Members RobbG Posted December 17, 2012 Members Report Share Posted December 17, 2012 My Dad was a strong, vital, healthy man. That's the only way I knew him. He lived through some hard times. My brother died when I was 11 and I saw my father in pain but not wanting to fall apart because he still had to be a a father and husband, Nobody's perfect, I am not naive or anything but my Dad was close. I lived with him for most of my life, childhood and adult. I am 34 now and we spent about 31 of those years under the same roof.Recently my parents got divorced. My wife and I thought it was a good idea if my father moved in with us. My Dad was all for it. In his ideal world we would have a kid, he would retire and be a full-time babysitter. It's what he wanted more than anything, We were happy as a small unit for about 6 months. On November 4th I woke up to no noise. It was a Sunday and the TV should have been blaring, my Dad despite pitch perfect hearing liked a loud TV. I got up, showered, took out the dog and figured my Dad was just napping. I knocked on his door and finally entered. I found him in bed, it was obvious he was gone. I work graveyard shifts so my hours are odd. Apparently he passed sometime during the night. I saw heard him use the restroom at 3:30 so it was some time after that obviously. I was in the next room watching TV until 5:30. I was right next door while he died. Ever since I've mended fences with family I haven't talked to in years, friends who I hadn't heard from in ages. I'm trying to purge all the anger in my heart. I have the support of a loving and wonderful wife but she loved my Dad like she was her own father so she needs to grieve as well. Sometimes when I look at her I just get sad because I remember my Dad was my best man at our wedding. It was a proud moment for me and the first time he referred to me as a "good man" instead of a "good kid". Other than my wife I don't have much other support. I have few friends but none understand what I am going through. Some try to force usually fun activities on me like playing basketball or hanging out but I just want to be left alone. I honestly wish I could withdraw from the world.I'm angry, sad or empty at almost all times. When I laugh at something on TV I feel guilty for some reason. I am not enjoying life, not at all. I don't want to see people, don't want to leave the house. I finally went back to work after almost a month and it's miserable. People try to console you but everyone just ends up repeating what someone else said "it takes time". I appreciate it but it doesn't help.I am seeing a grief counselor but she is into faith and I'm not religious at all. I'm not getting much out of our sessions except a bill. I was referred to a psychiatrist but being the holiday season they are all on vacation or not accepting new clients. It's amazing to me how the profession that is all about caring for individuals is one of the most cold and callous when it comes to finding help. I am not a danger to myself or anyone else. It would be a disrespect to a man I loved and admired if I hurt myself. However I don't know how to live like this, how this will ever stop. I don't know what to do any more, my anchor, my friend, my father is gone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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