Members Imtheironlygirl Posted December 27, 2012 Members Report Share Posted December 27, 2012 Never in my mind that a day like this will come. I thought this only happens in movie. December 5th, 2012 is the day which the pain started. It was like any other Wednesdays, I was home with my 10 months old, my cellphone rang, I was busy doing the dishes at the time, so it went to voicemail. When I checked the message 2 minutes later, my father's neighbor called and said that my father fainted. I dropped everything and rushed over, I lived a distance from my father's place, by the time I got to his place, the ambulance and fire trucks were still surrounding the street, my heart sank, I ran inside the condo and found that the paramedic was still trying to revive my father, they had been doing CPR on him for 40 minutes and they couldn't get a heart beat. The polices would not let me go inside. I found out from the neighbor that my father called 911 himself, but by the time the polices got there, he passed out already. After 10 more minutes of attempts, my father was pronounced died. Heart failure is the reason that my father died. I so believed that something more could have to be done, but they said they tried their best. I cried like I never did before in my life, my heart was bleeding with pain, I felt so alone. My dad and I had been each other's support since my mom developed dementia some years ago. He would come over on weekends to help babysit the kids. Playing with his three grand kids was his pride and joy, especially with my youngest son. He loved him dearly. Nothing would be the same anymore, this Christmas felt so empty for me. The person that knew and understood me the best is now gone forever. I had no idea how and where I got the strength to get things done. I lost my father on the 5th, buried him on the 19th. I kept myself busy everyday in hoping that I don't have to think about the fact that he is gone. But whenever I slow down and get caught in the moment, that emptiness will fill me up with pain and grief. I know this will reduce with time, but it will for sure stay with me for the rest of my life. Like many others who posted, I tried to think back in time and wonder if I would be able to do things to help change the situation, what if I took him to see a specialist when he told me he had vertigo instead letting his heart doctor kept putting him on monitoring, what if the paramedic was able to revive him, what if..., all these what if, would it cause him more pain and sufferings? Or is this a better ending for him? I will never find the answer to that, but one thing i know for sure and will feel bad for the rest of my life is that I didn't get to say good bye, a lot of things were left unsaid since he left this world so suddenly and unexpectedly. I am coping with it the best I can, I know there is no easy way out, but is there ways to tune down the pain? I'm having a hard time going through his things the past few days. I can't stand seeing his items without tearing. I wish that you can still hear me when I talk to you. I will try to be strong for mom and your three grand kids. Don't worry about us! Rest in peace, my old friend. You were always there for me and support me even when I was wrong. No one will spoiled me the way you did, never again. I miss you and I love you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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