Loss of an Adult Child

[daveydow1]

Mikesmomrs, Carol,

Thank you for kind words, and for sharing that wonderful writing by

your dear son Mike. My goodness----it is indeed a great and insightful

writing for a 3rd grader. I know it must have been a joy to have such

a sensitive and friendly son. May his light shine down on you and warm

your aching heart now and always.

                     Daveysmom,  Sherry 

[ericasmom]

Carol, clearly, your Mike had deep insights as a young man of 8 or 9. My heart smiled when I read his words, just as my heart smiles when I read yours. You are filled with goodness that was handed down to your Son. And now he is grinning ear to ear as you find ways to heal, to look forward, and to gain insights from his little boy self. What a gift to you, and to him, and abecause you shared it with us, a gift for us.

Claudia, I found I was shaking my head in agreement as I read your last post. I do understand that perhaps we can heal, maybe the new shape of our hearts is what healing is all about, if we accept the new shape anyway, and learn to live in the new beat and rhythm. No, we will never stop missing our Babies, but the hole may one day be filled, by all the love we are given by our Child, and by all the love from the people in our lives that matter so dearly to us; all of you are definitely on that list. Maybe the hole is filled with thier light that we carry like giant flashlights to light the way for ourselves and others we meet that need their light. Maybe our torn hearts wil mend from the amazing lessons we have learned through our tragedies, and because we become more able to be grateful for the time here we had with our Children, and less sad that we can't have more. Maybe the gaping wound we all endured will shrink and over time simply be a scar that is reminder of a person/an angel that we are priviledged to be parent to, and that scar is a promise that we will meet again. Does this make any sense? I am rambling but I am smiling as I ramble and so forgive my maze, it felt good to go there.

Bonnie, when will you fly out for the Pinnacle Days? I think the moon may be full for your nights on the mountain. How very beautiful.

Peace Gang,

Dee

[4everjoeysmom]

It made absolute, perfect sense to me, Dee!

[heartbeataway]

Dee,

I found both your posting and Claudia's magical.......  I shared Claudia's (hope you don't mind) with a friend I met in Grief Counciling.  The "homecoming"date for her husband is Friday.  She just passed what would have been their 20th wedding anniversary.

Thank you both for your words ..... I hope you know how much they mean.  And I'm sure I speak for others too.

Pinnacle Days will be the weekend of April 25th.  Jason's birthday is October 27th. A full moon would be beautiful!

 I ordered t-shirts today. I found enough lights for the glowing balloon release. The pig roast is arranged, the moon bounce is ordered. It's coming together!

 I wish it didn't cost so much to rent an RV to travel from Texas to Virginia.  The cost is prohibitive, especially in today's economy. It would make preparations easier.  I could take so much of the needed items with me.  We did rent one there to stay in for the weekend.

Anyone that lives close to Gore, Virginia is more than welcome to come. I'm going to come up with some way of including your children too. I'll come up with something special!

Nite all!

Bonnie

[mamabets]

For dansmama~ I, too, lost my Daniel..My sweet Danny Boy...In June of 2004, he had been in an accident, went on to save 5 lives in organ donation...What a BEAUTIFUL pair of "Daniels" Heaven has gained...

Danny used to call me Mama~ I so hurt when new people come and find us all here...I wish I could keep up with each one on a minute to minute basis, but I will tell you this...Any and all comfort that you will need as you journey on, Marian, can and will be found here at Beyond Indigo...There are the MOST amazing group of people here that share any and all of their feelings, and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't come and visit everyone. I may not post, but there are angel flowers that grow for each and every one of our angel babies in Danny's Garden in our backyard~

Bless you for your being so brave to reach out. It is in helping you and others here, that we all can survive this~  

Welcome to our world and know that you can email me, Betsy, any time at huntross4@aol.com

LOVE

mamabets

[mamabets]

For mikesmomrs~ We have a month here to deal with...Mike, the 14th, Danny will turn 30 on the 31st..

You speak, Carol and dear Claudia, of the "patch that will never heal our hearts"...

So very true, but I must share...A baby kitty found her way "home" to our front stoop the other day..We , with the help of Jackie and Julia, named her PATCHES...She is black, white and caramel colored...HALO loves her, our other kitty that found his way to us a few months back...The doxies, well, they are entertained when they peek out the window...Kitties love the angel garden...They spend most of their time there, hanging out with the St. Francis statue~ Caroline sees pictures of HALO and says "KEE, MOW"

May the PATCHES story, one hour at a time, help our hurting hearts~

LOVE

mamabets

[mamabets]

For heartbeataway~ Thinking of you, Bonnie, and sending you love...Your celebration with Jason so near, sounds wonderful...Know that I will be there, with my angel Danny, close and by heart....

Halloween is always a very big deal here..Always has been, since my Danny was due on and born on Halloween..

We get balloons and have all of the trick or treaters stand on the lawn. We ask them to make a wish and release them, as the neighborhood skies slowly fill with balloons. It is very magical, yet nothing can ever seem to compare to how I would gather trick or treaters in the past and call Danny in Florida and have them all wish him a HAPPY BIRTHDAY~ It was awesome, but we do the best that we can do with what we now have. Jackie and the girls make a cake, and along with Josh, set balloons off as well.

Here is my Mom setting balloons off last year at Jackie's home in Wisconsin. She was here with us in North Carolina when the call came in back in June of 2004... Her famous line has always been..."We can do anything together as long as nothing ever happens to one of the kids"

Then, it did....

Please email me anytime at huntross4@aol.com. I am "on call", always~

LOVE

mamabets

[4everjoeysmom]

Bonnie, you are a sweetheart. Of course I don't mind you sharing any words of hope that I have been blessed to offer. If these words encourage and help someone else, I am blessed beyond measure. And I'm sure that whatever you plan for the Pinnacle days and for Jay's birthday, each event will be very special because it will have been done in love.

Bets, so good to see your post. The picture of your mom with the balloons..precious!! Thanks for sharing your "patches" story. You always light up the board with your presence. Bless you, Claudia

[daniellemom]

D: Veronica’s Mom

Your Veronica is a beautiful young lady, I will be thinking of you on the 17th. I’m sure I had ready your post but if you are up to it, please tell me more about Veronica. I think she looks a lot like my Danielle and maybe about the same age. Danielle was 21.

Carol and Bonnie

I will be thinking about you on the 14th. Bonnie you on the weekend of the 24th.

Carol, what Mike wrote was so beautiful and so true!

Thank you all for sharing your stories.

Sonya (Danielle’s Mom)

[mikesmomrs]

Hello all:  I just wanted to share these two pictures that I came across that were taken one time when Mike had the boys at Islinglas River, which is where we are going this weekend to spread some of his ashes in the river.  The picture of the three of them together is taken in a small cave-like structure, and the shiny stuff here and there is some type of quartz rock shale.  The one of the boys alone was taken as they were waiting for their dad to cross over the waterfall, which he loved to do while there.  The day this weekend promises equally as beautiful weather...I know that Mike will be with us, as always. 

Sonya, you will be on my mind and in my prayers tomorrow. 

Thank you all so much for your support and caring words.

love and peace, carol  mikesmomrs

[ericasmom]

What beautiful photos Carol, and beautiful memories to guide you back to the place that so fittingly will be sprinkled with the essence of Mike. The area is gorgeous, and I am sure that he will be thrilled to be with you there.

love,

Dee

[summergirl]

Hello to all - Just want to say a quick hi and let those of you who are having "dates" in this month of October I am thinking of you. I am sorry that I can not say it to each of you individually but being here in Iowa on vacation with Tavian has kept me very busy and not much time to read and post. My thoughts though are always with all of you and my heart hurts for all. 

Much talk of my sweet Angel Jessica tonight as my mom and dad came for dinner. It was so wonderful to talk to them without feeling as though I was making anyone uncomfortable but I knew it would be ok as they lost my brother 6 years ago so they know all to well what it is like. Bittersweet memories, tears and laughter. It will be hard to go home but also will be good to get home - my sister is already talking about what she is going to do when we leave but we have made a promise that we will not wait so long to see each other. It has been 6 years since I have been here so we decided that I would come once a year God willing. 

I will catch up with all when I get home and many pictures to post. Tavian is having such a good time.   My therapist called me yesterday to see how we were doing which I thought was very sweet as she knew how anxious I was about flying!!

Love and Peace to all, I am thinking of you always - Kathy 

[lolynbo]

well i made it through trading in Kourtneys car....and the life insurance...i fully understand the word BITTERSWEET.....crying over a piece of metal???? a car she didnt even get a chance to really like, she got her burgundy 06 malibu maxx in feb 07 a week before she got married, and then found her tumor in november 07 and never drove it again ... only had 6000 miles on it...the dealer said "are those the original miles???" 

 

things are coming together....our town had a benefit for Kourtney while we were gone the 7 months and 2 days with her in Ok city OU medical, and raise a lil bit of money...so i  have been wondering what to do with it......i have a great friend that watched my 15 yr old son Kody during ALL this time and she has adopted 4 kids from the DHS system, and she said that alot of times these kids in the DHS only have the clothes on their little backs when they are taken from these homes...so why dont we set up a Closet for DHS to clothes these babies/kids....

thus we got KOURTNEY'S KLOSET....everything is being ironed out in our home town and finding the actual location....but if you get a minute while your praying for all us ppl on BI pray that this little important project goes well....

maybe KOURTNEYS KLOSET will be world known someday and I can kinda feel why god took my baby....

[4everjoeysmom]

Oh, how wonderful!! Kourtney's Kloset!!! I love that!!! What a beautiful thing to do to help others in the wake of your tragedy. You speak a lot about God and about prayer, and I for one am praying for you. But what I see is that you are responding in a way that is honoring and pleasing to God and to Kourtney. I felt you might need to hear that... Blessings and hugs, Claudia

[lolynbo]

THANK YOU CLAUDIA...DO YOU EVER SLEEP...LOL

YOU ARE A BREATH OF FRESH AIR...GOD BLESS YOU AND YOURS

[4everjoeysmom]

I do sleep! In fact, I slept until 8:20 this morning. My sweet hubby took care of my dogs and let me sleep in. I got a full 10 hours last night!! That is SO RARE.

[johnnysmama]

Sonya

I have been thinking about you esp. this morning at 8:30. May Danielle's love fill your broken heart today on her one year angelversary. God Bless your angel. Maybe she will play with your hair today????

Take care and may you be surrounded with peace and love today,

Hugs, Kay

[4everjoeysmom]

OH YES, Sonya!! I too am holding you up in thought and prayer today!!! God bless you and caress your broken heart with His tender mercies and love. HUGS, Claudia

[heartbeataway]

Sonya,

May the spirit of your beautiful Danielle that lives so deep within your heart bring you comfort and may memories bring calm to the storm that rages in your being today. The one year mark is anticipated. You live from one month to the next, you experience one occasion or holiday after another without them. All the firsts .....

Then that date comes and goes, and strangely nothing changes. For me, that was not anticipated. I found the second year has almost been harder than the first.

Prepare yourself, take good care of yourself, the journey goes on and on and on .....

Blessings, Peace and Healing,

Bonnie

[ericasmom]

Sonya Dear,

May you feel the sparkling love from Danielle as you face this mark of time. I know how difficult it is to aknowledge the amount of time that she has been gone from here. I know how tiring it is to think of more time ahead. She stands with you, she is a shining glimmer of hope in a fold of time, and she blesses you each day with her love. You will always have a daughter Sonya, and she will always have you.

Many of us feel that once the firsts are over, people really expect us to be who we were before we lost our Children. We aren't of course, and so the second year is sometimes a time when we sort of let go of some of the things and or people that feel like extra weight for us to carry each day. I am fairly non confrontational, but I found that in that second year I felt less patience with STUFF, and so I backed out of some of the things that felt draining ot me, and I avoided situations where I would be with people whose felt that they knew where I should be in my grief. I quieted my life and found I needed more time alone than ever.

We do whatever it takes to do our best in the face of so much ache. We do this to honor our Kids, and sometimes it feels good and doable, while other times it simply hurts. We're all here for you and I am praying as I head to bed, for a sense of peace to rest in you.

Love,

Dee

[ericasmom]

Kortneys Kloset is FABULOUS! What a great cause given with such heart. Our hearts break, but they are still filled with our Babies and that is a great way to honor your Girl.

Peace,

Dee

[mikesmomrs]

Yes, Kourtney's Kloset is such a wonderful idea...I will keep you all in my prayers for strength and direction and support in creating such a worthwhile project!

Sonya, do so hope that Saturday went okay for you, that the pain you felt was tempered by the wonderfully yet bittersweet memories of your precious Danielle.  As we go to the river today to sprinkle some of Mike's ashes, I will carry you in my heart and send you love and caring through our words and prayers. 

love and peace,

carol mikesmomrs

[johnnysmama]

Carol

I hope your trek to the river helps you feel peace and love from Mike. I see Mike's big grin following you there today shining his light through the sun into your heart.

God Bless you and your family.

Peace and hugs,

kay

[heartbeataway]

Carol,

We will all be "going to the river" with you in spirit today.  Blessings to you and your family.

I used to read the cartoon section, the "funnie's" every Sunday morning. Some cartoons I kept up with on a daily basis. After Jason died, I stopped reading the cartoons, horoscopes, etc.... 

Anyway, for whatever reason , I browsed the "funnies" today. This one struck me as meaningful.  I guess as meaningful as a cartoon can be ....... who knows.

Funky Winkerbean has a reunion coming up. He and a friend are talking. Each line represents a frame or picture in the cartoon segment:

 Maybe it's the upcoming reunion.  I don't know .......

But lately, I find myself thinking a lot about the old days.

I miss the days when everything ahead was bright and shining.

All you really had to do then, was believe.

Then one day the road you're following suddenly turns.......... and you find yourself somewhere you never planned to be.

What I need is a GPS system for my life.

Wouldn't that be nice??

Love to you on this hardest of all days!

Bonnie

[heartbeataway]

Kourtney's Kloset will be a wonderful addition to your daughter's legacy.  How proud she must be of you!  I personally find a great deal of satisfaction in doing for and making others happy.

What a great, great idea!

Bonnie

[heartbeataway]

Friday, my husband and I flew to Kansas City to attend Saturday's KU game. On Friday afternoon, we went by the cemetery where Rich's Mom, Grandparents, Uncle and Dad are buried. We took flowers and spruced up the areas around each grave. There was a funeral taking place close to where we were.  Close but not so close that we were intrusive.

I found myself thinking about Jason and the fact that he is not in a cemetery. I have never doubted our decision, we knew that it was not what he wanted. And we know that one of these days, we will get too old to even venture to The Pinnacle where his ashes were spread. It a rough trek to the top of the mountain.  You need four wheel drive vehicles to get there. But once you do, it's absolutely beautiful!

I found myself telling my husband about my friends here at BI and how you talk about visiting your child's grave, spending time, talking to them, writing in journals, leaving gifts, etc ......

Blessings to all of you and on that sacred spot where you and your "little white spirit" connect.

When we went to the game, it was predicted to be cool. So, I wore a light KU sweatshirt. I was going to put a turtleneck on under it. Afraid it might be too warm, I wore a t-shirt instead.  The only one I had with me. It was a t-shirt with a picture of Jason walking along a road on the back with the words, "One journey ends....." at the top and the words, "Another journey begins...."  at the bottom.  On the front is a small picture of Jason and the words, "In Loving memory of ....".

It got really, really hot at the game.  I was roasting.  I didn't want to take the sweatshirt off because of the t-shirt underneath it.  I love the shirt but I also don't like to draw attention to the sadness of his loss.  And this t-shirt always does!

It got to the point that I couldn't stand the heat anymore. Rich leaned over and said, maybe if you took off the sweatshirt and Jason was here, he could help the game. So, reluctantly, I took off the sweatshirt.  You know, the game turned around and KU starting scoring and we won!  I'm sure it's just coincidental but, it still made me smile.

Also, at half time, the band played, "Sweet Child of Mine" by Guns N Roses.  It was a favorite of Jason's at one time and I never heard it without thinking of him, that, Sweet Child of Mine..........

Bonnie

[mikesmomrs]

Oh Bonnie, I do know about those old days “when everything ahead was bright and shining.

All you really had to do then, was believe.   Then one day the road you're following suddenly turns.......... and you find yourself somewhere you never planned to be…”  I think we all know about those sudden turns in the road---  Ol’ Winkerbean hit it right on the head!

 So many times my husband and I have gone through that, with each of our kids…many times the road we were on was just so “bright and shining,” and then we would find that “sudden turn”:  our oldest daughter’s illness (Crohn’s disease) that ended in an ileostomy (her large intestine was removed, along with her rectum and she now has a cholostomy bag) that very nearly cost her her life because of a mistake in placement of the stomach tube; our youngest daughter’s pregnancy at 16…and we had just arrived to live in Italy for two years---a million miles from home and family!); our son’s slowly emerging erratic behavior that suddenly turned this wonderful young person who had all his ducks lined up, plans for his future, etc., into someone totally different from the one we had known all his life, due to a tumor that the doctors didn’t tell us about until it became the size of a grapefruit, and then it was too late…and then, the worst, the one all of us here share---the loss of our precious child…all the other “crises” were just mere bumps in the road compared to this…for all of us here, our “bright and shining road” has dimmed more than we ever thought possible, the sudden unexpected turn in the road taking us along with it, unplanned, unwanted.   

That road is trod by all of us, but the one wonderful thing is that we are hiking it together…and therein is our strength, our support, our salvation, for lack of a better word.  Therein is the direction we need to find the “believe” part of the equation again, even though we know it never will be the same, but the human side of us will seek the road on the other side of that sudden turn, the road that will lead us to honoring our child’s life by hiking this different road, continuing, in their honor, living, doing, being, “believing.”

Thanks for sharing, Bonnie, and caring, and “being” there on that sudden turn in the road, along with all the rest of us, offering direction, love, understanding.

I will share later our experiences from today at the river---my husband will download the pics tomorrow---I had to use our cell phone as our camera was left behind, and I don’t know how to download from the cell phone.  Wonderful signs from Mike, love from his kids, truly beautiful weather…all gifts, along with the tears mixed with smiles and remembrance of a spirit we were blessed enough to love and to have love us; a sad day made less sad by all of these things, and the travel down the different road…the road to a different “believe,” continues.  

I also enjoyed your story of attending the game, Bonnie…I don’t believe in coincidences anymore since Mike’s passing…the shirt, the winning, the song “Sweet Child of Mine,” all steps leading down that different road, leading to the different “believe”…

love and peace,

carol

[heartbeataway]

Carol,

This is your day to remember and grieve the loss of your precious son. It never ceases to amaze me the strength of my friends here at BI.

I look forward to the pictures and hearing about your day. Tonight, rest and let sweet memories caress your weary soul.

And thanks for your posting. I'm glad you liked the comic strip.  Wasn't sure anyone would understand it without the pictures. But, your understanding was the same as mine.

You have been through so much!

Whenever I get a good case of the "woes is me", I always find that the burden I carry as I journey is light compared to others.

Blessings to you!

Bonnie

[lolynbo]

WHAT WE HAVE SO FAR...FOR KOURTNEY'S KLOSET

WE HAVE A MEETING TUESDAY AT 5...IM SUPER EXCEITED ABOUT IT...

 

[daniellemom]

To all!

Thank you so much for your kind words on the 11th. We made it through the day. It was hard and now I dread tomorrow because that's the day we buried our babies sweet body.

Kourtney's Kloset! I love it, good luck and I will pray for the success.

Carol, I can't wait to see the picutres. I will be thinking of you tomorrow.

Bonnie, Glad the game turned around for you! and that you had great memories of your Jason.

Sonya (Danielle's Mom)

[ericasmom]

Bonnie, no your burden is not light, it is the shift in your lives that took your breath away...and now you are finding your stride in the face of it all. I love the Football Story, I feel the joy of your Son, can actually feel it, as he watched your husband suggest you take off the coat, as you did the transformation in the game, the rooting for the team that you were hoping would win, the song playing, and not the most likely song at a football game...IT WAS YOUR BOY, and he was showing you that he is right there with you, he is watching over you as you learn to live this new life. Oh I knew he was special from your stories of him, and he found a way to let you feel his presence,his timing, his sense of humor. Glorious story.

I love the angel Kourtney, so cute and really hopeful. Your Daughter is lending hope to so many through your generous heart. Lovely.

Carol, I know what you mean about the road that gets dim and sad adn then the ultimate sadness occurs and we see those other occurances as bumps or side trips. AT the time however, they are huge, and we cannot diminish thier importance in our lives. Those bumps gave us jpause adn reasons to change or make change too. My heart to you as you look at the photos of a very special day. I look forward to them as well.

Dee

[mamabets]

For daniellemom~ Sweet Danielle, laughing and loving with all of our angels~ Every corner we turn seems like a detour, Sonya~ It's as if..."OK, what could be lurking there??"

But, each day that passes brings us one day closer to Danielle and Danny, and all of our angels here....

To think that one day we will ALL be together, for our kids are all so proud of us~ In spite of this pain, we remain kind and compassionate~

God Bless you...xoxo

LOVE

mamabets

[mamabets]

For lolynbo~ How BEAUTIFUL!!!!! Just so you know, my day somehow includes a run to Dunkin' Donuts for their "Reeces" sundae...

Baskin Robbins drive through!!!!!

It's a new kick that I am on, and now I know why!!! I have been blessed with the magic of your sweet Kourtney!!

LOVE

mamabets

[daniellemom]

Mamabets,

Thanks and how true each day that goes by is one day closer to seeing Danielle and Danny again.

Sonya

[heartbeataway]

lolynbo,

I love your logo for Kourtney's Closet!  Great idea!

Bonnie

[briansdad]

Well gang we had our Golf Tournament to raise funds for our local chapter of Bereaved Parents of the USA and our kids did a good job of making a beautiful day for us.We had many hole sponsors with our childrens pictures on them.There were a few golfers in front of our tournament who saw our signs and when they finished they asked some of our helpers what the tournament was about.So we educated some people about us and that is a plus.Any way  we raised $ 3700.00 so we can continue to help new parents cope.

Just thought I'd share because I haven't posted in a while.

Greg

[heartbeataway]

Greg,

No, you haven't posted in a while and I for one have missed you!  Great job on the golf tournament!

Hear from you again soon............. we hope!

Bonnie

[summergirl]

Greg - what a wonderful thing to do for bereaved parents - nice amount to donate. We have missed you and I for one wish you well - you do amazing things.

Leaving for home tomorrow - flight at 11:15 am. Tavian said he is ready to go home and see pop-pop but I am sure that he will want to come back within a couple of days. He still does not get the concept of travel and thinks we can come whenever we want - would be nice.

Hope all is well with everyone and I will catch up with all of you when I get home. Need to go back and catch up on all the postings. 

Take care and talk soon.   Peace and Love - Kathy

[heartbeataway]

A year ago today Jason would have been married. Ironically, I also heard today that his fiancee is engaged again .

And the beat goes on ..........

Bonnie

[lolynbo]

BONNIE,

YES THE BEAT GOES ON.....KOURTNEY WAS GONE 4 WEEKS AND HER HUSBAND OF 9 MONTHS QUIT WEARING HIS WEDDING RING..AND PUT "SINGLE" ON HIS MYSPACE PAGE.....NOW TODAY I FIND OUT HE HAS "DATED" KOURTNEYS FRIEND COURTNEY A FEW TIMES....HER MOM IS MY FRIEND AND SHE WAS TELLING ME HOW "WRONG IT WAS" I TOLD HER THAT I KNEW HE WOULD MEET SOMEONE AND DATE...AND KOURTNEY LIKED COURTNEY SO , SHE WOULD PROBABLY APPROVE....

SADLY YES OTHER PPL CONTINUE WITH THEIR "NORMAL" LIVES ...JUST DIDNT KNOW IT WAS SO QUICK.....

AND THE BEAT GOES  ON?

[mamabets]

For mikesmomrs~ With so much love to you, always and forever...

LOVE

mamabets and your little friend, SWEET CAROLINE

[mamabets]

For heartbeataway~ In reading your post earlier, I must tell you...I had just been writing about the "5 pinnacle points in ones life" that you hear people talk of often.....

I then saw your post written about "The Pinnacle"

I know that our boys are together, and as I journey on with of ALL of this pain, I truly do not know how I would be able to walk this walk, without the bravery of all of you here. 

I feel our connections always, and never question the "whys" and the "how comes..."

You are so close to my heart, Bonnie, and I thank you for sharing with us the life and legacy of our sweet Jason. He is, but a heartbeat away~

LOVE

mamabets 

[heartbeataway]

Travel safe Kathy - the "rest" in your postings is good to hear. Seems like even though the thought of flying brought angst, you had a great visit with your family. Tavian will not soon forget the adventures he had either.

It was all worth the flight, right?

Bonnie

[heartbeataway]

mamabets,

It's funny how connected we get to each others children. Pinnacle Days started to celebrate Jason's life mainly because we chose not to commemorate the day he died.

Now it's a celebration of life and love. I hope to come up with a special way to include our children so that I can share it.

I haven't moved past wondering "why", even though I know there is no answer. So many days are bittersweet.

His friends are so dear to us. One of Jason's friends drives his truck now and he called to ask if it would be okay to drive it to The Cove.  He didn't want seeing it to make me sad.

Life goes on and all we can do is remember and keep those memories alive.

Love!

Bonnie

[4everjoeysmom]

Regarding "THE BEAT GOES ON"...

I think all of us who lose a child go through a series of our own "growing in going" pains as we watch our child's friends grow and go--especially the one's our child called "significant other". I remember when I learned that Joey's girl was moving forward with a new relationship, and I remember thinking "how soon" it was. But it really is a sign that they are still teeming within the spring of life, and that's a good thing. I should feel so very sad for the young lives that stand still and cannot grow past such a trauma. What kind of gripping, polarizing paralysis that would be! Nonetheless, it makes us sad, mostly because we realize everyone is growing and going except for the one we lost, and perhaps except for us, at least so it seems. Young people seem to bounce back so quickly after any kind of injury. But they too are changed by their life's experiences, and they too will not forget the significance our child brought to their lives. It may very well be because our child touched their lives, they can grow and go as they do--just differently, because we are connected so deeply as having had the most time in getting to know our child and in being so affected by their own growing and going while they were with us. In reality, with each breath, with each hour and day that passes, so we too are growing and going. And I believe to each one of us, our child played a significant role in our ability to do so. That's how very, very special that child was, is and forever will be.........

[heartbeataway]

Claudia,

You're so right.  I want good things for Jason's fiancee. I just didn't expect her to move on so quickly.

Jason died the end of April, they were to be married October 13th.  She was already seeing someone by then.

I want her to be resilient and to experience life. And yes, it's bittersweet that it will be with someone other than Jason.

I personally can't imagine that not even 18 months after the loss of the person I was going to spend my life with, that I would be ready to commit my life to someone else.

This is also the person that wanted everything of Jason's, we had to go to court to get his dog, she sued us for money ....

I wonder if they will continue to use Jason's furniture and his electronics. I wonder if the breadbox that we used when Jason was a little boy will continue to sit on the kitchen counter.

You're right, it's hard to see life move on for others and stand still for you ........

Bonnie 

[daveydow1]

Sonya, Carol, and Lynda,

My heart is with you on your angel days. I'm sorry I have not gotten in

on the exact dates. May Danielle, Mike, and Julie smile down on each of

you and warm your hearts now & always. Peace & love to you.

    Daveysmom,   sherry

[daveydow1]

To all,

Thought I would weigh in on the subject of others moving on after our

dearly departed children are gone.  While my son did not have a significant

other at the time of his death, he was in the early stages of dating a girl

who was jerking him around and taking advantage of his kindness. She

was younger than him, and obviously had many problems. Although word

of Davey's death got around quickly in the small town we lived in, this girl

did not come to the wake or funeral. We heard not one word from her. To

this day, I don't know what has become of her. I was a bit disappointed

about that, but realized the girl had much to deal with in her life, and was

having a hard time of it. The night before Dave was killed, he was asking

some of his friends if they had seen her.  Yes, it is hard to think that some

of these people cared so little about our child. It hurts, but life goes on for

them-----much quicker than for us.

Peace to all.        Daveysmom,   Sherry 

[dansmama]

Hello my friends! I am so new in this journey that I find myself getting on the board daily to read and reread your messages. Please forgive me for not responding to you warm welcomes and words of encouragement. This is a beautiful place – so much love and support. We may never meet in person but I think some of you are better friends to us than our “in the flesh” friends and even some family. I am still not three months into this nightmare and just when I think I am going to get it together, I am ambushed by grief.

Claudia – your words of wisdom and prayer are so healing. You are also so very practical – I have made a stack of Daniel’s clothes to be made into a quilt. His trademark was flannel shirts in the (cool California) winter and plain T-shirts and basketball shorts in the summer. That will make a wonderfully soft and comforting blanket. I think I have enough to make one for his sisters. I am using his flannel sheets as a backing.

Last Friday night Daniel’s football number was retired in a little ceremony before the game at his high school. I didn’t go but my husband was thrilled and very honored. I just can’t be a part of those events. I am glad that is over; I had been dreading it.

Our beautiful children just plucked like flowers and brought up to heaven. There are days when I think I just can’t take anymore. Then I think of you and I know I can and will carry on and honor my son. You are in my prayers and thoughts daily. Please all take care of yourselves; grieving is hard on our bodies as well as our spirits. Love, Marian

[shorty16]

To all

 

I too am not quite 4 months into this horrible nightmare.  As some of you know, my son, Brian was killed in a car-surfing accident.  My mind goes over and over and over that night and what I shoulda, coulda done to stop this.  I should have called him home and I coulda been more strict.

Today was a very rough day.  I was suppose to have lunch with one of Brian's friends mother who reached out to me.  I cryed all morning knowing she has her son and I do not.  I cancelled and feel terrible.  I wonder how my body can survive such saddness.  My mind moves at lightning speed, but only on one channel - Brian's death. 

Can any of you help me to move on - even a little?  I am back to work, but feel useless.  I work for a bit, then find myself staring at my computer and 30 minutes have gone by and I am zoning out.

I have 2 other children (18 and 14).  It seems the roles of parent and child have changed.  They parent me while I figure out a way to take my next breath.  Please help.  I am hurting so bad.

Colleen