Love lost way too soon

[willa16]

I am new to this and am not quite sure what to expect. But I had to find a place to let out all of these feelings and heartache. I lost my boyfriend about 3 months ago and it still doesn't feel real. We had been a part of each other's lives for 10 years, since we were in middle school together. We always knew that we were it for each other, we wanted forever together and constantly talked about marriage and children. About two years ago we were told the most devistating and unbelievable news, that he had esophageal cancer. From then on I watched him face the biggest fight of his life, and in my mind I always thought that if any one could beat it, it would be him, that this is why god had made him a fighter. Usually with cancer you know when death is coming but we didn't get to have that. He was still fighting and we still had hope he would beat this horrible disease, he and I were even talking a few hours before he passed that he was going to beat this, and he even told me that if god let him, he wanted to spend everyday with me. I still don't know what happened but the call the next morning that he had collapsed and passed away will always haunt me. I felt my heart being ripped from my chest and all of our hopes and dreams, and all the dreams I wanted to fulfill for him be forever taken from us. I still don't understand this and my mind still does not like to let me believe it is real, because the moment I realize that it is real, the pain is too unbearable to take. He was and always will be the one true love of my life and I am so angry and hurt that we don't get that future we dreamed of. I am sorry to give all this detail but I am so very lost and there is no one that I know that comes close to understanding my pain and hurt.

[Mdanielson4]

Willa16,

I am very sorry for your loss; everyone’s pain is unique because everyone is different. The pain is real and all of us suffer from a loss here. I lost my wife of 32 years to lung cancer May 16^th 2012. We have 3 children and 5 grandchildren. She was only 52 years old. When you love someone so deeply the pain of loosing them is unbearable at times. You have come to a very good place to heal. We share our tears and painful stories here and each person I have met here has helped me in some way or another. I have no doubt God led me here so I could find some relief in sharing my pain and the people here truly understand. I only hope you can find some comfort as I have.

Mike

[willa16]

I am so very sorry for your loss as well, I understand the pain and emotional rollercoaster of watching the love of your life have to battle the horrible disease of cancer, my heart goes out to you because I know how hard it is. The day your wife passed is my boyfriend's birthday, it was actually his last birthday. Thank you for responding and your words. I am really hoping to find in this place what you have.

[Deesgirl]

Hi willa16,

My heart goes out to you. I'm so sorry for your loss. I can relate to the unbearable pain of knowing that the dreams you shared and the plans for your future together have so tragically been crushed.

My boyfriend died suddenly on May 2, 2011. I still fight the 'why's' everyday. I try not to dwell on all the questions that flood my mind, they are too painful and I can't change what has happened.

It sucks. Really sucks. I'm glad you found this place. I didn't find it till months later.. It is incredibly helpful to know there are people that understand this kind of pain and are here to 'listen'/read and share.

There's a book I clung to in the first months after Danny died called "I wasn't ready to say goodbye". It was my life saver in the days, months following. It helped me get through the moments of time passing, learning how to take even a baby step forward. Thinking of you,

[Yadairaisabel]

Hi Willa,

I'm very sorry for your loss. There is absolutely nothing I can say that will make you feel better. All I can say is continue to let it all out! And this is one of the ways you can do that. I've been writing a journal for our kids that describe and tell our love story. I lost my fiancé November 5th, 2012 we have a 6 week old baby girl Sophia and my 3 yr old son that he was adopting. Chucks death was sudden and unexpected being just 24. He passed a week before the closing of our first home. He only spent three weeks with his daughter. We still don't know what happened I had him in my arms when he took his last breath. I think it was a heart attack or maybe a stroke idk. Our dreams went out the window he left us way too soon so I understand your frustration and your anger. The pain of loosing the one you truly love can't be explained. I wish I could tell you that tomorrow will be better but it won't be that void will always be there but try to honor him in maybe doing something that you may have promised him you would do. He will always be in your heart and I know you want him by your side not in your heart but at least you still have that unconditional love present in your mind heart and soul. Again I'm very sorry for your loss.

God bless,

Yari