How do you help someone who is grieving when they are pushing you away?

[sunshine08]

Hello.

My boyfriend just lost his grandmother. She was fighting with kidney disease and lukemia. She passed away on Saturday, which also was his birthday. We were at the hospital for about a week with her every day before she passed. I held his hand and was as supportive as I could be. I have never lost anyone, and can't begin to imagine the pain he is in. On his birthday, he was very upset. He told me how much I meant to him, how he loved me and was so glad that I was there with him. However, not even an hour later, he told me that he wanted to be alone. I left, and called him in the morning. He hasn't answered any of my calls. He sent me a message to shut up and let him be. Naturally, I'm very hurt by him pushing me away, but I understand that he's dealing with something harder than I could even imagine. He won't answer my calls, and I ran into him and he said he couldn't deal with being around me and just needed some time.

Can anyone help me understand what he may be feeling? Why is he pushing me away? All I want to do is be there for him, and hold him. But he doesn't want me around at all. Is there anything I can do for him?

Thank you.

[kaycee42]

Hi Sunshine,

When you lose someone you are close to it brings a multitude of strong emotions, sadness, anger, frustration. I am guessing your boyfriend is feeling angry and just does not want to take it out on you. Men are not the best with emotions and find it hard to handle. My advice would be just to give him the time he is asking for, perhaps send him a txt saying you will be available to talk when he feels up to it. What ever you do do not feel hurt, grief is difficult and none of us know how we will react until we are in that situation, your boyfriend does not mean to hurt you but is probably wrapped up in his grief. I hope this helps a little but I am sure you will get some replies from some wiser people that me so hang in there sunshine.