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lost without my dad


completelybroken

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completelybroken

I lost my dad unexpectedly on December 3, 2012. We was never sick and in my mind would live forever as the superhero he was; he never needed the armour, he was always bulletproof. He was 58, suffered a massive heart attack and just died. I am having a real hard time dealing with his death because I feel like more could have been done that day. He went to see his Dr. complaining of chest pain and apparently the ECG showed nothing and my dad was sent home. An hour later he had a heart attack and never woke up. When he was brought to the hospital by ambulance they continued working on him for about an hour, but when I heard "code blue" over the PA my heart sank and I just wished so hard that he would stay here with us, maybe I didn't wish hard enough.

I don't know how to come to terms with my dad's death. I am so sad and so incredibly angry. I hate when people tell me they know how I feel and proceed to tell me that they've lost a loved one as well. I just feel like unless you have lost a parent suddenly, at a young age, then there is no way to know how I am feeling. I wish I would have known my dad was sick. I wish I would have been able to ask him questions that I feel I need answers to and I wish that I would have been able to say good-bye and have one more hug.

I try in every way to avoid talking to people when I'm out in public because I hate the way they look at me and the things they say. I know that they are trying to comfort me, but I just don't want to be comforted by "strangers". I also get angry when I see really old people who cannot take care of themselves being wheeled around and wonder why my dad had to go when he still had so much life to live. I know this sounds so bad, but, I can't help it.

I have a 7 month old baby girl and she was my dad's little princess. I find it hard sometimes to play with her, but, I do try really hard because I know that my dad would want that. It is just so hard knowing that they do not have each other anymore. My husband and I are unable to concieve naturally so she is our IVF baby and on the day before my dad died we transferred one of our frozen embryos. When he died I wanted so badly for the FET to not work, because I felt like I couldn't possibly bring a baby into this world that my dad would never meet, but it did work, and I am due in August. Mixed emotions.

I guess I'd like to hear from those of you that have similar stories because I need to know how to start putting my pieces back together. I have never lost anyone that was really close to me before and my dad was the closest person to me in my life. I miss him so much.

Thank you for reading.

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I've been through something like this on the 4th of November. My Dad who never was sick a day in his life passed away. It's still a shock, it's painful and I don't honestly know if or when it gets better. My Dad was my best friend, my best man at my wedding and my hero. I loved him so much and I am in constant agony at his loss.

I'm angry at people who try to comfort me knowing they have never been through anything like this, I'm angry at random people who are walking with their elderly parents. I'm just disappointed in life that such a tragedy could happen.

I can give you no advice, nor would try to. All I can say is that you are not alone. A good friend of mine lost his father suddenly and had just had a baby. Eventually he would say that his child helped him mend his world. Maybe that will be something that will happen for you as well.

My wife and I are trying to conceive and we were planning on telling my Dad on Thanksgiving. He never got to even know we were trying. And all he wanted in this world was a grandchild. I'm not trying to compare loss or heartbreak but consider yourself lucky that at least your Dad knew the joy of being a grandfather.

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completelybroken

RobbG,

Thank you for your words. For some reason it does help knowing that I am not alone. I know that you are right, I should be happy that my dad did have time with my little girl and my heart aches for you and your situation, but I'm still too angry to be grateful for anything. Your statement that " I'm just disappointed in life that such a tragedy could happen." resonates with me, it is exactly how I feel. My mom and dad had finished paying all their debts, mortgage included and on thier way to retirement. Now my mom won't be able to live out her days the way she and my dad had planned. I hate that life is so unfair.

It is difficult for me to think that I won't have my dad for the rest of my life; I'm only 31, I know people who are well into their sixties and still have their parents. Death is so final.

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No thanks necessary. I know it's hard to feel anything positive right now, it's completely understandable. Death is unfair, just as life seems to be now. The anger is overwhelming the positive memories for you it seems, same here.

I obsess over all the things my Dad and I will never discuss or experience together. Big things like me having a kid or little things like baseball scores. I miss him so much, he was a daily part of my life and now a huge hole is left where a great supportive loving person was.

I feel for you and your mother. My parents had unfortunately gotten divorced less than a year ago. They were married for 34 years but the last 10 had been rough. It was as amicable as possible. My mom got the life insurance payout so she will be able to provide for herself, so there is that.

I'm 34, I figured I had at least another 20 years with my Dad. My grandfather lived to be 94. Never in my wildest nightmares did I consider this would happen.

I wish you the best completelybroken.

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Mermaid Tears

to completelybroken and robbg......I just want you to know that what you are feeling and your sadness is the grief from your heart....for your Dad....and I think that when a loss like that happens....you should be just heartbroken...it is natural to feel angry..hurt...betrayed...lost...and in a very strange and foreign land....for you have never lost a Daddy before...I so remember when my Dad passed....I felt like I was an orphan..I had lost that strong arm...the shoulder that had always been there....the one I could always turn to when there was a question or trouble...and I had to find my footing on a path that had no lights. He would not have left you...unless he had to....just go with your natural feelings...if you don't feel like talking to people..don't...if you feel like crying...do.....for you are in mourning....be good and kind to yourself...you are feeling vulnerable...and may you feel His Arms of Mercy, Grace, Love and Healing around you...Blessings to you and yours.

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completelybroken

RobbG - it seems like we share so many of the same feelings and our relationships with our dads seem to be so similar. I would see my dad everyday and now I find it hard to know what to do during the time I would be with him. I asked his thoughts on everything I did before I did it because I knew that he always had the right answers or would lead me in the right direction. My mom is the one with heart problems and we were all so focused on her health that we never thought my dad could be sick; which also added to the shock value of his death. I also thought I would have another 20 years with my dad; his parents lived well into their 80s.

Mermaid Tears - thank you for your comforting words. It is hard talking to people and sometimes I feel like they don't understand that. I know that they are trying to be nice, I just wish they knew how hard it was to always hear how sorry they are. I can't handle their tears or hugs. Thank you for reminding me that it is ok to feel the way I do.

I can never see this getting any easier.

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I can relate to all of you so much. I lost my dad in July. It was unexpected, he was on drugs to suppress his immune system to treat an autoimmune disease and he got an infection which lead to septic shock and complete organ failure. He was only 64. I am an only child and my dad and I were so close. I too had a 7 month old daughter when he passed. She was the light of his life and it kills me that she won't remember him. I know he watches over her though. My husband actually saw him in her room the night before his memorial, looking over her crib. Nothing like that has happened since but it's nice to have proof that he lives on after he left us in that hospital room.

I really feel for you. I know what it's like to worry about your living parent too. My mom had retired in June and he died in July. They were supposed to do so much.

Your child will save you, I promise. Without my daughter I don't know where I would be right now.

Hugs!

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Imtheironlygirl

My father died on December 5th, 2012. It was very sudden, he called 911 himself and can not be revived when the paramedic got there. He looked like he was asleep and would wake up any moment. I stared at that face for a long time and hoping he would get up and talk to me. But he never did. The cause of death is heart failure they said. But his cardiologist checked him only a few weeks ago and kept him on another routine three months check up. I had to take it as "it is time" for him to go.

I'm the only child, my mom has dementia, and my dad had been my only support, both mentally and physically, we counted on each other to get through the days. I have a 5, 3, and a 10 months old. My father was very attached to my 10 months old son. I caught my baby calling out for him at times, I wonder if the baby sees him sometimes.

It is hard going through this, I'm coping with it every seconds of the day, sometimes it's ok, especially when I'm busy with the kids, but there are times I just break down and cry like crazy. When you think that the person that raised you up, knew you inside out, was in all your childhood memories, supported you throughout life and be there for you no matter what you do, just gone all of a sudden one day, one moment in time, frozen, I go back to that moment when I saw him lying cold on the floor, that moment will stay with me for the rest of my life, no one will know how I feel deep down inside, it's hard to put it into words, but it's changing me as a whole, it shocked me like nothing I ever experienced. This is how it feels like to lose your father.

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completelybroken

Imtheironlygirl - The loss of a parent so suddenly is unimaginable. I never imagined my dad dying so young, so soon. It is crushing. So many things that you said reminded me of my situation. My dad was my most favourite person in the world. We were so close and so much alike. I saw him everyday and now there is a void in my day where my visit with him would have been.

My mom made the call to 911, and they brought him to the hospital. We were in the "Quiet Room" which is obviously not a good sign. I heard "Code Blue" and then a few minutes later the Dr came in and said sorry. It is crazy how one moment changes everything forever. I will never forget seeing him in the hospital room and telling him to just wake up, just breathe! But he didn't.

There is a piece of my heart that was definitely burried with my dad. He is all that I think about. I feel guilty if I smile or laugh, eventhough I know he would want me to. I find it hard at times to play with my daughter and that makes me sad too.

I find it hard to think of my whole future without him; I still need him.

I am sorry for your loss.

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Completelybroken, Your story sounds awfully similar to mine. It's an awful feeling, to have our superhero's snatched away from us so quickly. It's just not fair. In a way, I envy you, as your father didn't have to suffer through an extended ordeal. My dad was in the hospital for 11 days, 8 of those were spent on life support.

I wish I had som words of wisdom, but I'm feeling stuck in the same place that you are. Struggling with the "what-ifs", the anger, the pain in my heart that I never knew I could have. It's a miserable feeling. Just try to be patient with yourself and the array of feelings. There has to be a light at the end of this tunnel.

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