Members Giaswifey9 Posted December 10, 2012 Members Report Share Posted December 10, 2012 Hello my name is Ashley and I am new to this site. I figured I needed to talk with people who would actually listen. Here is my story(shortened up). I was abused my entire life from many people in everyway possible.Two of those people were my parents. I raised my siblings since I was 5 1/2 yrs old after my parents divorced and my mom remarried to some horrible guy. He abused me in everyway imaginable. When I was 10, I lost my grandma to cancer. She was such a wonderful woman with a big heart and my savior. Her smile would make you smile and she was my protector. I am still not over it to this day and it will be 13 years in August. When I was 14 and 15, I became pregnant(not by will) and I had two beautiful baby girls. By 16,I was raising 5 kids. Also at 16, I lost my cousin to a drunk driver. He drove off and we still don't know who killed her. My cousin was like my big sister. The day I found out, I was never the same. I still am not. I miss her so much.When I was 17, I moved out and went to live with my dad because the abuse became so unbearable. Well, my dad is an alcoholic and drug addict and was abusive as well. When, I was 19 I had a beautiful baby boy named Liam. Liam was born too early and only lived for 13 days. The day I lost him, my world came crashing. I held him as he passed away and didn't even want to get out of bed anymore,but I had too. I had kids to raise and I couldn't let this kill me. It does kill me though, in other ways. It kills me from the inside out. I try to keep a smile on my face and not talk about it because everyone hates when i discuss it. Recently,because of living in an abusive home, I got my 2 biological kids taken away from me(the 3 other kids were taken when I was 17 by my mother to Florida and she won't let me have contact with them). They were taken away because I was living in an abusive home with drugs and it wasn't safe for my kids. I know it wasn't safe,but I didn't have anywhere else to go. 3 months later, I got kicked out then lost my job and car and was just trying to make it by. My wife and I(yes wife) now live with my in-laws. I recently cut every abusive person out of my life and because I did that,most of my family didn't want anything to do with me and the other family I have now wants nothing to do with me because I married my wife and they're against it. My wife is all I have. I can't stand my mother in law at all.(FIL is great though) and I think that really adds on to my depression and anger and hurt. I just don't know what to do. I know this site is for people who lost people in death,but I didnt know where else to go. I am still mourning over my grandma,my cousin and Liam and mourning the loss of my girls and family now too. I feel so empty. I am angry, hurt, lost and just want to feel alive again. I just needed someone to talk to. I hope everyone doesn't mind. Does anyone have any healing advice? I'd go to therapy and get on meds but I can't afford it. Is anyone nice enough to just...help me? I guess I don't grieve well and it could be because I wear my heart on my sleeve or because I am just an emotional woman or I take things to heart hard. I don't know.Sorry I am crying and I am just all mixed up now. Advice please? A shoulder to just have someone listen? I don't have any friends nor do I have any family really. I just have my wife and I think she gets sick of hearing me talk about this because we are going through a lot(not just this but incurable health problems for both of us and economical problems) I hate feeling like I am a burden but I just thought maybe coming on here, I could find someone kind enough to listen or give me advice. Thanks. Hope everyone has a good night Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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