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Ho do I get through the day?


Caseyemma

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It's been 6 weeks since my brother died of an asthma attack. He was 27 and so full of life. My only sibling I had too.... Each day is struggle to get out of bed but I know I have to...my brother was at his friends house when it happened.. He asked his friend to take him home so he could get his asthmas puffer. He was blacking out in the car and the so called friend didn't take home to the hospital instead. When my brother got home he lay on his bed and died. The friend didn't do much to help. By the time ambulances got there it was too late... I have this huge hatred for him because he has gone back to his life like nothing happened when my brother died right in front of him. I can't even go down the street and feel ok with it. People stare at me (I know they do, my brother was very popular and very well known) and makes me uncomfortable. The days drag one or what seems like a lifetime but the weeks fly? Does anyone else get this feeling?

Some ideas of some form of distraction would be great. I've tried exercising but doesn't help me feel better. I've also watched every movie and tv show in the house. I'm so lost in my self I don't know what to do.. I don't like councilling as I don't have much to say other than that my brother died and feel I would benefit more from talking to someone who has been through it. I do talk to my brother almost every day... Not that helps either....... Please helppost-310001-0-82013800-1362007973_thumb.

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Caseyemma,

I am very sorry about the loss of your brother. It is terribly tragic his friend didn't recognize the distress he was in. I know you said you don't like counseling, but what about a self help group (like a depression support or grief and loss support?)

Have you tried a spiritual service, such as a church? What about any type of creativity, such as creating a memorial on facebook or youtube with his favorite songs? Do you think that would help?

We will be here for you, so please feel free to tell us his story. He looks like a happy guy in his picture. He made me smile back.

ModKonnie

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So sorry to hear about your brother.

My brother died 9 months ago today. In the first few months especially, the days used to pass agonisingly slowly. I remember describing to my husband that every second felt like a minute, every minute felt like an hour, every hour felt like a day & every day felt like a week. I know what you mean about the weeks flying by though as you count each week. My life felt meaningless, with little purpose to it, very empty & lonely. I think as time has gone by these feelings are no longer constant although I still feel that way sometimes.

It was difficult to find a distraction for me too as it really is all you can think about for a long time. I felt I needed to deal with the grief & not try to avoid it. I spent a lot of time writing in a journal in the early weeks. I wrote letters to various people that were never sent & just wrote down everything & whatever I was thinking about to get it out. You could write a letter to the friend telling him how you feel about what happened. Whether you choose to send it or not is up to you but you might feel better to get it down on paper & out of your head. I read lots of books in the early weeks about sibling grief in particular. Two of them I read were "Healing the Adult Sibling's Grieving Heart" & "When a Brother or Sister Dies".

I know you've said you don't like counselling. Maybe you could try a different counsellor as on my first session they asked me lots about my brother & our relationship. It felt nice to talk about him as nobody else really asks those questions as they don't want to upset you. This allowed me to work through a few things that were going on for me & voice myself un-edited to someone outside of well meaning family & friends. I made a point of exercising when I could, even if it was just a walk.

I hope there is something here from my ideas that may help you.

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