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Missing my Mom


tjordan

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My Mom died at the beginning of October, just two months ago, of a sudden brain aneurysm. She was only 52 (the attack happened the day before her birthday). She was in a coma for about a week, but the doctors told us even if she did wake up, she had severe brain damage and would have to live on machines, most likely fully paralyzed, not able to talk or really think, etc. We made the decision to let her go, and I believe we made the right decision with regards to her wishes.

Going through her death was hard, but it feels easy compared to what I'm going through now, especially with the holidays right around the corner. I feel like no one understands. At work, they almost have this attitude of, "You're not over that yet?"

I feel really lonely. I have my husband, my twin sister and my Dad, but I feel like they have so much to deal with, too, and I don't want to burden anyone. My husband's mother is terminally ill, and my sister lost her husband suddenly last year. I wish my husband's family would invite me to things. When it happened, everyone offered to spend time with me, but I was just numb then. Now that I could use company, everyone is so busy with their own holiday plans and dealing with their own problems.

Yesterday just felt like one of those days where I'd call my Mom and we'd talk for hours. I started crying yesterday morning and haven't really stopped since. It hurts so much to miss her like this. I believe I'll feel better eventually, but what can I do now? I do have happy moments & some better days, but I just feel lost when I miss her.

I guess I'm not really asking for advice here. I know I need to focus on happy memories with my Mom and just try to get through things day by day. I know I'll be better someday... I just needed to get my thoughts out, so thanks for listening.

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Tjordan,

I am so very sorry about your the loss of your mom. Yes, it is difficult to desperately want to call them up to just chat or run by and visit but know you can't. However, when I feel that way, I will just imagine my dad's face and talk to him like I would normally. I don't know whether other people do that, but it works for me. Also, some people write letters and/or journal entries for times like these. You might want to try it.

We will be here for you,

ModKonnie

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I'm sorry for your loss. I think I know how you feel. I lost my mother 6 months ago to cancer. She was doing well until the doctor told her it had spread to her brain then it was like she gave up. After her death, my aunts came over to help with my children and brought me food but at the time I was so numb. I didn't want to talk about it or think about her being gone. So I kinda just went about my days normally and didn't even think about what had happened. I think that they thought I was doing ok. Hell I even thought I was doing ok. Then a month later it really hit and no one came by just to talk anymore.

I used to talk to my mom on the phone for hours too. It was like she was the only one I could tell just anything to. Now I feel like I have to keep it inside since I don't have anyone close. I have my husband but some things he just doesn't care to hear lol. Ah, I know that this is just a difficult time I am going through and that it won't always be this way. I feel sometimes that I wish I could rush grief. Tired of feeling sad and reliving memories in my head.

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I also lost my mum in October. She was 54 and died suddenly of a brain hemorage. She had leukaemia but no one knew, she was taken to hospital after being ill for a week she died later that night.

Because of how sudden it was I still have to remind myself that it happened.

I too have a family and I'm trying to keep it together for them but its so hard.

I'm here if you need to chat

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ForeverRemembered

tjordan, I lost my mom in September. I still get the "your not over that yet" from so many people. My loving sweet husband of 22 years told me that I needed to get help for depression! That was so hurtful to me. I lost my mom in September, in a painful death to watch her go through. My son's birthday was in early October...talk about walking around mindless! Then, we had to endure Thanksgiving without my mom. Her birthday was December 14th. I found a present that I had bought for my mom in August and I was going to give it to her at Christmas. It said "#1 Grandma." After all that...it is my first Christmas without my mom. She died only 3 months ago and my own supportive wonderful husband thought that I should be feeling better. I did go seek help. I did NOT get any depression medicine because the doctor agreed with ME! Ha! I explained everything to him and I told him I didn't want to take any medicine unless he thought it was necessary. The doctor said it can take up to a year for your brain to accept what has happened and it can take 6 months for the tears to quit flowing like a river. I felt so much better! The point is...it doesn't matter what everyone else thinks about when you need to "get over it". Hint...no one here is "over it" and we are the ones who are hurting just like you. Smile and Hugs to you sweetie. Time is our friend. We may be altered forever but it will get better! No doubt in my mind. We will all be able to laugh again without having to fake it! :)

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