BEING ALONE!!

[naty0123]

Just when you think that you cant experience more pain, here comes the lonliness.. I had a partner for 19yrs and now I'm alone. Do I go out and mingle or do I sit at home and cry?? I am so sick of being depressed and crying all the time..It has only been 7 months for me. Why do I feel lonely and long for company? The thought of someone making me laugh makes me feel very guiltyg. I loved my husband with every ounce of me, how do I feel like this? I havent been on here in awhile just wanting to talk and get some feed back!!

[Mdanielson4]

Being Alone!!

I too feel very alone and was married to my beloved Mary for 32 years. I have had the Dr’s tell me I was Co-Dependant and have a very hard time functioning alone. I have to reflect and decide was this a bad thing? I loved her with all my heart and feel that respect and honor is what I gave. I too have lost my partner 7 months ago. I feel that Mary would want me to be happy and not lonely. I don’t know how to proceed. I had only dated maybe three other women before committing my life to my wife. I am lost and wondering. I am not sure how to act anymore. I wish you all the best.

Mike

[Caremal]

I am also in your shoes. I was 32 years with my husband and I tried to date one time I felt sick and guilty and never followed threw it. I am alone and lonely and long for someone to spend time with Part of the time. The other part of the time I would NEVER want to be happy and spend time with anyone. I have to say I am to the point now after almost 9 months - that the part of me that wants to go on with my life is getting stronger, and for you I hope that it will be ok as well. I watched a video one time that might really hit home for you. It is Joe Biden talking about the loss he suffered when his first wife and child were killed. Here is the link it is long but you should watch it and maybe it will bring you peace as it did me.

[nunimom]

I have decided that I must make peace with this loneliness. It is better than fighting it. I am only less than 3 months out from my husband's death, and the loneliness and the wishing to be able to "go back" could consume me if I let it. I can only think about it for short whiles, then I occupy myself with what turns out to be nonesense stuff. It's always with me, it just sometimes will take a back seat.

I miss so much. Sometimes, lying in bed before trying to sleep, I can conjure up his image right down to the smallest detail. I have saved the clothes that he slept in the night before he died, I smell them sometimes, curl up with them and sleep. It's a wound, a seeping wound.

Don't push yourself would be the only advice I guess I have to give. Let it be, be good to yourself, understand that it's normal. At least that's what I'm being told.

peace.

[widower2]

Why do I feel lonely and long for company?

This doesn't really need answered does it?

The thought of someone making me laugh makes me feel very guilty

I understand, that's common, but try to fight that. Not only would your loved one want you to be happy, but you DESERVE it! Don't you think you've had more than your share of suffering?? How then is wanting a little happiness so terrible? Are you really that bad of a person? I'd bet heavy money you aren't.

I'm not sure if you're talking specifically about dating or just getting out with others. Either way, there's no badge of honor, IMO, in punishing yourself even more than you already have been by sitting home alone in misery the rest of your days. If you aren't sure about dating, just get out with family/friends, even including making new friends.

I have had the Dr’s tell me I was Co-Dependant and have a very hard time functioning alone

Doctors Let's see you were married 32 yrs - that's (at least) 32 yrs of having someone by your side day after day - and now you have a hard time functioning alone - wow this is so hard to figure out - I know! *snap* You're "co-dependent!"

What fools. You're normal md, get over it. 7 months is not all that long. If you are feeling lonely to the point where you consider dating, DO IT! Again there is no shame in not wanting to feel that unbearable loneliness all the time. If you're not ready for that, don't. Just try to get out with family/friends etc. It's not like you have to choose between being alone or dating.

Best to you both!

[Aimee]

Munchkin... you have every right to feel the way you do. It has only been 7 months; you are still and will be grieving this loss for a long long time. I can't say that it gets any better, but it does feel like it gets easier.

You MUST find joy in the simple things. Think about the man you husband was; think about all the laughs you shared with him; do you think he of all people would not want you to find joy and laughter again? You might find ways to celebrate the life you had together while you are laughing.

As to some of your questions: You do what you feel is right, when you feel the time is right. If you make plans to go out with friends and the day comes and you don't want to go, then don't go. You do it at your own pace. No one can experience your pain but you. You said it yourself, "I loved my husband with every ounce of me..." Then why wouldn't you feel sad that he is gone?

We here understand your feelings. We are here because we are sad, lonely, depressed, angry, frustrated, overwhelmed... We share our pains so maybe some one here will say: Don't worry, I get it! So I am saying it... DON'T WORRY, I GET IT!!!

I pray that you find peace.

Aimee

[naty0123]

Thanks for the reponses, This is so freaking difficult. My husband was my everything!! I feel so lost without him and very lonely like I stated. I'm 36 and a widow!!! I guess I always thought I would be older and with grandbaby's..HAHA!! Since he has passed I have gotten a job and given up our personal business. I look for him everywhere!! I really try to cope but it gets hard and I find myself like a zombie with no emotions. There is a gentleman that has approached me and is very sweet and a little older than me and he has just lost his father and divorced his wife of 22yrs. about 6 months ago.. We have gone to lunch, but the whole time I think of my husband. One of the good things I like is that he lets me talk about my husband and that's nice. I long for him every second of the day... I cant figure out how I am suppose to be happy without him.. Just doing normal things is hard!! I am thankful for my girls.. Being a single mother is a little hard, I'm so use to depending on him for everything.. I'm scared that I cant do it!! But, that is not an option I must I KNOW!! This process of your world distroyed in a blink of an eye is so hard. I didnt evan get to say good bye or a last I love you!! I woke up and he was gone!! and now I'm here alone trying to freaking figure it out...

[Aimee]

Munchkin,

I can not begin to tell you how similar our stories are. I, too, am a single mom now. My kids are 15 and 10. I am only 46 years old. I am lucky in the respect that I was already working a full time job. In fact, my job paid more than his. Still the added income is sorely missed.

I did not get my chance to say good-bye or one last, "I love you." It was about 10pm on a Friday night, and he came out of the bedroom and complained that he had really bad heartburn. That was something he always suffered with even before his heart attack in '07. After his heart attack, I had always made it a point to ask him what kind of heart burn... pre-heart attack? or heart attack? I did not ask him that night. We had been arguing earlier. I said, "Oh, I am sorry." Then I went to bed. He probably died sometime soon after that exchange. When I found him the next morning, he was so quiet, so alone, and so cold. Since then, I have been unable to sit on the part of the couch where he was. I have even moved the furniture around so I don't instinctively look at the spot when I walk into the living room.

It has been a long and hard journey. I am no where near the end. Christmas was concievably the hardest of the holidays to get through. I have planned a memorial for the "anniversary" (for lack of a better word). Not sure what shape I will be in on that day.

Allow yourself to grieve. Allow yourself to celebrate. Forgive yourself so that you can find joy.

Good luck

Aimee