Loss of an Adult Child

[donnamaria]

Thank you everyone for being here and listening we havent got the autopsy report back yet that will be a few more months we will see how i do with that im not sure the death certificate was very hard each day i dont know what to do with myself i spend most of it crying even if i go to the store or any other place i come home and cry i miss him so much i had a dream about him eating spagetthi and salad he was in his bed i put the bed up and went to give him the plate of spagetthi and he said moms wheres the salad so i gave it to him some how his spagetthi fell and i was cleanning it up to get him a new dish of it but my dream ended whats strange about the dream is he didnt like spagetthi only canned spagetthi and he couldnt eat salad cuz he couldnt have lettuce and he was in his bed like he use to be such a strange dream 

[Cameron Scott]

Hi. I'm new here.  A friend told me this would be a special place for the pain I feel.  I lost my daughter to a heart attack. She was always daddy's girl, always close. I could count on hearing from her every day or two.  But, not hearing from her hurts so badly. I miss hearing how her day is going, the challenges of raising kids, and teasing me about being the "old" grandpa.  Mostly, I cry until I'm numb, then start back into tears a day or two later. This pain knows no end.  I know she's in Heaven with her grandpa, who passed in 2007.  I hope they're behaving up there.  I hope I'm not blubbering on too much.  My heart is torn with pain.  

[ericasmom]

I must go to bed, it is late but want to just tell you Cameron, that I will tell you more about this place tomorrow...many folks are in bed by now so if you are up, like so many of us early in grief were/are, then read some of our posts to get to know who you are communicating with and we will learn about your Daughter with your posts, we want to hear about your life and her life and how you are getting on. The pain you are feeling is what we have all felt and what many who like you, are new to this. Hang on, there is no more terrible pain, so please know that we are here to hold your stories and your hands, and help you move forward. It is all in tiny steps for the first few months. Be patient with yourself, be very kind to yourself, as your Daughter would have you...

[donnamaria]

cameron scott im so sorry for your loss i loss my son Victor on june 10th 2018 he was 35 years old my youngest child like you i find myself crying all the time you will go through so many emotions the people here understand and always listen i come here often to let my feelings out

[Tommy's mum]

cameronscott I am so sorry you lost your daughter she must have been young and her passing very sudden. There will always be that vacancy in your life it is so hard to process and accept that one of our children is gone. The pain is raw and overwhelming and your body aches to your bones from wanting them back so much. The shock and disbelief can last months and although you will be sick of people saying "Time heals" it is actually true and you will see a very slow change as long as you face upto the pain and allow yourself to grieve and not bottle it up. I know sometimes it is easier to shove those thoughts and feelings right down and try to act "normally" but in the long run it only delays the grief process which will last far longer. Do you feel ready to tell us more about your daddy's girl or is it too soon? It is a relief to be able to talk about your spirit child as sometimes friends and family avoid that subject in fear of upsetting you. We have all lost a child/children so we all know intimately the roller coaster emotions and longing to be with them. I am nearly 3yrs on from losing my eldest son Tommy. He had just turned 24 and was helping a friend move into dorm rooms in Hawaii where he lived. ( We have lived in the UK since 2011 after spending 18 yrs in Pennsylvania USA. tommy did not want to move to the UK withe rest of the family so he moved to Hawaii where he was very happy.)  After moving Ted in the group decided to have a few beers an impromptu moving in party. One of tommy's friends who had severe depression problems that no one was aware of, got into a fight and then just broke down. Tommy pulled the guy off him and was yelling at them when they saw Patrick had climbed out of the dorm window 14 floors up and was about to jump off. Police were called but could not enter the room because he was too unstable so let Tommy and his friend Ted try to talk him down. Realising it was not going to work Tommy climbed out with him held him and managed to persuade Patrick  to come back inside. As they were climbing back in the window shattered and they both fell. Both were very badly injured. Tommy died soon after in the ER with multiple traumatic injuries and Patrick survived and has recovered fully although probably still traumatised from the accident. So I lost my son and his younger brother and two sisters lost their sibling. It has been very hard on all of us but now we are all in a better place. For me I had a mental breakdown have had a lot of bereavement counselling, and see a psychiatrist regularly to get to where i am now. This site is a community of wonderful parents who have helped so much with advice, resource suggestions, understanding and compassion. being able to share with others is very helpful and makes the grief journey less lonesome and scary.

[ericasmom]

Thank you All for the pink thoughts, clouds, and love. Yesterday turned out to be absolutely a beatiful time in our yard, just a gorgeous and joyous gathering...yep we cried with the balloon launch, with the few words I say to the group of 100, with the Bob Marley, three little bird song...with the ukelele playing and singing from my great nieces...but we laughed and caught up with each other...and the next generation had a blast, running and playing in the water tables and the slip and slide, and the chalked sidewalks, it was a really amazing expression of love. Raised about $1000 dollars for the fund in Erica's name, so I will be able to continue to write checks for my final year at school where the fund helps so many. I am blessed by it all, but very tired, my husband and I have been busy like crazy all week getting prepared for this party...and today we had to put everything away though we cleaned up last night, there is a lot to do for 100 people. Erica Blue Skies kept the rain from invading, it rained all morning on and off until 1:00 in the PM and then it stopped: Thank you Erica.

Bea, I don't think that there is anything wrong with you truly,  I think that since your Husband is having such a hard time, your Mother instincts kicked in to take care of the kids and him and the household, you are dealing with a lot, and someone has to run the show, and it is you. One day, you will be able to feel it, express it, and you will recognize that it was due to your extreme care of family that you needed this time. You may never express like someone else, that does not matter, you are Nezzy's beloved Mom, she knows your heart. You are not sociopathic, nor a robot, you are a very caring person who is being very responsible for your family. Taht is not to say that your husband isn't, it just means that this is your way. Bea, yesterday while driving on NOrth Avenue to the party store in Melrose Park, there was a car in front of me and I read the plate: My Angel. I knew that my Angel sent that message and I thought of you since I was close to where you work. Love the CUBS fan photo. My whole family are CUBs fans.

[daveydow1]

my little man------I am so sorry for your loss of your son. This is such a sorrowful

journey to find oneself on, and nothing can turn back the pages of time.  I hope

that you will continue to come to this site where everyone understands all the

pain of losing a dear child.

CameronScott-----Your daughter must have been a wonderful person, and you miss

her terribly.....it shows how much you love her by your posts.  Please come back and

tell us more about her and your family....whenever you feel that you would want to.  The

good thing about this site is that everyone goes along at their own speed....no rules

concerning when, or how often to post. Lots of parents say they may just read the

posts before ever writing anything, and that is ok. Sometimes we just don't seem to

have anything to say.  I read the posts for quite a few months before I ever joined in with

writing anything.  

 

Bea-----Thank you for the pic of Nezzy. She is an adorable, sweet little girl. 

 

Donnamarie-----Yes,.....we can torture ourselves with all the 'what ifs',  and 'whys',  but as LouAnn has

said......we can search every corner of the world, and the answers may never come.  You did the best

that you could, and that's all any of us can do.  Hold onto the precious memories of your son to warm

you aching heart.

Dee-----Well, I made it on here today..still having computer problems, though.  So glad that the weather co-operated

for the wonderful ERiFest.  The money raised is such a good cause, and honors ERi's dear memory.  Yep...

ERi,  Davey, and   ALL of our ANGELS    are in sublime and joyful  bliss up there, feeling our love.

 

WISHING   PEACE   TO  ALL  INDIGOS.

Davey&Lisasmom,   sherry

 

[Missing my little man]

Thanks daveydow, i am lost and didn't know where to turned, i was searching for some kind of group where everyone is sharing their steps. I want to feel like I'm not going through this alone. 

[ericasmom]

Missing, I am glad that you are finding our place a bit of a rest on this hard road...Sherry and I have been here for nearly 15 years, both having lost our Kids in the summer of 2003...the rest of us are spread all over the time line. So no matter what, we get what you are feeling, you can be open here.

Sherry, so glad that you got online today, are you getting any help for your computer issues?

[Tommy's mum]

Yesterday I was watching TV when an advert came on for a children's cancer charity. They played the song by Snow Patrol that we had at Tommy's funera.l These are some of the words

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

My eyes filled, I have not been able to listen to that song since, or much of any music actually. It was  few moments of sweet yearning for my boy just a reminder that although he is not on this earth anymore he is still always with me.

dee glad Erifest went so well  and the sun shone down on you.You must be so happy with the money raised for your school fund. If you retire next year what will happen to the fund? Will you just donate to it or will someone else take it over? Think how much free time and less stress you will have after your final year. Teaching is a hard job with budget cuts and difficult parents and loads of paperwork. I have great admiration for teachers especially in middle and high school where they have to deal with some disruptive and difficult kids who clearly have no respect for authority or following rules and just want to leave.I know that the other kids who try and want to do well or struggle but have a good work ethic are so worth it and when they get good results there is a sense of pride that you helped personally to help them get ahead. When I was a preschool teacher I liked taking on the difficult or aggressive children or those with undiagnosed disorders because it was so rewarding to  turn them around and help them make friends and feel good about themselves. One of the biggest problems in school these days is social isolation and bullying which can destroy self esteem and cause depression and anxiety. I would like to see all cell phones being deactivated at school and more mentors who help the shy and awkward kids feel secure and cared for.

I wish for peace in this world for everyone, and kindness and humanity, idealistic I know but a wish just the same....

 

 

[Missing my little man]

Thanks Erica mom i don't know how i will make it through this. Every morning when i get up there's that awful silence, a sign that i no longer have a baby beside me.

[My girl is in heaven]

HAPPY HEAVENLY BIRTHDAY DEAR JEFF.  SIT ON YOUR BENCH BESIDE YOUR MAMA TODAY. LET HER FEEL YOUR PRESENCE, FEELING THAT YOU ARE OK AND SOARING WITH ALL OF OUR ANGELS.  A LITTLE SPRINKLE OF SOMETHING HERE AND THERE. KATE, ROSS AND FAMILY, HOLDING YOUR HANDS TODAY AS YOUR BEAUTIFUL BOYS BIRTHDAY COMES AROUND AGAIN. HUGS ALL AROUND TO YOU. 

 

Luanne.....Kira’s mama.

[NiquesMom]

Erica and Jeff, hold your families near you,  send love and signs.

[My girl is in heaven]

Cameron Scott.  You are not blubbering dear. You are deeply grieving and mourning the loss of your precious girl.  My very healthy 17 year old girl collapsed and died in the shower 7 years ago of some apparent heart incident.  So the suddenness and unexpectanting part I know is very difficult to process.  If a could press the fast forward bottom for you and take you to a day when grief will loosen the stranglehold it has on you right now, a day where you feel the sunshine on your face without feeling guilty, or take in an enjoyable moment here and there I would.  But unfortunately grief is something you have to march right thru the middle of, there is no side stepping, I know I tried for many years, doping myself up on meds so as  to avoid it, laying around in a deep hole of depression, even hoping if I didn’t go for regular dr check ups, like a pap or mamo  maybe I’d be lucky enough to die of something without even trying to get help.  But eventually it all caught up and I had to look it straight in the face and deal with it.  Keep going , inching along, but letting yourself feel what it does and know whatever that feeling is is just where you are.  It does change your life forever, how could it not, but keep coming here.  Let us be a light to shine on your path of this journey.  You never have to face this alone.  Hugs.

 

Luanne......kiras mama

 

if you or anyone else, especially the newbies, want to email with me mine is ltaylor50@rogers.com or if you even want to chat on the phone I can call you.  Please don’t hesitate to reach out.  I will try to help you anyway I can, take care all,

[My girl is in heaven]

Lesley.  For me the song is You raise me up, by josh groban. I think it was played at the funeral but can’t remember but her friends put that song on internet along with pictures of her. I have looked at it a couple times but will never again.  But Even as I have made progress, that is still on my cannot handle list to hear that song.  Oh the triggers never end do they.

peggy and margee.....getting worried have not heard from you.  Maybe on vacation, but hope you are still reading,  let us know how your days are going.  

Gretchen...how have you done since Forests angel date, another  year yes, but hope your holding up.  

Kristen,  how are you. Is your daughter home for the summer or is she done university.  Hope u are able to get some vacation in. I still may show up for your Pilates class one day .  I’d love to see what it’s about.  Let us know how you are. 

Tina.  How r things going with your job.  Have your neighbours moved out yet. R u and Grayson going on vacation this summer.  I hope things are starting to go a little smoother for you. 

Georgina.  How are you and your daughters doing. I’m sorry to have not heard from you in a long time but hope you are still reading. We’d love to know how things are going on your end. 

Devianez.  You have not posted in a long time but I wanted you to know I’m holding you in thoughts and prayers as Nathan’s angel date in July then his birthday in August are fast approaching.  I hope u can just let us know how life is going for you.  Hugs dear friend.

Luanne......Kira’s mama

 

[My girl is in heaven]

Virgina.  Oh I so hear you about oversharing.  A few weeks after Kira died, I was coming out of a grocery store and ran into a father of one of Kira’s friends, he said how r u and I can’t remember all what I said but I started to realize I was going on and on talking way too much and not only was he not interested but he was desperately trying to get away. So I never did that again, cause I think truth be known...I don’t think they give a rats ass how we are doing.  Isn’t today your moving day? I’m so excited for you to get a clean slate.  How far is Colorado from Florida.  So I assume in Colorado you would get snow in winter and Florida you would not. Wow that would be a bonus.  Let us know how it goes

 

Luanne....Kira’s mama

[ericasmom]

JEFF, hold your Mum extra close today, and your Dad...let them know that you are joyously free and always connected to them. Sit with them today at the bench and let your shimmer catch their attention.

Kate and Ross, we know the love that binds is unending...Happy Birthday to your Boy and for this date to forever bring you that sense of Jeff.

[Tommy's mum]

Happy spiritual birthday Jeff!!. Shine the sun down on your bench when your parents are there, or give them another sign to lift up their sorrowing hearts, you are always remembered and missed, even by those who never met you because you are with my Tommy and all of our children, so we are part of the same family in a way. Kate thinking of you and Ross today, hugs.

[donnamaria]

Each day gets harder and harder i hate this new life i miss victor so much my heart aches just getting up in the morning is a chore this is so hard im not sure how to get through this i love and miss him so much 

[peggy a sad mom]

hi luanne i'm here. i thought i just wrote yesterday but i guess not.. no word from margee?

peggy

[donnamaria]

Since the death of my son things that use to effect me no longer do its like i dont care about much either happy or sad things my emotions only focus on the saddness i feel for losing my son im a shell of myself things that were once important dont matter anymore i hate the me ive become part of me wants to be the loving caring person i once was but the other part only sees that my son is no longer here and my heart is breaking and not much matters anymore if you pray please pray for me because this has become so hard its like i go through the motions like im in a fog maybe some of you know what i mean oh the heartache and pain 

[ericasmom]

Hang on DM, the fog will lift one day and you will find out what matters to you again...we are changed by their births, so of course we are changed by their deaths. This pain is the hardest, but it will not always be this sharp. We lose sight of ourselves for a while, we change, we find our way, some of what mattered before will matter again, but you will find that some things do not capture your attention as they once did. Don't worry about that, new ideas will come to you...later. I am saying prayers for you...

[Mymy31i]

My daughter was murdered May 18th. She was 24. The last time I spoke to her was March 10th. We'd argued. She was so angry when she hung up. We've always gone back and forth, but she'd cool off after a spell and then we'd talk again. It's a long story, but since her high school graduation, she'd made choices that went against all the plans she had. I thought giving her tough love would push her to correct her path and follow her dreams. Now, I'm left with a broken heart and overwhelming guilt. What if I had been more forgiving of how she was living? Would she have reached out to me when she was in trouble? She also left behind a 3yo. In fact, my granddaughter was the reason for the argument. I wouldn't let her pick her up because I didn't trust the people she hung around. The day she was murdered, they left her on the ground to die. I don't know if I can make it. I keep focusing on my other daughter and my granddaughter, but I am struggling. All I can think about is my baby. She left this world without anyone there to protect her. I should have done more. How do I get to the point I can breathe? Right now, each breath hurts and I feel like everyone has moved on while my heart aches. I just don't know. 

[Tommy's mum]

mymy31i I am so sorry your daughter was killed how tragic. You must know you cannot blame yourself for not having a chance to make up before she died. your daughter loves you and knows she would have had some cooling off time and then be back in your life. You were absolutely right to give her tough love especially as she had a daughter that deserved to be safe. My eldest son Tommy had some rough years in his life too and I had to practice tough love with him during those times so I understand how hard it is to do. But if you dont use tough love you are then an enabler and that is far far worse. My ex husband was the enabler and never had much respect or gratitude shown to him by our son because he could be manipulated into giving Tommy what he wanted instead of what he needed. Also had a poor relationship with our son and had not had spoken or been in contact with him for 2 years. You made absolutely the right decision to refuse to let your grandaughter go with her Mom as you realise that would endanger her. If you had let your grandaughter go with your daughter she also could have been killed by the animals that left your girl to die, so you saved your little grandaughter's life. You were the brave grandmother who advocated for a little girl who was defenceless that is an incredible act of love. I did not trust some of my son's friends at that period of his life either so he could not bring them over when he came to spend time with his younger siblings and they were only allowed to visit him at his apartment if i was there and no one else could come over or we left. I was protecting my other children too. My Tommy was also 24 when he was killed so we have quite a bit in common it seems. Also no one passes over alone they are always met by family or friends who have passed so please do not feel so badly about that. There was nothing more you could have done, your daughter was an adult and made her own choices and decisions and she chose to hang around with some bad people. It is a tragedy and there will always be a hole in your heart and a yearning to have her back but you can in time with some work be able to find some balance and happiness with life again. For us parents it is a lifetime of missing our children when other family and friends sometimes move on and kind of forget. You are in the right place here with other bereaved parents who understand what it feels like to lose a child and will help and support you.

[donnamaria]

My heart and my mind keep going back to the death certificate and it saying bleeding fisula i know its not the autopsy report as we wont get that for awhile but i keep thinking why was it even accessed they put in another one on friday before his surgery to do dialysis so why was the old on even accessed it was infected i keep thinking of my son losing all that blood and me not there to hold his hand and pray with him i know they said they got it under control and gave him 2 pints of blood and his pressures were up but what if this is why my baby is gone for no reason i keep thinking why if they had used it for some reason why werent they checking it all the time i just cant stop crying thinking of this its so hard i just keep crying and crying not knowing the answers is so hard im not saying the Lord wouldnt have taken Victor one day but i feel theres just more maybe im grasping at straws i keep thinking theres no reason my son should be dead maybe its a mothers broken heart not wanting to believe her child is gone all i know is my heart is so broken and this pain is horrible i know i wont have answers until the autopsy but my heart and mind keep going to that dark place to the words on the death certificate please pray for me 

[Missing my little man]

Mymy3! I have the same feeling like you do when my middle brother passed away. The last time we met it was not nice, and when he passed it was very difficult for me. I thought that there will be time where i can tell him when he comes back home for Christmas, but he didn't come home on Christmas. He passed in January soo many times i wished that it had went differently. But in no time at i had my son, but maybe I wasn't meant to be a mother. I lost my only son and my whole reason for living in October of last year. I think your daughter left you a reason to keep on living, that which is your grand-daughter. I miss my son everyday and I feel like there is no way out. 

[Tinay]

Hi everyone. I'm so sorry for everyone's loss. It's so sad to see so many new parents on here. I've been without my Kiona for almost 16 months. I still don't know if I want want to pursue wrongful death one the one boy that I can for laying my daughter on her face. Images still pop in my head about her birthday still go over the events of that day we found out. Still heartbreaking which I know it always will be. 

When I got my truck, the DMV asked if I wanted organizational plates. I said sure and the girl explained that I can go online and purchase decals to support an organization. That was back in 2012. I didn't think about it since. A couple of weeks ago, my son mentioned that he was behind a car that had plates like mine and they had donate life decals. I researched and contacted the eye and tissue institute. They are sending me decals. That's the newest coincidence since she passed. 

I've been struggling lately. I didn't get the job in my department at work. The neighbors have moved out. I'm still at my same position. I'm not sure I want to leave. Too many great benefits and I only have a year before my son goes to college. We aren't taking any summer vacations but will make a trip to Colorado and Boston to check out the college's of his choosing. 

I had a dream last night about kiona. I've had some before but not as specific as this one. I was doing housework and my daughter appeared on the couch. She had her blanket (which I sleep with every night) and I looked at her in disbelief because I knew she was dead. I said "you're here?" And she said "I'm always here with you." I don't remember any other part of the dream. Makes me tear up now. I miss her just as much as before. We were also not in a great place in our relationship but i like to think we were on the mend.  I try not to beat myself up about that as much as before. 

Peace and love to all

Tina

[Tommy's mum]

tina you see kiona is always with you and that is why you keep on going to make her proud. Glad the neighbours are gone that has to be a relief. Putting donate decals on your plates sounds like a great idea. Maybe other drivers and pedestrians will see them and it will spark a discussion and future donors that would be awesome. As for the lawsuit it is your decision but it may well be expensive with no guarantee of consequence but do what you feel in your heart is the right thing to do. how your daughter passed is tragic I am sorry. Don't lose heart you can do this.

missinglittleman you are a newbie and already reaching out to others good for you. There is never a replacement for the son you lost and i understand how painful it is to be without him by your side. Know he is still by your side but just not visible. There is never a reason why this tragedy happened to us. I don't believe it was part of a plan and all our children were taken too soon but we can at least band together and help each other through the dark times. everyone of us has a story equally important to tell and it is being able to let go and share that helps a little. Do you have anyone else to support you at home? It is at times like this you find out who will be there for you as time goes on, not just when it happened. Stay strong, even when there seems no point, your life is not over it is altered which is really hard to accept but it can get better ok?

[Missing my little man]

Thanks for letting me tell my story everyone. I've suffered soo many losses in my life. My father when was 8, my middle brother, my son, and now my youngest brother has left us too. Sometimes I wonder why am i still here, why i bound to feel this kind of pain and losses. I must have the worse luck anyone could ever have. I felt my son's presence last night, and it was a good feeling.

[NiquesMom]

Tina, if you file a lawsuit,  look for a reputable lawyer and one that won't charge you if nothing is won.  I found a lawyer that wouldn't charge anything if they were unable to recover anything.  For me,  there was nothing to lose at that moment.  At least I wouldn't owe them anything if nothing was awarded. 

Well,  we made it to Florida.  My daughter would love it.  I sat in our backyard this morning listening to birds.  No cars, no noise,  just nature.

[NiquesMom]

My son found tiny frogs on the bush, so excited!

[ericasmom]

Tina, I am so glad for your dream, the message is clear. I am also thrilled that the bad neighbors moved out, they were very disruptive and mean folks...good to know taht you are out there finding your way. College visits for your Boy are exciting. Where in Boston is he interested...I love Boston.

Missing your little man, so many losses for sure for you adn I am so sorry. Nobody knows why some folks get so man punches to the heart, but one day it will become clear as to why you are still here...the short version is...there is more for you to do, and hopefully, it will be positive experiences. I am sorry for the may losses...you can tell us about these if you feel comfortable.

Virginia, how wonderful that you are already sitting in your yard and your Boy is discovering tiny frogs and all that is around you in your new area...May this move fill your hearts.

Mymy31, oh my goodness, I am so sorry that you have had to deal with loss of any kind, but to lose your Girl to murder is just heartbreakingly horrible. Please tell us more about your life and your Daughter's life. Is your Grand Daughter living with you now? Or was she already? I am glad that you said no to your daughter that day, because your Grandgirl might also be gone...seems to me you followed your gut, and while it may not be the popular thing to do, we sometimes have to just say NO...YOu did not make your Girl get killed, you did not cause this, we all feel guilty one way or another when we lose a Child, but please know, this was not within your preventing.

[Tinay]

Ericasmom-he wants to go to Berklee college of music. We've never been to Boston.  I'm excited to get out of this town. If he doesn't get accepted, there are other colleges/community colleges there that he can apply to for his first year and then hopefully go his 2nd year. 

Thank you all for your your kind words. I did need that dream. It couldn't have come at a better time. 

As for the lawsuit, I won't be able to proceed unless the firm would take it pro bono. I don't know if my procrastination is a sign I shouldn't. It's not about the money, it's about clearing her name. 

Anyways, I better go. I have to get ready for work. 

Peace and love to all

Tina

[Bea8924]

I finally got my family photo that I wanted. Nezzy was photoshopped in using her prek photo. I'm happy with how it turned out. Thought I would share it with you all first. 

[Tommy's mum]

bea Oh I love that family photo it is gorgeous. Your children are adorable. I am so glad you got it done precious memories for you.

virginia you made it! Hope all goes well and you settle into Florida life. You deserve a change and a chance to begin again and make memories for your son. Nique is still with you watching over you all.

missinglittleman I don't know why some people have all these losses, you have certainly had such sadness in your life. If it is not too painful to answer, what happened to both your brothers they must have been young, and do you have any other siblings to be with you? Your family has just been through the wringer for sure, I am sorry. It must have felt so comforting to feel your little son's presence last night. Signs are what we all long for and don't happen too often so treasure them. Instead of finding a single feather yesterday, there were lots on the path. I laughed out loud and said to Tommy "Really? You gave me a whole pigeon?! You always took the easy path!!" (Actually I suspect a neighbour's cat had something to do with it, in this case anyway) A sign could also be being drawn to a book or painting or ornament something that just reminds you strongly of your child. I have a beautiful orange glass sun with sunbeams that is on my bedroom window. Every time I look at it I get a tiny smile. My son had flaming orange hair, he didn't like it but I loved his uniqueness.

tina whatever you feel is the right way to go. I get your desire to clear your daughter's name, that is so understandable, and also for someone to be held accountable. I wish you luck whatever you decide.

[Mermaid Tears]

Dee.....so sorry I did not get to post anything on the Angel Date....but I hope you do know you and your girl were in my thoughts. I can only get on the site with my computer in my office....and have been away a few days. Both you and your girl reached out to me....and both of you have been such a sustaining thread of hope in my grief journey. I say both of you...because really....I feel as if both of you have given so much care to me and my boy. It sounds as if the day was another golden moment to rememeber and hold dear all that is still beautiful in our world....and we hold hands as we travel forward...holding our family and friends in our hearts.

[donnamaria]

Beautiful family Bea

[Missing my little man]

How do post pictures from camera?

[Missing my little man]

Today i look at your picture from two years ago and, oh how i wish i could turn back the hands of time to be you once more. Or for the rest of times.

 

[ericasmom]

Yes Missing my little guy, we wish we could climb backward through time adn events...I know.

Susan, thanks for your good wishes, Eri-Fest was a wonderful experience. Thank you.

Bea, I love the photo, and that you were able to have Nezzy edited into the photograph is so special.

[Somersky]

Erifest.... ❤️ Thinking of you always. I know I don’t post all the time but think of you all often and Dee... my hearts with you! Jeff too

Luanne you are welcome anytime ... I would love it if you came by!!!!!

Summer registered for second year at Western....across the country.. but she LOVES it

Miss Sky so much is hurts right in the solar plexus...everyday ... every hour !!!!

hope you all have an awesome day❤️❤️❤️

[Brendan's Dad]

Been thinking about you all lately.  Especially on those Angel dates.  Sorry I was not on Dee, but I have been thinking about you guys.  Had a rough few days.  My son Jackson has been at Children's Hospital.  He has seizures and we had to go in for a couple nights to see what was going on.  Exhausted after getting home.  I have started breaking my medication in half and taking at night.  It has helped tremendously.  I feel much better.  I am going to continue breaking in half for another week or so before going to a full pill. 

Brendan's Daddy

[donnamaria]

You know other then being so lonely and heartbroken for your child is the sad part that people arent always there for you it would be nice if someone said here come sit with me a while we can have a cup of coffee or tea and you can talk if you want or cry but it seems everyones life goes on im not ready for a big party or anything but just someone to talk to share a cup of coffee when people do call its for something else sure they ask how iam but then get to the real reason they called im still waiting to go with my sister for coffee shes been saying we should get coffee before victor passed we use to joke about it me and victor i dont have a car or drive so im pretty much stuck im not saying i wont cry or anything if someone did ask me to come to there house or go some place for coffee it just would be nice to think someone cares and wants to listen im glad i have you guys though to listen losing Victor has left me in a cold dark place 

[Tommy's mum]

brendansdad I am pleased that the meds are working better for you.Sorry about jackson it is always rough when your kids are unwell and in the hospital, and kind of gives you anxiety that something else could go wrong because you are one of the unlucky ones. Not true, it is just life throws curveballs that are harder to dodge when your defences are lower due to grief that leaves you more vulnerable. Hope he gets better soon.

donnamaria yes it is hard you feel very alone and isolated when people do not seem to understand the impact of grieving. You can make the first move though, call your sister and set a definite day and time. Does she live close by? How do you manage not being able to drive? I have not driven for 6 months because of my ankle and it sends me crazy. Just post when you want. You are always listened to here on our site

somersky hey there how are you doing these days? it would be awesome if you could meet with Louanne sometime. Life is kinda crazy for her right now she may appreciate having a coffee to destress a bit. missing our spirit kids is really hard it is a part of your soul now. Some days are better than others but it still sucks. Having other kids that live, work or study in a different city is also hard because we have had so many years with a full house and now it is much quieter. I think it impacts us parents more than our kids, they are spreading their wings and gaining confidence and experiences which is what we wanted for them. All 3 of my kids live away but we chat weekly and they visit every couple months. Small blessings.

[donnamaria]

Thank you tommys mum i never learned how to drive you know when you call or text people sometime they make excuses i think for me its more less that someone cares or maybe because i miss victor so much and im so very lonely i smile when i see you put mum victor called me mum at times losing one child is so hard we go through so many emotions heartache and pain and loneliness 

[MargeeTx]

To everyone:  please forgive my not being here the past couple of weeks... just reading backward a few pages; I missed so much.

i am really struggling with my heart A-FIB medications and trying to get on the correct dose.  The dizziness and nausea has felt like I have had the flu.  

And I took a fall in the backyard last Thursday and ended up with a couple of cracked ribs...just what I needed.

I care about all of you.  You understand that Jason not being here is killing me. I have to get/stay stronger for Mike, Meredith, Jeremy, Natalie, Carson and Ryder.....and my 4 siblings that are left from 8.

Life still happens.  Every damn day.

xxoo margarett 

 

 

 

 

[ericasmom]

Margee, my goodness I am glad that you are going to be okay...I am so sorry taht you broke ribs and that you are dizzy, nothing ickier than that. What are the doctors thinking about the A-fib? Different meds or smaller doses for a few days? Please keep us posted when you are able. Life indeed goes forward...we need you in it.

Brendan's Dad, I am so glad that you are breaking the pills in half and taking them at night and finding relief. Superb! I am sorry that your Little Guy has had more seizures...I know that they can be daunting and scary, adn that doctors don't always know why they are happening. Please keep us posted as to how he is doing, and how you are doing.

 

[Jeff's Mom]

Margaret, so glad that you are okay. It sounds as if you have had a pretty difficult few weeks. Please take good care of yourself and heal really soon!

[Jeff's Mom]

Okay, so what is with all of these ads allowed on the site? This is very disrespectful if you ask me. Is there no integrity these days? Anything to make a profit appears to be the norm.

[ericasmom]

What ads are you seeing? I am not getting these yet anyway...