a loss...

[lark265]

My stepdad passed away about a year and a half ago.....he was 86 and had liver cancer and prostate cancer......in the room when he died were myself and my Mom.....I was standing by him and was holding his hand while my Mom was sitting on the next bed......the last moments took about 15 minutes - he was breathing very slowly, about once every 10 seconds and his pulse was weak.....I told him thank you for being a father to me and that it was OK for him to go, to release, and that would loved him......my Mom was crying......finally I couldn't feel any pulse and I said that he was gone and I closed his eyes......my Mom then said that she wanted to be alone in the room with him......after a while we made the phone calls and they came and got him.......it was very unreal.....my Mom was devastated and we hugged for a long time............even though this happened 18 months ago, I still feel the whole thing very strongly......so many feelings are still inside me....and I'm not sure what to do about it - these feelings just tear my apart sometimes.....I wake up and they are there and the anxiety is terrible.....it's like these feelings are outside of me and have some sort of control over my life.....slowly during the day I begin to feel a bit better, but then it starts all over again the next morning.......I would really to just get some of my life back, but that seems a long way off..........thanks

[stillfighting431]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my mom 1 year, 9 months ago & I still feel as if it happened yesterday. My sis & I were there when she took her last breath, but we thought that she was getting better & was going to pull thru. Her death was a huge shock to us. I still relive it all in my head over & over again. That’s just how our brain processes the loss.

I think you've been trying to keep your pain bottled inside you, hoping that it'd go away by itself because thinking about your loss is very painful. But your emotions keep coming to the surface & tearing you apart. You should talk to someone about it, like a grief counselor or join a local support group where you can talk about what you're going thru with people who understand you. You can also talk on this forum about it, as everyone here is going thru the same thing. It will help you heal & move on.

[stillfighting431]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my mom 1 year, 9 months ago & I still feel as if it happened yesterday. My sis & I were there when she took her last breath, but we thought that she was getting better & was going to pull thru. Her death was a huge shock to us. I still relive it all in my head over & over again. That’s just how our brain processes the loss.

I think you've been trying to keep your pain bottled inside you, hoping that it'd go away by itself because thinking about your loss is very painful. But your emotions keep coming to the surface & tearing you apart. You should talk to someone about it, like a grief counselor or join a local support group where you can talk about what you're going thru with people who understand you. You can also talk on this forum about it, as everyone here is going thru the same thing. It will help you heal & move on.