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aprilmoonflower

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well,then....

you're talking about selling the house.....

who knows?

who knows about any of this.....

just keep on moving, i say!

peace,

michele

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aprilmoonflower

my thoughts exactly! lol. though, I gotta say I feel a very strong connection ~so we'll see what develops..;)

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anything new april?

i've got an interesting dilemma...

and of course it all hinges on my even being with my, what , "guy?",

jeez...

but my son is going away for a week aug 4-11. now, i am trying to get up to arrowhead and big bear, friends with houses i can stay at for a couple of days, but this guy is also very interested, because he has not been to my house becasue of the "boss' as he calls my son.

and i know he'll want to come by, and i don't really have a prob with it....

but i tend to take everything to the nth degree, and KNOW that there is no way io can have sex here...

my god,

i have the ancestor table in my bedroom, for goodness sakes!

anyway, just another wrinkle, coming up fast.

and hints about meeting my friends...

ugh.

complications are setting in,

when all i want is an admirer,

some physicallity....

all i want is tom back,

and since that ain't gonna happen ....

ugh!

whatever.

i hate this. my life was NEVER this complicated when i was out dating, having fun, no ties...before tom.

oh hell...

peace.,

michele

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aprilmoonflower

lol. I hear you Michele! I have not invited my past dates to my house for these reasons.plus I just haven't been super interested in sharing my space. I don't think you need to worry about feeling weird or hiding your altar though. it's all a part of you and your son, yk?

things are ok here. :) I am going to send you a PM later though as I know people I know IRL read this and all of the sudden I am feeling very private about things!!!

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justkaren2

You guys are too funny!  It always amazes me that, no matter where we come from, what our ages are, we have the same issues related to our loss.  Although I have only dated one person since Richard died (for over one year now), he still does not come to my house.  Yes, he has come "for an hour or so" but he doesn't like it and I don't like it.  He says it really sucks for him because my house "is Richard's house" and he doesn't feel comfortable.  It is wierd because I have never even hinted at that, but he is right.  This IS Richard's house.  Although he didn't live here or help financially, Richard spent a lot of time here and helped me with so many projects.  He is here in everything I see, every day.  I have no altar to him, only a couple of pictures up, but he "lives here".  He is in every room, in every blade of grass.  Does that make any sense? 

David is obsessed with the fact that we have never had sex in this house...but I just can't.  I can't.  I don't know what that means, but I just can't.  This place represents Richard, all of the love we shared, all of the lessons learned.  It is the place where I am comfortable grieving, the place that I am still in that beautiful relationship with Richard.  It will be so hard to let it go.  I have told David that I will not let it go when, "if", we get married.  I will rent it out.  I will get rid of all of the things, but I will not sell it...at least, not now.  Luckily, the housing market gives financial validation to me holding on to it.  I told him that this house was my financial security, and I believed that when I said it, but now I know that there are deeper reasons.

In some ways, I think it would be really good to let it go.  It will mean that I have moved on.  But I can't.  What does that mean?

Perhaps I should go to grief counseling.  I think I'm as crazy with this grief as they get!  lol

Krazy Karen

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aprilmoonflower

ok the deal is I think I am in love!!! :) though we have not met in person yet. so it's got a certain level of weird to it right now. I am going back east in a month though to meet him!!!

btw I totally made a mistake last night and was chatting with the new man friend and accidentally said something to the effect of  "'my husband..."oops. :shock:

 ugh! insert foot.

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justkaren2

April!

You went from not wanting anything serious to "I'm in love"!  Is this with the green guy?

Wow!  I truly am happy for you...but be careful.  By the way, I met my Richard after talking for a long, long time on-line and on the phone and I knew too before I met him.  So I believe in that, but be careful!  Think you can keep the celibacy thing going?  All alone together, far from home...hmmm...dangerous!  Wait, are you taking the kids?

You sound so excited.  Loving that!

Karen

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april...

that is great!

this is the guy you met online? adn you've been talking online and on phone???

i hope it works out....yes, you gotta be careful, but you don't seem stupid:D, and i'm sure you'll be safe.

and karen...

i so get what you're saying about the house. this is tom's house, our home, i can't imagine it being anything else. if i were ever to be so completely involved that i wanted to move in with someone, it would be somewhere else...never here. my guy would like to see my house, and with my son going away for a week in august, he just might. but that's it...SEE it, i wouldn't even want to stay in here and hang, ya know? and CERTAINLY nothing else! i've been thinking that if he does come over i want to hide all pics of tom and our son...that seems too personal.

which, i guess is what this whole thing is for me right now...NOT personal. I am being very cautious with my feelings, shut down, really. i like him, we have fun, but he hasn't met any of my friends...we have our little fun times together but no real life cross-over, and that works for me right now. in some ways, it's very liberating...i feel so free with him because there is no real connection to my real life..if you know what i mean.

he knows about tom, and since my son is constantly texting me to "check" on me, he knows about him too. he calls my son "the boss", it's funny but true, because, push comes to shove, he IS the boss, he's my #1 guy.

it's all very complicated, isn't it? one day your life is set..the next, everything changes. but i'm glad i'm in a place where i can start to move back into dating and feeling something..i was numb for so long, and this is definitely better.

enough of my ramble...tell us more april!

peace,

michele

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justkaren2

Yes, Michelle, it is complicated. 

I feel a little less crazy hearing that you have the same issues. 

Things are great with David, but not here.  I am tense and cannot relax with him in this house.  I don't know about hiding the pics.  I briefly thought about doing that...because it would make me feel wierd to walk into someone's house that I was dating and see pics of their ex all over the place...but this is not the same situation.  Somehow, removing pics feels like I am dishonoring Richard in some way.

My new saying (internally) is "Are you strong enough to be my man?" from a Sheryl Crow song.  Because so many men cannot deal with these feelings we have, the 'competition' as they view it with a dead man.  But, it is not like that.  (I believe that my heart can completely love more than one person in my lifetime)  And, at the same time, it IS like that.  We have known great love and so they have to measure up to that.  It would have to take a very strong, self-confident, man to stand up to that pressure.  But if they cannot, then I don't want them anyway.  The way I view it, I  am on a more mature emotional level now.  I know that life is not gauranteed, that each beautiful moment should be appreciated.  No games will be tolerated.

The other thing that is similar is keeping these new men at a distance.  I wonder if we do that because we are afraid of the loss?  Fear of abandonment.  Or is it just that we are not done grieving?  Yikes!  I just wish I knew what was normal, cuz I pretty much know that I am not!

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Hi guys,   I 'm glad I found you :)   Jim has been gone two weeks and I have been a mess - drinking too much wine etc.   When he first started contacting me 2 years ago, I totally resisted the idea of even talking to him for more than 6 months.   When he would call I got him off the phone as soon as possible.  I was very overweight and still deep in grief for Terry.  He persisted and finally got through to me in January last year.  I knew very quickly that I was falling in love with him and it sure brought me out of the grief stage in a hurry - and I lost a lot of weight - 105 so far with 50 more to go.  We didn't meet again (we dated briefly after the 20th class reunion right before I met Terry) for almost 8 months and by then he was very sure that the ony way I could be in "love" was if it was a transference of my love for Terry onto him and it made him very leery and scared of my feelings for him.  I think that is why we had such big blow ups all the time, was that it was his way of pushing me away when he felt my feelings were getting too intense.   (Most of the time I hid my feelings to keep from upsetting him, but sometimes they would be there when I let my guard down.)  We haven't been intimate since his prostate surgery in November and it has been a very stressful relationship but my love for him grew stronger all the while - my gf says I need a lobotomy,  I would if it would help.   He calls me every 3 or 4 days, but still denies that we could have a future together.   When he left he told me that he loves me and since then he tells me how much he misses me.   Very difficult to know what is going on in his head.  I am moving on against my will because if what he is telling me is true, I don't need to spend any more time on this no matter what my feelings are and besides this is too much like grief for me and too hard with all I have to do at the hospital every day.  

I met a guy from one of the personals last week and it was HORRIBLE.  I couldn't hurt his feelings but I left as soon as it was possible and wondered if I should be doing this at all.  Then Sunday another guy emailed and asked me to meet him for lunch.  After lunch I followed him to a park where we talked for 5 more hours.   I think that he is very interested and I know I could be as well.  He is Chinese and Portuguese and has traveled all over the world, he is funny and intelligent and a gentleman.   My delimma is that I know I would leave him in a heartbeat if Jim decided I was the one for him (not likely to happen) and so I am not sure what to do.   He wants to see me again and I feel as though it could get serious very quickly.   I don't want anyone to get hurt and this probably isn't fair to the new guy, but it feels nice to get some relief and laugh again.  Yesterday was the first day I didn't feel suicidal (I won't do anything, but I do wonder if all that I am going thru is bearable), until I got home and started feeling guilty.   I'll see Jim in Oct. when I go to CA - unless we have had another blowup and he refuses to see me.   I really don't know what to do, I guess just take one day at a time and see what happens.   I am almost done with radiation - and that will be a huge relief.   Having you to talk to is also a relief.   Peace.....

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aprilmoonflower

wow Linda! You aren't wasting time! ;) (totally kidding!) I say give the new guy a chance. he sounds like he's in a much healthier (emotional) state. but it's hard to let go I know..

I am completely enamoured with the guy I've been chatting with. it's all so wonderful!!! HE is wonderful! only 31ish days until we meet in real life! so cool!!!! I'm way too excited! I've decided to drive across country (10 states) with my kids too so that will be fun! (I hope!) we will also be spending some time at my folks too who are 5 hours from the new guy.

I can't relate to the sex talk! still none of that going on here. boohoo! but I really could not fathom having someone else in my bed I shared with D though. I just don't know though, haven't gotten that far in any relationship yet! anyway my feeling is it would be way too weird. I conceieved my 2 kids in that bed!!!!! and it's weird as I have wedding pics all over my bedroom too! I'd definitely feel like I'd have to put those away! lol. I have put alot of pics away though cause I am at the point I don't need to look at them constantly anymore. I actually only have 1 pic up in our main living space then just the hall and bedroom.

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At my age, there is no time to waste :)  The sex thing probably never would have happened with Jim, except that we had already been that involved 20 years before and so he kind of expected it and I was also looking forward to it, but quite scared to death.   I was over 60 and overweight, so it was pretty terrifying, and probably added emotional stuff that I would have been better without, but I have never regretted it.   

BTW, many guys my age no longer have sex because of meds or medical conditions,  instead of a profit and loss statement I want a note from their doctor saying they are good to go :)    New guy will have to wait awhile though, I am too screwed up right now to go down that path.  If he won't wait,  I will miss him too. 

I hope your new guy turns out to be better than your best expectations - love is wonderful and life is too short.

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omg linda...

a note from their doctor...lol!

that is so funny!

the new guy sounds promising, if nothiung else but for companionship..which is important too.

april..driving cross country! my oh my!!

i can't weait to hear more about this....and am glad you;re visiting your folks too, that's cool.

i'll tell you, the sex made me feel good again, like a person, ya know? and i can't imagine him in my...our...bed either, certaunly won't happen.\but his bed is fine!:D

it really is confusing and confounding and weird and good and bad and all those emotions in between.

it wasn't supposed to be this, but then,

life has no guarentees, right?

i'm just gonna keep on moving ahead...trying not to go backwards .

peace,

michele

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Well Michele,  new guy let me down easy or not so much when he didn't get laid tonight.   I really read him wrong, but to be honest I am somewhat relieved and realize that as much as I don't want the pain of missing Jim, I don't want to cause anyone else pain either and I was feeling very conflicted.  Guess I am just not ready yet, but there is so much going on in my life and I think that I just need to take a break and try to take care of me and heal for awhile.  Mostly, deep inside I know that I am hoping that Jim will realize that he really cares for me and misses me - but I need to prepare for that not to happen as well.    At least I know now that I can love again, perhaps the best is yet to be.....  Linda

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justkaren2

Linda:

The new guy let you down easy because he did not get laid?  On the second date?  He did you a favor.  Do not take it personally, please! 

As far as Jim goes, he does miss you; otherwise, he wouldn't call you all of the time. If you really want him back, here is what you need to do.  Don't be so readily available to him.  Be really cheerful when he calls...don't answer the phone right away and wait a bit to call him back.  Do not, I repeat, do not...bring up any of the bad stuff in your relationship in any of your calls.  You want his 'bad' memories to be replaced with good stuff.  Smile when you talk to him on the phone and keep it upbeat.  Be busy and happy.  Keep the conversation short (15 minutes or less) and do not let him know what you are doing.  Avoid answering the questions when he asks...change the subject, make a joke, whatever.  Be happy, upbeat, strong and confident.   No talk of the problems the two of you have, your medical issues or depression.

When you see him in October (and you will...if you follow these suggestions), look the best you have ever looked!  Smile even if it kills you.  Act like it is your first date.  The whole idea is to let him know that he'd better be careful, or you will be gone forever.

Trust me.  This works.  I read a book about it and tried it out.  Worked for me.  Men just want to be where it 'feels good'. 

April:  I am so happy for you.  I think your abstinence thing is very, very good.  I haven't been able to follow it, but I'm not as strong and unique as you.  Here's hoping that this ends up being 'the one'.  Please keep us updated!

Ok, so we all agree.  No intimacy in the place we shared with our loves.  It's too wierd!  Thank you all so much for sharing.  You do not know what a relief it is to know that conflict is shared by all of us.

Michelle:  I hear you.  We don't want to be here dating someone else.  It is not the way it was supposed to be.  But they are gone.  I am too weak to go through the rest of my life completely alone.

Peace,

Karen

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Hi Karen,  

Actually, I am pretty much already doing everything that you suggested because it does work.  I never answer when he calls, I let him leave a message instead of picking up so that I can judge his mood and also not be as available.   When I am really doing well, I wait until the next day to call him back and only if I can be upbeat and positive.  I don't discuss anything that is going on with me, when he asks about the medical stuff I answer only the question with a short answer and then change the subject.    I am back to walking 5 miles a day and staying busy and as positive as possible.    The only time I really express my feelings is here, my family worries any time I even look a tiny bit unhappy, so I am pretty much always upbeat and positive at least on the outside - except sometimes here.

New guy wasn't who I thought he was and no big loss,  I really was relieved mostly. 

Thanks for your input, it was nice to have validation.   I put most of it into effect a month before he left and I think it was the major reason he told me he loved me when he left and there hadn't been any major arguments since a month ago either.   I am certain that if I hadn't changed he wouldn't be still calling now - so we shall see what happens.   A positive attitude helps every situation, so how can I lose overall :)

Linda

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linda and karen if that works for you then good for you. I have just felt that i dont want to play games anymore so i stay positivebut lay it all out on the line. When i was on a dating web site i let everyone that i responded know that i wanted to date and not a big heavy relationship but  i was open to one if the feelings were there. and  that there would be no sex with out the realationshipThe guy im seeing now wantted to be sure he and his ex were done so for a while he tried to make it work with her. We were very honest with each other along the way and i told him when i started dating someone else. We even ended up at the same place he and his ex were at on a date. When he saw me with someone else he says he realized how important i was to him but he had to follow through on seeing if it could work out with her. I let him know then that as long as he was doing that i would be dating others. He only tried for a couple months before he realized how miserable they both were and that they were better as friends.

As far as sex in "our" bed. Yes i have had him over and at first it was strange but i know i cant have kurt back and i have come to think of the bedroom as "mine" not ours. I find i am beginning to think of more and more things that way . I never was big on pictures so i dont have alot of them out but the ones i do have, including the ones in my room are still there. I didnt move them or hide them he knew they were going to be out he knows kurt will always be part of my life and he knows and accepts and understands that if there were any way that kurt could come back into my life he would be out.

All in all it is still  a strange situation

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For me it wasn't game playing it was a result of months of trying to figure out how to get along with someone that has lots of mental issues.   I wanted him in my life but I didn't want to fight with him all the time, that wasn't good for either of us or our cancer treatments.    I came back to MI to help him and we had blow up after blow up until I kind of figured out how to avoid some triggers.   He needed me to get him to his treatments and to care for him after surgery and it became impossible to get along with him.   (He has no friends and his family has no patience with him.)   I could have abandoned him, but I just didn't want to do that.   It only took me 8 months, but I finally figured out how to have a truce and have a somewhat calmer relationship by putting these things to work.   Now that he is in CA,  I am happy that he still feels a strong enough connection that he wants to stay in touch - most of the last 8 months has been extremely stressful for both of us.    Unfortunately, he moved to be with his mom who had a stroke a couple of months ago and it seems that he isn't getting along with her at all.  Truth be known, my life will probably be better if it doesn't work out, but I am not ready to think about that yet.   I really hope that he can find some some peace whether I am in his life or not.   

Anyone I date from the personals, I have been completely honest with because I hate playing games.   If they can't except me as I really am, they don't need to be in my life.

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man....

we are seriously pretty f ing amazing women, aren't we?

been thru so much and still finding the positive, trying it all again.

i'm imporessed!

peace,

michele

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Yup, we are all pretty special and we are pretty lucky to have each other to lean on when we aren't :)   Most of us have been at this for a while now and realize that a positive attitude can keep you from going crazy - but we still have our days.   Bottom line for me is that while I am still here - living life in the past isn't living today.    Now if I could just remember to apply that every day!!!  

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linda i didnt mean you were playing games i just meant that i have little patience for the game playing that usually goes with dating. Its too tiring to try to do that and survive. i think its great that you found ways to get along with him and avoid blow ups. And who knows maybe it will be a wake up call for him to be without you for a while. As far as the personals i just didnt want anybody to think i was out for a quick hook up and after talking to all of 2 guys i found the easiest way was to tell them bluntly. And then tell them again later. If they still didnt get it they were done. I did have one guy say he didnt want that either and the after a week of talking asked if id like to meet for some fun and maybe good sex. I guess he thought a week was a relationship and i told him "good" sex wasn't what i wanted i thought id wait until somone offered great sex. Didn't hear from him again after that Hmmm...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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LOL Good for you!   I don't have any patience for games either, but it seems that most men play.   I am sure there are some out there that aren't out just for sex, but if they are my age it's cause they can't.    It amazes me what they think a lunch will buy...

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A lunch would be nice some of them started hinting at it after the second conversation online. Im sure there are men out there that dont expect it at least not right away.  My girlfriends tell me to date a few people and see whats out there. They have no idea how scary that is and im a little afraid of whats out there so...

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jumping in here...

i completely agree with the upfront honesty about sex....

i had several, what i call "meet and greets', and online chatting,and it was clear that sex was what they wanted.

that's ok..but they didn't "float my boat"...lol, and it had been so long for me that i just figured i'd know when it was the right person.

the guy i'm seeing now is really nice, i like him a lot, and after some of my other encounters, i realized that he would be a good person to "practice' with...

and i'm glad i did.

i'm not in love, and when we started i expressed in no uncertain terms how slowly i would go...and he was cool with it, which i appreciated. it got to a point tho, where i figured that the fact he was a good guy counted for a lot, and i knew i eventually had to get back into being a sexual person....i think i threw him for a loop, because he was way into the go slow mode,and i actually initiated the whole sex thing. he didn't fight me, mind you

;);, but i do think he was pretty surprised.

i'm a little freaked about the way we have settled into an easy sort of pattern, and it's not all sexual, we do a lot of things together, but that hinting at intimacy and closeness freaks me out a lot more than sex.

anyway....

just my thoughts tonite....

peace,

michele

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When Terry and I met - I told him the same thing that he had to go slow, and then I changed my mind a week later and he refused.  I showed up the next night in a little purple lacy teddy under my coat - he decided it was a great idea.   I had forgotten that, thank you  :)

When it is over, that is what we miss the most - the intimacy and closeness, and knowing that someone has your back no matter what.   Sex is second :cool:

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omg...

what a great story linda!!!

and that's true....

the intimacy is what i miss and am careful of...

sex is just fun, like a game right now,

if that makes any sense.

and i have a similar story about tom...

we had been friends for a year, and i had been working up my nerve to finally tell him i had other feelings for him, and had no idea if he'd reciprocate.

so..i jumped in, told him, and he had felt the same...so we started kissing and talking and were so excited and he came into my apartment and i just kinda figured..we'll go for it.

but he stopped it..saying "we haven't really even dated yet'!!

he REALLY won my heart with that,

and the waiting was good.

i hadn't thought of that for a long time.

peace,

michele

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aprilmoonflower

well I'm driving across 10 states to meet my online friend. (in 30 days!) weee!

I do think he's "the one", I actually had a dream where I was waking up and heard a voice telling me "He's the one!" freaky!!!! but I'm trying not to get my hopes up too! :)

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april...

tell us more about him, if you can....

something has made you willing to drive that far...

i'd love to hear about it!

peace,

michele

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aprilmoonflower

well he is perfect as far as I can tell! seriously! definitely worth the trip as far as I can tell thus far! I don't want to write too much here though! (I know I still owe you a PM here.lol, dying of suspense,eh?) ;)

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I think one of the worst parts of the first year or two is not being able to smile at the ood memories.   Good ole days start with good new days like today......

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aprilmoonflower

Feeling weepy and unsure today. I stayed up way too late wondering and worrying if this is all going to work out (hoping!) I am willing to risk being hurt, but I just don't know if I actually can handle any more hurt in my life! :(  not sure why I am letting doubts overshadow something that feels so right. It so hard for me not to view myself as "damaged goods" in a way. I have pretty good self esteem so not sure where this is all coming from.

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Sometimes we over-analyze everythng.   I think that some of that comes because we know how bad things can get and we don't want to go thru anything similar.  I am having a weepy day also.  Left the hospital and drove around places where we were together not long ago.   Not sure why, but I think I just wanted to pretend for awhile - didn't work, just made it worse.    I have been fighting the urge for more than a week to go to the other side of town where he lived and go to the restaurant where we used to go almost daily - but I know that it will just make it so much worse, so I haven't.    I really hate feeling this way and yesterday I was able to override it somehow - today it is just overwhelming.  

I know for a fact that we can handle whatever we have to, hopefully you won't have to.  IMO you are valuable goods and if you are attracted to him, he will be a lucky man.   IMO you will be fine once you get there, but please be careful.  

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Hi..

Have been reading the posts here and thinking how brave you all are. I dated after my divorce and sometimes it was fun and sometimes it was miserable. Not anxious to get into that now, but if someone I thought was worth thinking about asked, I would go. What I'd really like is someone on a casual basis to do things with once in awhile, maybe eventually travel with some. It makes me mad at myself that I can't just be satisfied to do those things with my women friends, but there's something missing....know what I mean?

Good luck on your trip, April. I know several successful couples (including my son & his fiance) who met online. Trust your instincts!

Who would have ever thought we'd actually get to this stage???

Mary Jo

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i echo the thoughts here april...

trust your instincts.

sometimes we're wrong, that's life, right?

and we are living life.

chances are you won't be disappointed, and if you are...

look what you've lived thru.

you can do anything...

we all can.

i sometimes drive by the first place tom and i lived together..a little house we rented before we bought this home. it is very close to the condo that my guy..well, his name is jim too, lives. i'll be heading to his house, and drive by our old place...insane.

but..what the heck, right.

and the memories are so good, even tho i tear up and wish with everfything we were back there, living there, alive together.

my brother-in-law is in town tonite...barney and i are going to meet him at a mutual friends show (music)....can't wait. barney especially, the connection to tom is strong..and this is the guy who he'll stay with in Minnesota in august.

and mary jo...

there is something missing with women friends...

don't want to make us all blush tho..lol!!!

peace all..

michele

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aprilmoonflower

my instincts are screaming go ASAP!!! ;) wha if there is an earthquake or something  and we never meet? I am just a worrywort w/ an overactive imagination and am anxious. I think things will go well, just kinda nervous! (but excited too!)

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TY Michele,  I've started feeling a little crazy, glad to know that either I'm not or we both are :) 

MJ - IMO what is missing is the chemistry.  I don't even enjoy going with guy friends - they have testosterone (or whatever you want to call it) but it just isn't the same without the chemistry.

April, if good thoughts and wishes help, mine are with you.

I was given $1100 tonight at my restaurant - they have been doing bake sales and car washes - and raised $600 - then the corporation matched $500 of it.  I was surprised, shocked and a little teary eyed.  I didn't even know some of the ones that worked so hard because I haven't worked since January.   Now I have the money to go home to MS for a visit at the end of my radiation. 

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justkaren2

Wow...I've been gone for a couple of days and this board is a busy place now!  April, great idea for starting it!

And April...Your nervousness and anxiety is a good thing...and, if it is meant to be, you will know it almost immediately.   Just don't let your expectations be so high that you will be disappointed.  Remember, you are choosing, too!  He is probably just as nervous.  Know that you are awesome (definitely NOT damaged goods).  I've been impressed with you...your character, etc...since I first started reading your posts.  You have a lot to offer and do not forget that.  The danger here is that meeting someone in person is so much different than phone and on-line.  That said, there are so many success stories...it is the way of the dating world now.  Why not you?

I think we are all awesome, truly, and will make great partners for our next loves.  At least from my perspective, I will never, ever take anyone for granted ever again.  And I appreciate each moment of every day.   I have learned so much about life and love from surviving this grief and any new love will benefit from that.

And, just as a note, my previous post was not about 'playing games'...it was more about relating to a man on his level.  They are sooooo very different from us.  Enough of that.  I don't expect everyone to understand.

Guess what?  I've been looking for a new job and I got two offers today at significantly higher pay (25% increase).  I told my boss that I had this decision to make, that I really wanted to stay there but could not continue to work for this low wage (they just cut all of our salaries across-the-board, so now I actually earn less than I did when I started there two years ago) and she responded very positively.  Guess I'll find out tomorrow about what will happen.  Big decisions, but exciting, too.  Wish me luck!

Karen

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justkaren2

Michelle:

That is so cool!  It's the little things that people do that make this life awesome.  You must be really loved for these people to do this for you.  A little bright light in the face of so many tragedies.  How are you feeling, by the way?  Is the radiation draining you?  Prognosis good?

Karen

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The strange part of the whole deal is that I only worked there from August until Jan.  - however the losses from Katrina and Terry passing away were known before I arrived in August so I think that was part of it.   Whatever the reason, I am so grateful.

I'm doing good and prognosis is also good.   So far I haven't experienced any burns, but have developed the rash that they say preceeds it.   No matter, it will all be over soon.  Naturally it is a little draining, but the negative effects of chemo have finally worn off, so it is a trade up over all.

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April- I personally would be scared shitless ifi were you but excited too. That being said i would go for it. Your smart enough to know the precautions you need to make to be safe. Meet the first time in a very public place etc.... For me i would always wonder what if... if i didnt go. i do a lot more things in the now because i realizer that there may not be a later you know(of course you do we all do), The road not traveled and all that. but you owe it to yourself and your kids to be safe and to find out. im rambling but missed oportunities suck and i think we have all had enough of those so im sending you good thoughts.

I know what you mean about things not being the same going out with girlfriends. I have fun going out with them but it is lacking something hard to explain but there is something.

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aprilmoonflower

well I am going to where he lives (at an ecovillage) so I feel pretty safe. I wouldn't be going if I had any doubts on that. So I am pretty sure. My kids are going to their grandparents for a few days then I'll go back and get them later.

btw this isn't new to me as I actually met D online in 1997! (we met in Aug too and I drove a long way by myself that time too!) so it's kinda like de ja vu, but just even better this time around. ;) He really is comepletely wonderful. I have never met anyone quite so wonderful!!! which was totally unexpected as I was just about to give up on the dating thing.

The men I have been meeting just aren't doing it for me. Homeschool dad was great practice as far as dating for me, but well he has so many issues. (Including being a sex addict ~so glad we did not go there) and actually I wouldn't have met the new guy if it weren't for those issues that drove me to the greensingles site.lol.

Linda- that's awesome! I remember after D died his drinking buddies at the bar took up a collection and brought us $500. It was one of the nicest things anyone did for us at the time and so unexpected as the people were't even friends of mine. (We went to Disneyland! haha.)

have you all tried meetup.com ? I joined several groups there last summer and it's a great way to meet new folks. I belong to a vegetarian group, hiking group and co organize the single parents group and there are tons of groups according to interests (even a Sufi group which of course made me think of Anna) anyway just a thought. it's  not dating, but that's how I met the homeschool dad originally. (and lots of other aquaintences I woudn't have met otherwise)

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I just went to a meet up group (website design) a couple of nights ago - looking for more that would interest me.   I was the oldest one there - by a mile, but I got some help with a design problem that I had, so it is all good.   

I am done with the personals for awhile, maybe after October when I come back from CA.   I plan to stay real busy between then and now, and I can go back to work next month.

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lindat, I am so glad you are almost finished with all you've gone through and you are doing so well. That is very good news. I'm glad you have a good prognosis too!

 

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aprilmoonflower

Linda- I find meetup hit or miss. it really varies from meet up to meet up and the season,etc. you could always start your own too! ;)

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