My momma

[stephanie1968]

Hello my name is Stephanie. My beautiful momma passed away on New Years Eve after a two month battle with cancer. I struggled with watching her suffer with the pain. But today, 1-7-13, we laid her to rest with her one true love, my daddy who passed 12 years ago. I seat here unable to sleep wondering how life goes on. I know that we heal over time but today, right now, I don't know how I can live with my heart breaking so much. It feels like a part of me has died. I know that I have all the wonderful memories with my parents but I just cannot fathom never seeing her face again (in person). I know that the bodies we have now are just a vessel on earth. I believe that I will be reunited with my parents one day in Heaven but I just don't know how to get back to daily life. I have a wonderful/supportive husband and two handsome teenage boys but in all reality I just want my momma. I understand that there are no words of wisdom or advise on how to deal with this as we handle things in our own ways but I just don't know right now.

Thank you for letting me put into words my thoughts through this horrible part of what people keep telling me "the circle of life".

[Brokenheart22]

I know all to well what you are going through. I lost my mom in October, 2 days after my bday. My mom had been declining in health due to cardiac disease and dementia but was up and moving around fairly well. She and I actually spent the Friday before at a hotel and seeing a specialist at Cleveland clinic and was given the all clear with nothing wrong found. Sat. We went shopping for my bday and watched sun. Football as usual. She had a wonderful weekend dementia wise and seemed totally with it! She had developed a cough on fri. And I made her a doctor appointment Monday morning before I left for work. My husband was going to pick her up @9:45 to meet me at the doctor. When I left @8:30 I almost turned around twice thinking it was stupid to go to work for one hour but I went in the end. As I was leaving my work @ 9:45 I got the call from my husband that he found her dead. I had just had breakfast with her and she was getting out of the shower when I left the house. She wasn't even fully dressed when he found her! Living with the what ifs is hell! What if I had stayed? What if I was able to do CPR? But then I have to tell myself that she didn't suffer and that I am being selfish! We just watched her brother pass from cancer and I know she didn't want to go that way nor did she want to lose her mind. It's just hard on us left behind. This was the 1st Christmas in 43 years that I didn't get to spend with my mom and I was over whelmed to say the least. I have been numb, tearful to right out bawling, anxiety/panic attacks. I have been sick for 6 weeks and on 4 rounds of meds and steroids. I am shocked of the physical toll this has taken on me! I have found great relief using this sight, just knowing I am not alone with all these emotions. No one understands that has never experienced it. I was having a difficult time keeping my mind off of the visual of finding her until I read a way to make my mind go to a picture of her that makes me smile, so I now think of her in a picture I had taken with my gma years ago whom I know she is celebrating with in heaven! I was an only child and I have no grandparents or parents alive, which makes me feel a sense of real loneliness. I have a husband and children and I know they are there for me but there is just something about not having my momma! I have to believe that the pain will become less raw one day. Take care of yourself and may we both get through this stronger!

[BreathofAngel]

Dearest Stephanie,

I am with you on your loss of your beautiful Mother. Please accept my heartfelt condolences. I know these times are exceptionally hard as I too have suffered such a loss. It is the hardest when you see things that remind you of her and hear music that is she all over again. And there's people who may say to you that 'time will heal everything' only it doesn't but I understand they are trying to find words of comfort to convey their feelings of sympathy.

It is wonderful that you have other family members with you but as you say it does not replace your Mother. It never could as we have only one of them and once she is gone we cannot ever find anyone else to take her place. But the beauty of her existence, which will truly live on forever, is the one hope that you can still cling to from now on. There is no such thing as "death" but only a 'passing-on' as many prefer to call it. She lives in spirit now of which all of us are composed. We wear these physical bodies for only a short time before discarding them and once again returning to our true home in Heaven with God in spirit form of which He also is.

And your Mom is still with you as you surely know with your great understanding of the life process and the continuation of it in spirit form. So as the days appear darker just know that your Mother is still with you and is the Light that you need right now! When you feel like you would like to have her near, which would surely be all of the time, take a picture of her out and look at it for a while and then close your eyes and hug yourself tightly and hear her voice telling you how much she loves you and know that it is she who is embracing and speaking to you. Because there is no doubt that is exactly what she would want to do!

May God bless you, dear (((((Stephanie))))), and bring you many blessings with your Mom in them.