A place for those who are dating and mourning~

[aprilmoonflower]

Linda- ugh! I'm so sorry!!!

Angelique-I had given up on dating when I met the giuy I've been chatting with now..hoping things work out but if not it's all good. I think in my case it's different as I've been ALONE for 3 years. at first it was cool (the first 2 years) then I finally started wanting to find a man friend. I definitely didn't want a PARTNER again until recently. so we'll see..I think we all heal in our own way. don't beat yourself up too hard! just go with the flow. don't let him manipulate you with tears though! (not sure if that'sd what happened but it's so easy to do to someone! I guess what I'm saying is DON'T stay oput of guilt!

[mishknit]

angelique....

i think that you do have walls, and why wouldn't you????

we all do.

and i think that, over time, and with the right person, they will come down.

i'm dating someone right now, very nice guy, have fun with him..all good, except i have huge walls up. this is the first man i dated since tom died, also 2.5 years ago. we had a talk recently, and he told me that he felet that , in my eyes, that he was the person that would get me over the dating and sex hump after tom, and that i would then be ready for a real relationship. i was so shocked when he said this, but he quickly told me to not say anything...that he'd take me however he could as long as it was working for us both. he is a very smart guy, and i suspect this is the truth, tho i hate to think of myself as using someone. perhaps that's what is happening with xavier.....and the good thing is that he did get you thru the "first guy" thing, and now, maybe, you see a little clearer what/who you are looking for.

anyway, my 2 cents.....i'm still seeing jim, still having a good time, and still have walls and a moat around me.

and still miss tom with all my heart and soul.

peace,

mish

[airymoon]

angelique  i am in the same situation that you are i have been seeing someone who is not as fun as kurt and my kids are ok but not crazy about him.sometimes i think it could be good and other times i think i dont want to pursue it. I was also soo scared of being alone. Now i realize that i am ok being alone everything is mine and i kinda of like it. I would rather have kurt back but since that cant be i have come to terms with it i think. So now i dont have to decide whether the guy im seeing is the one or not i decided to just date and enjoy his company and if i dont want to go out one night i dont have too. Not everyone we date has to be a relationship it is ok to just date and not go futher.It's just hard to do that after being with someone kinda of like going backwards/ Maybe try a break for a week or two and see how you feel then and that might give you some insight.

[airymoon]

linda i am so sorry for you and your family. **** just keeps coming doesnt it? What i have learned through this process is that my daughter (9 7 at the time of her dad's death) has the best handle on all of this. Kids are resilient and open enough with thier thoughts and emotions that they handle it better. they also dont look so far into the future like us lucky adults so while their loss is as great they dont dwell so long on it as we do and seem to handle it better.

[angeliquem]

Hi Becky,

thank you for the great advice. I never thought about just "enjoying" his company and be happy with that! I will look at it from your point of view.

I'm seeing him tonight, we are all going to my sister's house so i'll see how i feel. He did tell me that he was happy to give me a break so i might just do that.

Thanks!!!

x

 

[angeliquem]

Mish!

Well your chap is more clued up than expected!!! But what a great thing to do. Xavier did tell me something similar when i ended our relationship in Feb (only for a 1 week!), he said he was glad to have been by my side and to have helped me even if it was a little bit into my journey, because i made him a stronger person.

Like Becky said i will just enjoy just what i have for now without thinking about the future.

And yes April, i think i let the tears get to me on Tuesday! Damn it i'm so weak sometimes!!! Need to thoughen up!! lol

x

[aprilmoonflower]

Michele, that IS cool. at least he knows where it all stands! Maybe it will develop into more someday or maybe not! at least you are on the same page though!

Angelique- you're NOT week, you're confused honey! and with good reason! it's ok! (((Hugs)))

for me I didn't start dating for 2.5 years. I NEVER thought I'd want to be in a relationship again. EVER! the men I have been dating were not the right matches either. hopefully new guy will be, though we have both agreed we aren't doing the long distance romance thing..so who know's what will happen!

Otherwise I leave in 10 days an have tons to do before now and then(procrastinating on facebook is NOT helping!). but I'll keep you updated! I am getting a blackberry hopefully today and bringing my laptop too for work stuff ) so anyway, if you don't hear from me much in the next week or two you'll know why!

I'll be checking in sporadically, though likely not commenting much!

[lindat]

Was thinking of you all day today April - hope you are doing okay.

[aprilmoonflower]

I'm doing ok. Just got off the phone with the new guy so actually   :)

ok, look slike i Iam going to be around awhile longer..I may actually be leaving a few weeks later now. I have no idea though(legal stuff going on now, ugh!) the only good thing i I am slowly working toward probate (finally!)

I lit a candle for D this morning and went through some old pics. still mad though and still wish we had never met at times! it's really hard for me to see past the lies now and remember the good times, it just overshadows it all.I feel like I've waste dthe last 11 years of my life! (except for the kids of course, but even then would I have chosen for them to grow up without a father, likely not.) what a difference a year makes though! at least I no longer am mourning a lie! though I am pretty positive i don't know the whole truth either and never will(surprise, surprise)

[mishknit]

god..

it's late and i am back from a date with jim.

i really don't know what to do....the thing is..i told you all how he said he thought he was just the "over the hump" guy..and i think that's true. and now, it's almost hard to see him, because he likes me more than i like him...

****...

that;'s not even what i mean.

i am not ready for one guy....that;'s the bottom line,

he has shown me that i can be with someone else, but i compare him, which isn't fair, and i can only go so far with him emotionally...which is not far at all. and then, while i enjoy sex with him....there is that huge hole...that emotional connection that i can't seem to let myself make, which, quite frankly, kinda takes a lot of the fun out of it, at least at this point. early on it was great, but now....i want to either have the deeper connection ( i am so veiling my words here...i don't know what i can or cannot say on this bb...but..) or not have the connection at all.

i am really confused.

i think dating other guys might be the best choice,

and maybe holing up by myself would be the best choice....

HUGE SIGH....

i have no idea.

glad to have a place to put this.

peace,

michele

LINDA>>>>you there? how's it going???

[lindat]

Hi Michele,  IMO, Jim is only going to care more as time goes on and if you are sure that you won't - it only seems fair to him and right for you to move on.   It is possible that my situation is the same, with my Jim feeling as you do and it would be better for me if he would just make that clear, but he won't let go and I can't so I am in limbo.

Other than that, I am doing okay.  I just completed my 2nd week at work and it has been hard on this old body, but it feels great to have "normal" back in my life.   I also joined Curves so that I can get some stretching before I go to work and it has helped.

Our family went thru another loss a couple of weeks ago - my son in law of 17 years passed away and my daughter has had a really hard time.  She doesn't have anyone else to talk to so she calls and cries and I feel so helpless.   If I start crying she stops talking to me because she doesn't want me upset, so I try to stay separate but it is so difficult.   Her husband now is supportive, but jealous of her closeness with the kids father so she doesn't open herself up to him.   The positive side of this is that she will be getting money for the kids and he hasn't paid support in a long time.  His wife of 5 years - the grandkids stepmom - died last Christmas Eve while they were here visiting me.  She had cancer but died of MRSA.  He contracted it from her and damage was done to his heart because of it.  A very sad situation for all of us but especially the kids that have gone through so much since Katrina. 

I still want to meet up with you guys when I come back to CA and hope to have some firm dates in the next couple of weeks.  I really need something to look forward to right now..... 

[airymoon]

mishknkit why dont you just tell him your not sure how committed you can be right now and you  want both of you to date other people too. Maybe that will help you get a perspectiveon things and at least your being honest with him and it would be his decision knowing how you feel to keep dating you or not. It's easier said than done i know.

[mishknit]

yeah...

it really is easier said than done.

i mean, i like him a lot....i'm just not ready1 but that doesn't necessarily mean that i don't want to see him....sort of that "bird-in-the-hand" situation.

i have always been serially monogomous...no fooling around with 2 guys at once. for me, if i moved on, i moved on.

but having just started getting back into dating, and been so lucky to find a good guy ...it's hard to give that up, even tho i know he's not the one...

tho, frankly, i don't know if there ever will be another 'the one', ya know? woukd i be throwing away a perfectly acceptable catch for some dream guy?....one who probably doesn't exist.

it's times like this when i start to get angry wth tom again....how could he leave me..you all know the drill. i can't help it tho. we wwere supposed to grow old together, i wasn't supposed to be a single parent, what happaned to my life???

whatever....crying over spilt milk.....

i'll figure it out, i'm sure.

thanks gals...

peace,

michele

[lindat]

Perhaps just living in the moment and not worrying about where it will lead would be the best thing.   Maybe you shouldn't do anything right now until you feel more certain about where you want things to go.   It would be nice if life were a little simpler sometimes

[mishknit]

linda...

cutting right to the chase...lol!

you're right, and should know...."living in the moment".

i'll give it a try! LOL

things always look better in the am, and i have NOTHING to do today (well, grocery store, laundry, things around the house) but nothing specifc or substantial...i'm going to enjoy the day, stay out of my head and not worry about the future.

it will all work out as it's meant to.

peace,

michele

[aprilmoonflower]

I think that is a good attitude to take Michele! we all KNOW you never know what tomorrow will bring. we can look at that in a positive way too. so who knows what will happen?

If all goes as planned I will be meeting the new guy 2 weeks from today!

[lindat]

It is something I have to remind myself of daily otherwise I would just stop enjoying any day until I can get out of MI.   If I do that because I want to be somewhere else, I've given up 5 years of my life.   At my age and with my history, that may be all that I have, so I have to make the best of it and I have to keep reminding myself that today is all I have.   Missing Jim has made missing Terry even tougher - I am tired of crying myself to sleep.  

[aprilmoonflower]

(((I'm sorry Linda))) Unfortunately I know what that feels like all too well..Have you told Jim how you feel? what was his response?

I think all any of us can do is live for today. but then what do you do when today sucks? I have become mostly an optimist in the last 3 years (I was SO pessimistic before). but it's true what they say, it takes more effort to stay positive some days and easy to slip in that hole of negativity.

[lindat]

Thanks April, I totally know that I am not alone, but it is still hard as you so well know.   Actually, things didn't get better between us until I stopped telling him how I feel, so I don't anymore.   He has commitment issues and closeness scares him - which is probably why he has no friends, he just won't let anyone close.   He called last Friday and left a long message on my phone telling me that my friendship is very important to him and that I am the closest friend he has ever had etc.   He was worried that I was slipping away and he said he wanted to make sure that he told me how he felt about me.   I have been very optimistic since then, like I can handle anything.  I am content with what we have for now and hope to spend some time with him next month when I am in CA.  He calls every 3 or 4 days and now that I know how he is feeling, I can deal with that.   It has gotten easier since I started back to work and I have hopes of going to school in January.  Staying busy helps.

I had a scare last week when there was another lump, but to my relief it turned out to be nothing.  I am watched very close, but that also makes you feel very insecure.   Already two of the women that I went thru treatment have gotten it back, not fair.  Sometimes  I just get overwhelmed and it is great to have this place to unload on.  Jim also helps in that way because I can tell him medical stuff that I don't share with my family - they have been thru enough.  I am happy today - that is enough. 

[cheryl36]

hello everyone, I just wanted you to see the face behind all the poems, and words of encouragement i have tried to give over the passed couple of years!! so this is me.  I didn't know any other way to place it on here so please forgive me if its like way to big!! I apologize!!   Cheryl

[Kelly]

Guess who is traveling the farthest to our reunion?

It's Trudi.

Trudi is traveling all the way from Australia to Minneapolis, MN for our Beyond Indigo reunion in August!

If Trudi can make it, so can you! 

Come check our reunion page: http://www.beyondindigo.com/reunion/

Hope to see you there!

[Kelly]

The family and friends of Beyond Indigo would like let everyone know that Dawn Fisher (moderator of the Beyond Indigo message boards) lost her husband on Wednesday morning.  JD's death was an unexpected complication of surgery to remove a tumor.  Our most heartfelt condolences go out to Dawn and her children.  We know that there is no better place for Dawn to receive support than through these boards.

The online obituary for JD is here: http://fisherfamilyfuneralhomes.com/obits/obituaries.php/obitID/307941

If you'd like to send her condolences, you could send her a private message on the boards, visit the above obituary and sign the guest book (starting on Friday) or send materials to

Fisher Funeral Chapel & Cremation Services

1801 Chase Road

Logansport, IN 46947

[Kelly]

Hi all,

We are getting down to five weeks to find out if we can hold the reunion or not. Could you please let us know if you will be attending and register online? We need 25 people total. This is an amazing opportunity to make something special happen. Just click the big banner at the top that says REUNION and follow the steps.

Love to hear from you.

Kelly