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Good things to say...


AlwaysHisGirl

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AlwaysHisGirl

Almost everywhere I go, strangers ask, "How are you?" They don't know that my Mike was killed a few months ago in a logging accident. Most often when I'm asked this question I either don't answer it by changing the subject, or I kindly and quietly tell the person, while making eye contact, "That's not a good question," and then I change the subject. It just depends on what mood I'm in whether I'm going to say "A" or "B". Which leads me to my next thought. What good things could a family member or friend say to me after Mike's sudden death? Well, if they have the time, I'd like to hear "What happened to him?" "What was he like?" "What are some of the things you two did together that you enjoyed so much?" I need to tell the story of what happened to him to make it real, to say goodbye again, and to eventually lose the need to revisit that chapter. I would love to tell them what he was/is like because he was/is amazing and I want to remember him and to let others know that this very special man was once here. I would enjoy describing some of the many wonderful things we did together because when I talk about those joy filled times, I'm THERE in those moments and for however long the telling lasts, he's here, and that makes me happy.

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I definitely agree with this! Some of the most comforting conversations I've had with people since I lost my boyfriend a month ago have been the ones where people ask me openly about him and about what happened. This doesn't happen all the time- some people get uncomfortable when I bring the topic up, because they think talking about it will upset me. But in fact, the opposite is true. I love talking and sharing about him... when I get the chance to do that, it provides some momentary relief from my pain. Just last week, I was talking with a classmate who had never met him before and just the kind gesture of asking me what he was like, allowing me to tell her how amazing he was, really made my day. I felt like I was sharing the gift of knowing him with someone new, someone who wasn't lucky enough to have met him in this life (but might have if only he had been given more time). When I tell his stories it takes me back to happier times and makes me feel almost like I'm there again. I also feel like I'm keeping his memory alive, keeping it fresh in my mind. Even talking about his death, though a bit more difficult than talking about the happy times, brings me some relief. Kind of like you described, I need to go over it verbally sometimes to make it feel real. It happened so suddenly and so recently that I'm still processing it... conversations that allow let me do that are very helpful. Not everyone is comfortable having those conversations... going over the details of what happened, hearing me talk about the night I found out etc. But for those that are able to lend me an ear for those tough conversations, it is truly a gift.

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I fully understand how you feel!! There are so many people that worried about me because I guess they thought I would fall apart when I lost my husband. I guess in away I did but more on the inside than the out. Kenny was my heart and soul, what a heart he had and he shared it with many, It was so hard to be cry and be sad over him because Kenny brought so much joy to my life. There is a member on here that did a memorial website to his wife and I thought it was beautiful way to show the world what a wonderful women she was. So I decided to do one for Kenny it was nice to be able to do a site that people could share their memories and I to share mine, along with pictures of him so people can see him outside of how they know him. It was also a therapy sort of thing for me. So now when I get lonely and missing him I share a memory of him, Just thought I would share this and maybe you might want to do one to. It is easy and free for the basic website and fun. Kenny;s website is

http://kendi2001.webnode.com/

then at the bottom of the page is a button that says webnode you can start yours from there if you are interesting in doing something like this.

My prayers and thoughts are with each one of us going through loosing out loved ones,

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AlwaysHisGirl

Kendi, Thank you for sharing the information about the web site you created in memory of your husband. I hope people share many stories of him with you. I would love to hear more stories (many more) about Mike.

Your kind gesture made me think of this quote: "If you have knowledge, let others light their candles at it." (by Margaret Fuller)

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