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How can I forgive myself?


NCL

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My mom underwent surgery for her leg on 01/03/13, it wasn't supposed to be that big of a deal. She passed away 12 days later due to intestinal bleeding, she apparently had an ulcer we didn't know about and it the bleeding was triggered by a medication (bloodthinner) the dr. gave her.

I'm full of regrets for not having noticed there was something seriously wrong with her. On the evening she died I went to her bed and she was not breathing... It was a shock, I never thought she could die, it was supposed to be a long recovery but she'd be fine. She had seen the Dr that operated her the previous day, and he just told her that she needed to eat more or she'd have to be hospitalised ( I wish I had told him to do it in that moment). But he didn't notice anything out of the ordinary with her.

The thing is, I was with her all day until she passed, and I didn't realize she was far from ok. Just the next day when I started thinking, I saw there were signs, clear signs that she wasn't well the morning before she passed. Why didn't I see it then? If I had and had called the paramedics then she might still be here.

It feels like I just let her die in that bed and didn't get help until it was too late. I don't know if it was God's will for her to go away. If she hadn't had that surgery or if I had noticed earlier she wasn't ok, she might still be here.

My poor mom didn't deserve this.

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NCL,

I am very sorry about the loss of your mom. It's always really easy to see things in hindsight, but it's not that clear when we are looking at them directly. You were there with your mom tending to her. You didn't see the signs because you weren't looking for them. How in the world would anyone have known? Please stop blaming yourself.

I would have thought she was simply not feeling well because of the surgery. So would everyone else. People sleep, don't eat, appear to be lethargic, sometimes in pain, sometimes "out of it," when they are recovering. There is no really no way or even a reason why you would have thought otherwise, truly.

Please don't second guess yourself. You did the very best anyone could. You loved her, and it is more than obvious.

Do you have other family members? Do you have friends for support?

We will be here for you,

ModKonnie

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Lostwithoutmum

NCL I am so sorry for your tragic loss...I could have written your post myself..I keep asking myself how on earth did I miss the signs of mum leaving, why did I not challenge her cardiologist, and why didn't I ring the paramedics earlier? Like you, I thought she was recovering ...Lots of 'what ifs' but you did your best and you cared for your mum greatly - how could you have known your mum was bleeding? This is a possibility that only a dr could have considered...

I know words are inadequate sometimes but again I am so sorry for your loss. I feel your pain.

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