Members catherine93 Posted March 3, 2013 Members Report Share Posted March 3, 2013 Hi all.My Dad died 10 years, 05/12/2002 at 09:31 to be precise. I was 9 at the time and it has been the defining characteristic of my life ever since. Everything I have done has been to make him proud and every time I have messed up I have berated myself from my perspective.I don't feel as if I ever properly grieved to the extent that I was able to let him go, though I went to a few youth bereavement camps and counsellors and the lark. People often ask me if I am grieving for my Dad or for the loss of my childhood, and this offends me. I think the fact I get affronted by it means that I'm not sure as to the actual answer, and that feels like I'm dishonouring his memory.I still have insane crying sessions at least twice a week. But now I have to hide, and I don't feel like I can share that with anyone whereas I used to have my sisters until I moved 600 miles to go to university. I don't know how to remember the good times without breaking down. I used to be able to visit his grave at the cemetery and just talk to him but I can't do that now. I've basically moved to a big city from quite a small village and I don't know how to keep his memory alive without upsetting myself or where would be an appropriate place to do that.I just don't know how to move on.Any help would be greatly appreciated. I'm really struggling and it's holding me back quite noticeably.Cheers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members angelica11 Posted March 3, 2013 Members Report Share Posted March 3, 2013 Hii am sorry, you having such a horrible time and find it difficult at the moment. i lost my mum when i was 10 and my dad, just three years ago, so i can definately emphatise with your pain. Sometimes, we get "stuck" in processing our pain and god knows how difficults it is to entangle lots if it.You have pointed out that it offends you when people ask you about what you are grieveing for, your Dad or the loss of a childhood. And maybe you are too harsh on yourself. Allowing yourself to acknowledge that both losses are hard and maybe you dont need that distiinction,the two often are inseparable pains. And by acknowledging you are not dishonouring your fathers memory, on the other hand, It is important, acknowledging our needs as well, our loss of what might have been and accepting that things in life are not always in our favour. Your Dad is proud of you already.Why do you think you have to hide with your crying sessions? Be kind to yourself and allow yourself to grieve and break down in a safe space, the more you try to push it out, the more it comes back with fuller force. Put aside some time for yourself in a week. Grief is a process and just letting it free will allow healing. And dont let the fact you moved away, get in a way of that. I like to believe that, the cemetery is not that place, where are they as they are with me, it's the smell of lovely sunday dinner or the smell of aftershave that comforts me..its the warm breeze or smell of rain or the sky full of stars that remind me of my parents. And just because you are not cryng anymore, it doesnt mean that his memory is not alive, allow yourself to heal.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members AlwaysHisGirl Posted March 3, 2013 Members Report Share Posted March 3, 2013 Angelica,I like what you said, especially towards the end of the last paragraph. That is just beautiful.AlwaysHisGirl Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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