Members ElemmireAnini Posted November 11, 2012 Members Report Share Posted November 11, 2012 Yesterday marked five months without him. While I find reasons to live on and be happy I am still racked with the pain of losing him. I feel angry about the suicide. I feel guilty for trying to leave him in the first place. I feel shame when I have a good day. I feel alone and scared. I want these bad feelings to go away. I just want to be free. But freedom always costs something. I asked Gordon for my freedom from him, he kinda gave it. I am no longer in that abusive relationship. I am free from that pain. But he saddled me with more burden than I had ever imagined was possible. I would have never asked for my freedom if I knew how bad this could be. I often ask myself if it was worth it. I want to feel love and give love. But it seems impossible. I can't get Gordon out of my mind yet. I still want him back. I look at the pictures of us and just wish I had more. I hold on so tightly to my good memories of him trying to erase the bad ones. I want him to say he's sorry and come back to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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