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After a year and the pain is still there....


ivy21

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my mom passed away last dec 11 2011 and ill never forget the day i watched her dying...its been more than a year and still the memories seem so fresh. little things spark my tears like when i watch a show and the mom is sick and dying or when i remember her favorite tv shows or when i hear news that id love to share with her if she was still alive but then realize that i cant. I dont know how im ever supposed to live like this. I mean i can function ok, but its never the same. My mom will never have a chance to see me get married, have kids, graduate.. and its unfair. I would really love to imagine her happy and without illness in heaven but i feel so bad sometimes i would do anything to get her back..i know it sounds selfish but im so lonely sometimes. she was the only one that was truly there for me and now i feel i have no one...

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Hi Ivy,

You are right it is unfair and I feel selfish and lonely just like you and I always felt that my Mum was the only one who understood me. But you know a year is not a long time, compared to the years you shared with your mother, you do need to allow yourself more time, I do not think these wounds heal, but we do get accustomed to living with them and bitter sweet memories gradually do become sweet memories again, I know it feels like it will never happen, but gradually they do, it just takes more time than we expect it to do. take care of yourself Ivy sending you hugs.

Kay

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Hey Ivy, I read your post and I feel the same way as you do. I lost my Momma on 9 October 2011 and my memories are just as fresh. I still cry but I am told crying is healthy. I have not come to grips with watching the shows she loved, Matlock, In the Heat of the Night, Golden Girls just to name a few but I talk to her everyday. It may sound crazy but I have been told it is healthy as well and it helps me cope with my Momma not being here in the physical. It is really unfair that our Mothers will not be here on earth the way we want them to be but know that they are with us always I would do ANYTHING to have my Momma like other people and I am so lonely as well but know God is with us as well. My Momma was the only human being I ever had in my life; all others turned against me. What helps me the most is Praying to God and talking to my Momma. I hope something I have written will help you in your process.

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