My Little Brother

[mikeberryman]

N

[heaven90]

I'm so sorry about your brother. This site is about telling your story and connecting with others who have been through a tragedy so you don't need to apologize for writing a novel. I read the whole thing and cried through it all. I to lost my brother. He was born on December 21, 1993 and died December 4, 2011. He was only 17 years old and fixing to graduate high school. He was hanging out with friends one night. His friends were trouble makers, not a good group of people to be around. But my brother was a good kid. He just did things to "fit in with the crowd". Even though he made bad choices he was good at heart. He loved his family and God. He to got baptized before he died and went to church camp. He was enthusiastic and a fun person to be around. Anyways, one of his friends gave him a prescription pain reliever drug called fentanyl. It's a strong pain reliever patch that you put on your skin. It's stronger than morphine. Kids now days are abusing this drug to get a good high. All over the box it says " DO NOT EAT. IF CONSUMED IT BECOMES 100 TIMES MORE FATAL." Meaning you will die if eaten. Well, my brother ate it then died at 6:00 am on a Sunday morning. I guess he thought he was invincible. I remember EVERYTHING that day as if it happend yesterday. It was cold and raining. I got the call from my mother who is already sick. She's in and out of the doctors and keeps herself alive by taking 11 medications. She calls me frantic and crying. I told her I was on my way to my dads (parents are divorced). As I got in the car I called him to get a more clear picture as to what was going on. He said "Well Taylor, David died this morning. I found him in his bed and he just won't wake up. That moment my mind just turned into a huge fog. I started screaming, kicking the dashboard. I was having a mental breakdown. When I got to my dads, he was sitting on the stairs with tubes going through his nose. The paramedics ended up taking my dad to the hospital because they were afraid he would have a heart attack. My brother was still in his room at the time. I wanted to see him so bad to give him one last hug and whisper in his ear goodbye and tell him I loved him but the police and paramedics would not let me and I was so mad. He was my BROTHER and they wouldn't let me see him. I am still mad about that today. Hours go by. The medical examiners come in to do their investigation. They wrapped him up in a blue bag that looked like a giant trash bag and carried him down for everyone to see. That was the most traumatizing moment. Watching them carry my brother down in a blue bag like a piece of trash.

I regret alot of things. And one thing is not telling him I loved him. I talk to him and tell him now but I wish I told him while he was alive. I wish I spent more time with him. You say you feel distant from your family now. Well my advice to you is to keep your family close no matter what. Love and cherish them. Spend every waking moment with them as much as possible because y'all need each other. Tell your mom you love her and you want to spend more time with her. That would make her feel good. I moved out when I was 19. I've been on my own ever since and moving out has caused me to miss out on alot of my brothers life. It was difficult living with my dad. That's why I left at a young age. I left my youngest brother there by himself and I wish I hadn't. I also have an older brother who is going to college 10 hours away. I just feel like if I hadn't of left him there alone he would still be here. If I had of guided him he would still be here. If I was his person to lean on he would still be here. But no, I was selfish and left. That's why he became rebellious and made bad choices. Thats why he chose the wrong friends. He wasn't happy at my dads. But I am trying so hard to get my life back together. Ive started to put one foot infront of the other. Im trying to move forward. And by doing that I think positive and I keep my brother close. I have alot of his personal belongings in my home. I made my own memorial of him. I talk to him. I visit his grave as much as possible and I stay close to God. Staying close to God gives me the reassurance that I will see my brother again one day. That I will be with him for all eternity as my brother was a Christian. You need to do the same. Keep your family close. Put an effort into having a better relationship with them, especially your mom. Think happy thoughts about your brother. The reason why you keep thinking about the time of when your brother called for you because of stomach pains and you rubbed his belly until he went to sleep is because that was a special moment. Always remember the special moments. I don't know if you believe in God. But you need to pick up the bible and read it. If it wasn't for God and knowing my brother went to heaven, I wouldn't be here today.

[BreathofAngel]

My brother Riley died November 29, 2012, 9 days after his 14th birthday.

I've attached some photos of this little legend. Thanks for anyone who read my story.

Mike Berryman

Oh Mike, I'm so very sorry about your brother's passing. Please accept my most sincere condolences. I can plainly see that it is a most difficult thing to talk about with having to remember things and relive them all over again but you have been so courageous to want to actually speak about it that hopefully it can help you to at least get past part of the need to communicate about this which is a natural part of your grieving process. Of course one doesn't ever get over the loss of a loved one even if they don't consciously think about it but the good thing is that you were there for him at the time he needed you the most as well as the rest of his family. For that, I'm so sure he was most grateful!

Your most precious "little legend" is in no more pain and has returned to spirit in the best care of any with God where you will one day at your appointed time be able to see and be with him again. In the meantime, I'm sure he would want for you to rest and only remember the great things that you two did together, memories that shall live long and strong in your most loving heart.

Please know that I will offer my prayers for both Riley and you. Yet the inspirational thing in all of this is that life continues for him without pain! No more hurt or tears or bad times! May God bless you Mike and lift you up during this especially difficult time.

http://www.copefoundation.org/