I Miss Her So...

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Larry, hold on, man. I know how much love you have for her. My wife has been fighting her illness for over six long years (dystrophy), and I can't bear to lose her. Weak? I cry constantly. I'm only in my 40s, a grandfather, and I can't stand this. Please talk to someone face to face who can help you. If you want, I'll even try to make a cross country trip if I must, just to keep you from doing what would add sorrow to your family. Please don't add to their sorrow. Sure you're 72, but today, this is young, man. May I at least email my phone numnber to you, so we can talk? If I may ask, how many beautiful years did you and your wife get to share? From how much love I'm seeing in all you say here, you must have enjoyed a sweet and beautiful marriage. Let's talk. I'm here. Mark

[bandit1716]

I know what your saying. I get so much inter peace knowing that I can be with her once again.I realy am comfortable with this.I lost my Dad 5 years ago and loved him dearly and miss him. Nothing has ever happened to me like this.I have a difficult time funtioning daily.I don't know what I am going to do. Like I said I am going to give it another 2 mo. But this has embeded in my mind as a way out.Larry

[liteamorn]

Larry,

I know what you are feeling , my wife also passed 2 months ago (on the 22nd)I feel like a lost rudderless ship right now , I fear the future and desperatly miss the past. My wife was my high school sweetheart and we were married for 31 years. Her passing was sudden and unexpected even though she was ill.

If when my time comes and my girl comes to me from the white light I will run not walk to it. I would never do anything to hasten it though. I couldn't do that to my daughters ( and quite frankly I am not man enough to do it ).

We lived in the same town our whole lives , every turn on every road reminds me of her or something we did together , we were a very good couple and did a lot together. I find myself thinking how I can get her back , like I did something wrong to make her leave me. I know I did nothing wrong but I hate the fact I can't get her back.

I know I will survive this , I will never be the same but I will survive. This happens to every husband and wife. I made a commitment on the alter " till death do us part" I am not ready to fulfill that part yet, but somehow I am going to have to.

I am lucky enough to have 2 wonderful and caring daughters that I can call at any time I need to. They have also suffered a terrible loss, we are holding each other up through this , their mom passed 2 weeks before mothers day and they took mothers day and made it about her.

I can only suggest you keep close with your freinds and family , I know that they all said "if there is anything I can do, call me" . Call them.

Email me , I know we have the same feelings at the same time. We are on the same plateau as far as the greif meters go.

Try to hang on and take one day at a time, and I'll do the same.

Ed

[alwaysmyjennifer]

liteamorn, I'm sorry you've been through this loss too, Ed. My turn is coming, as my wife has an incurable illness with an inevitible outcome. I'm fortunate to have my children and grandchild to love and care for, so I can dote over them and give myself someone to worry about other than myself. It helps get through these days. When I said that same "til death do us part" to my wife 20 years ago, I didn't expect this, but I'm thankful we got to spend these years together. I hope you can have peace for the day. Mark

[liteamorn]

Mark,

Thank you for your kind words. A strong family for me has been just about the only thing I have had going for me. I can't imagine what you and your family are going through right now. The waiting game has to be unbearable. Peace will come to your lovely wife and some day to you , just as it will for me someday. AS I said before I will never be the same but I will survive and so will you. I hope that came out right.

Peace my friend,

Ed

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Ed, it came out perfectly right. Those of us who wait out these long term illnesses have terms like "pregrief" to help us understand our feelings. My feelings of grief are very real and as painful as anyone who grieves after losing their beautiful wife. It's agony. You are so absolutely right when you say that our lives will never again be the same. May you have all the peace and strength you need for each moment. Have a good weekend my friend, Mark

[peter1]

Surviving a Heart Attack (just read)

This one is definitely worth your minute: I suffered a heart attack recently and I did one thing that brought almost immediate relief.

With all my strength I tried to stretch my body and overcome the bending position one is forced to when suffering a heart attack.

I put myself in supine position, put my STRETCHED ARMS TO THE SIDES at slightly greater tha right angle and stopped tossing and turning and moving my fingers, which I thought was the best way to REDUCE ADRENALINE – the main culprit of a HA. I felt almost immediate improvement in the depth of my breath, the pain the muscle cramp started receding. After 15 minutes I was able to stand up.

Putting arms to the sides looks to make the chest and muscles inside it expand and that streches the cramped heart muscle (like soccer players stretch their cramped calf by bending the foot to the maximum, just raise your arms above the head level and you can see it does make the chest expand). Staying totally motionless seems to induce a state of maximum relaxation of the body (which reduces adrenaline.) and muscles (including the heart muscle).

Please try using this technique when facing death. It can really help you and your relatives survive a heart attack.

Greetings

Andrew

[wordscanhelp]

I lost my wife Sarah to cancer in 2003, and yes, three years later, I still miss her.

I have been reading the many messages on this board and, although you will not believe me at the moment, you will be able to move on.

The pain and grief of losing a loved one is terrible and could not be imagined by anyone who has not had this sad experience, if only there was some way of warning every couple that one day one of them will feel it.

You are not alone, but you think that you are. Your jealousy of other couples is not wrong, its natural. Looking for them, although you know that they have gone, is not you going mad, it happens to us all. The feelings of guilt are there, you are almost certainly not guilty of anything.

There is no secret to the answer to the pain of bereavement, the answer is only secret because we have never needed to ask the question before.

Talking through message boards like this, to others that have the same pain, is a good way of realising your feelings are normal, you will move on to talking to others in your daily life and involving yourself in other activities. You are now on the way.

My best wishes for the future (that is there) to everyone,

Love to ALL. Trevor.

[alwaysmyjennifer]

wordscanhelp, I'm sorry you lost your precious wife. We rely on our wives so much, lean on them, and through all our successes and failures in life, they're always beside us, cheering us on to be the greatest, the best we can be. No words can express the pain and sorrow of this loss. Please keep writing. We're all here to listen and help each other along the way. Maybe the answers aren't easily found, but in time, we come to a place of acceptance where our own lives can begin to have that sense of meaning and purpose again. May you have peace, and all you need for today. Mark

[johngee]

Trevor (wordscanhelp), I am very sorry for your loss of your beloved Sarah. On the other hand, I am thankful you chose to take a few minutes to include your post on this site, thank you. After the loss of my wife, I am doing the best I can, and only by the grace of God, to pick up the pieces of my life. It is encouraging to know it gets better.

It’s been just over five months since I lost my beloved Lore. When it had been about two months, I remember talking to a man who was five months from his loss. He was on the verge of tears throughout our conversation. I remember wondering to myself, “Will I be that way after five months?”, never thinking I would be. Well here I am, understanding what a person feels at five months and knowing why that man was on the verge of tears. This pain cannot be borne alone. I thank God for the glimmers of hope, whether they come from this site or elsewhere. Please continue to share.

[wordscanhelp]

Hello johngee and alwaysmyjennifer, i really hope that my message helped, and, if it is part of the answer to the pain of bereavement, as i believe it to be, to use words, to talk or, to write down your feelings, then we are on the way to the next part of our life.

It is over three years since i lost Sarah and have made friends with a lady of my age with a similar story to my own, regarding the loss of her husband about four years ago. We have reached the point where we can talk to each other about our partners and their death and by doing this we have helped oneanother.

I don't know if i am allowed to mention a web site on this message board, but, as it is a non-commercial site with no advertising and nothing to sell or buy I will, whilst asking the forgiveness of "Beyond Indigo" should I break the rules.

I am sure that this site will help many bereaved persons if they read it.

Will post again soon, be strong,

Love to all,

trevor. at, www.wordscanhelp.co.uk

[Guest Guest]

Dear Everybody..I am devastated..my girlfriend was named Wendy..She passed away May 22nd 2006,she was 29 and a half....she moved in with me at age 22..i lived with her the past 7 years...I am interested in those of you-that believe in an afterlife...i will not have another girlfriend in my life..i must see Wendy again(my name is Charles)...I cannot replace Wendy..nor do i ever wish anyone to take her place...i just want Wendy back....she was my purpose..now she is gone....Life has become colorless..and meaningless...i speak aloud to her in my big empty apartment...in my car..as i drop off to bed..i find myself praying many times a day..that i will see Wendy again when i pass on...i must...thats my only reason so far to countinue..i fear(yes i know this will offend many)a long life..my grandfather and father lived into their 90's//i keep hoping that somehow the time will be magically short..waking up to her absence..and coming from work to find her gone is countinually devastating...have any of you lost a young love...can any of you help me?Love,Charles

[liteamorn]

Charles,

I lost my best friend and wife of almost 31 years on April 22, 2006. I miss her more than I can put into words. My daughter got married in July amd in my mind I turned the page on that chapter of my life. I don't mean that I don't miss her or hurt but I have started to stop thinking about the things I can not change or cannot have and move ahead with the things I can. My life is one of those things. When the pastor asked who gives this bride I was going to say her mother and I do but that was the moment I turned the page , my reply was "I do". It was just a small token that I am here today not by choice but this is where I am and I have to move ahead with things. I'm not looking for companionship or dates or anything else, I just kind of realize that my life is going to be a living hell unless I make positive changes to it.

I still cry when I hear our songs (or her favorite songs). And sometimes it just hits me like a brick and I break down but I am trying to make positive changes im my life and at least for the moment it is making life a little more bearable for me.

Sometimes things happen and I feel her presence and I feel better when I do. Our anniversary was August 9th and I felt her with me all day, I spent it on the beach because I knew I could not stay home on that day. It actually turned out to be a wonderfull day, I kind of felt like we had one more day together. I have gone to some places I shouldn't have, (places we went to together)but for the most part I am trying to get by one day at a time.

Girl friend , wife, boy friend it doesn't make a difference if you loved them it hurts and it hurts badly. I hope you can find some inner peace . It might help just to turn a page at, least symbolically .

[aprilsmom]

Dear Charles, my daughter was 26 when killed in a car accident in 11/04. Her husband Bobby was 28 and they had been together for 10 yrs. married for 3. You have done the right thing coming here and your wishes to be with her again SOON are not unlike the thoughts all of us here have had. My son-in-law would NEVER come to a board like this and try to get help. Instead, he is making a lot of crazy decisions, alienated himself from all of us and his friends, and moved a girl in that was after him when April was alive. We are devastated at watching him throw away what is left of his life. Ya know, we don't want him to spend the rest of his life alone; that is selfish and ridiculous. Try not to be too hard on the people that want to see you move forward- of course it is way way too soon and you may feel this way forever. If you do, we'll still be here for you. Yes, I truly believe we will hold them in our arms again- count on it okay? Take Care, Renee

[johngee]

Dear Charles,

I am so sorry to hear about Wendy, your soul mate and the love of your life. Many, if not all who post here have gone through feelings and done things very similar to those you have expressed in your post. Lore, my beloved wife of almost twenty years, past away suddenly on March 1, 2006. She was only 39 years old!

I don’t know why things like this happen, but I do know I relate to your feelings. Stand fast, though. Peace comes... slowly at first, for short periods, growing increasingly longer with the passage of time. It is almost six months for me, and although I miss Lore and will for the rest of my life here on earth, I do find peace and am beginning to find renewed purpose for my life.

As for afterlife? I believe in it with all my heart. The basis for my belief is the Gospel professing the saving grace of my Lord, Jesus Christ. Because of His grace, I believe Lore is basking in His glory and when I’m called to leave the bonds of my human flesh, I will see her again.

John

[aprilsmom]

Just a note on the anti-depressants. My family members have taken WelbutrinXL(also used for losing weight and to stop smoking) and zoloft. Both meds have helped us maintain and not be so DOWN. We, who never even took an aspirin, are thankful that these two meds exist.....we might not be here if they hadn't worked. Take Care, R-

[stanger]

So I just posted my story and I wonder now just where I posted that?! It was kinda theraputic but I now hope its safe and...I feel a little exposed. This seems to be a sincere location, and I'm searching.

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Hey stranger, uh, things can go "poof" now and then. In here, you don't have to worry about too many things. This is a very safe place to be. I hope you can write and post again. I'd like to read your story. Til then, our thoughts are with you.

[aprilsmom]

Dear Stranger- This site has saved our lives, welcome aboard even though we wish we didn't have to meet this way. Take Care, Renee

[stanger]

I met Itza for the 1st time 4 years ago at a part time job I did on the weekends. She was simply beautiful to look at, and her personality was electric. Men were just drawn to her. Our short conversation then brought the meaning to her name which was "the mouth of the well." I was in a difficult marriage at the time, and it took a long 4 years to finally grind itself into divorce. On April 5th of this year I got my divorce decree ending 9 years total, and stepped into one of the darkest places I've ever been. During a 3 week time period I got lots of wisdom about who to see, and how soon to get back in the game. I had resigned myself to 18 months, and then let my daughter and the music of the Red Hot Chili Peppers begin to sooth me. Within 3 weeks of the decree Itza contacted a friend, and told him she wanted me to call. This floored me! I had fantasized about it, but I couldn't believe she would be interested. Against ALL advice, and most of it well meaning I called her. I was traveling home and she wanted me to come straight to her house, so I did. We talked for 5 hours, and all about the idealism of a relationship without expectations. Acceptance with unconditional devotion. Just like that I was doing the very thing I was afraid of which was rebounding. No matter how I looked at it I couldn't break from her because she posed no threat. We talked or hung out every day for the next 3 months. She was magic! Like oxygen in a room! I told her I would not chase her, and that I just wanted her to BE. She told me she would be in my life as long as I would let her. I told her if she was there when I died she was a friend. The nights I had my daughter I would play a song called "Dosed" by the The Red Hot Chili Peppers. My little girl would fall asleep to this melodic tune and I would get lost in the only part of the lyrics I understood. I would be in heaven because the song was for both of them. Truly I had been dosed. I have a lot of friends and family but I believe she was the only person who could have saved me at this time. She was the balm of Gilead to my soul; 7 weeks ago I told her this. Due to the recent divorce we both kept this fast little affair a secret we wanted it undefined. She was my sacred feminine. She was the single most driven person I have ever met. When I say she did everything I mean all of it. Hiking, climbing, tennis, running, shooting, snowboarding the list could go on. She had finished her Masters in counseling, and I was just amazed with what she had done in 30 years. I remember thinking that she would probably leave my life as fast as she came, but was willing to soak up every last second. On July 31st she made chicken (the one thing she didn't do well was cook) and wanted me to come over to have some. She was so excited she had made chicken. I got there as soon as I could, but my job kept me until late. It was midnight, but she wanted me to come anyway. I stayed that night at her house. She called them slumber parties, but when she left that morning she was angelic looking. She said she didn't want to leave. I don't know what happened to the next 3 days. We spoke in phone calls, emails, and voicemail. On August 3rd she called me at about 5pm. She had inquired with some guides on a mountain my brother and I were going to attempt the following morning. She was worried we weren't going to take helmets. I asked her if she would go with us, but she had already done this climb, and wanted to take a different one. I was a little put out about this but, the creed was no expectations. She sensed this and asked if "we were good?" if "we were OK?" My response was yes, but I regret how convincing I was. This was the last time I spoke to my beautiful girl. On August 4th around 10am this unbelievable woman fell 200 feet to her death. If the Universe had kissed my eyes then hell had made me blind. I hope with all I have that some how she goes on and that she heard my answer to the last question she ever asked me. I sob alone in my car pleading for her to hear that "we are good.” There are many little lessons since then, and most will be mine but I will share the last part. This last weekend I took her furniture back to her parents 12 hours from here. This was wonderful and sad at the same time. As quick as the doors opened to me, as fast as I saw the future I lost her all over again. Driving home some where in Montana I listened to the song "Dosed" and for the 1st time picked up the part of the song I had not heard till now. Like a shot to my stomach the lyrics "...way upon the mountain where she died, all I ever wanted was your life. Deep inside the canyon I can't hide." This beautiful and melodic song now the haunting soundtrack to what’s left of my short few months with her. I feel like I found this prized stone, and I fumbled it. Now I can't find it no matter how hard I look. I feel frantic and devastated as I look. It’s a bad dream. It was too short, and if there is more to this life than here this make NO sense? Neither of us were big higher power people, but now I hope its just like the Bible says it is. But for now the torment is...just awful. There just has to be some sort of grace in this for her. Maybe I'll find her over the next hill, somewhere in the next run, in a dream. She’s gone but where!? Will I find peace in this? I’ve lost my way to the mouth of the well and I'll never be the same. I love you Itza.

Thanks for the response! I'm grateful to find this place. I thought I would post my story here. Sorry its so long.

[aprilsmom]

Dear Stanger- Such a beautiful and bittersweet story of a life gone too soon. We know your pain; and yes we need to believe that what the Bible says is true. You will never know if Itza may have taken one of the chances the Lord gave her to believe in Him.(until you get there of course) I believe He gives us all those chances and there is Mercy- for your lovely Itza and the rest of us.

Take Care,

Renee

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Stanger, I'm so deeply sorry she is gone. You wrote of how you felt in being so "convincing". I learned after my daughter's death, we can only change this moment. It took a lot for me to accept (and yet, I can't accept fully) that I can't be on that beach on May 22, 1996. Men are given an innate sense, or instinct, to protect the ones we love. Bringing this to terms with what happened will take time, so try to go easy on yourself. My thoughts and prayers are with you. We're here to "listen" when you need. Please feel free to write anytime. Mark

[bandit1716]

John .I lost your e-mail. I am sliping into more depression than ever. I was going to wait 6 mo. Oct 25 , but I don't think I am going to make that date. Things are building up in me to fast to handle. Larry

[stanger]

Thank you Renee, and Mark for your responses. I felt and still do a little guilty for being so devastated. I know that some of you have lost your children, which is unfathomnable to me. The last few days I have been running, working and drinking. Ive never been much of a drinker. I set a goal to not drink anything until I get done w/ some meds the Dr. prescribed last friday. The running helps, and clears my head. I may be getting a little obssessive about it, but it purges me. Dopes me. Friends are saying the hurt is going to catch up...man I don't even know what that means?! I HURT NOW! Its got to let up. I heard I should practice not thinking of her? Wow that just sounds brutal. Well back to work. John what do you mean you won't make "that date"?

[liteamorn]

Stranger ,

I don't know if practicing not thinking about her and keeping busy is in the same vain then yes that helps. What has got me through this so far as also been running and working out, endorphines produced have a positive influence on my thinking and my take on the day. I have avoided alcohol (I haven't drank in 17 years and I won't start now). I picked an occasion (my daughters wedding ) to turn an imaginary page in book entitled "My Life". I was going to say her mother and I give her away but I just said "I do" when the pastor asked Who gives this bride. It was totally symbolic but I think it has helped me move ahead with my life.

I still miss my wife terribly but I have stopped trying to get the things I can't have and started concentrating on the things I can.

I eat healthy home cooked meals (my daughter and I both share the cooking duties) and eat out only occasionally. I really think if you feel good physically you feel better mentally.

My wife has been gone now for 4 1/2 months and I really think I am doing great as far as taking care of myself.

I was glad to see someone else "taking it out on the road". My daughter and I both run (not together she smokes me right now) and the difference in our mindset when we return home from when we left is amazing.

So far for me living has gotten easier but the grief has not and when it hits it hits like a brick. I'm snot so sure I want that to pass either , I can't imagine going a day without thinking about her.

Anyway thats my .02 cents

[wordscanhelp]

May I offer a few lines that unfortunately are not credited to any author,

You can shed tears that she is gone

or you can smile because she has lived.

You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back

or you can open your eyes and see what she has left.

Your heart can be empty because you can't see her

or you can be full of the love you shared.

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday

or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

You can remember her and only that she's gone

or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.

You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back

or you can do what she'd want; smile. open your eyes.

love and go on.

I do hope these words can help someone.

Love to All, Trevor, wordscanhelp.co.uk

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Thanks Trevor, That meant a lot to this hurting heart.

[johngee]

Larry,

My e-mail address is in my profile. Just click on the profile icon on this post.

I have just past the six-month mark (09-01-06). Not all is peachy, but I am finding new life after the passing of Lore. I have no idea what is in store for me beyond today, but I am willing to hang on and find out.

I have mentioned before, the comfort and peace I receive comes from a loving, caring God, who sustains me in my grief. He tells me, through His Word that He will. His Word says if I call upon the name of the Lord, I shall be saved (Rom 10:13). Call upon Him, Larry. Through Him all things are possible. He can and will save you, as well.

I can’t give you what I have received; I can only tell you about it. This gift comes from God. I pray that He brings you a measure of comfort, power and purpose so that through Him, you may find the life He has set aside for you.

Sincerely,

John

[alwaysmyjennifer]

John, "blessed are they that mourn, for they shall be comforted". It is written, so it is sure. We can find rest and peace in this, even if we feel like we're coming unglued. My wife has an illness that will eventually take her life, which is rough enough. My daughter Jenni was raped and murdered, and her mother (different woman) couldn't take the guilt and grief, and after only 7 months, took her own life by an overdose of heroin. Sometimes, I feel like God's going to send me through the deepest, roughest sea just to show me this vessel can make the journey. He has never once failed me or let me down. "He will never leave you, nor forsake you". I'm having a senior moment, so I can't recall the texts as well as I once could - lol. May He give you peace, and enough for today. Mark

[johngee]

Hello Mark,

Your posts are always uplifting. I admire your unwavering faith in God. I know what you say, rather, what God has said, is true. I have experienced it repeatedly in my life. Yet, the feelings I experience, resulting from the loss of my wife, cause me to wonder about God's plan, and for that matter, life after death. However, I keep praying to Him for power, wisdom, comfort and peace. As I write this, I realize I need to add faith to the list.

I am not suicidal, but like Larry, I want an end to this anguish. I also want to understand how such horrible events fit into God's plan for our lives.

Last September, two days before my 19th wedding anniversary, I was seriously injured in a boating accident. Efforts to assess the seriousness of the injuries required a CT scan. Fortunately the accident-related injuries were not as serious as first thought. However, several days later I received a certified letter from the hospital radiologist indicating the CT images had revealed a life-threatening aneurism on a major artery.

Both my wife and I recognized this accident was a blessing in disguise. Without having gone through the agony of the injuries from the accident, the aneurism may have not been discovered before it ruptured. If it had ruptured, chances for survival would have been minimal. I am humbled by God’s use of such a "bad" thing to reveal a condition which could have brought a disastrous end to my life, giving proof to His Word, “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose” (Rom 8:28). (By the way, I have to look them up to get the chapter and verse reference too.)

I thought my wife would walk through the entire process of repair with me. However, in God’s plan that’s not what happened, but His goodness is further exemplified in the fact that He did not allow my two younger children to become orphaned.

Though I am grateful for God’s love, I still have questions about why He allowed my wife to die. I question why He didn’t choose to use His power to prolong her life on earth, though I know she has eternal life through His Son. I selfishly wish I could have joined her as I went through a surgery to repair the aneurism. Yet in my heart, I want to live on to fulfill God’s purpose for me. I just miss my wife like I have never missed anyone before, and the loss left a longing in my heart, I can’t imagine ever being filled. Just like He used an accident for good, He will use my loss for His good purpose. I will keep looking to Him for direction in fulfilling that purpose.

John

[alwaysmyjennifer]

John, likewise. I'm blessed reading your post. Thanks. It's a true wonder seeing His hand in our lives, and even though He may allow our mate to take flight to eternity before us, He somehow strengthens us for what lies ahead. My wife and I nearly divorced many years back, and this issue helps us now to face the time when I'll be without her. She's concerned about me being alone. Go figure??? lol. God moves in mysterious ways. You two made it to 19? We've been praying for next week. 20. It seems like a dream. It seems like we wont get there. Do you believe a parent can "feel" a child's presence? For example, my daughter Jennifer was born and adopted out without my knowledge, but for some reason, I became very nervous on the day she was born (my friends told me I was tripping). I also became deeply depressed on the night she died. After her death, I settled down, and was released from hospital. Just wondering. I'm praying for you. Mark

[johngee]

Hi Mark,

Next week? What day? Lore and I would have celebrated our twentieth anniversary on September 27th.

You and your wife have my best wishes for a wonderful day. The twenty years you will have shared here on earth is nothing compared to the bliss you will share in eternity.

Another coincidence is the fact that my wife and I almost divorced in the early 90’s. By the grace of God, we held it together long enough to learn to love one another again. We were both glad for our decisions and the commitment that was reborn from them. Like you and your wife, our experience strengthened us for the events in life that followed.

Regarding transcendental connections, I’m not sure what level becomes unrealistic or unbelievable. This is the basis for our connection with God, but I have difficulty with anything more. I have had dreams in which my wife came to me, but my logical mind explains them as subconscious efforts to close this chapter in my life. However, I could not refute an argument that God allows these types of connections among loved ones. After all, they seem to take place on a spiritual plane and isn’t our core nature, spiritual?

May the peace and love of God be with you and your wife, Mark.

John

[bandit1716]

Well my friends ,I read all the post's. I know this sounds really stupid.Here goes,I have found that just knowing that I can join my wife whenever I want to gives me some sort of calm.I have everything I need . As time goes on {6 mo. this 25th].I don't feel the need as I did. There are times when I am ready ,then something happens and its a no go.I have never been as close to God as I am right now.I don't know whats next or if I can handle what ever it is.I do still cry a lot and miss my sweet wife. My days are slow and terrable. Larry

[alwaysmyjennifer]

johngee, same annidate. Those dreams may or may not be your mind. The Bible does say they can see us (we're surrounded by "witnesses"). If it's in my mind, I've lost my mind. There are times I can feel my daughter's presence with me, just like she's here. I lost her in 96.

bandit1716, have peace, but not at such a dire cost. All in due time, we'll dance with our girls again; we'll walk with them in eternity. It seems you've entered the deepeest part of grieving, where it is the worst of pain, and a plethora of feelings, including total loss. The days are slow, but keep on. This does get a little better, the pain a little less. I'm thinking of ya.

[johngee]

Mark,

Will you please share the Scriptural reference for the passage you are referring to? I had an experience the other day that left me feeling like my wife was looking in on me and the children. I thought I heard her say to me I was doing just fine, referring to taking care of the kids and the house. I used to love hearing her praises when I would do something around the house. Until that experience, it was more than seven months since I've heard her praise.

John

[johngee]

Larry,

In a worldly sense, most, if not all of us have what we need; I can be counted among those. However, in a spiritual sense, we do not. In Genesis we read about God's creation of a perfect world. We continue to read that sickness, suffering and death were the results of Adam and Eve's sin of disobedience against God. This plight was not suppose to be part of our world, so one can presume God did not create us with the tools to deal with it. That is why I believe staying close to God is the best thing anyone in our situation can do. He knows what we need to get through this and He will generously grant those needs. Draw close to Him and He will draw close to you. Keep looking to Him.

John

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Johngee, it's in Hebrews 12.1. the witnesses are all the believers in Heaven since creation. In Hebrews 13.2. it also says some of us have entertained angels. This shows that angels can pay us a visit. In the 16th chapter of Luke's Gospel, the parable reads that Abraham tells the man that Lazarus can't return to earth. It's not that he can't, but that his return won't have any bearing on the faith of the man's family. This opens the plausiblity of a visit from my daughter and your wife. I pray this doesn't upset you reading this. If I upset you, please forgive me. May you have peace and hope. To be without your wife for seven months - I'm sorry. I know you're hurting deeply. My wife became ill six years ago, and has declined steadily since. She's now bedridden with the dystrophy, and is in such pain, we can't walk by her quickly, or the air movement of our walking will cause her more pain. I haven't been able to hug her in several years for the pain. We carry our heartaches, but we still must carry on. I hope you can do something for yourself, like seeing a movie, or a concert. Even if you just have a cup of coffee, anything so you go out and see others moving about the world. To see live in motion is painful, but important to our path of healing. I'll keep a prayer for you. Be well. Mark

[johngee]

Hello Mark,

Thank you for your quick response. Don't worry; I am not upset by the thought of my wife witnessing our lives (the children and I). I find comfort in knowing she shares in our triumphs, small as they may be, as well as, the sense of loss we feel.

She has come to me in dreams, several times. The most recent, I was standing just inside an open window. Lore, my wife, was standing on the outside the window, in a lush, beautiful garden. I didn't recognize it as being anywhere I have ever been. I called out to her and she came up to the window. I asked if it was really her. She told me, "Yes". I asked her to hold my hands, which she did. Then I asked her to come in for just a few minutes, as I tried to pull her in through the window. She told me she could not and let go of my hands. I woke up immediately.

My dream was vivid and real; not in black and white. I felt as if I had held my wife’s hands, and really tried to pull her through the window. These dreams are so vivid I have a hard time thinking they are anything but real. However, the logical side of my mind tells me they are only my sub-conscious mind trying to resolve my loss.

I have read some of your past posts and know you have experienced unthinkable hardship with regard to your wife’s health. I had no idea things are as severe as you describe. I can’t even begin to get my mind around the heartache you have been through. I know one thing, though. God loves you. You have a strong witness despite all of the heartache. Your posts have reminded me of God’s purpose for us and have bolstered me up in my times of need.

I would say, “Hang in there”, but I’m not really sure what that means in your situation. So, I will just let you know I am praying for you, your wife, and your family. God knows the depths of your pain and He knows how best to minister to you.

May His love and peace be with you,

John

[alwaysmyjennifer]

John, don't be too quick to dismiss your dreams. There are too many people who say similar things. Since my daughter Jenni died, she's visited me, not to speak, but I love the way she comforts me. I often feel like she's hugging me. Thank you for saying what you did. Without faith, I'd be lost caring for my wife. Our church has been great through the last few years. Even so, I come here to be with people who understand what this is like. I've been through a bit, but He's always faithful. I'm taking a day to rest. My wife has been through a few painful days, keeping me busy and tired. I'll write again soon. Mark

[bandit1716]

John. Thanks for sticking by me. You must be one great fellow.It will be 6 mo. Oct 25th.I just started hearing Sharon in my head.In my truck we always held hands. Guess what ,I take my hand over to her side and I can almost feel her touching my hand.I am dreaming about her now ,but wake up when I call out to her.The holidays are comming up and the kids want to have them here like always.At first I wasn,t sure' but they have feelings to.I can't nor will I do anything till after the holidays. John ,I really have the feeling inside that I won't last much longer anyway. I have had one heart attack and still feel so rotten all the time. I am not sure why I have lasted this long.My brain and body is just so tired. I had to give the company to the boys.I still help some.Thanks again dear friend. Larry

[wordscanhelp]

Hello again. May I once again offer some words.

A while ago you said

Something that sounded like good-bye;

And everybody thinks that you are dead,

But I.

So I. as I grow stiff and cold

To this and that say Good-bye too;

And everybody sees that I am old

But you.

And one fine morning in a sunny lane

Some boy and girl will meet and kiss and swear

That nobody can love their way again

While over there

You will have smiled, I shall have tossed your hair.

Charlotte Mew 1869-1928.

Things do get better eventually.

Trevor wordscanhelp.co.uk

[lindat]

Hi Larry, I have never posted on this part of the board, but I have read all the posts for months. Let me just say that many of us are sticking by you and praying for you. I passed 9 months on Oct. 17th. The first 6 months it took everything I had to keep from driving off the road or into something to make the pain go away. Intellectually, I knew that wasn't the answer and I knew that it wasn't what my Terry would want for me, but I also know that he had no idea how hard dealing with missing him would be. I hope that you can find joy and purpose in the holidays, if only for a moment so you will have the strength and will to go on for a long time. Linda

[airymoon]

Lary,

I usually post on the I MISS HIM board. For some reason I read this board tonight. I lost my husband 4 1/2 months ago and every day is a struggle. I want to be with him and I hope I can be. I will not hasten that event because I don't wnat to mess up the chance and also because I have three kids and I can't cause them any more pain then they are already feeling. My father is in his 70's and if I know one thing it is that no matter how old they are kids need their dads. As I was reading the posts I was hoping to see your name on a recent post and I am glad I did. I am glad you are feeling close to God. I haven't gotten there yet. I am still too angry to reach out to him. I hope you can find strength in him and your children. Sometimes the act is not necessary, but knowing we have the means gives us some feeling of control. Maybe that is what your looking for now, a sense of control in your life? I am thinking about you and hoping your are doing better today than yesterday. That goes out to all who post on this site and those who don't.

Becky

[countrygentleman]

My wife died June 22nd after 40 months of breast cancer. Tomorrow would have been our 25th wedding anniversary. We celebrated all saints today at church. Even though God is my strenght, I sometimes think I can't continue without her.

Jim

[liteamorn]

Country,

As hard as it is to believe life does go on . On my anniversary I stayed away from the house(laid on the beach all day) and did positive things. The most important thing I do is to put energy into positive things, (exercize, working around the house, good diet , cooking for myself (healthy cooking). Tears come anytime and when they do I let them flow. I no longer plan long term , just one day at a time (I had a lifetime of long range plans but they all got changed in one morning). I stay away from alchohol (had been on the wagon for 17 years before and this could have been a great reason to fall off).

The holidays coming up are tough and all old traditions are going to be different. I wish I could just go to sleep on November 15th and wake up Dec. 27th but that can't happen obviously.

You will meet new people, befriend only the ones you are happy around and spend as much time with any family as possible . I've had hands reaching out to me ever since this happened and there is no reason to try to go it alone.

I have had alright days and bad days and just recently I have actually found myself happy on a few occasions ( a feeling I hadn't had in over 6 months).

Don't try to hang tough just try to hang in ,we are embarking on a new life and a new lifestyle , you won't have to look for it it is there and all of a sudden you just see it.

I don't know if this is any help but this is hopw things appear to me now , today. Tomorrow ? I'll wait to see what it has to bring

[johngee]

Larry,

Thank you for the compliment, but it is wrong for me to take the credit all myself. I am no different than everyone else here. I lost my wife, lover, partner, soul mate, and I'm finding a way to survive. God works through other people and circumstances. He has brought us all together here, to share His love in our loss. You are a gift in my life and God has helped me through you. Thank you for being my friend through this.

I just celebrated my 50th birthday. It was quite different than I thought it would be when I imagined it before my wife passed away. I attended a bereavement group meeting at a local church. The gift I received was quite unexpected and far from ordinary. Once again I was shown that if I follow the instructions in Philippians 4:6, “In nothing be anxious, but in everything, by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God.” I will be granted the gift promised in Philippians 4:7, “And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your thoughts in Christ Jesus.” I was comforted and granted such peace.

Perhaps this comes to mind tonight as a reminder. Tomorrow would have been my Lore’s birthday.

God bless and comfort all my friends, here,

John

[alwaysmyjennifer]

John, happy birthday. In reading our posts, we're all alike in one thing- our wives get top billing. After driving a truck most of my life, I've seen a lot. In truck stops, there's an ungodly crack about "so many women". I usually come back with, "so many women, none like my wife". According to the medical professionals, they are under the impression my wife has about two to three years left to live. While we all must pass this way, I can't bear that I lose her, not the other way about. She's a great, godly woman. It sounds like you found the bereavement group a great blessing and help. I've thought of attending a group for parents who have lost a child to murder, but this is still a very painful thought for me. I am okay talking here sometimes, but not much. I just miss my Jennifer so deeply. She's my child. In time, I'll get there. I'm praying for you, John. Mark

[stanger]

Test

[stanger]

NICE! So a couple months later and I remember my password! I wanted to break in here and wish those of you entering the Holidays without your loved ones all my positive energy. Im truly sad that this year is different for you all. I took a hike up the trail where she died, and I wanted to share the broad strokes of this day. It was a beautiful fall here in ID. Yellow and Gold. Brisk, and bright sun. I went with the gentlman who led the search and rescue team up there, and he took me to the final resting place. He apologized at one point describing how they had struggled to keep her body out of the creek. The conditions were so bad that at some points they had to float her in the water...my heart filled with love. There was something comforting about this raw country gentily taking her back off the trail. Washing her. When we reached the Spot my friend said that someone else had said this was such a sad and dark spot, but as he recanted the phrase I was struck with just how sacred and awesome it was. Tears. Im not religous...if anything agnostic, and she was athiest, but there in the Jones Creek valley we sat in what appeared like an intersection, or a cross. At the approach of a Mountain known as Mt Church! A gift from the Great Beyond? The pain and the joy compete for my heart! I ACHE! I hope it is just as christianity says it is! I hope Jesus walked straight out of that tomb?! Because then we live right? Then She lives right? Then I see her again? Maybe? I can hope folks I do not have faith...I just dont. I appreciate it in those of you who do. I just want her back. I admire those of you who are taking your loss on with love and strength. You are awesome.

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Stanger, faith can be such a beautiful and precious gift. As I read your recounting of the journey of the search and rescue team, I began to feel tears run down my face. I know some people, even here on BI, who could barely hold onto their faith, only by reason of their profound loss. After my daughter was murdered, my faith took a serious hit for the worse. Slowly, it's recovering. With this comment, I'll tell you that I'm devout in Christian faith. Do rest in knowing that faith brings life, and eternal life brings great hope. What gentle and sweet care they gave her, ensuring she was safe and clean and nurtured, even in her passing. How beautiful a thought. Like you wanting her back, I want my Jennifer back so very much. I miss my daughter so much. Now, my wife has worsened over the last few days, so we're unsure what will happen with her condition. But, I'm at perfect rest, knowing she's in good hands with God. I'll keep a prayer for you. Mark