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Loss mom to cancer and guilt is overwhelming


noahsmommi

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I lost my mom to cancer on Feb 20th. She was diagnosed with uterine cancer 4 years ago and it had spread everywhere lung,brain,chest, etc. She was placed on hospice 3 weeks ago and was given 6-8 weeks. I brought her home (she has been living with me since November) and become her full time caregiver. I wanted to make these last few weeks as wonderful and memorable as possible. I was engaged and we were getting married in the summer. I knew I couldnt get married without my mom there so we moved it up to the 16th of feb...Planned a asmall ceremony in a local church in 5 days. She had mentioned that she wanted to go to the casino so I thought what better than to go right after the wedding and spend the night at the casino since she was already out and it was difficult to get her down the stairs because i live on a third fl. Anyways the casino wasnt a gd time because there was no way to make her confortable because she couldnt sleep a bed due to a diminished lung she needed a recliner (whch i failed to remember) We had to leave early to get her home and comfortable and by the time we got home she was coughing up blood and lung. The put too much strain on her. She was gone 3 days later. I feel like it was my fault and I failed her in some way. I know I gave my all to care for her and keep her comfortable and happy but the guilt and feeling of failure is so overwhelming. The "what- ifs" and "i should haves" replay constantly...Anyone else who has cared for a sick parent and felt this? If so, any advice on best ways to deal would be great...

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Yes, I think it is a common thing to feel. I have spoken to many who have felt this way, These feelings do ease, but do always seem to pop up again. Now when they pop into my head I talk to myself about all I did do for my parents and where would they have been without my care. You know we are not perfect, All we can do is try our best. Be glad your Mom held on to see you married. Take care of yourself and do not be so harsh on yourself.

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Butterflyys

Hi there, I'm new here. I'm sorry to hear you lost your mom. I lost my mom on Feb. 21 due to uterine cancer. She was diagnosed in July 2012, and it progressed very rapidly. She spent only 2 days in hospice before she was gone. I am 41 and feel like I am too young to have lost my mom. I think my numbness has worn off now, and I am really feeling the pain and crying a lot. I can't eat much and don't sleep very much either. I have feelings that I "should have" done more for her too, in terms of time spent and time helping to care for her. It's tough to feel such regret, but we can only hope that they know how much we loved them and had good intentions. Sometimes things are just beyond our control. Our moms are now feeling no pain, and I like to think that they love us no matter what and don't want us to worry that we weren't good enough. Perhaps this is something we each need to work through in our own time and space. Don't forget about your close friends and other family members. Let them help, and ask them for help. I am trying to do that more myself. I'm glad to have found this forum and hope to find some support here as well. I think that counseling may be something to consider if the feelings become overwhelming. I have children and I want to be as healthy as I can for them while I am grieving, if that makes any sense. Hugs to you.

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