Moving out

[Deesgirl]

In just a few days I am moving out of the apartment that Danny & I moved into 3 years ago.

We were so excited and happy to have found this place and we loved living together. It was our home.

I truly couldn't wait to walk in the door knowing that I got to come home to him.

He died only 9 months after we moved in together. A short time after, I was fortunate to have a friend move in with me since she was in need of a place. It was a blessing to have the company since my family lives 4 hours away. After she moved out however, I went crazy being alone - I kept waiting for him to come home, to walk through the door after work or after a run..

I ended up subletting my place for close to 10 months. I know I needed some time to spend closer to family, and I couldn't afford our apartment on my own... but I wasn't ready to let it go.

I decided I was ready to move back in at the beginning of this year. Although emotionally I feel it was a good decision, I know financially I can't manage living here on my own without feeling stressed.

I somehow ended up finding another apt to share and suddenly at the end of Feb I will be moving out for good. I have only a few more days in this apartment, the home we shared together.

I'm heartbroken to be leaving. Although I know this is not true, I can't help but feel I will be leaving a huge part of him behind. As if I am breaking my ties with him. It's scary and painful - like the time I had to clean out his things from our closet. I try to keep telling myself this is just an apartment. Four walls. No matter where I go in this world, Danny will always always be with me - but I'm dreading what I know is inevitable.

[JimboRick]

I totally understand how you're feeling. I've been slowing organizing/cleaning up our house since my wife passed away in September. Just a few weeks ago I bought some new bedding. Such a simple thing, but it hit me kind of hard.

[widower2]

Very sorry Dee - I recall how hard it was for me to move not long after I lost my loved one. And it is hard to come to grips that you aren't leaving him, but still, that place held a lot of memories and so understandably very hard. The good news is those memories will still be with you even after you are in another place. Hold on, you can weather this storm, hard to believe as it may be -

[Deesgirl]

widower2, Thank you for your support, as always.

JimboRick, thinking of you during this difficult time as well.

I wish I had the words to take this pain away, but what I keep coming back to is Just Breathe..

[llovern]

Dee, I felt as you do when I moved from the house that David and I shared for so many years. I felt like I was leaving him behind, but it really didn't change a thing. He is with me all the time just as Danny will always be with you.

[kathyl]

Deesgirl - I can only imagine the struggle you are having. I do believe that Danny will always be with you, no matter where you are, but understand that it will be difficult to leave the place you shared. I thought I would have to move from the only place Jeremy & I ever lived together, and was so relieved to find out I could stay. I know that someday it will be very difficult to leave here.

JimboRick - it's amazing how the emotional ambushes hit, isn't it? I feel like I am having a "good day" and all of a sudden what seems like the simplest of things makes me crazy. I sure hope this will get easier with time. I am also trying to get organized but it's so hard!