Members Lisa M. Posted January 4, 2023 Members Report Share Posted January 4, 2023 Roz, it was hard. It is so hard to be happy and be around happy when you are crying inside. I just feel so alone. Most people think I'm doing better, because I hide it so well, so they don't even ask how I'm doing. My daughter asks me how I'm doing all the time, but honestly I don't always tell her the truth. She would worry and she is also grieving. I don't want to put any more on her. Jackie- I'm sorry but the way you described that "damned turkey " made me smile for the first time in days. I too think it is Garrett poking a little fun at you. Trying to make you smile. To everyone here- my thoughts, prayers and love go out to each and everyone of you. I am so grateful to have found this site. It has been 20 months since Don passed and I am still working on getting through each day. I couldn't do it without you. Love to all. Lisa Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mason’s Mom Posted January 5, 2023 Members Report Share Posted January 5, 2023 On 1/3/2023 at 6:52 PM, Diane R said: Thanks for your words everyone. I wish I had a sign from Dan like you have Jackie. For two weeks after he passed there was a huge 6 pointer deer that kept coming to our house at night. I could walk up to 10 feet from him and he never stirred from his laying down position. The deer has not returned since. I hear the despondency of all of you. The incident with the Buffalo football player threw me over last night. The morning that our son had his heart attack he had gone to the gym, returned home, layed down on his couch and never got up. The autopsy pointed to a sudden cardiac event, much like the football player. If only someone had been with Dan, maybe he could have been saved. That thought just rips through my very being.... Diane Diane, I felt the same when I heard about the Football player. I knew it was his heart. My husband watched the video but I can't watch it. Mason stood up and collapsed when his heart stopped. CPR was performed b Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mason’s Mom Posted January 5, 2023 Members Report Share Posted January 5, 2023 Diane, I felt the same when I heard about the football player. I knew it was cardiac. Mason died in the same way. He stood up and told his girlfriend he was going to be sick and collapsed. CPR could not revive him. I can't watch the video of the game but my husband did. It has brought back the pain and the memories that haunt me.I understand you wishing someone would have been with Dan, the medical examiner told us nothing would have saved Mason. Keep your mind and heart open for signs from Dan. Google ways our lost loved ones send us messages. There have been more than one thing I have experienced and feel in my heart that it has to be my boy. Jackie that turkey is a beautiful reminder of Garrett. Mark work is an outlet for me and helps me to focus on something other than my heartbreak. Find the path that works best for you. Michael, are you better now the new year has arrived? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Michael Rodriguez Posted January 5, 2023 Members Report Share Posted January 5, 2023 mornin 12 hours ago, Mason’s Mom said: Diane, I felt the same when I heard about the football player. I knew it was cardiac. Mason died in the same way. He stood up and told his girlfriend he was going to be sick and collapsed. CPR could not revive him. I can't watch the video of the game but my husband did. It has brought back the pain and the memories that haunt me.I understand you wishing someone would have been with Dan, the medical examiner told us nothing would have saved Mason. Keep your mind and heart open for signs from Dan. Google ways our lost loved ones send us messages. There have been more than one thing I have experienced and feel in my heart that it has to be my boy. Jackie that turkey is a beautiful reminder of Garrett. Mark work is an outlet for me and helps me to focus on something other than my heartbreak. Find the path that works best for you. Michael, are you better now the new year has arrived? morning, i guess !!??? just happy the holidays are over. back to normality . of course feeling awful , just like everybody else , watching damar hamlin go down the way he did .... thank god for the first responders and all the medical staff .....i was watching the game , and i said to myself " that is not a concussion" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mason’s Mom Posted January 6, 2023 Members Report Share Posted January 6, 2023 Michael, I know things are getting back to normal schedules but here in our area the cold short days make January and February tough for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Michael Rodriguez Posted January 6, 2023 Members Report Share Posted January 6, 2023 10 hours ago, Mason’s Mom said: Michael, I know things are getting back to normal schedules but here in our area the cold short days make January and February tough for me. i am sure it does. what i meant is that we do not have to be putting nice faces and listening to merry xmas or a happy new year every 15 seconds.......we can go back to OUR normality of grieving our kids and trying to exist. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Changed Posted January 6, 2023 Members Report Share Posted January 6, 2023 Dear Carol, I’m feeling that when it’s dark , cold and wet it gives me a good excuse not to go out which in itself is not an ideal state to be in. Cocooned. I’ve been particularly weepy since Christmas - I’m upset over anything and everything - I think that I had to concentrate so much on the organising before then a chunk of days trying to be ‘present and available’ for everyone - it took its toll and I’m having a bit of a ‘come down’.. I think that you went through something similar after the tournament . Saying all that, I did cope well over the holidays and only ‘lost it’ briefly. Dave is never out of my mind but I’m aiming for a more comfortable presence - not one where my thoughts are totally sad and distressed ones - it is, of course, sad and distressing in reality but I don’t want that to be my first association with him and I think that is what I have been doing . We will absolutely never stop grieving because we will never stop loving and missing them but over the years that grief changes it’s shape and we with it . Love Roz x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Changed Posted January 6, 2023 Members Report Share Posted January 6, 2023 Dear Jackie, Is it Garrett’s birthday? I think that is what you said and it will hit you hard . I acknowledge David’s birthdays and try to focus on how good it was that he was born and he was ours. I tread softly here because some of the people who wrote on this site , cruelly, lost their child on the same day and month as their child was born. How I feel for them. Is your daughter any better now? - as a family you’ve had an awful lot to go through and it’s a credit to you that you're trying so hard for them all. Love Roz x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Changed Posted January 6, 2023 Members Report Share Posted January 6, 2023 Dear Michael, Is it this year that you are travelling abroad? If it is , I think it will do you good. Although it took a lot of effort for me and my husband to go away again ( other than to visit family) it gave us both something different to see, talk about and think about. Of course , David was in our hearts and minds and we were greatly subdued but as Dave loved to travel we knew he would be with us. In fact, even as a teenager when most lads wouldn’t want to holiday with their parents ( his sister certainly didn’t) Dave would tag along for a free trip anywhere abroad. How is the puppy? I’d like to do animal rescue work again but I don’t feel emotionally strong enough. I did a lot of really harrowing work in Singapore and Hong Kong but it was the only sadness in my life then - now it would be too much and not helpful to the animals. My friends were veterinarians and when my rescues came into them they said they knew they were mine because they all came with odd names , smelt of my perfume and had lipstick stains around their necks from the cuddles and affection ( not very hygienic but bigger picture was animals who were easy to rehome to loving people). Hope that you’re managing as best you can. Love Roz x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Changed Posted January 6, 2023 Members Report Share Posted January 6, 2023 Dear Lisa, yes, that facade we put up for everyone’s sake can be exhausting. I’m the same with my daughter as yourself. She and her husband are off to the Antarctic in a few weeks and it sounds like an exhilarating adventure ,but , for the first time I’m feeling anxiety about her going away . She lives near London and travels a lot overseas - it’s never bothered me - but this trip sounds dangerous . I’ll park it away and look forward to hearing all about it and seeing her photography when she is back. Sorry, that’s not right - I remember she went on a Safari to South Africa a few years back and I was worried then too ( not about the wildlife but fear of the carjackings etc. ). I’ve led an interesting and varied life in lots of different countries so I always thought I would be hypercritical if I tried to stop my children doing the same. I imagine that you’re in deep snow at the mo’ - how do you move about ? Can you walk anywhere or have I got it wrong? Stay safe. Love Roz x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Changed Posted January 6, 2023 Members Report Share Posted January 6, 2023 Dear Virginia, well that’s a lot of big moments that you have dealt with - holidays, thanksgiving and Christmas. I don’t suppose that you feel rested. How do you think that Kyle coped ? I know that you mentioned that he had some emotional moments but I think you’d expect that give all that he’s processing - a bit of a safety valve maybe. Are you still getting your moments with Nique and Christopher? I’d love that . Getting yourself and Kyle back into routines will be taking your attention. I hope that everything goes smoothly for you both. Love Roz x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Changed Posted January 6, 2023 Members Report Share Posted January 6, 2023 Dear Mark, We all know this moment that you are in . We have lived it too and we are all here for you. Love to you and your family, Roz x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Michael Rodriguez Posted January 6, 2023 Members Report Share Posted January 6, 2023 43 minutes ago, Changed said: Dear Michael, Is it this year that you are travelling abroad? If it is , I think it will do you good. Although it took a lot of effort for me and my husband to go away again ( other than to visit family) it gave us both something different to see, talk about and think about. Of course , David was in our hearts and minds and we were greatly subdued but as Dave loved to travel we knew he would be with us. In fact, even as a teenager when most lads wouldn’t want to holiday with their parents ( his sister certainly didn’t) Dave would tag along for a free trip anywhere abroad. How is the puppy? I’d like to do animal rescue work again but I don’t feel emotionally strong enough. I did a lot of really harrowing work in Singapore and Hong Kong but it was the only sadness in my life then - now it would be too much and not helpful to the animals. My friends were veterinarians and when my rescues came into them they said they knew they were mine because they all came with odd names , smelt of my perfume and had lipstick stains around their necks from the cuddles and affection ( not very hygienic but bigger picture was animals who were easy to rehome to loving people). Hope that you’re managing as best you can. Love Roz x well our plans might change a bit......my wife found a lump in her left breast. she is going for a biopsy on monday .....so, at this point, it is one day at a time. i was holding back , becuase it happen to her and not to me. and i felt that i had to respect her privacy , but i know i can talk to you guys !!!! you know we have mightly struggled to keep our marriage alive , but right now i have to be there for her , and i plan to do so ....i think she found it on time, has not spread .....so hope for the best and do a lot of praying.....what else can i do Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Changed Posted January 6, 2023 Members Report Share Posted January 6, 2023 Dear Angie, How is your course going? I think that you are beneficial to those grieving for their child with your positivity . I hope that you are keeping at your studies for everyone here to share . By the way, your photographs are beautiful - I love the brightness in yours and Dustin’s faces . Love Roz x Dear Shel I remember your early posts and your state of shock ( as we all arrive in) I’m so glad that you posted again . There is a comfort to be had with parents who understand first hand your pain. It took me ages to pluck up the courage to write here although I did read posts beforehand and had come to know parents already ‘talking’. Love Roz x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Changed Posted January 6, 2023 Members Report Share Posted January 6, 2023 Dear Michael, that’s rough. Have to say that I’ve been there on the marriage front and hospital ops myself . If they’re on top of the medical side early on then that’s a big plus. Keep your chin up . Love Roz x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Michael Rodriguez Posted January 6, 2023 Members Report Share Posted January 6, 2023 1 minute ago, Changed said: Dear Michael, that’s rough. Have to say that I’ve been there on the marriage front and hospital ops myself . If they’re on top of the medical side early on then that’s a big plus. Keep your chin up . Love Roz x like always....thanks roz !!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Changed Posted January 6, 2023 Members Report Share Posted January 6, 2023 Dear Diane, I can imagine how you felt when you watched that footballer and all those ‘if only s’ . It is so cruel, unfair and wrong for our children to go before us and we carry that throughout our lives . Peace to you, love Roz x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Changed Posted January 6, 2023 Members Report Share Posted January 6, 2023 I’m aware that there are others who are quieter here but I do hope that you are all coping with this life you are reluctantly living . Patrick, Theresa, Yvonne, Celeste, Char Char, Jeannine and Jerryslifemattered and anyone else reading I hope that you can find the strength to grieve and some peaceful moments to rest. Kindness and understanding is here for you Love Roz x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Diane R Posted January 7, 2023 Members Report Share Posted January 7, 2023 I really appreciate your thoughts Roz! There really is no guarantee that life will be fair or kind! Just seems particularly cruel that the young ones are snatched from us. And it seems cruel that you should have to endure more challenge Michael. Keeping good thoughts going that your wife's breast lump is benign or that it was caught in it's early stages! I know each of us has felt at one time or another (or all times) that not another step forward can be taken; life is that painful! Diane Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members marks Posted January 7, 2023 Members Report Share Posted January 7, 2023 I hope everyone is doing well. Thursday (day before yesterday) was 2 weeks. FINALLY FINALLY the medical examiner released him and the mortuary has been excellent. They immediately picked him up, and had the cremation permit ready. I picked his cremated remains up yesterday (friday). It was a very solemn occasion, and the mortuary staff let us go into a quiet room that had a water fountain and put his urn on a table and take some photos. I know it sounds kind of corny but it was really a nice gesture----they could have just said "here you go---thanks for coming in" but they were very kind and didn't rush us---I appreciated that. I sent the photos to extended family all of whom really appreciated seeing them. My son is gone, and nothing I can do will bring him back, but I have him here at home (kind of) and it brought some peace. I think knowing he was in some lonely place over the holidays made it hard for me. When I was a teenager in the 70s and a young adult in the 80s- I never heard of someone being held up at the Medical Examiner for 2 or more weeks but it seems routine now. This makes a traditional funeral more difficult or even impossible in many cases. I'm still wrestling with all of this but I'm glad its over and I can deal with my emotions without all the external issues tearing into me. I appreciate the kindness and love everyone has extended and I hope that I can return it to anyone who needs it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Michael Rodriguez Posted January 7, 2023 Members Report Share Posted January 7, 2023 29 minutes ago, marks said: I hope everyone is doing well. Thursday (day before yesterday) was 2 weeks. FINALLY FINALLY the medical examiner released him and the mortuary has been excellent. They immediately picked him up, and had the cremation permit ready. I picked his cremated remains up yesterday (friday). It was a very solemn occasion, and the mortuary staff let us go into a quiet room that had a water fountain and put his urn on a table and take some photos. I know it sounds kind of corny but it was really a nice gesture----they could have just said "here you go---thanks for coming in" but they were very kind and didn't rush us---I appreciated that. I sent the photos to extended family all of whom really appreciated seeing them. My son is gone, and nothing I can do will bring him back, but I have him here at home (kind of) and it brought some peace. I think knowing he was in some lonely place over the holidays made it hard for me. When I was a teenager in the 70s and a young adult in the 80s- I never heard of someone being held up at the Medical Examiner for 2 or more weeks but it seems routine now. This makes a traditional funeral more difficult or even impossible in many cases. I'm still wrestling with all of this but I'm glad its over and I can deal with my emotions without all the external issues tearing into me. I appreciate the kindness and love everyone has extended and I hope that I can return it to anyone who needs it. mark , it is comforting (if that word really will help us) to have our childs remains close by....,.as i said before , i have done both....and many questioned our decission to un-burry him and cremate him......because at least i get to kiss his urn every morning , my wife always has fresh flowers for him and we get to say good night .....for my family, at least was the best decission we could take. now we venture into a new challenge with my wife´s health ..... i guess it is just one step at a time , one day at a time Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jacqueline3 Posted January 7, 2023 Members Report Share Posted January 7, 2023 Hello to all, I am glad the holidays are over as well, yet the pain is just as severe... My anger at everyone else's happiness is a little better. It is hard to watch as others celebrate. Dearest Michael, I am thinking of you and your wife, I am hoping all goes well with her biopsy. Dearest Roz, you are right Garrett's birthday is the 17th of this month, my baby would be 24. That is so very hard for me. He told me multiple times over the years, he did not think he would live to see 25. I breaks my heart every time I think of it and all the times and prayed and begged to the heavens not to let it be true. Garrett passed on my 60th birthday in August. It is a day I will never celebrate again. To all, I am thinking of you and I am walking with you on this long, horrific journey we must now walk. Wishing you at least moments of comfort and peace. Love and hugs to all, Jackie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members NiquesMom Posted January 7, 2023 Members Report Share Posted January 7, 2023 Michael, I am sending you prayers and hugs for your wife. Health issues are so scary, and I pray it is benign and you can breathe easy soon Mark, I have my daughters urn on one side of my bed and my husband urn on the other. I talk to them, hug them, give them kisses. I know its not them but it helps me. Roz, the holidays were hard but we made it. I bought year pass to universal studios for him so we are going to the theme park a lot this year. Next weekend is our first visit and he is very excited. Jackie, my brother died on my mom's birthday. This was 4 years before I was born. Growing up we celebrated her birthday every year. The last year of her life (she had been ill for a while ) and I wanted to celebrate and she finally told me she never wanted to celebrate. Guess she did it for us kids. People don't understand how we just don't want to try to be happy anymore. I really dont like the fact that I have to try so hard to want to be a part of the outside world. If it werent for Kyle I would be fine to hide away in my house. I worry I rely too much on him to motivate me. Maybe that will change. He asked me the other day where dad is. He wishes he could get a visit. I have stopped telling him if christopher or Nique visit cuz it makes him sad. I know there are people who have it worse but I miss my life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jacqueline3 Posted January 8, 2023 Members Report Share Posted January 8, 2023 Dearest Virginia, I miss my life too..... I got into another argument with my mother this evening... I am not moving forward as I should.... I am fucking tired and I want my Garrett to come home. I am in the same boat Virginia... I am scared I rely on my eldest, Jolene to motivate me...I can understand that.... Love and hugs, Jackie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members NiquesMom Posted January 9, 2023 Members Report Share Posted January 9, 2023 On the news this morning: a 6 year old took a gun to school and shot his teacher. What is the world coming to? How am I supposed to feel safe sending Kyle anywhere or doing anything? I know there are no guarantees in life but I am sad that this is what our world is like. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mason’s Mom Posted January 10, 2023 Members Report Share Posted January 10, 2023 Virginia, sometimes I have to take a break from the news. I like to be informed but there are times when it gets to be so bad.I remember when my kids were in school and I would hear about violence and being worried about their safety. It seems that no place is safe. It makes me wonder how a 6 year old got a gun. We have guns but we have always been careful and taught our children safety. Jackie, your daughter loves you and I think she gives you encouragement. That is good that she wants the best for you. Let her know how much she means and how you recognize her strength and how it motivates you. Not all the people in our lives understand as you know. Michael, hopefully all goes well with your wife. I think our bodies suffer as we grieve, it takes a toll on our physical health. I think losing a child is difficult for most marriages.it is hard to understand how we all grieve differently. I think that is why we are drawn here. We all seem to share the same deep pain and it is easier to open up. Keep talking to us. Mark, your grief is so fresh it is good for you to talk through your feelings rather than bottle them up. Roz, as always thanks for understanding. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Michael Rodriguez Posted January 10, 2023 Members Report Share Posted January 10, 2023 12 hours ago, Mason’s Mom said: Virginia, sometimes I have to take a break from the news. I like to be informed but there are times when it gets to be so bad.I remember when my kids were in school and I would hear about violence and being worried about their safety. It seems that no place is safe. It makes me wonder how a 6 year old got a gun. We have guns but we have always been careful and taught our children safety. Jackie, your daughter loves you and I think she gives you encouragement. That is good that she wants the best for you. Let her know how much she means and how you recognize her strength and how it motivates you. Not all the people in our lives understand as you know. Michael, hopefully all goes well with your wife. I think our bodies suffer as we grieve, it takes a toll on our physical health. I think losing a child is difficult for most marriages.it is hard to understand how we all grieve differently. I think that is why we are drawn here. We all seem to share the same deep pain and it is easier to open up. Keep talking to us. Mark, your grief is so fresh it is good for you to talk through your feelings rather than bottle them up. Roz, as always thanks for understanding. good morning , she had her biopsy yesterday and waiting on results ....we know it is cancer but the prognosis is as good as one could hope for....it is not a tiny one but it is still small .....and i guess we can only hope for the best from here on out , thanks for asking 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jacqueline3 Posted January 10, 2023 Members Report Share Posted January 10, 2023 Dearest Virginia... It is very difficult to send out kids when something horrific happens. the April before I sent my eldest, Jolene, Columbine High School happened. The year she was in second grade and the year before I sent my second child, Gily, the two towers happened. It is terrifying. I spent a lot of time at the schools volunteering , as much as I could so I could see for myself the teachers behavior and how they treated the kids, the children's personalities. I talked to the kids and engaged them on filed trips or party days. It helped me feel like I was seeing things at least from a first hand perspective. Dearest Michael, I am glad the biopsy is done, Hoping all goes well. you are both in my thoughts. Thanks Carol, I have let her know, Jolene always pretended she was Joan of Ark as a child, she wanted to save the world. for a time I had to call her, not just Joan, but Joan of Ark. She is very much that way, always ready to help. Thinking of you all Love and hugs, Jackie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Michael Rodriguez Posted January 10, 2023 Members Report Share Posted January 10, 2023 6 hours ago, Jacqueline3 said: Dearest Virginia... It is very difficult to send out kids when something horrific happens. the April before I sent my eldest, Jolene, Columbine High School happened. The year she was in second grade and the year before I sent my second child, Gily, the two towers happened. It is terrifying. I spent a lot of time at the schools volunteering , as much as I could so I could see for myself the teachers behavior and how they treated the kids, the children's personalities. I talked to the kids and engaged them on filed trips or party days. It helped me feel like I was seeing things at least from a first hand perspective. Dearest Michael, I am glad the biopsy is done, Hoping all goes well. you are both in my thoughts. Thanks Carol, I have let her know, Jolene always pretended she was Joan of Ark as a child, she wanted to save the world. for a time I had to call her, not just Joan, but Joan of Ark. She is very much that way, always ready to help. Thinking of you all Love and hugs, Jackie thanks jackie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members NiquesMom Posted January 10, 2023 Members Report Share Posted January 10, 2023 Talking to my friend today. Her oldest would have turned 36 this weekend. He died when he was 18 months old. We were talking about how tired we are of being tired. She has other children and grandchildren and she loves them all so much. But she agreed that it is still so hard to want to keep getting up every morning and going. It depresses me that I am going to feel this the rest of my life. I dont know a way out of this sadness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Utterly Bereft Posted January 12, 2023 Members Report Share Posted January 12, 2023 Will there ever be a time when I do not feel so bereft? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members NiquesMom Posted January 12, 2023 Members Report Share Posted January 12, 2023 Hi utterly, my name is virginia. My 18 year old daughter died 5 years ago, my husband died 7 months ago. What I can say is grief will start to soften and come in waves. But I have not found a time when I dont miss my daughter or husband. Its just that they pain is not as searing as it was at the beginning. Please give yourself space and grace. I can honestly say I am not the same person before my loss and I dont think that person will ever come back. My brain has also changed. I cannot remember anything so I take lots of notes to compensate. Grief affects everything but coming here talking to people who understand and can let you know what your feeling isnt crazy does help. I am sorry you are here but I am glad you found us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Changed Posted January 12, 2023 Members Report Share Posted January 12, 2023 Utterly bereft , your question is something that everyone here will identify with. Virginia has expressed her experience very well and mine is the same after losing my son , David, six years ago. The rawness of grief in the early months and years is a dark place but it does became something different over time. We have been changed by our loss and that is understandable . You will find members here who have lost their child more recently than myself and it’s clear to see in their conversations how they are coping , or not. Strangely, there is comfort to be found amongst parents who are dealing with the loss of their child more so than anyone else. I send you my kindest thoughts. Roz x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Michael Rodriguez Posted January 12, 2023 Members Report Share Posted January 12, 2023 utterly bereft , my name is michael and i lost my son 21 months ago. to answer your question, no it does not ....does it get a bit bearable ? it does .........some days are worst than others. sometimes , right out of left field , you will notice tears are coming out .....but , over time , you get to learn how to live with it....and as i have said it and i have no idea how many times.......we no longer live , we exist. we live for our children and when one is missing , you stop living , you merely exist Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jacqueline3 Posted January 12, 2023 Members Report Share Posted January 12, 2023 Dearest Utterly Bereft, My name is Jackie, I lost my 22 year old son, Garrett, 16 months ago. My life is no longer the same and for me, the grief has not reached a point where it has softened. I am lost, angry and drowning in pain and sorrow. Some days I fair better than others but I do not remember a time when I do not cry every day, do not rage at the heavens and do not ache for my Garrett to come home. I have not had a good support system other than my one daughter and so many will tell you how to grieve, when to grieve and everything that you are doing that is not right. My experience has been that grief is an entity all its own, it comes when and how it pleases, it moves through you and rips you up how it pleases. That being said, I know that the intensity of the pain I feel is a direct reflection of the great love I share with Garrett. I have said many times I am a very spiritual person, not religious but spiritual... I believe with all my heart and soul that our children are close by, trying to help us. At times I can feel my boy and know that he is close. I believe the love we share binds us across this unwanted separation. Despite that belief, this road is a hellish road to have to travel, an unwanted turn in life that none of us want. I am so sorry for your loss and like all of us here, I am damned sorry any of us are here. Talk to us, we do understand... there are days the words and comfort given here has gotten me through and I would like to think that I have returned that blessing to others on days when they are barely getting by.. Just keep talking Utterly Bereft, we are here with you, you are not alone in your pain. love and hugs, Jackie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Utterly Bereft Posted January 13, 2023 Members Report Share Posted January 13, 2023 On 1/11/2023 at 11:54 PM, Utterly Bereft said: Will there ever be a time when I do not feel so bereft? Thank you all for your kind responses. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Utterly Bereft Posted January 13, 2023 Members Report Share Posted January 13, 2023 On 1/12/2023 at 3:30 AM, NiquesMom said: My brain has also changed. It's interesting that you say that, as I have been wondering if my loss has caused losing my mind. I have been seriously considering getting tested to see if all this trauma has triggered early onset Alzheimer's or some other form of dementia. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Dustins Mom Posted January 13, 2023 Members Report Share Posted January 13, 2023 Sadly we can all relate to being ‘Utterly Bereft’. I send you my deepest condolences. 🙏🏼❤️ I just lost my youngest son in May ‘22 so I’ve asked the same question over and over again. Will it ever let up? Grief seems to be a living entity all its own. Just driving down the street, minding my business, when out of the blue my brain will wander back a specific moment in time when he was still alive and it will feel like I’ve just been punched in the gut. And again, it’s the cruel face of grief letting me know it’s not going anywhere anytime soon. It used to be getting through life minute by minute, then hour by hour, now day by day, so I suppose it is getting a tiny bit easier. - Angie You’re definitely not alone in feeling like your mind is mush. Dementia runs in my family so I had my own worries in that area already. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Michael Rodriguez Posted January 13, 2023 Members Report Share Posted January 13, 2023 now , im worried !!!!!!! that is all i need ....BTW nereida, my wife, saw the oncologist today and the prognosis is very positive ...it is cancer , but it was detected early enough .....some test are still missing but the doctor seems very good about it.....ladies please make sure you get screened at least once a year Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members NiquesMom Posted January 14, 2023 Members Report Share Posted January 14, 2023 Oh Michael, I am sending prayers for you and your wife! I am glad it was caught early, please let her know how much we are prayng for her Utterly, I used to have a great memory. I was only 37 when my daughter died and I can't even remember what I need to do if I don't write it down. My 9 year old gets annoyed because he will tell me I already asked him the question, I tell him just humor me because I can't remember anything Took Kyle to universal studios today. Really hard because I haven't had to do a theme park by myself in 16 years. Talked a lot about Nique and Christopher. Kyle was really missing dad because I can't do roller coasters and dad always went with him. But we did ok and we will go back tomorrow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mason’s Mom Posted January 14, 2023 Members Report Share Posted January 14, 2023 (edited) Michael at least it was caught early. My husband has had some cancer scares and has had surgery as has my mom. Both are cancer free at this time. I remember when my mom got the news, she had colon cancer, she was very upset and scared. We were at her house and Mason showed up and she was crying, I will never forget his words to her "Nana, where is your faith" He preceded to tell her that she had to have faith that she would be healed and she was. She had surgery to remove the cancer and it was successful. Utterly Bereft, all the things you described are part of grieving. The forgetfulness, I believe is our way of coping. There are some things that I remember so well from the first hours, days and weeks following Mason's death and other things that I have completely blanked. Sometimes a sound, smell or the sight of something will remind me and some of the blanks get filled in. We experience PTSD, losing a child is traumatic. Virginia enjoy Universal. We went a few years ago and my husband doesn't ride roller coasters somehow Maddie convinced me to ride the Incredible Hulk. It was a one time experience and dear old Mom won't do that one again. Edited January 14, 2023 by Mason’s Mom Wrong word Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jacqueline3 Posted January 14, 2023 Members Report Share Posted January 14, 2023 Dearest Michael, I am happy it was found early. My thoughts and prayers are with you both. I am a cancer survivor, mine was caught early too. How is your wife doing, getting a cancer diagnosis is never an easy thing to hear. Dearest Utterly Bereft, Remembering and caring about things, even things that are important or necessary for daily life are now in the far corners of your mind. This pain is so overwhelming that we don't remember everything we used to and even if we remember it just doesn't seem as important. I feel like I have been gutted, stripped of my mind, heart and soul and people expect me to go on like normal. Be easy with yourself. I am thinking of you all this Friday evening and sending love and hugs, Jackie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Michael Rodriguez Posted January 14, 2023 Members Report Share Posted January 14, 2023 well, you know what , she is a tough lady !!!! we have been married for 33 years already.....only time i have seen her break was with brian.....so, i think she will be fine guys , thanks for having us in your prayers......virginia....come on ...try roller skating....what could go wrong ????!!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jacqueline3 Posted January 14, 2023 Members Report Share Posted January 14, 2023 Thinking of you both Michael. love and hugs, Jackie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jacqueline3 Posted January 16, 2023 Members Report Share Posted January 16, 2023 Hey everyone, Really struggling already. Tomorrow is Garrett's birthday, he was my greatest surprise after years of infertility. (Had to take treatments to conceive my beautiful girls). We thought we were done and here came my precious boy!! Garrett would be 24 tomorrow. It just breaks whats left of my heart and soul. Jackie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Michael Rodriguez Posted January 16, 2023 Members Report Share Posted January 16, 2023 oh jackie, we all know to well what you are going thru ........birthdays are really hard , been thru 2 of them already.....nothing i can say . because i share your feelings..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jacqueline3 Posted January 16, 2023 Members Report Share Posted January 16, 2023 Thanks Michael, this is my second... Just knowing you are there and understand, helps.... Hell of a life, isn't it... should be wrapping a few gifts and making a cake.... Jackie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Changed Posted January 16, 2023 Members Report Share Posted January 16, 2023 My dear Jackie, I’m not the best person to advise on this as I still find that I let the sadness of losing David stop me remembering him with the joy he deserves. I’m trying though . On Dave’s birthday I tell his son that it was a good day when his daddy was born and that we and the world were lucky to have such a good man. It’s sad that he isn’t with us but it’s not sad that he was born on this day. It’s true and I think that it helps a bit. Jackie , you tell us beautifully what an amazing gift Garrett is to your family and it is truly cruel for you to be facing his birthday without him . I know that you love him dearly and will be beside yourself with grief - I’m so sorry love. Have your chat with Garrett and acknowledge the day , remember your happiness at his arrival and how grateful you are for him - this is the day to protect from our darker thoughts. It’s not easy and probably too soon for you not to be overwhelmed- we can only do what we can . I’ll be thinking about you . Love Roz x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Changed Posted January 16, 2023 Members Report Share Posted January 16, 2023 Dear Michael, I hope that everything goes smoothly and that your wife is soon recovering and able to leave the whole episode behind her. Extra worry and stress on top of our grief is a lot . Kindest thoughts to your family. Love Roz x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Michael Rodriguez Posted January 16, 2023 Members Report Share Posted January 16, 2023 jackie, you know what , f orget about what i said , and follow what roz just said....after all she is the wise one of the group !!!! roz, where do you find the words? i guess you stop and think before you write, i just let it out when it comes to B. is funny how i sit and listen at work , my supervisors my accountants and i ponder and think my reply....yet if its about B , ill say whatever is in my mind at that moment Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now