Just lost my older brother

[white_rice]

Hey guys

I just came across this forum as I was searching for ways to try and deal with a major tragedy this week. On Monday December 3 2012, my brother shot himself in the head. I was unaware until after the fact but he has been on medication for the past year for depression. His meds were switched 3 times in the past 2 months. Anyways, I am 36 yrs old and he just turned 40. Although we didn't hang out a lot due to our own families and jobs, we got along great and I respected him to the fullest. I am having a very difficult time now accepting the fact that he is gone. I still don't want to believe it. I feel like its a long never ending nightmare. I break down crying several times a day when nobody is around. I feel like a part of me died with him. Is this going to get easier? I just don't know what to do. I feel as though if maybe I spent more time with him maybe things would be different. I keep blaming myself over and over.

[ModKonnie]

You cannot blame yourself. Even if you had spent more time with him, or done this or that, you were not responsible for his decision. I know that is so hard to accept, but please try to believe that. It does get easier in time, but it will take awhile. For now, it is perfectly okay to break down and cry even in public. Brothers are special, and you've lost a very dear person. Grieving openly is okay. Continue talking to others about your loss and about your brother. Share the story of his life with others, or write down your feelings. All of this may help you. You also may want to consider some professional grief counseling. A good counselor will help you process your emotions and deal with your loss.

For now, we will be here for you. Do you have others to talk to at home--family members? friends? coworkers?

ModKonnie