherrif why they interviewed the kids if they were not going to do anything. No answer. It is pretty difficult in CA to obtain alcohol without ID. We dont have ANY alchohol in our home. He was in a guest house where a parent was at home in the main house. He spent quite a bit of time there and since he was in the neighborhood at a friends house who lived at home, I just assumed that there was some type of parental presence.

We have "social hosting laws" in our county and there is a liability for the homeowner if there are minors drinking on their property. However, the sherrif basically said it is not their issue - we need to get an attorney because it is a civil manner not a criminal matter.

I can relate so much to what you are saying about Andy. When you have a good kid who gets into this type of trouble, it is devastating. I am not saying that deaths of kids with substance abuse problems are not tragic - they are, but it is so heartbreaking to think that it should not have happened to our sons who were doing all of the right things. Toby was not a "party-boy" running around at all hours of the night. He was home most evenings between 10 and midnight, and I had never seen him drunk. The sherrifs just dont care - I think it is all about filling out the paperwork, and moving to the next case. My son is just one more statistic for them to point to.

My husband and I are at the same point you are - do we move forward and try to bring charges against the homeowner who knew the kids were drinking and did nothing? What will it accomplish? Or will it just put us through more pain?

I am so sorry for your loss. Our sons did not deserve this and neither do we.

Cheryl - Toby's Mom Forever

Hello Indigo Friends!

I hope today brings you at least one smile. This is one of the good weeks for me. I do hate the up and down, but not much to be done about that.

While the tears have been less this week, I have been feeling a lot of anger toward the police. They know, Andy's Dad and I know, and Andy's friends know, who gave him the drugs that killed him. The police seem like they can hardly be bothered to do anything about it. They tell us "no witnesses", "no good samaritan law". They won't fingerprint anything in Andy's room. Andy's dad and I are both absolutely certain someone came to our house that day. I guess to the police he was just another drug addict. But he wasn't...he was a straight-A student, he was not a habitual drug user, there was only one puncture wound in his arm, he was everything to me, he was my son, my reason for living.

The kid that gave him the drugs admitted it "off the record". He has 3 pending heroin charges against him. But they won't pressure him. They talked to him one time. I don't get it. I would really like to offer a reward (bounty?) for information leading to this kid's arrest and conviction. Is there any law against that? Any legal implications? Should I just let it go? This is the worst part about the whole thing...feeling that the police think my son was nothing worth advocating for. I loved him and he was a wonderful son to me.

With love,

Pam

[ericasmom]

Dear Cheryl, I am so sorry that your Son Toby died, and so sorry too, for the lack of care given his case. I don't understand either, why his death would not be taken more seriously in hopes at the very least, to not have a repeat of drinking in this home where parents are suppose to be...sounds to me that the parents in this case are being protected adn that to me is interesting. why are they being protected? I am sorry that you find yourself grieving as we all know what this means and the road you must be on, but we are here and we will help you get over and through those very rough places that you will be dealing with. We are the proof to new parents on this site, that life does go on even if we wonder why, we are here to carry the torch so to speak, the light coming from our Child will guide you, and we will shine our lights for you too.

I am here because my 19 year old Girl Erica died nearly 8 years ago. Sherry adn I have been here over 7 y ears having lost our children one month from one another. Erica's car was struck by a train at a broken crossing in Kalamazoo, Michigan.

Sherry, glad taht things are smoothing out some. I know that June is a hard one for you as the 14th looms and blackens the sky. Remember that we are all here, and Davey and Lisa are near rooting for their Momma.

[lolynbo]

FIXING TO GO TO COUNCELING HERE IN A BIT, STILL DONT FEEL WELL..CALLED DOC BUT HE HASNT CALLED BACK...LUCKLIY HIS WIFE WILL BE AT COUNCELING SO MAYBE WE CAN CHAT BOUT IT...

FRICKING 100' OUT TODAY SOOOOO HOT...IM NOT GONNA MAKE IT...

HOPE ALL IS WELL FOR ALL...HUGGGS

[ericasmom]

Jeeez Lorri, 100 outside? It was 98 i the classroom today, I feel like an old washrag, all wrung out. I sure hope you feel better. I had pnenomia once, really bad. I was out of work for ten days and it took me 4 more weeks to have full strength again. I ran a 104 fever, hallucinated and everything. Nobody even thought to look at my lungs, they were clear sounding to the stethoscope and I had no cold or cough. I had double pnemonia however, found out only after they did a spinal tap to see if I had meningitis and they thought to do an xray. Yikes.

The work crew started on this old house yesterday. There are six guys climbing around the house with ropes and scaffolds. They are repairing a great amount of wood, makes me nervous about the bill, the more wood needing repair the bigger the bill. The crew are very nice, we made them a huge jug of lemonade this afternoon, and they were glad. It is 94 outside.

Pam, meant to address your sadness earlier. I think that the police have a duty to follow up on this heroin charged subject. How can they just let it go? Your Son deserves their attention but whether or not to pursue it? It is a hard thing to do, and you and your husband are the only ones that can figure out if there is energy in your lives to do so.

[Guest msnher]

I share your burdens. I care about your pain. I have just run out of words.

Much love, Susannah

[ericasmom]

Sus, it is your reflection time it seems. You have recently visited two of Daughters and your Grandies, all of those visits and connections can bring you fully back to that place of loss sometimes, and from there you see who you are now. Who you were then. What do I do next? I think that grief shows up again and again in different ways and surprises us. We think that we are going along, and actually we are, but something in the corner of our minds gets triggered by something or someone and we find that we have to explore the depths of that place again. As sad and lonely as it can be, we go there and come back with new views and we use those to help us adjust our steps. I hope that you are okay, just in a reflective place.

Goodnight to you All, a deep sleep and sweet thoughts to rock you there.

[shorty16]

Pam

Yes, we have to be our child's advocate and that can be a lonely place to be.

I would look into free legal counceling and ask that question. But, be ready for the backlash that may come. For us, many, many people thought the driver should not be charged in Brian's death, because Brian was a hellien - a risk taker. The driver was a more "up-standing" kid than Brian. 3/4 of the courtroom was filled with both parents and kids who thought the driver should not have been charged. 90 letters of support for the driver were submitted to the court - 13 for us. It was ugly.

But I was MAD!!!! I was one mad mom!!! That boy was driving 68 mph with my son on the hood and the driver's lawyer went so far as to say that was not reckless driving. WHAT!!!!

Ask yourself this - If I do not persue this, will I regret it? Do I have the strength and any money this may require?

Many questions that only you can answer.

Love to you. Remember - Try to smile at least once today - perhaps twice.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[andy88]

Good morning Friends,

New day, new perspective. I have always preached forgiveness, so I guess I need to take my own advice. Nothing I do will bring Andy back. Harboring anger and resentment will only hurt me. The thing is, the kid we believe gave Andy the drugs is just that--a kid. He has no parents. Who knows how he got on the path he is on. I do know drug dealers (the real bad guys, the "brains" behind the operations) lure in kids who don't feel loved, who have no familiy, no money. He may have been a good kid who fell into something bad and is now trapped in the downhill spiral of drugs. I want to spend the rest of my life honoring Andy's life. And the way to do that is to be a positive influence on others, show compassion, and make a positive difference in the world. I think I'll go with that. Am I still mad? Do I still feel cheated? Hell yes! But I'm just not going to give those feelings any more power. I know what a beautiful soul my son was/is. That's all that matters.

Wishing you all a beautiful day.

With love,

Pam

[daniellemom]

Carol - The picture of your granddaughter with the tiler is too cute. Our garden is doing well for now, but we are needing rain.

Sus - I'm glad you were able to have some time with your daughters. How is the not smoking going? If it works for you I may have to try that!

Colleen - Your Brian is so proud of you! You are his advocate! Is the audit over? How is Michelle doing?

Dee - It's so nice that you write letters and poems to your students. I will be so glad when Mattie is out. The last day is Friday and tomorrow is Field Day. I don't know if your area calls the last test EOG (End Of Grade Test) but I was so glad when they were completed last week.

Lori - Continue to feel better everyday!

Cheryl and Pam - I feel like Colleen that if possible be your childs advocate!

Brendan's Daddy - Tony how did the ball field go the other day. I have been thinking about you, that must have been hard. Every year at softball season when we take Mattie for practice or a game it's hard I see a lot of Danielle's friends there and I see Danielle in Mattie while she is playing.

Sonya (Danielle's Mom)

[daniellemom]

Pam - what lovely words and so well said, words we should all live by! Andy is so proud of his Mom!!

Sonya (Danielle's Mom)

[westleysmom]

Hope you all are staying cool, it has been very hot here and is supposed to be in the 90s for the next 7 days too. A little chance of rain this weekend, but not much. The day before yesterday a man in a town close by ran his wife off the road with his car (she was in her's). A policeman came up on the scene and pulled over, and the man shot him through the windshield and then took his own life. The policeman (27 years old, married, 6 month old baby) died yesterday morning. My sister works with the shooter's mother, who is a nurse. My sister took them some food yesterday, and she said the mother said the police department had refused to provide an escort for the funeral service, which they usually provide around here. It is a very sad situation and I feel so sorry for everyone involved. I don't think the man's wife was injured in the crash, and I don't believe he shot at her. There is just so much sadness and pain and suffering sometimes that you just can't wrap your head around it.

Just trying to work and find a reason every day to keep going. Not much to say lately either, but reading your posts everyday. Hugs to all.

[daveydow1]

Cheryl-----I am so sorry for your loss of your dear son, Toby. You have come to the right place to talk

and share anything that you wish with us. Everyone here understands your sorrow. It is so sad that

the sheriff in your area seems to be "shuffling" off the case......not trying to go the extra mile to find out

who supplied the liquor at the house. It seems to me that if there's already an ordinance in your area

about 'social-hosting' and the possiblity of underage drinking......then THAT is a law.....and violation

of the ordinance is against the law. I so understand your frustration when dealing with authorities,

and the slow crawl of justice, and understand your anger. As others have said, it definitely takes a

lot of energy and even physical stamina to pursue these injustices to try to get things accomplished.

I know this firsthand,.....as do many others here at BI. Anyone who is responsible will do ANYTHING

to just get out of it. That's my experience. Please come back to BI (this site formerly call Beyond Indigo),

and the name sort of stuck with us. Whatever you decide to do about the case, I do wish that you will

get some answers and righteous justice. Peace & prayers to you, friend.

Dee----Thanks for kind words. I have been able to sleep a bit better now....(was losing sleep due to the

troubles), but they seem to be leveling out some. This life sure can be a roller coaster of a ride on top

of our grief for our dear beloved child/children. Sorry your school is so hot. It will be good when school

is out and you can get some relief. I know what you mean about repairs on your house adding up with

wood repairs etc. Anything extra costs money. We have things needing done at our place, but it will have

to wait awhile. I found 3 baby robins (I think they were) on the barn floor. One was dead. I took the other

two and place them in grass at the base of a lg. maple tree where a bird....possibly the mother.....was

flying around. When I checked the next morning......they were gone. Then the next day I was pulling

rhubard, and kept hearing this peep....peep....peep. I checked under the rhubarb leaves, and

there was one of the baby birds. It had somehow made its way about 25 ft. or so to the rhubarb patch.

I fed it some very thin tiny pieces of shaved turkey luncheon meat, and tiny specks of bread soaked in

milk. The next day it was still there. However, when I tried to feed it again, it refused to open its mouth

like it did before.....wide open. I also noticed some droppings around outside where I had his place

'fortified' with an old nest to keep him warm. I assumed that the mother bird was coming there & feeding him.

The next day, he was gone. He may have fledged on his own, as he did have all his feathers, and was getting

quite sizeable., or may have been taken by some preditor. Oh well......That's nature......one can only do what nature

permits us to do....then it's out of our hands.

Sus----Thinking of you, and sending thoughts your way.

Pam----thanks for the adorable pic of your dear son, Andy.

Rhonda-----Sorry to hear of the terrible incident where the young policeman was killed in the line of duty.

I feel sorry for the mom of the shooter......she must be just devastated also. And, sorry for the family of

the shooter who commited suicide. Such a sad sad situation. Prayers for all.

Lorri-----Hope the counceling goes well. Oh my.......100 degrees ! ! ! I would just melt. It's in the low 90's

here today. I stay in the family room in the basement.......we don't have A/C so it's cool down here.....60's.

I hope that you have A/C in your home. Prayers that you'll be feeling better very soon.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[shorty16]

Sonya - No, The audit is not over. Six auditors for 5 days. Friday night, I am going out. Many church festivals this weekend and the weather is suppose to be in the 70's - my kind of weather.

Sherry - You are such a bird MOM. Sometimes, the birds fledge sooner than they should, but Robins are good parents. Robins also have at least 2 clutches during the summer. We have Black-Capped Chickadees and are they LOUD. I was pulling weeds near their nest and I was being scolded the entire time. Too funny

Dee - Enjoy your summer off. We are signing Aaron up for summer school. He is failing Communication Arts 11. Aaron does not know he is starting summer school on Monday, but he has an idea.

To all - Be kind to yourself today.

I love you-all

Colleen

[lolynbo]

AS I SAID ON FB, JUST GOT THE BALLOONS IN (IN TIME FOR ANGELVERSERY)..

JUST GOT WHAT I "WANTED TO SAY" ON THE DIGITAL BILL BOARD...BUT I RELIZED THERE ISNT ENOUGH ROOM TO SAY WHAT I WANT TO SAY, OF HOW I MISS MY GIRL OR WANT TO HOLD AND SMELL OF HER..AND HEAR HER VOICE...SIMPLE MISSING YOU DONT CUT IT.....

I HATE THIS NEW FN LIFE...

[mikesmomrs]

{{{{{{Lorri}}}}}} ...wish I could be there as you send off the balloons, wish even more that you didn't have a reason to send them off.

And all of those who are facing important dates this month...holding you all close and sending strength and prayers.

Pam: such a cute pic of Andy...I love your message, also.

Cheryl: so very sorry for the loss of your son, Toby. I don't know what I would do in your circumstances (re: looking for justice) and i am so sorry that you are getting such a runaround from the authorities. Do keep us posted, and we hold you close.

Tony: thinking of you as you venture out onto the little league field...know that your precious Brendan is right there with you.

CJ: How goes the move? Is it hot where you are?

Sherry: it was 100 here yesterday, but today is in the low 90's, though haven't been out for a few hours, so don't know how much higher it's gotten. Supposed to be like that the rest of the week, into the weekend. So sad about the baby birds, but yes, as you said, nature takes it course and you can only do so much. Glad that you have a cool basement to go to when it is so hot.

Dee: So very happy that you are now on vacation...that hot classroom must have really zapped you...it sure would have zapped me! The letters to your students...they are so blessed to have had you in their lives. I know they will take the memories of this year, and you, with them all their lives. Good luck with the painters and the wood repairs. We have noticed some of our shingles curling up...the roof was supposedly only 2-3 years old when we bought the house in November of '07...guess we will have to get someone to check it out.

Rhonda: so sorry to hear of the sadness that you posted of...my heart goes out to those involved. How is CJ doing? Has he been in touch?

Sonya: thanks for the words about Rachel...I do agree, she is pretty cute!

Trud: Back at the ocean yet?

Damon "graduates" from kindergarten on Friday...I can't believe it! Time does just fly by, doesn't it? He was one month shy of being 2 years old when Mike died. Impossible!

{{{{{{SUS}}}}}}...holding you close, also.

Betty: Stay cool...thinking of you.

Colleen: Have fun on friday night, celebrate a job well done! Good luck to AJ in summer school.

Betsy: Same for you...stay cool. and thinking of you, and holding you close, also. You wrote: "Colleen, there are times that I connect to a strangers lose more then others. For me I think I see a bit of my son in their children. An event,a sport, the hair. thats just me" Oh, Betsy, I think that many, if not all, here identify with you on this one.

[westleysmom]

Carol-Funny you should ask. I went to the GED Graduation on Sunday that CJ had asked me to come to. In our county, they have a ceremony in the spring for all of the people who have completed their GED since the last year. It was very nice, a state senator was the speaker and it was very much like the graduations at regular high school. He had lots of family and friends there and I took some pictures. Last Thursday my husband said they were getting busy this summer and that he might could use him, but couldn't promise that he'd be able to work all the time. So he started working Friday and has been working this week. My husband's been picking him up since he still doesn't have his driver's license or a car. Yesterday he had an appointment with his probation officer, so I picked him up and took him to that and then took him back to the job site so he wouldn't miss too much time. I talked to him about not arguing with the boss (my husband!), not talking on the phone or smoking when you're supposed to be working, paying attention to what you're supposed to be doing and not spending every dime you make and threw in a little bit of you can't stay out all night during the week and be able to get up early in the morning and go to work. You know, all the mom advice that I had given to Westley over the years with mixed results. I hope that it works out, and he learns a skill and can keep it up. I wonder sometimes if Westley's friends thought that we were ogres because we wanted Westley to work hard and expected him to stay out of trouble and learn to take care of himself. At the time, they were all still in school (or had dropped out) and weren't working or anything and getting in trouble all the time. Now, they are finding out why he really did need to leave by 10:00 on weeknights and get in the bed. I hope Westley knew how much we loved him and that everything we did was to help him.

Sherry-Your looking at Davey's watch made me sad. Westley was hard on watches as he was on most supposedly durable goods, I bought him watches all the time and he always liked them and would wear them until he broke or lost them. It got where I only bought inexpensive ones. Once he had a cell phone, he just used that for his timepiece (until he would lose or break it!)

Betsy-Westley was a big fan of Red Bull and other drinks like that, although they were so expensive, he didn't drink them all the time. I know one of the guys that works for my husband bought one and gave it to one of the other guys for some reason. This boy wasn't in the habit of drinking them and had some kind of reaction, his face turned all red and he got hot and my husband thought he was going to pass out. It scared all of them, but I think that the guy that likes them still drinks them. I worried about what was in them, I've never even had a Red Bull. But I used to buy them sometimes at Wal Mart in a 4 pack they were less expensive than at the convenience store and Westley liked them so much. I won't be buying anymore and I hope that they keep an eye on them and the potential for side effects like you mentioned.

All of you with June dates are especially in my thoughts these days.

[ericasmom]

Hi Gang,

it is 97 with very high humidity, colleen and I are in for some storms, first Col, then us, so hang on to your hat Colleen. Man is it hot. So I worked in my 98 degree room today to get some stuff done, but it takes it out of you and then when I get into air conditioning, I feel like jelly, like my body has no strength left. I went to the air conditioned gym but only did slow work on the bike and on the track. I had nothing fast in me. I am reading The Help, so that was nice to sit on the bike and read. It is a fabulously written book, one wonders how life could have been that segregated not so long ago, when I was a kid...down south. Not that life is not still segregated, we know that there is huge segregation in our cities, and I sure wish I had the answer.

The house is looking so pretty, I am thrilled with the colors, the yellow is that of a daisy's center, or that of golden yarrow, or that of buttercups, almost exactly that of buttercups, which are beginning to bloom. I am so glad that we have gone ahead with the repairs, makes me feel like the house will stand stronger longer. Hope so anyhow. The crew are very nice, very hard-working and I told them that I was amazed at how much they got done under such heat.

I will pick up a teacher friend of mine when she calls later and bring her here to stay over and I will take her in the AM for her hernia surgery. She is young, early 30's, and has a wonderful partner and two daughters, but the hospital is near us, and they are on the northside of the city, so Lindsay will be with us. She and her partner are social justice leaders and I am awed by their outreach.

Jonathan is doing better, he is now ready almost, to start rehab, so I am glad that he is healing. Continued prayers never hurt.

Lorri, how are you feeling physically today, any better?

Rhonda, so glad that you and your husband have created such a united front for CJ, what a blessing to him. I hope that he can take the advice you so sweetly gave, and I hope that he can excel at what he is learning now. Each step a gift to be sure. I think that your Son must be proud of all three of you.

[ericasmom]

I heard a sad story about a 21 year old working on an animal reserve and died from the heat, he was working with lizards. Tears at the shock and depth of sadness that his family now will have to face.

[lolynbo]

LAYED BY POOL TODAY WITH CARLEY AND BRINLEY REALLY ENJOYED MYSELF..FEELING SOOOOOOO MUCH BETTER THANKS GUYS

[aim630]

Susannah-I'm with you. I just don't have any words right now.

Dee-I finished reading The Help not too long go. Great book.

Amy/Ashley's mom

[Guest msnher]

My dearest Indigo Family,

Your responses have touched my heart with the most gentle hug. Thank you! Unless I'm in denial, I am not in a bad or painful place. Perhaps I'm hiding in the La-La land of living in the moment. I haven't mastered it by any means. As undisciplined as I am in meditation, the little I am able to accomplish is beneficial I have run out of words not because of grief, but perhaps because of acceptance? I find myself in the foreign land of the power of silence. Foreign to me...as many of you already know. I have no idea how long this phase will last so I invite you to enjoy it while it lasts.

It is also important to me that you all know I am still here, walking with you. Always.

Much love,

Susannah

[ericasmom]

Colleen I hope that Aaron will appreciate the course he has to take, and that he does not give you a lot of guff for signing him up.

Sus, the power of silence is what I know to be the most powerful tool we can learn and use. There are days of very little conversation or invited sound coming up for me now that summer break is on, and I relish it and build my spirit back up with it. It is what I craved as a young girl when I began taking long walks in order to have that time to myself of quiet, of thinking, of poems running through my thoughts, it remains the way I start my day for those reasons found quite by accident as a 12 year old. I hope that in that silence, you are finding peace.

Carol, Damon is graduating kindergarten? Wow, time is so elusive and so tricky. Give that Boy a big hug, I know that His Daddy will be smiling his biggest smile at his Son's graduation, so proud of him. He must be so proud of all his family for all the ways you go on and connect to one another in so many healthy and good ways.

Sherry, I sure know about that sleep business. My sisters were in town tonight as they went to see our father who is very sick, (i have no contact with him by choice) and so Lindsay and I met up with them, happened taht Jon and Shan were also at the same restaurant, and it was fun. But Lindsay was laughing at some of our stories and said, ' hmmm, seems you have had sleep issues for your whole life."

Very true. I have. but we do have some very funny stories.

Amy, no words right now? Are you okay though? Well, you know what I mean, okay as you can be for right now? I am glad that you read The Help. I find it a wonderful read.

Betsy, this week there were at least 5 different girls or women that I saw at a distance and saw some sort of "eri' in them, and each time I smiled, so good to see some of her in others. It used to bring me to my knees, now it just feels nice to know that others have traits that remind me of a much simpler time.

I am going to volunteer some time this July to an organization called Heart to Art. It is a summer camp that helps kids who have lost parents. I found them and asked if I could help out with time there, they said they would be interested in my working with them. I am excited by this, now I might only serve snack or walk the kids from one area to the next, but I want to see this organization and see if I can become more fully involved in the future. I start tutoring here at home next Tuesday. So far, two clients with 4 more working on time and schedules.

Sleep well Everyone, the storms have not yet arrived which means it is still HOT out, but the front is moving through at some point and we will have much cooler temps then.

Lorri, I am so relieved that you are feeling better, good news!

[mikesmomrs]

Today Damon was here. I was digging out a china cabinet in the back bedroom, one which we put back there when we moved in and put stuff in there that I didn't know (or couldn't figure out) at the time what I wanted to do with. Somehow, some cassette tapes got in there...cassette tapes of mike when he was 19 months through 5 years. I knew I had a couple of them in the cabinet by my computer, but thought that somehow these particular ones had gotten lost. I was heartbroken when I thought they were gone, and am just elated that they are indeed still here. I need to take them and get them professionally transferred to a cd...for some reason, when we do them, we screw them up. On one of them, "Mikey" is 2 1/2, and he is singing the tune to Star Wars...which came out when he was just turned two. It is the cutest, sweetest sound...I couldn't help but play it through, oblivious to anyone or anything else in the house, in my joy over finding it. About half-way through, Damon came out into the dining room and asked "who is that doing the Star Wars song?" (Mike was going "dum, dum, dum-da-da-da-dum") When I told Damon that it was his daddy when he was only 2 1/2, he smiled a broad smile and said "Oh, it is just Soooo cute." Just before it was ended, he again said "It's just sooooo cute." Then he went on his way, back to his toys in the other room, with his papa. After he left the room, and the Star Wars theme ended, "Mikey" went right into "Kooka-burra sits in the old gum tree," and I was totally gone. I am so very, very thankful that I found these tapes. So thankful. Just wanted to share my good fortune.

Dee, and those in the line of excessive heat and storms...stay safe. Dee, love your volunteer project. Prayers continue for Jon.

Rhonda: so glad you were there for CJ's graduation. I know that he was happy to have you there, as was Westley, who I am sure was right there with you all. It is good of your husband to give CJ some work...I hope that CJ realizes what gifts he is being given...the gift of starting over, a second chance. Prayers for him.

In reference to the book mentioned "The Help..." I am assuming from what's been said here that it is about segregation (haven't read it yet). I just wanted to say that when Ralph and I married (1964), we traveled from Boston to northeast Mississippi where he is from, to visit his family, whom I had never met. I had also never been in the south before...southern Massachusetts was the furthest I'd been in my life. When we got into town, we had to stop to have the car looked at, at a Ford dealer. I was really thirsty and asked if they had a fountain. They did. Two. One marked "whites only" and one marked "colored." The bathrooms were located nearby. Three. "men" (white only) and "women" (white only) and "Colored." I stood there, my thirst gone, astounded that the little I'd heard about such things was true. I had never really come face to face with segregation before, having been born and raised in Boston and pretty much all of the community I lived in consisted of white people, and those very few black Americans who lived nearby or in our community, were part of the community...no separations that I remember. Later that same day, when I was walking down the sidewalk to meet Ralph at the barber shop, a very elderly black woman came towards me, with her head down. When she looked up and saw me, she stepped aside, down two steps onto the street, to let me pass. I stood there, wondering what she was doing. As she passed, she apologized profusely and asked me "I'm so sorry, white lady, I am so sorry to bother you, but could you tell me the time, I am so sorry to bother you, white lady." When I did, she again apologized for bothering me, and backed away from me as she climbed back up onto the sidewalk behind me. I have never forgotten that, and as the years have gone by, even though unfortunately, there is definitely still "silent" (and some not-so-silent) segregation, I am so glad that the water fountains and the bathrooms and the streets are open to all who want to use them....we have a long way to go, but I think we've come a long way, also. I hope I didn't offend anyone by posting this, but this is a strong memory in my brain and in my heart. I too, wish I had the answer.

Love and prayers to all here, holding you all close in my heart.

[shorty16]

Rhonda – CJ is so lucky to have you in his life – and YES, Westley know how much you loved him. He knew that. Just like my Brian did. And the conversation you had with CJ in the car did not go in one ear and out the other (like so many of our conversation do). CJ is in a place where he can understand it and act upon it. Please keep us posted.

Dee – What a storm HEY!!! I love storms – The lightening, thunder and rain were SOOO COOOL. Beautiful to look at, but I do know the damage this can cause and we were lucky to have no damage.

Hope you enjoy your summer off. Any trips planned?

Also glad Jon is beginning his rehab – I will pray for his continued healing.

Carol – Hope you are cooling off. It was 56 degrees when I drove to work this morning. Congratulations to Damon for graduation From kindergarten. Scott was telling me he misses the kids being small and how much fun we had. Funny how the hard times leave your mind

Lorri – Glad you are feeling better. I probably would feel better also if I got to sit by the pool. We do not have a pool – we have a hose!!!!

Amy – The book “The Help”. Never heard of it. What is it about? Why did you think it was good? Sorry so many questions, but I enjoy reading and if the subject sounds good to me, I may go to the library.

Sus – I too have been trying meditation. It is hard to clear my mind of all things, but I try. It especially works at night while I am laying in bed and need to unwind from the day. My husband needs to fall asleep with the TV on. I cannot do that. What is your secret on meditation. Do you hum or chant or wear a sheet?

Love to all my friends

Colleen

[westleysmom]

Carol-So great that you found the tapes of Mike's sweet voice and that Damon thought it was so cute.

Dee-The house colors sound so pretty, I hope we'll be able to see pictures. It will be all fresh and new looking for Eri-fest. Our buttercups are long gone, but they were beautiful. I may try to post pics, but since I don't know how to edit, they'll be huge.

Amy and Susannah-Quietness comes upon me for a day or two and I can't think of one word to post, and then I'll have a lot to say. I have been trying to stay busy. My husband's uncle Joe that died a few weeks ago was buried in the family cemetery that we usually mow in June every year. (they're all supposed to take turns) So we went yesterday and mowed and weed-eated and sprayed the fence. I cleaned up the headstones and it looked pretty nice. But it was horribly hot, and my husband had been working in the heat all day. But it was something to do and it made me feel a little better. Evenings are the hardest for me and when I leave work, I'm usually not that upset that I'll have to go back in the morning.

Colleen-The temp there sounds blessedly cool. I think the lows have been in the 70s here for the past few days and no end in sight.

I'll try the pics, sorry if they're huge.

[bus1851]

Hello everyone,

Moving out on Monday. Still so bittersweet, leaving behind our home and memories. Our new house won't be ready til around March so everything is in storage. Packing Marleys things was the worst day since the accident. I feel like a bad father putting her things away, moving forward without my baby. I know she will always be with me in my heart but the pain is also with me. I miss her so much I wish she could come back to me. Daddy loves you Marley.

CJ

[ericasmom]

Hi CJ, I know that you are hurting Sweetie, we are holding you as you travel this road.

Col, The Help is a book about domestic help in the south, in the 1960's. Not so long ago. It is written from the view point of three women and it is quite wonderful. Yes Carol, I had a similar experience going to Atlanta when I was 12. I lived my life in Chicago and here I went to my relatives in Atalanta, where the homes were huge and in the neighborhood where Gone With The Wind had been filmed...beautiful. Everyone had maids, the maids mostly lived in Shanty town, and the prejudice was everywhere, and shamefully, it was in the house of my Auntie. My Dad was a horrid prejudice man, but I did not see segregation the waY it was there. Caused my mind to adjust and to redirect my energies.

Rhonda, love your daffodils, so pretty, thanks for sharing.

[Guest msnher]

I think the most important thing about meditation is to keep it simple. I've heard if you meditate for more than 10 minutes you're asleep. If one tries hard to meditate they lose the whole purpose of meditation. Meditation is not a time for questions or answers. Meditation is not about control and/or discipline. Meditation is about allowing, connecting, intimacy with All That Is...The Great I Am...Pure Love...Positive Energy...God. Walking is a form of meditation...not a vigorous walk, but a quiet stroll...noticing all of creation. Until recently I was unable to meditate after Steph died. However, I choose a more traditional approach. In answer to your question, Colleen, I use a bell and a dorje. Not each time, but often. I find them especially helpful when my thoughts are racing. I get comfortable, protect myself, ground myself and center myself. The tones of the bell are helpful in alligning my chakras.

Love and light,

Susannah

[Guest msnher]

I googled the buddhist bell and dorje and it turns out I'm not using it the way they were intended. No worries. It works for me. I just like the tone.

[ericasmom]

Whatever works Sus, to find a peaceful moment.

Carol, what joy at your discovery and how dear that Mike's Boy was able to hear his Daddy as a young one. Gifts all the way around.

[hotrod]

Good Evening Indigos

Carol I agree with Dee How special to find the tape with the child voice of Mike and the added bonus that Damon heard his dad was great. as was his comment. Damon's graduation already Time does fly at times.

Sherry I am so sorry that you have had additonal troubles and am glad to hear they are lessening

It was so sweet how you cared for the baby robin. Thanks for the precious update. You are a true nature lover.

Dee I am glad the paining is underway It really will look lovely

Sus I agree Do whatever works for you Finding, that quiet within is priceless.

Rhonda the pictures of the flower was beautiful I forget to mention I was down at my sisters early this week and Stephen's rosebush in the garden has 3 yellow roses. So very lovely and I feel he is saying Hi

It also reminds me of the song, "The Yellow Rose of Texas" Probably I am really dating myself.

It was 99 here all day but a thunder storm has just passed and I can feel it has become cooler already.

Betsy , Colleen , Lorri, Crystal and all Indigos have a good night

[ericasmom]

Hi Betty, so glad that the weather is cooling for you, as it is here. In fact we are only in the 50's with more rain coming tomorrow morn they predict, and tomorrow night. The mosquito population is thriving. The house is looking good but quiet here today, no painters as it rained quite a bit. I agree Sherry with Betty, your nature inspired posts are a treat, I can see what you are telling us. I hope the little robin is okay, but I know that the bigger creatures out there survive on what they hunt as well. The yellow swallowtail butterflies are out already around here and one stopped in the garden yesterday to drink deeply from our Asiatic lily that opened, a melon color, and i snapped a few photos of her. I think that the yellow ones are eastern swallowtail butterflies.

[summergirl]

Hello Dear Indigos - felt the need to come here tonite and say hello...... Have had alot going on in our lives and it has made me a weary lady. My mom is in rehab for her broken hip and will be there for another month or longer. My dad is in the same hospital, one floor up from mom...he is doing a bit better, they found a blockage in his intestines and have taken care of that, his blood pressure is leveled out but the heart is the problem now, irregular and there is some damage...doctor said it will be a long haul for him and he will not release him until he is completely healed. My poor sister is exhausted and she is going through a very angry stage right now.......I try to talk to her every day but yesterday she was really angry and said some hurtful things to me, I am not taking it personally as I know she does not mean it, I am thinking it is time to make some plans to go and see my parents and help my sister for a couple of weeks....most likely in July.....I need to see them and I need to spend some time with my sister. Tavian has school until June 24th so that is why I am choosing July. Will let you know.

Tavian's Little League team has made it to the play-offs !!! They won last night 12 - 2 which put us in second place -- first play-off game is Monday night - best 2 out of 3. I am so proud of our team, they are great boys and it has been a fun time. Had to take Tavian to the doctor today as his ear was bothering him - he has swim ear so drops for a week, no swimming and back to doctor next Thursday to make sure it is cleared up before his school "beach day". Have to go tomorrow to register him at his new school for 4th grade - I am excited for him as it only has about 100 children and they are much more advanced then the school he is in now so he will get a better education which is what he needs. Hard to believe he is 9 !!!

Found the leak in our camper and so we have been busy replacing the floor under the bed as we will be camping for a week for July 4th, can't wait to go and get away from everything - the quiet of the beach, the long walks with Tavian searching for beach glass and shells, the campfire at nite and the waking up in the morning to the sound of the waves, hot coffee and my quiet time with Jessica.

I have decided to go to Jessica's friend Elisa's wedding on Saturday, not the reception, just the wedding ceremony....I do want to see her walk down the isle and I know Jess would like that...they were friends since 3rd grade. I have told her I was not attending so it will be a nice suprise for her. I know it will be hard as I always dreamed of the day when I would watch Jess walk down the isle with her dad, hurts my heart !!! I am missing her so much and I have not been to the cemetery in a long time.....told Barry I want to go now, I am ready and I need to sit and talk with my girl. I drove by the other day and had to turn my head away as the tears fell.....I just miss her and I want so bad to see her, hold her, kiss her, talk to her.....so many things I want that will never be again....BIG SIGH !!!

I saw this today and wanted to share it "SILENCING A WORD DOES NOT ELIMINATE ITS MEANING" - really made me stop and think for a moment !!!

Well, almost time for Tavian to go to bed so I will say goodnite....think of all of you every day, I know how diffacult it is for those who are new and I am happ/so sad that you have found BI... Peace, Love and Strength my friends...Kathy

[summergirl]

Some pics to share with you.... Tavian is making dinner for us, hamburgers and I must say they were really good...maybe a chef on our hands ?

The other one is from the firehouse...once a year in June my hubby's fire department has a "prime rib dinner", they sell tickets and make money for the department as they are all vounteer. This was the biggest year yet, served 665 dinners in 5 hours. Hubby starts work at 8 in the morning and gets home around 9 at night.....he is with the group that cooks the prime ribs on the huge grills....proud of all of them.