mom passed away

[aly]

hi i'm aly, i just joined here and i'm 15 years old. my mom passed away on january 17th. she had bad depression and got into drugs. she got into prescription drugs and was addicted to them for years. she hurt me emotionally so many times because of her problem and i've experienced some traumatic things. she'd get messed up on pills often, and when she would, she'd slur her words, would say things that didn't make sense, and every time she'd try to stand up, she'd fall over. she crashed the car a few times, and actually stole all of the money from me and my brother's college fund and spent it all on drugs. she even sold her engagement and wedding ring. she turned into a monster because of her problem. she'd stay at her drug addict friends house all day, and would never be home to spend time with me or my brother. she was the sweetest person ever but her problem turned her into a completely different person. we never expected her to die, she'd always sleep it off. about a week or 2 before she died, she went into the psych ward because she was very depressed. she got out a week later on monday and seemed happy. she got put on new medication. she told my dad that she hadn't felt that great in years. the next day(the last time i saw her), you could tell she was messed up because she was slurring her words and everything. she dropped my brother and i off at school and said "bye i love you" but i didn't say it back because i was mad that she was messed up on pills again..that was the last thing she said to me and i never said anything back. on wednesday i didn't get to see her because she was at her friends all day and i guess i was sleeping when she came home but she was very messed up on pills. she left her car at her friends and her friend had to drive her home. my dad told me that she was falling all over the place. on thursday morning before my dad left for work, my mom fell and was on the floor so my dad put her in bed. that afternoon i came home from school and just assumed that she was sleeping everything off so i fell asleep. my dad woke me up by saying "wake up, i think your moms dead" so i woke up thinking that he was exaggerating or something. the next thing i know, the paramedics were there. i was telling myself that she couldn't really be dead and that maybe the paramedics could revive her or something but she was definitely dead. i still loved her after everything she put me through. i just wish i could have had a stable mom.

[dsmurph]

I'm sorry to here about the loss of your mom and the things you all had to go through before your loss. I know that she is no longer struggling with her addiction. She is in a beautiful place, finally at peace, smiling down at you and your family, remembering how you all were always there. I know you will go through some anger but, one day you will remember good times you had with her. It took alot of courage for you to reach out. It shows me that you are wanting to get through this and you will, every day. You and your brother will be something great one day. Keep reaching out and taking care of yourselves. Maybe ask a counsler at school to help you find a support group. You can work through this. If you ever need to talk, you can message me. Debbie

[Mom of Chip]

Aly, I can identify with your pain..My mom did not have a drug addiction, but she was very depressed. She was on a lot of medication and was never able to really to be a mom to me. I never felt angry, but it took a long time to grieve....about 18 months after she died, I finally broke down and cried...I was crying for her as she never knew what a good mother-daughter relationship should be...and I was crying for myself because I never had the kind of relationship with my mom that I have with my daughter. Believe me, things will get better...Don't beat yourself up about the relationship you had with her...It was the drugs that caused it all.

I agree with Debbie....seek out a counselor who can help you to sort it all out.

Come to this forum often. Just expressing your pain to others who understand can be very healing. We are here for you.

Good thoughts are going out to you.

[nopeace]

Hi Aly, I am so very sorry for the lost of you Mother. I agree with all that have responded to you. Just hang in there and know that God will carry you through this. You are not alone. Know that you Mother truly loved you but the devil (drugs) would not allow her to show you and your brother. She is watching over you all and believe it she is with you. I talk to my Momma every day and I am not crazy. Just start talking to your Mother and you will get through this in the midst of it all. We all are here for you at any time. Not just words. I will keep you in my prayers. There is nothing like a Mother's Love..... love you Aly!!!