Do you think your life can ever be equally happy & satisfying as someone who hasn't lost a loved one?

[Anamika]

Again, might be a silly and stupid question. Yet, we all need to clear our minds off these difficult haunting questions to find our calm and peace.

For the past few days, I have been wondering if our lives will ever be just as happy and fulfilling as someone (say a friend) who has never lost a loved one? or with time, we will just be as happy and content as they are?

Will us ever be as happy as we were before? I know we will never get over with it and pain of loss will always remain with us. But will us be genuinely, truly happy and content as we thought we once were? (before the loss)

Share your experiences and thoughts. Thanks.

[Daffodilfun]

I don't know if I will ever be happy as I was. There are times I really laugh with my friends and what family I have left. There are times I can read or watch a movie without being sad. But happy? No. I pray that someday I will be happy again. Hang in there. What you are going through is normal. I lost my mom 8 months ago so this is still fresh with me.

[ChelseaRaeMiller]

I wonder the same thing. I actually ask my boyfriend this sometimes., I'm very happy with the people i still have in my life. But when i think about my highest point in life so far (my senior year when i had tons of friends, my entire immediate family, and not a care in the world, being able to be and feel young) i can't ever picture myself getting back to that point of happiness. I haven't felt it yet. But i do hope that when i start my own family one day i might get there. New life brings new beginnings i hear. I think we will all find that "content" at some point in life but i think when you start out with a happiness then the things that made you that happy are taken away. I don't think you'll ever truly get that back. It's up to us to find our new happiness that can hopefully match up.

[Anamika]

Chelsea - Great answer. I so know what you mean by finding new happiness to match up such having babies on our own. But unlike in others (those haven't lost a loved one), our happiness gets replaced and not added on. Having babies while our loved ones are still around would have been like adding happiness to what exists there already. Now while that might bring on some happiness, it's still may not be the same as someone who hasn't had a loss? right? Don't know, I am just wondering.

I hope with time, we can be just as happy as we were before. I do not know if that will ever happen and if that's too much to ask for. Let's hang in there with an open mind to the possibilities of a happy life.

Take care dears.

[ChelseaRaeMiller]

I mean on that you still have to remember even if someone has all their loved ones doesn't mean they're not as down as we are. I mean there's women out there who have been beaten and raped (vulgar i know, sorry) but scenarios such as that where they had happiness taken from them that they will never get back, pace if mind, trust, things like that so. When they rebuild they're ain't on to what was lost too. You're trying to envision a perfect family,i think. And there is no such thing. Everyone in some way or another loses some kind of happiness and has to rebuild. Everyone has they're own personal picture of happiness. And you either will or never get to that point you think you should feel. your level and my level are probably two different meanings. So even if we both get to where we think we may need to be..i still may never be as happy as you, or you as me. But for all we know we could be just as happy as that next door neighbor who still has all their family and added on happiness. If that makes any sense.

[ChelseaRaeMiller]

Aint=adding. sorry! Stupid swype

[ChelseaRaeMiller]

Gah! Pace = peace.

[Anamika]

Chelsea thanks for the profound thoughts. It is soothing to be able to discuss these things with someone else who can relate. I didn't mean to compare with those who go through extremities in life, such as violence, poverty and such. Of course we are so blessed compared to many in this world. A least we had someone who loved us though we lost them, which eventually everyone will. My aunt says we should only look at people who are suffering. Yet it is our tendency to compare with our friends, next door neighbors, colleagues and such. And of course many of them might be far more blessed or fortunate than we are. I know it shouldn't stop us from being happy. I was only wondering if we could be as happy as we were before the loss or as happy as the ones who never had a loss. But you are right that it does not mean they are ugly happy either. Happiness cannot be measured or compared, I guess. Keep sharing your thoughts. Lets believe that life will bring us both new happiness though its replacing some old sadness...and like you said at the end, we could just be as happy as a collegue who never lost everyone. I think u ar right that I am trying to envision a perfect family which will never exists or Won't exist forever. It might so seem that all others are having one but in reality they have their challenges as well. However I was thinking loss of a loved one doesn't equal some of those other challenges. Loss is a far more painful, irreplaceable thing. Again I am not talking about extreme situations that people go through. Nice being able to talk to you...take care dear

[stillfighting431]

Time doesn't spare anyone.So those who haven't yet lost someone precious yet,eventually will.

When you lose someone very close to you, you also lose a part of yourself.The person that you were with them around is gone.With my mom went my everflowing source of courage,patience, contentment & joy.Now I'm picking pieces of myself up & trying to find myself again,sort of reinventing myself.Desperately trying to find a new 'normal'.So I guess all of us who've lost a loved one'll never be the same again.And since happiness is subjective,our defination of joy & content is going to change as well.But before we get there we first have to take that long hard journey to acceptance & peace.Only then can we ever be truly happy & content again.I heard this somewhere that the pain we're feeling right now is the legacy of our lost loved one.A constant reminder of how much they were cherished & treasured.Proof that they were here & that they're truly missed.This pain is a part of all of us now & it's going to be with us forever. I hope & pray that we feel joy again some day.

[Anamika]

True that time doesn't spare anyone and everyone eventually will have to lose a loved one. However multiple factors add to the grief once go through. The age at which you lose a loved one, your age at the time of the loss, the situations you are in as in the state of the survivors, the support system you have, the relationship and closeness you share,how the death happened, to name a few. That also makes a difference in how you cope and the impact it creates in your life. But I get the point and I so appreciate everyone's thoughts on the same. It helps so much to calm our otherwise burning minds. I hope that time will bring peace to all of us. I agree that a part of us dies with our loved ones loss. They take away a piece of our life's puzzle and a part of our happiness. But hope with time, we can build back what we lost and just be happy as the next door neighbor who has or hasn't lost a loved one. True happiness is highly subjective. Hope we can again be truly happy and content in our lives again...just like we were ....before the loss shook us hard. Only time can tell.

[mwidmar]

I dont know for sure, meaning you can be unhappy and miserable and not have lost a loved one. I can only speak for myself. I was happy, the warmth and unconditional love and support that I felt everyday of my life was my source of happiness and I passed it on to my kids and husband and even put up with all the ugliness from my mother in law. Now that I am missing 2 legs of the stool, to be honest I can never even hope to get to that same state of bliss and love I lived before. It is just going to be a much sadder life