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Husband has been gone 25 days


Sammijo2424

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Sammijo2424

My husband of 22 years died 25 days ago, took him to ER at 4am, (he walked into hospital on his own) he had pneumonia, then heart started acting up when they put him on vent, was flown to larger hospital and died at 3pm. It has been devastating, I thought everything would be ok, he would get some antibiotics, and breathing treatments and would come home in a few days. No, no, no, he is dead. I feel so guilty, I am a nurse, should have known, I feel angry, I just want to die, only keep going for my kids and grand kids. My husband was my life, I quit working last year due to my disability, we did almost everything with each other, we were loners, did not need other people.

Now I am lost, still crying most of the time, screaming at God for taking him. I just want him back

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sammi jo, I'm so very sorry. I wish I could say i had no idea what that searing anguish or the guilt trips are like. I wish I had some brilliant insight but all I can suggest is giving yourself time as it will take lots and pls be fair to yourself. You could not have known this was going to happen.

This is a great site IMO and here for you however it can help - to talk, unload, whatever. Thoughts and prayers to you -

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I spent many many days and nights telling myself that I called the ambulance too late, I stll do when in one of those dark places. Deep down I know it just happened.

I am sill lost but have started to see the odd landmark. One step at a time, one day at a time, it will not always be like this.

The children are the children and you know you will always be there for them and they will be there for you in their own way. I don,t have grand children but i have been to stay with my young nephews since it all happened. My 4 year old nephew sat me down put a blanket on me and told me it was sad my wife had died. But he then went on to proudly show me one of his newer toys and I escaped into his world for a while.

You are not alone and thoughts with you.

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Sammijo2424

This morning has been very hard, I am here all alone, step-daughter was here but now she has gone to work. Have just been crying and begging God to just give my Ron back, just...give him back to me.. I was a hospice nurse for many years and yet somehow, I never thought this would happen to me, how stupid could I be.

Ron and I were just like two halves of a whole, I know people say that a lot but for us it really was true. I don't know what to do without him. He took care of me, though all my hospitalizations for pneumonia, knee replacement, and on and on, and...I took care of him.

I use to say life is goooood, now, life is very crappy. The tears just keep streaming down my face after almost a month. I still just don't believe it, just can't be true, must be a really long, bad dream.

I just pray that God give me the strength to keep going forward, not for me, cause I could care less what happens to me but for my kids and grand kids.

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Sammi Jo -- I am so sorry for your loss. I can tell you that this site does help both in terms of being able to vent and also that there is a lot of really good and helpful information to help you through the process. For myself, my husband passed in October and although the grief is different than it was when he was first gone -- it is with me, every day and will be for the rest of my life.

Something that I never really acknowledged while he was here, and I do regret, is that he was my deepest, truest friend -- that's what I miss the most. I constantly reach for my phone while at work to tell him some funny anecdote about someone being goofy or some odd thing I saw and then I realize... I can't... that hurts. At least, for me, I know that I was shut off from a lot of other people while James was with me but I have learned to let my guard down and embrace the love & friendship from others that truly care about me and want to help.

Best wishes for you in the process, you are not alone.

-Mary

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Silvergirl61

I hope that coming here will help bring you peace, in time. I'm so sorry that you are going through all this, and I expect that you did all you could, even if you feel like you should have been able to know or change it right now. Sometimes, there just isn't an answer at first. Please try to take care of yourself, and know, that there are a lot of people here who understand and care, and i hope this site will help you, too.

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I know for me it took my heart a LONG time to know what my brain knew. I know I did all I could - yet I wish I could have done more. I know I could not have done more then I did at the time. Time will help you walk past this time and it will ease your pain.

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So sorry Sammijo - I wish there was some magic way to take away all the pain, but there is not. Time does make things easier to handle, but I don't think anything ever takes away that pain completely. Grief, unfortunately, is not something we "get over" or "get through". It is something we have to deal with every day for the rest of our lives. Thankfully, with time, the good and happy memories will outweigh the sadness and pain....at least that is what has been my experience with other types of loss (father, brother).

My husband and I were the same - we felt complete when we were together, and didn't need anyone else as long as we had each other. I have felt like a huge chunk of me is missing since Jeremy died. I don't think the tears will ever fully stop, but please know that they do subside a little bit.

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