Tell us a story about your angel,share a memory, please?

[Silvergirl61]

I still have his guitars . I miss hearing the beautiful sounds that seemed to magically flow out of his hands, every time he picked one up. It became a game with all of us, to try and find a song that he wouldn't be able to play for us. He made faces over some of the choices- but he could figure out how to play them all! One of the most beautiful memories- his mom loved to listen to him play Amazing Grace on an electric guitar. One Sunday morning, while she was visiting, he came out on the front porch and played it for her..and all the church members across the street from our house, who were outside after the services, and quite a few of the neighbors who were home on a Sunday morning! He was a showman, and he held everyone spellbound with his beautiful music. When he finished, he walked over, quietly kissed mom on the cheek, and went inside. That was Dennis- he'd find some special and unique way, to tell you how important you were to him, and surprise you with it, out of the blue. It was amazing to watch people come out on their lawns around us to listen, and to watch all of them just listen, and smile. He was one of a kind!

[DJCCHV]

I remember the care he took with his clothes and how he dressed. He had been homeless at one point for 7 years and he really appreciated the things he had and took such excellent care of them. He loved to feel like he looked good. He loved wearing Hawaiian shirts and other things that were a little eccentric. He had a collection of T-shirts that had special meaning to him. He would tell me over and over the stories of certain items, where he got them, and how well they had lasted over the years, and how comfortable and practical they were. He had SO many belts. His pants in his closet each had their own belt in the loops. It is so sad that he spent so much time in his last year inside the house in his robe and pajamas. I should have gotten him very special pajamas and a grand robe. He had boxes and boxes of shoes of special types, some of which he barely got a chance to wear at all. Thank God he had them for the sake of the pleasure it gave him to have them. I loved that man so much. I'm glad he went on first because it would have been horrible for him to endure the pain if he had lost me. Sometimes I feel sick that I ever told him that his bipolar was so hard on me that I sometimes wondered how much I could take. Marriages often split when one person develops bipolar. I know I did the best that I could, but I regret so much any pain that I caused him at all.

[MaryArlene]

Reading SilverGirl's memories made me think of my husband. I lost him last October at 51 yrs old, way too young. We were together for almost 30 years, married for 24. He loved music and had purchased a new stereo system with a high end turntable to play his old record albums. I haven't had the heart so far to turn on the stereo to play the albums but everytime I do my house cleaning, I have such vivid memories of him. He would love to turn on the stereo, get an old Rolling Stones or Grateful Dead album, turn the volume way way up and help with vacuuming and dusting. I just can remember him being so happy listening to that music, huge smile, bad singing, funky dancing while doing simple household chores. God do I miss him.

[llovern]

I don't have a particular story to tell about David, just lots of wonderful memories. So many things to miss about him. His wonderful since of humor for one. He could always make me laugh and I loved it whenever I could make him laugh. We both loved music and I bought him a little MP3 player and loaded his favorite songs on it. He would listen to them over and over.....especially "He Stopped Loving Her Today" which we both liked a lot. Every morning, when i awoke and came out of the bedroom, he would already be up and he would say "Good morning, you beautiful doll". God how I loved that man and still do.

[dsmurph]

Emily, our daughter, was bright and beautiful! She lit up the room when she walked into it. She was a good friend, a good sister, and a good daughter. She was so brave. She would set her mind to a task and just do it. She had no problems giving speeches in front of alot of people. She just did it. She decided she wanted to be in plays at our local theatre, she just did it. She decided she wanted to join the local soccer team at age 13, had never been on a team before, she just did it. And when she just did it, she gave everything she had. She was much more brave than I ever was. I always admired her for that. She was also very srong willed. And now, when she visits us, I see it is because of her strong will and bravery.I love her and miss her.

[Silvergirl61]

Dennis and i had "music days", where we wouldn't turn on the Tv..but take turns putting selections on the stereo system and listening to music, while we straightened the house, or talked, or read. I haven't had the heart to pull any of our albums out, just been making do with my mp3 player, but I miss the music that used to fill our house, and i think I will try it this weekend.

Thanks mary arlene, for sharing that with us.It made me smile, because i have been known to do the same thing1

Emily sounds so much braver than me, too! Bright and talented and very special. I am happy she visits you, and I am glad you told us those things about her..it is easy to see how much you love her, DS1

Djcchv- your husband sounds like a really special man, and you seem so strong and caring, even to me, a total stranger, that i know he knew how much you loved him, and still do. Thank you, too.

lovern, my Dennis liked that song, too! You did tell a special story, and a special memory of your David

I love reading about these people who were important to all of us here. they become more real, and when i share mine with you, it makes me remember him before..and in a way, it's like he goes on, somehow, somewhere. it makes me happy to remember the good things about him, and I hope it does the rest of you, too.

Thank you all so much!

[Silvergirl61]

Tonight, I am having a hard time sleeping. I keep worrying about things, and I am missing him so badly now! You see, he was my best friend, even before we got together. When things troubled me, and worries got me down...I always knew, I could pick up a phone, or drop an e-mail..and soon I'd have a friendly reply, with good advice, or practical thinking, and suggestions for how to work the problem out. It was just something Dennis was terrific at..listening, and reasoning out solutions. Then we got together, and he was always there- no matter what time it was, or what he was doing... If he couldn't think of an answer, or if it was a problem he felt he couldn't help with in any other way, he could always come up with a way to help me smile, and relax..and help me help myself, as it were. I wish I could just pick up the phone, and call him. or look in my e-mail, and have a reply, or a poem , or a song...or anything...to tell me what to do without him.

it's so terrible to lose someone, who is that much of your life! I feel ashamed, coming here, and crying, and dumping this on all of you, who are going through all the same kinds of terrible loss..but it makes my family feel so bad, if i break down in front of them, and I'm just stuck here, in this horrible little glass bubble.of grief, watching life go on outside, like nothing ever happened....and not being able to really touch anyone or anything, because I am afraid something else will shatter and just disappear. Or maybe I'm just afraid I will....

[llovern]

Silvergirl, sorry that you are in so much pain. There is no reason for you to feel ashamed about pouring your heart out here. There is no better place than here, where everyone understands how much you are hurting. We are all in this boat together......this wretched, miserable vessel of grief.

Take care and try to do something nice for yourself today.

[carolyn.desiano]

I met Joey the day I went to the DMV to get my driver's license (I'd lived overseas most of my life and never needed one before). He was a mechanic working in an auto repair shop and I came in because my passenger side mirror was about to fall off. He told me he would fix it for me for free if I would give him my phone number and winked at me, and I knew right then and there that he was a scoundrel haha but something about him just made me keep coming back to get things worked on my car, and would always bake him a tray of cookies (sometimes even in the shape of a "J", which he got a kick out of, showing off to all the other mechanics in the shop!)

I just lost him a little over a month ago, three days before my birthday. Today would've been his 25th... Sometimes he made me so mad I didn't know what to do with myself, but he would give me one look or show me that silly grin of his and I knew everything was going to be okay and we would just fall over laughing. I'd never had much good happen to me, but he was the best thing I had in my life, and now I don't know what to do without him. I don't know how to fall asleep at night without having him roll over and poke me in the ribs in the middle of the night and saying, "Baby, can you make me some Ramen?" (Ohhhhh, that started some fights, let me tell you! ) or having him reach for me and pull me closer and squeeze me so tight I almost couldn't breathe.

I miss seeing his sweet smile and his goofy laugh, he had the greatest sense of humor and no matter how bad my day was or whatever was upsetting me, one look at those gorgeous green eyes and I knew he would make things all right.

I miss my sweet angel. I don't know how to live without him.

[Sammijo2424]

My husband and I grew up together, my Dad was a Baptist preacher and preached at a little country church where His family went. We drove twice a day for 8 years to this church. My mom and dad and His mom and dad were best friends and our families spent much time together. He and I were even boyfriend and girlfriend for a while as kids. He took me horseback riding and kissed me on the back of that horse. We were baptized together at 9 & 10 years old. Over the years we lost touch, married other people, and ultimately were both in the middle of divorces. He called me out of the blue one night and asked.....do you know who this is, well, I started going thru a list of guys, finally he said stop, this is _______. We talked a long time and I drove down to go out with him that weekend. Friday night we stayed out til 5a, Saturday night it was 7a. And we were just talking, and having fun, no hanky-pinky except kissing. That first kiss had me, he had the softest, most kissable lips ever. On sunday before I left, he had to tell me something....I am in love with tou. On Wednesday night very late he called and asked me to marry him. I said yes. A month later on the day before Thanksgiving I moved to be with him. We were together 22 years, 2 1/2 months. I say we were married 22 years because even though our divorces were not final, we lived together as husband and wife. Happiest years of my life

[AlwaysHisGirl]

Sammijo,

Thank you for sharing your love story.

[kathyl]

Jeremy was my very best friend. I could talk to him about ANYTHING from the first day I talked to him. He was the only person who could make me laugh no matter what...even when I was PMS-ing! He was a wonderful listener, and was able to tell if there was something bothering me...most times even before I knew what it was that was bothering me. He knew me better than I knew myself, I swear!

Jeremy was such a smart-a$$. He had a comeback for whatever someone would say, and even when I would tell him that he was being a smart-a$$, he would say "Well, it's better to be a smart-a$$ than a dumb-a$$!".

I miss his sense of humor. I miss him!

[Silvergirl61]

Yesterday was the seven month mark. Seven months ago, I lost my Dennis. I expected it to be a horrible day....but although i had tears in my eyes for a little while, when i first woke up... something changed. For some reason, i felt compelled to go and open up the cabinet where our cds are stored, and started pulling out some of his favorites. He was into a lot of "metal or hard rock' bands, and i have actually been avoiding listening to those cds...but I played them..and i sang along,while cleaning the house- and i smiled, thinking about seeing some of those bands with him, and listening to him play those songs..and the day passed in a better way. we used to do that, on some of our days off together- and yesterday..it felt right..

I got a letter, with an invitation to a buffet and presentation, because he was an organ and tissue donor, a few days ago, and a request for a picture of him, to use in the presentation. He was able to help around sixty people, with his gift. Some of them were young soldiers, injured in the war..and he would be proud to know that he was able to help them, especially. he was always proud to have served, and somehow..the thought that some young soldier, may be able to see, or walk, or use his hands or arms again, because Dennis decided to do what he could to help them, seems right, and comforting. He was such a hero, and such a caring man. Even beyond his life..he still is reaching out, to help others...and that , too, comforts me. i received a digital copy of the slide they will use, and will share it with you. I really liked it.

Strangely enough.. I think he would be pleased to know i felt better yesterday. I know he'd be happy, that i could smile at the memories, instead of crying. This morning.. I feel more at peace than i have in a very long time...and I'm wishing all of you the same island in the sea.

Have a peaceful day.

[moosh123]

I know what you mean, Yesterday was 4 months since I lost my husband. It was sudden he was only 45, we have 2 young children. I had to leave work yesterday and I got in the car, played his favotire music and drove down to the beach and walked around alone. He loved the beach and surfing so just being there and listening to his music I felt like he was somewhat there with me.

[HeyJude]

I'm new here so hello y'all!!

My husband passed away on 1/4/13, my mothers birthday. Pretty rotten, huh?

I met Jerry back in 1979. At that time in our lives we frequented bars just about every weekend. It was on one of those Saturday nights that I saw this gorgeous man across the room and he was smiling at me. You know what is crazy?? At that moment I knew I was going to marry that guy. We were together from 9/15/79 until the day he died.

We had quite a ride in life. In 2000 Jerry was diagnoised with Cardiomyopthy and was put on the list for a heart transplant. On 11/17/2003 he got that precious gift of life. Because he had Polycystic Kidney Diease the drs decided to go ahead and give him a kidney transplant too since he would be needing one in the future.

Every year he would undergo extensive testing. He never had any rejection, his arteries were open and clean as a whistle and he was given a bill of "Good Health" and sent his way. So it is really weird that on 9/1/2012 he got really, really sick. He couldn't breath. He was dx'ed as having some very nasty pneumonia and was in the hospital for 4 months. There were several times where I felt like we were going to lose him but he always put up a good fight and would pull through. He was transfered to a rehab facility to regain use of his muscles etc from being in bed for so mong. The second night at the rehab faciity he died. I just doesn't make any sense to me!

Knowing Jerry the way I do, he didn't want to die. He didn't want to leave me. So why is he gone then? Jerry loved me with all his heart and soul. He would have never wanted to cause me the pain that I'm in now. I don't know about you all but I can't wait to join him. I don't want to live without him. I would never do anything to end my life so please, don't think I'm talking suicide here. I'm just not quite as careful as I used to be. I'm crying again so I better end this.

I am so sorry for all of your loses. I pray we can get through this.

[Silvergirl61]

Thank you folks! let's keep this going, if we can...

My Dennis loved to sit on the porch in the early mornings with me, and we'd drink our coffee out there, and watch the birds, and spend a little quality time just enjoying the morning together, until i had to leave for work, or longer, if i was at home for the day. I had been avoiding it, because I was afraid it would just remind me, with his empty chair and all. But lately, I have been doing it..and it comforts me, and it feels peaceful out there, in the early morning. Here's to peaceful days...Love, Silver

[Lostherwillawaysloveher]

Me and my wife went fishing one night it was getting to be around 130 am or so and we were packing up to leave. apparently we disturbed a buck who had been sleeping nearby. I don't know if you have ever heard a buck cuss you out but it is a frightening thing at that hour of the morning. She squeeled like only she could and climbed my back right to the top of the car. the buck wandered off and my heart started beating again and I got her into the car. We have laughed about this for 8 years along with many other stories that I will always remember and hold dearly. She was afun happy bubbly person who completed me.

[LizzyW]

Thank you folks! let's keep this going, if we can...

My Dennis loved to sit on the porch in the early mornings with me, and we'd drink our coffee out there, and watch the birds, and spend a little quality time just enjoying the morning together, until i had to leave for work, or longer, if i was at home for the day. I had been avoiding it, because I was afraid it would just remind me, with his empty chair and all. But lately, I have been doing it..and it comforts me, and it feels peaceful out there, in the early morning. Here's to peaceful days...Love, Silver

That is so nice to hear about your sitting out there alone, and feeling peaceful about it. MIke and I used to sit in bed in the morning, watching the news, and drinking our coffee. Since he's been gone, I haven't had the heart to sit there alone, while I drink my coffee and watch the news. It just seems like it would be too painful, but perhaps I will give it a try.

[Bdavis7499]

Hi I'm new here my husband of 13 years(we were together for 19) passed away April 16 2013. He had a stroke(only 60 yrs old). I miss everything! He suffered a lot in his life depression, diabetes and then dementia but he was a helluva fighter! He was thirteen years older then me and taught me so much! We traveled and he took me to so many wonderful places! He could make me laugh so hard! He loved being outside in his garden planting veggies or in the orchard tending his trees. He had the green thumb! He loved helping people. He had such a big heart!

I have a hard time at night can't sleep well, luckily my family is nearby but they can't be here 24/7. Just miss him, his voice the smell of him just everything!

[LizzyW]

Hi I'm new here my husband of 13 years(we were together for 19) passed away April 16 2013. He had a stroke(only 60 yrs old). I miss everything! He suffered a lot in his life depression, diabetes and then dementia but he was a helluva fighter! He was thirteen years older then me and taught me so much! We traveled and he took me to so many wonderful places! He could make me laugh so hard! He loved being outside in his garden planting veggies or in the orchard tending his trees. He had the green thumb! He loved helping people. He had such a big heart!

I have a hard time at night can't sleep well, luckily my family is nearby but they can't be here 24/7. Just miss him, his voice the smell of him just everything!

I hear ya. I lost my husband Apr 28, after almost 30 years together. He was only 63, and had a massive heart attack. He was a wonderful man, and everyone who knew him, loved him. We spent 5 days a week here at the house together. We built our own house and moved into it 7 years ago (built it with our own hands). He taught me much about life and love. He taught me to build things, and about classical music, and about art, and he taught me to shoot (he was an expert marksman). I miss the smell of him and the feel of him when I lie in bed at night. I often find myself burying my nose in his pillows, trying to catch a faint hint of him.

[Bdavis7499]

Thank you so much lizzy! We were together 24/7-7 days a week. He retired early and we did everything together. He was ill almost our entire time together and I was his sole caregiver so he really was my whole life! I just feel so lost now. Try to keep up a brave face for family and friends but the nights are so hard. He built our house to. I look around and I see him everywhere.

[LizzyW]

Thank you so much lizzy! We were together 24/7-7 days a week. He retired early and we did everything together. He was ill almost our entire time together and I was his sole caregiver so he really was my whole life! I just feel so lost now. Try to keep up a brave face for family and friends but the nights are so hard. He built our house to. I look around and I see him everywhere.

Yeah, I see Mike in everything around here too. I have rearranged my living room and bedroom. It was just too much to walk into the house, looking exactly the same, without him there. I had to change my surroundings a little. I've hung some new artwork in the bedroom that reminds me of him, but not things that we owned together. He had his own "man cave" that we built two years ago, and it's filled with all his hobby things- stuffed full. I went out there a few weeks ago, and tried to start going through things, but I can't do it just yet. I did find that he has kept every single card I have given him through the years- it made me cry to go through them, but it was good just the same.

[naty0123]

I miss looking at the steps and him sitting there in the mornings in his blue robe..i would walkover and give him his coffee and hed have me sit in between his legs and id look up at his green eyes and he would give me a big kiss...i miss him teasing me and the smell of red bull on his breath.i miss having someone having all the answer to what i needed..watching him give.our girls pedicures....the sound of my name..or when wed be driving and he reached over to grab my hand all the time...

[patsyl]

I lost my husband Nov 13, 2012 we were married 23 years. Clayton was the love of my life. He was a truck driver but was home everyday for the last couple years. In all those years there are so many stories I could tell but its the little thing that I miss the most like when I would call him he would answer the phone and say OH Baby Doll or the smile on his face when he look into my eyes setting across from me at the dinner table.

[Silvergirl61]

Lately, i have been going through one of those rough patches, that seem to pop up from time to time. I have been missing him terribly, and seem to have more tears left , after all. I had wished so many times, that I had taken a photo that last evening...when he was relaxed and smiling, so I could see him like that, just once more....

My younger daughter moved back home, after I lost him. She had moved out in may, and back in September. During the move, her cell phone was lost. It was recently returned to her, and when she checked , she had some photos on the card. In them was this photo..of Dennis, in the exact same outfit he was wearing that night. Sometimes, there are small miracles in this lifetime.

Some better news to share with you, too: Our oldest informed me, that the expected grandchild that's coming in October is going to be a grandson.

As the days go by, i sometimes get sunshine along with the rain. It gives me hope. I never expected things to turn out like this, and I still can't imagine a future that doesn't include him, really. But things don't seem as black or as hopeless as they did a short few months ago. For those of you who are still new to this journey, I can only say, don't give up, and you aren't alone. Thanks for sharing your memories with us. I appreciate being able to talk about him, and i hope it helps you, too. Peace be with you. Silver

[MissingDaniel]

Silvergirl, so happy you found that photo. I have been having a rough past few days as well, more crying, more sadness. I was in the kitchen the other day trying to make a decent meal for me and the girls, and I thought about one of my good memories of Daniel. He really loved to cook, and the thing that made him so happy was to try something new and find something that me and the girls really enjoyed. He would get in the kitchen and get everything going, and would proceed to serve up a plate for each of us, bring us every little thing we needed - basically serve us like we were in a restaurant - and then he'd stand there waiting to make sure we liked what he made. He would have the biggest smile on his face doing all of this. He so loved taking care of his family. And that is probably one of the things I miss most....but there are so many.

Congratulations on the grandson! How wonderful! I plan to strive this weekend to find some sunshine in the rain. I do see glimpses sometimes, but they seem to be ever so brief.

[LizzyW]

As the days go by, i sometimes get sunshine along with the rain. It gives me hope. I never expected things to turn out like this, and I still can't imagine a future that doesn't include him, really. But things don't seem as black or as hopeless as they did a short few months ago. For those of you who are still new to this journey, I can only say, don't give up, and you aren't alone. Thanks for sharing your memories with us. I appreciate being able to talk about him, and i hope it helps you, too. Peace be with you. Silver

That is excellent- I'm so glad you are seeing some rays of sunshine. It's been almost 6 weeks for me, and I haven't felt like doing anything creative. Mostly just wanting to be alone to reflect on my life, and on our life together. Last night, I got out my pastel chalks, and set up my easel in the living room, where I have cleared out a little niche for it. I started a painting, and it's coming out well so far. This is the first time I've felt like I could let my mind wander a little, and it's doing me some good.