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Where do I go from here


mielhall

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My beautiful wife died 1/11/13 and I am having a hard time dealing with her death. We had her at home with the help of Hospice for 6 weeks and I hope I did everything for her that I could. I have signed up for a support group that meets weekly and hope it will help. Does anyone have any ideas about how I go on with my life.

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GoldenAnniversary

My husband died Nov. 13, 2012 with Hospice. It is difficult to go on, but go on we must! Every morning I say a prayer that I can get through the day without making a major mistake, since my husband, when alive, did everything that mattered, paying bills, fixing things etc. etc. Now I have to take charge. Not only is that difficult, but missing him, just being around is so strange, I can't get it passed my head that he is not coming back to me.

I recently joined this group, because I can't get out to any support groups right now, as I am also caring for my elderly mother, age 97, she too is on Hospice.

Just reading the notes here, are a blessing to me. This may sound selfish, but knowing I am not alone on this journey is a support group in itself.

I realize I am not the first and only widow but it still hurts, the loss of someone that has been a part of my life for such a long, long time and as I said, knowing I will not see him again in this life is hard to understand.

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Thank you. Brierley and I were married over 31 years and she also handled all our bills. Our family has had 4 deaths in the past 20 months and it's been hard for us all, but her passing has left me feeling so alone. She was sick for 4 months and I should have gotten a better handle on our finances but taking care of her was my main goal. I hope she felt I did a good job taking care of her.

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Hello, and first of all I'd like to say, how sorry I am to hear of your loss. The loss of a spouse is a devastating thing, and the first thing I'd say to you, is be kind to yourself, and don't feel that you "have" to do anything, in a set amount of time. Don't let other people make you feel that you should not feel the emotions you are feeling, or that it is taking you too long to process, or that there is anything wrong with the way you choose to proceed. Give yourself time and permission to grieve. If you feel like crying, there isn't a thing wrong with that. Those were the hardest ideas for me to accept at first.

It's been almost 5 months now, since I lost my husband to sudden heart failure. I have been by turns devastated, ok, and not at all ok. There are days when the loneliness and isolation are overwhelming, and other days when I almost feel that life can go on, and maybe even be good, sometime. At any rate, there are a lot of caring people that come to this site, and on our strong days, we try to support, and on our weak days, we ask for help from someone who is experiencing similar feelings and similar situations.

Just take it a day at a time.Make sure you take care of your health. Try to eat and sleep, like you should, if at all possible. Ask your friends and family for help, company, and support, when you feel you need it. Call a friend when you need to talk. If you feel like smiling, or being happy about something- remember that your loved one wouldn't want you to hurt all the time, and don't let it make you feel guilty. Even if you don't feel like it, make an effort to stay active, and to connect with other people, and if you become concerned about how sad you are feeling, or especially if you have thoughts of harming yourself- see your doctor.

All of the above, are pieces of advice that various people here have passed on to me, since my grief journey started, and most of them have been of benefit, at different points , along the way.

I'm sure that others will have htings to add, and don't hesitate to ask questions, if they come up.

I hope something above, will be of use to you, and again.. I'm sorry to hear of you loss. Please take care, and feel welcome here.

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I am encouraging everyone who has experienced a loss to read ,"Embraced By the Light," by Betty J Eadie. It has helped me so much in knowing that there is life after here, and it is so much more beautiful than we could ever imagine. Get through anyway you can. The object of grieving is not to get over the loss or recover from the loss but to get through the loss. Get through every second, every day, anyway that you can. ( healthy ways) That is all we can do. Blessings

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