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4everjoeysmom

Hi Peggy, Thank SO MUCH for your posts. They made me sad and warmed my heart at the very same time. I think that might be a first for me... so much mixed emotion.

I hope you didn;t take offense to my post about the mediums and such. It wasn't mean to be accusatory. I get so frustrated sometimes in seeing so many people say they believe in the God of the Bible...and then follow those remarks with something so completely not of God. It's wierd to me, but I always feel if someone openly asks a question about something like that, it's good to be salt and light, even if it's uncomfortable at times. I too had a similar struggle as you. I didn't actually walk away from God, but I was pretty angry with him for a little while. His response to me was verbatum what you said His was to you. "Now you know how I felt..." It made me for the first time take a deep and sincere look at how much God really desired me to identify with Him. And in that moment when I did, I feel so in love with Jesus, even deeper than before. I just cannot imagine my life apart from Him. Thank you so much for sharing that. I know it was a pinful time for you, as I walked those very same steps and I felt like I was dying. In a way I guess I was--dying to myself, just as the Scriptures talk about in God's desire for my life. Isn't it so ironic that sometimes it takes such a tremendous loss in life to shake up that kind of faith and make it stronger than ever?! In knowing Joey is with the Lord, I can truly see the blessing in what otherwise would be such a desparing circumstance. I always say God is good all the time. And I truly believe that.

I am so sorry for what happened with your first pregnancy, and your little Alex. So many times medical doctors respond in such awful ways and I can never understand that. They tend to ignore that we need to hear the truth no matter how difficult or how much it hurts. I so appreciate you taking time to explain. I know it must be so painful to recount the loss. Just earlier on another post someone asked me how my son died, and I realized that I answered with great pain. It helps to talk about Joey, but it also hurts so much. I feel your pain. And the circumstances for you, loss upon loss upon loss, it's a wonder we survive at all. If it weren't for the power and grace of God, I don't know how we could. You have been so gracious and kind. Thank you so much. I hope we can get to know one another better. I have a few friends here at BI who walk in very deep Christian love and faith, and it's always such a comfort to have that uplifting support and encouragement through the toughest of times. God bless you Peggy, and lift you to soar with Eagles as He envelops you in His Love. Hugs, Claudia

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brujablanca

angels4me, my heart is with you. People who have not gone through the same thing can never imagine what you went through, but your strength and determination are beyond admirable. I wish you peace and joy in knowing you are never alone, and that you are strong. Namstaste, peace be with you. Love always, Bruja Blanca

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I recently lost the man I lived with, was suppose to marry and be the father of my children. It was a sudden death, one minute he was standing and the next he wasn't....he died February 7, 2007. I still can't believe that he isn't with me, won't walk through the door to give me a kiss, or even on of his famous bear hugs. This feeling of loneliness is overwhleming and everyone tells me it will get better and I just don't see that yet. I am still trying to figure out how to get through the day without him. Live a life without the man that I love by my side. my love, my protector, my biggest fan/cheerleader in life is gone! Still trying to grasp the whole concept that I must die in order to see him again. Not fair. I waited 10 years to fall in love and he waited 5 and finally we found each other and heading in the right direction and before I know it...I hear..."Bruce is dead"...."had a heartattack"....those words still haunt me and bring tears to my eyes and goosebumps. WHY ME? I DON'T UNDERSTAND. Mind just keeps going, trying to put 'logic' to questions that will never be answered for me in this lifetime. Lifetime....hope it's truly not a long one for me. At the age of 31 I've buried before I've married and feel like I've already lived 1000 years. How does one pick up the pieces? We weren't blessed with kids so the only reason I have toget up in the morning is for work...new job...he was so proud when I got this job...told everyone! What can I say I love Bruce, I miss Bruce, I will never be the same and just sad that he is no longer my partner in this lifetime.

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4everjoeysmom

Guest, I am so sorry this has happened to you. I'm so sorry you lost Bruce... I don;t even have the right words. It's so devastating, and I know life and the future seem so bleek now. I lost my son just about 8 months ago, one week before his 24th birthday. And I went through coping with my own loss, but also trying so hard to be a support and uplifting source of encouragement for his love that he left behind. She and Joey were so close, and she was so heartbroken, like you--thinking of all the dreams and plans, and now they are no more, at least not with my Joey. She is doing well with her job that she had just started a couple of months before Joey died. Joey was proud of here too, and like you said, I think he was her best friend and cheer leader. I'm so sad for you. I'm sad for her, and for me. I see her walk daily in the face of adversity and pain, and she is surviving. You are a young woman at 31. I worked with a young woman a few years back that had lost her newlywed husband to a sudden illness. I worked with her for a few years after that, and during that time I saw her meet someone special that loved and cared for her, and they eventually married. I know for her this 2nd opportunity at love was different--as it should be. But it was a good thing for the both of them. She still missed her first love, and thought of him. But she also felt encouraged that her heart wasn't destroyed in the process of losing him. I don't know what is most appropriate to say in a moment like this. I know what I have seen from this young woman, and from my own son's life love, and how they over time are able to live again, and perhaps love again. Try to just take it a day at a time. Find an outlet to express yourself, like writing in a journal or making friends through here at BI, and sharing your heart. I have seen over time that many people that come here to BI end up being a great source of encouragement for others as they learn to cope through their pain, and eventually begin the healing process. I wish you light and love, and I pray that you will always feel loved because I believe that love never dies. Your Bruce may not be here by your side, but you will carry him and his love in your heart, and I pray that love will continue to bless you. Hugs, Claudia

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Dearest Guest,

Please allow me to welcome you here to our community, and offer you my deepest sympathies on the loss of your precious Bruce.

I can only imagine the pain that you are dealing with since the passing of your loved one. When my niece Tina passed away she too was in a wonderful relationship with a very special man in her life. He had entered her life not long after Tina went through a horrible divorce from her first husband, and was there to help her put the shattered pieces of her heart back together. The two of them had a wonderful relationship, and just before she passed away, she had made some decisions to move closer to where he lives, and attend a 4 year University to earn her MA in Psychology. The two of them were so much in love, and I'm sure that they would have married had she lived.

I know those first few years after her death were devastating to him. He had a really difficult time accepting her death (she collapsed while working out at the gym, due to a congenital heart defect that we didn't know anything about) and went into a deep depression. We tried to do everything we could for him, but we were still dealing with the death of my mom 13 months before Tina, and then my dad two months after Tina, so as a family we could only do so much to help him, because we were dealing with our own losses. I do know that it was a comfort for him when we asked if he would take over the love and care of Tina's companion and friend her chocolate lab that she had raised from a puppy. I know the two of them were a companion for each other, and still is today. Along with her dog, he also stored much of the furniture that she had in her house at his place, and kept there until my sister was ready to have it back again. He also built a special garden in her memory in his back yard, and took care of her garden everyday.

As time passed, he met someone special, and was able to fall in love again. He was always honest with her and told her about Tina, and the relationship they had. This new friend was always open and accepting of his loss. She never told him things like he should get over her, or forget about her. She helped him take care of Tina's garden, and would always listen to him when he needed to talk about her. Over the years the two of them fell in love, married, and moved into a new house. After arriving at their new home, they planted a new garden for my niece on the side of their house, and Tina's angel, and memorial stepping stone are there as part of the decorations.

I know at this time your heart feels like it's been shattered into a million pieces, but I can tell you that with time the heart does heal. Your loss is still so new, and at this difficult time you may benefit by visiting a support group in your area, or a Therapist, as I did after my third loss occurred. I too found comfort in writing in a journal, and writing poem in memory of my loved ones, and I started a new hobby in making floral wreath arrangements. I also have a special Butterfly Bush that is planted in my front yard in memory of my son Alexander.

All of these channels of dealing with my losses have been a true lifesaver for me, and I hope and pray that there is something I’ve mentioned that will help you too. I know that I’ll never forget my loved ones, just as you will never forget your beloved Bruce.

Please know that you are welcomed here anytime you need to talk, cry, vent, or just need a listening ear. We all understand your pain, and want to help you in any way we can. Until then, please take care of yourself, and know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Love & Prayers,

Peggy.

In Loving Memory

Alexander 10-24-84

Mom 11-12-99

Tina 12-04-00

Dad 02-28-01

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lisabrucesgirl

Thank you so much for all your kind words nd courage. God knows I could use a little courage and kind words. I am sorry for both the losses you experienced and it's comforting to know that there is the possibility of life for me, even without Bruce. Just don't wanna without him but what choice do I have. I am a better person because of him and I am truly blessed that I had th eopportunity to allow love in my life again and that I expereinced it with him. As you can see I have joined Beyond Indgio, I'm no longer a guest, however, I will forever be Lisa, Bruce's Girl.

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barbara4171

I am dealing with the loss of my 28 year old daughter. Wendy was 28 and died December 20TH, 2006. Wendy was the strongest person I have ever known. She never complained, she always worried about us. She was given 3 days to live in 1997, God had other plans for Wendy. three years ago the doctor's said she was medicaly dead. Wendy and I traveled all over the United States together looking for treatment. her cancer was very rare. The longest anyone has lived is 5 years. Wendy made it nine years and 16 days. When she died her body was 3/4 tumor, she would still not let them give her to much for pain. she wanted to tell her family goodbye. she did. Wendy lived Gracefuly and died Gracefuly. She taught me more about love, strength, courage, honesty then anyone I know. She told me the night before she died. Thank you mama for being my mother, and I love you. What Wendy and I shared was rare, we were like one. I taught her to walk, talk, and eat three times in her life. We spent hours together everyday. sometimes watching TV, sometimes I would read to her, and on a good day I would take her to town. Wendy met a wonderful mad and was married in 2000. God sent this man in our lives. He took care of Wendy, and allowed Wendy and I to remain close. They lived behind us, so for the last two years That is what I did with my life, I took care of Wendy. I feel so totaly Blessed that God allowed me to be Wendy's mom. She left me enough poems. letters, and journals to write a book on her story. I pray I will do that. I love her. I miss her so. I will never be the same. But Thank God I will see her again, and I know she is waiting on us.

Barbara Turner

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Jackie,

I can totally argee, with everything you said. And unfortunatally people DON'T realize what they are doing, it most of the time is meaningless. I really do feel like hiding, and isolating myself from everything. There are those days taht I would like to not get out of bed, and lay there...and pray all day that things will get better. Sometimes I do. I lay there all day. Don't shower, don't eat, don't take any phone calls. And times when I feel okay I think about it, and I think how disgusting and how bad for me that really is, but it's not. It's just my way of thinking. And I hate it more than anything. Because I don't allow enough time for me to heal. As to your daughter, she will isolate herself, that's totally normal. She's been through alot to. And thats her way of dealing with it. I know, that I'm not in the right frame of mind to give advice, but, from a young persons point of veiw, let her heal. If she needs or help, she may or may not ask, but you being her mother will know. I am very much like her, when things happen that i can't take in, i isolate, and refuse to talk to my friend also. I don't want anyone in my face asking all the time if I'm okay. I hate it. Most people HATE being asked if they are okay, because it just reminds them that their not. It's hard to believe but true. I'll be praying for her. Let her know that you are there for her, and that her friends are there also...and she will come to you in time. I have a feeling.

Take care,

Kaley

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Im very sad and have been searching for s site that has support for a single parent surviving the loss of my 17 yr old son to suicide nov.30th 2006. I cant seem to shack the terrible feelings that linger. My family is not very supportive of my situation. After his death I was in an accident and totaled my car, lost my job. D.J. I beleive did not realize what he was doing. He lived in the upper penn. with his father. I believe in my heart if he woould have called me, I could have prevented this. I 'm very receptive to my childrens emotions. I want to protect them all and I'm exhausted. I thought things would get better, and some days they are but latelty evertime I look at my son's picture I loose it. I think my family thinks because he had not lived with me for some time, that it shouldnt bother me. Are they crazy or am I? I cant bare to think that d.j. is anywhere else but with god. I to isolate myself fron others . I really dont know what else to do, any responds in a kind nature would be appreciated. thank you for letting me share Joan

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4everjoeysmom

Dear Joan, I am so very sorry for your devastating loss and your pain. I know how much you miss DJ, and wish that you could have done anything to save him. I have felt that way too about my Joey who died on July 31st last year to a sudden and tragic, horrible accident. Joey chose his actions the night he died, and I can never be 100% certain what happened. But I know he rests with God. I pray you can find comfort and peace in knowing DJ is also with the Lord. There are great supporting parents who have alos lost children on the Loss of a Child thread. Please come and visit as often as you feel you need an understaqnding friend to listen. One thing we've all learned through our intense pain of losing our children, no matter the circumstances of how they went, we do not have to travel the journey of grief alone or misunderstood. We all go through stages of grief, and there is no llimit or set peramaters to what is normal. Your feelings are very real and valid, and I pray you find comfort in walking with us here at BI. This web site has been a godsend for me and so, so many other parents who have lost our children. God bless you. I'll be praying ror you. Hugs, Claudia

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Maybe this is a good place to start coping with some pretty tough months my family and I have endured. July 30th, my nephew committed suicide. He was 22 with a 15 month old little girl he adored. He and my 16 year old son were very close. Both of my sons were pall bearers at his funeral. Coping with his loss and trying to heal has been very difficult. Then on January 21st, my youngest brother dies in a fire. The fire is still under investigation but it is highly probable that it was arson. Once again my sons were pall bearers. Last week a family friend and former teacher of my older son lost her husband in an auto accident. We just had the 2 year birthday for my nephew's little girl and although I love her dearly, later that night I really started missing Sean again. He would have loved the party. I know my son is having a lot of problems dealing with this. We all feel so overwhelmed. I just feel like I need to talk to someone and thought maybe a place like this could help.

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cindyinalaska

Dear guest,

I am so sorry for your losses. You have had to deal with so much in a very short amount of time. I am so glad that you found this website. It has helped me so much! My dad died on December 13, 06. It was the day before his 55th birthday. Two months to the day after my dad died, my grandpa died. Having lost them both so close together has been devistating. My dad was so full of life...so much fun to be around...its just so sad. I don't know why my dad died....there was no autopsy. Not knowing why he died has been hard. It's been 4 months now, and the numbness I felt is beginning to wear off and the finality of him being gone forever is starting to sink in. If not for the wonderful people that I have met on this website...I really don't know how I would be doing right now. It feels good to be able to get my feelings out and to have people who truly understand respond to me. I hope that you join Beyond Indigo....we will all get through this together.

Please take care, Cindy

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I have created a website for Little Angel Elijah Simpson.

I want his memory kept alive forever. The brutal murder of this little boy touched my heart. It has saddened me to no end and i just felt like i wanted everyone to help me keep his memory alive so please visit his website and light a candle for this precious little angel!

http://elijah-simpson.memory-of.com/

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My daughter lost her father to suicide in Feb. He was someone that we both had corgial contact with and he had a close relationship with her. He was a great dad. I knew he had a young son with another woman but neither of us have remarried. It was very shocking knowing how much turmoil he kept from me when we talked often. I knew he delt with depression and so do I but I never realized he felt this way. He had been living with his mother for about a yr and was abusing perscription drugs including precript, amphetiamines. His ex girlfriend didn't help. We just recently got some toxicology reports and he had an alcohol level of3.4. He ended up shooting himself, so we have so many unanswered questions and I go through periods of being depressed and sad like normal. I myself am engaged to a wonderful man who has been there for me and my daughter but still I feel alone on who to talk to and get through this.

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Young E-Published writer who has lost her mother, father, pets, friends, babies and many significant others is putting the finishing touches on a table book which captures the humorous and sometimes inappropriate remarks that children and adults make when choosing what to say to someone who has suffered the loss of a Parent, Spouse, Lover, Friendship, Pet, Child or Business Partnership is seeking your contribution today.

These stories are not exclusive to death as loss can include those who have moved away from us either physically or emotionally. We are NOT seeking stories relating to the loss of jobs, homes or other personal property.

Painful memories when shared in a safe environment can often be soul healers so we hope you'll take the time to share with our understanding group.

When replying, please include your first name, age and the subject of the loss on the subject line:

i.e. LOSS OF PARENT or LOSS OF CHILD, etc.

Please fill out a survey here:

http://www.zoomerang.com/survey.zgi?p=WEB226E49J9JZG

-OR-

Send your responses to:

tablebook2007@yahoo.com

-OR-

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/tablebook2007/

Many thanks,

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i found this wonderful site when i was trying to find ways to come to terms with my loss.

My Soulmate johny was attacked - beaten and left for dead on Good friday this year,the police found him at 6am,he had been robbed and was taken to hospital,he was put on life support but was found to be Brain dead.

His family turned off the machine on 14th April 2007.

I dont know how to deal with this,I cant accept what has happened to him.I am completely broken by this.

I have so much regret in my heart.I had come out of a very unhappy marriage after 15years,5years ago.

I was so scared of getting hurt i wouldnt let any man near me.

I met johny at the end of 2006.He brought the sunshine back into my life.

Not a day went by that he didnt ask me "to give me a chance" or that "we are meant to be together",he told me every day that he had been waiting for me his whole life.

i couldnt undersstand why he would want me,couldnt accept that his words were true.

I eventually backed down and told him I would go out with him on easter Sunday,He was attacked and subsequantly murdered on Good friday.

I dont know how to get over this.I know now that what he said was true,his feelings were genuine and that he was my soulmate.

If anyone can help me to try to understand how to go on please do.

His memorial service is later today at 1pm.My heart feels like its been ripped out.sorry for rambling on but i need to get the grief out some say that every time someone we love is taken from us we are meant to have "a lesson learned" does anyone know what this "lesson was supposed to teach me?coz Im havin a hell of a time trying to figure this out. Thankyou for reading this.Peace to all.

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misshimstill

Guest who lost your soulmate, Johnny: I am so sorry to hear of your devastating recent loss. I will pray for God to impart His comfort and peace to you during this time of intense grief and questioning. This is such a hart time you are going through. You have many questions, a lot of anger and a lot of confusion, all of which is very normal. I would invite you to come over to Loss of a Partner: I miss him so, where there are other women who have lost husbands/finances/partners you can talk with. I think you will find a lot of sympathy and understanding from the women on that site. Blessings, Misshimstill

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misshimstill

Debramarie,

I am happy if anything I said to you has helped you in any way. I am so glad you found this site for women who have lost their husbands/partners. I know it has been very devastating to have lost Johny in such a horrible way. There are no easy answers to the questions you are asking. It is very understandable why you are so broken and empty after having him ripped from you so suddenly. All of us here on this site feel lost without the men we loved, so we are able to sympathize with you in that way. I do not believe that anyone is trying to “teach you a lesson”. I think that would be a very cold and heartless way to look at such a loss. As I say, there are no easy answers to the questions you ask. I hope that you will keep coming and writing here what you feel because it is helpful to do even that much, though it may not seem that it could do you any good to do it. Sometimes just the sympathy we feel from another human being can give us reason to go on another day. You are welcome to say whatever you want to say, and no one will judge you for it. I hope you will be able to do that. Again, I feel so badly for what you are going through. I will pray for you to find peace and maybe eventually some answers to your questions.

Blessings, Oneta

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I miss my mum, i miss her loads. Her name pops up everywhere and it just saddens me. i feel empty i can't get my head around it. i got pains in my stomach. i just wanted to say i miss her, get it off my chest. Nothing much. just want her back that's all.

sue

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On Sat I received a phone call that brought me such joy and lifted a heavy burden I'd been carrying for 5 years. I spent the rest of that afternoon, and the next day and even Mon morning sharing my happieness with anyone I could locate. Then Mon night it really hit me that the one person I most wanted to share my joy with, my MOM, was the one person I couldn't physically contact. The tears fell and my heart ached, but I did my absolute best to bring myself back to the joy I'd been feeling, knowing that my MOM would rejoice with me if she were here and that she wouldn't want me to hold back my happieness simply because she wasn't here to share it. But it sure makes missing here so darn painful.

Suelowe - Continue to come here and post and hopefully a day will appear that you can start to feel just a little bit less ache and a little bit more peace in your heart.

Take care!

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Mofirefly, i've had many situations like that where something good happens, or i just want to tell my mum something, and suddenly i feel this overwhelming sadness knowing i can't physically phone my mum. She used to live in a nursing home so i keep the home's number in my mobile phone book and even on my landline phone just for the comfort. It's horrible knowing i can't phone her, but at the same time i sort of know she's with me in spirit. I mean even that dosen't feel enough to me cos i want her here in body and spirit, not just one of them and that's it.

It's been 3 years now but i still miss her like mad. If i make it through to acceptance then i'll be very surprised. I get really strong visions of her sometimes like i'm being reminded that she's gone, and how i saw her when she died in hospital. It would be really nice though if i could gain some sort of peace about this. I hope so.

Tnanks for your kind words Mofirefly, i appreciate this.

Take care

Sue x

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Sue,

I believe that your visions of your mother coming to you are to show you that she is still alive, just in another realm of the world... She is letting you know that she safe and happy there.. I totally understand the stages of grief and believe me, I know that it is NOT easy to live through it... ON 11/12/07, it will be my James 2 year mark.. His anniversaries take their toll on me, yet he is always with me, just like your mom is always with you. You can still talk to her, but in a different way... She can read your thoughts and send hers back to you. Know that on their realm it is so peaceful and they constantly feel love around them. They are still with us no matter what.

Hugs,

Trish

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Hi My Name is preciouspup,

I lost my Best Friend who was my Mom 4 months ago today and it hurt really bad and I am sad all that time I am just not the same person I am married and I just can't do and have fun with my husband since my mom died he has been very supportive and has been there for me I do talk to him about her death but it is very hard to talk to someone that is not walking in the same shoes you are it is a struggle get out the bed every morning Its like I am living in the 12X12 box all by myself and people around me just don't understand some tell me not to cry others tell me that your Mom is in a better place and she would not want to caome back here for everything in the world I know my Mom was a Christain and its true that once she saw Heaven and Gods face that she would not give it up to come back here. but I just wish I could have her back. My Mom died 10minutes after I left her home she was not sick on my rough days I bet myself up because if I had stayed a little longer I could have saved her... I signed up for another site but I not getting to many responses I just need someone I can send emails to that can help me get through this bad time in my life.. How long will my heart ache? How long will I go feeling numb? How long will it be before i CAN LIVE AGAIN? PLEASE SOMEONE RESPOND TO ME...my email address is preciouspup3766@msn.com

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Dear Presiouspup - Your loss is still so very new. I lost my mom 22 months ago and I still remember how alone I felt the first year and continue to feel now. It's impossible for anyone else to understand what you are going thru, even those of us on these boards, because it is something each person has to go thru at their own pace. Thankfully you have a husband to talk some with - but you can also come here and express all your thoughts and feelings as it has been quite a help to me and many others. I'm not sure if you will get many responses as there are a lot of us who simply read and not post often, but it still is a place where you can feel others are listening to you. You have lost a very special person and therefore a special part of you has been taken away. Please try not to dwell "if only" thoughts - you had not way of knowing what was to happen and you will never know if something you did or didn't do would have changed anything - but it is hard to move away from those kind of thoughts. I've written down you email address and will try to communicate with you there but I'm not on the computer as much as I use to be. There are other sites on this board - one is Loss of Mother - and it is a wonderful place to chat (even if slowly) with others. For myself I can say it does get easier but it does take time - I'm not aware of greiving now, but I do miss my mom tremendously. Take care.

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calliestaremk1

Trish, Thank you so much for your reply to Sue because you helped me too in the tragic loss of my 28 yr old son only 2 weeks ago. He to came to me in a vision of a dream after crying for 2 weeks straight. I am still crying everyday and my stomach is sick too but in this vision, my son came to me as a radiant being of love and a golden spirit of peace. In my vision, I ran into his open arms and just cried asking him if he was ok and as he embraced me in such warmth of his love I knew he was ok and I stopped crying. I told him that I love him very much and the vision lingered within it's own time. I know that my son is in another realm next to me. I am working through so much grief at this time and reaching out when I am feeling so alone that this vision will be the one to carry me through. That you again Trish for sharing your thoughts with Sue.

Sue,

I believe that your visions of your mother coming to you are to show you that she is still alive, just in another realm of the world... She is letting you know that she safe and happy there.. I totally understand the stages of grief and believe me, I know that it is NOT easy to live through it... ON 11/12/07, it will be my James 2 year mark.. His anniversaries take their toll on me, yet he is always with me, just like your mom is always with you. You can still talk to her, but in a different way... She can read your thoughts and send hers back to you. Know that on their realm it is so peaceful and they constantly feel love around them. They are still with us no matter what.

Hugs,

Trish

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Trish,

Sincere apologies for not replying sooner, had a lot of things to deal with lately. Thank you so very much for what you said about my mum communicating with me through thoughts. When i talk to my mum, i can literally hear her voice in my head, i think because i miss her so very much and i'm just trying hard to talk to her, i get angry sometimes and tell her i wish she was here in person, and i can hear her say 'i know, i'm here'. Maybe it's my imagination playing up, or i'm desparate to hear her, but half the time i do hear her.

I get both dreams and spiritual guidance from both my parents (both passed on), but my dad died 14 years ago, so i think he's settled into the spirit life, but the visions i get from my mum can be very strong. I looked at her photo one afternoon, just stared at it, and i could've sworn she winked at me. I remember her saying to me when she was alive that she'd look down on me, but thinking about it now, i think she's right next to me especially when i cry for her.

I know this is long-winded, but it's important to me that i talk to my mum and dad, tell them how i feel because i have different feelings of grief, plus guilt, for them (due to difference in relationships when they were alive) so it still gets me even today.

Anyway, thank you for your kind reply, it means a lot to think that me and my mother can communicate through thoughts. I want her here in person, but.........hell, i can't go there.

God bless you

Sue x

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livingonaprayer

Hello, I am new to thisso bear with me. I thought my husband was asleep but found that he had died in his sleep. This terrible day was Januay 20, 2007 and Jesse was 43 years old. I felt guilty that I had not slept in the bed that night as he was snoring and I was getting a cold. I thought he was just sleeping in when I looked in on him then as I went down the hallway I had like a voice say "What would you do if Jess were dead?" I couldn't brush it off and looked back in to see him in the same position. This was odd but once I touched him and felt the coldness I knew something was wrong. The image is always there and I think it was better for me to have found him than my son or daughter. The guilt is just tremendous.

We just recently hit the 6 month mark and I am a basket case. On the outside I appear fine but on the inside I am crying. I find myself and my two children at odds often and I feel terrible about it. Jesse was my best friend since we were 16-17 yrs old and we were two different personalities that complimented each other. I have been in a support group and now am meeting with a counselor. I feel like I take 2 steps forward then go back 3. I feel like I am letting people down if I don't act a certain way and I worry about my relationship with my children as the anger gets to me more and more. IS this normal? What if I can't raise my children on my own? Alot of what ifs...

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Dear Livingonaprayer, My husband shot himself and left me with our two sons to raise. It has been 21 months now and I want you to know everything you are feeling is very normal. I can remember how I couldn't understand how it seemed like I was the only one who was grieving at my house. Of course my children were grieving also, but in a different way. I am glad you are seeing a counselor. I feel like that helped me the most, a long with my faith. All you can do is get through each day the best way you can. I am sure you are sick of people telling you that time will help, but it really does. So, just keep breathing and take it one minute at a time. You can raise your children on your own. You will surprise yourself at just how many things you can do on your own. Just give yourself plenty of time and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. We all have our own time table when we are dealing with the incredible pain of loss. There is another forum on this site called Loss of a partner. There are very many women who post there who all share in this grief process after the loss of their spouse or partner. I have found a great deal of comfort there from just reading the different posts and also being able to vent alot of emotion. Keep posting, it really does help.

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hello everyone,

i read many of yor replies and i'm hoping everyone can help each other find the strengh to get through this...i lost my mom about two weeks ago to leukemia..she was sick for about a year..she was only 44...i am going to be a senior in high school and i am finding it extremely hard to deal with her loss...i have never dealt with a loss this great..i cannot eat or sleep or concentrate...i don't know how i'm going to deal with going back to school...my younger sister is only in first grade..she asked me to be her new mommy and i don't know how to answer her when she says things like that...my dad is going to be working and my older sister goes to college away so i'm dealing with a lot of pressure..i don't know how i'm supposed to maintain my high average while being on a sports team while taking care of my little sister..i love her so much but it is going to be very difficult..i will never be as good a mother for her as my mom was...whenever i think about the road ahead of me i panic..all of my friends are going to enjoy their senior year...relaxing and actually having a choice as to which college they want to go to...it drives me crazy because i know that i have to stay home to care for my sister...whenever i feel like i can't go on i just have to remind myself that my little sister is so precious..i love her so much and she is the reason i get out of bed every morning...i just wish my mom was here =(

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4everjoeysmom

Dear gneel6, You have such a strong, level-headed process in thinking, I know you rmom must be very proud of you. I am a soon to be 44 year old woman who lost my 24 year old son one year ago. I know our losses are in the reverse order, but your post touched me deeply. I hope you don't mind that I chose to reply to you.

First of all, I am so very sorry for the tremendous loss of your mother. You carry a very heavy burden of responsibility in addition to your pain, which makes grieving all the more difficult. Secondly, no matter how beautiful of a role model you are to your baby sister, you won't be able to "replace" your wonderful mom. You know that, and ultimately your baby sister will know that in time. She is afraid too, and I believe she is looking to you foremost for her comfort. There isn;t anything wrong with that, but you are certainly correct in saying it's a lot of pressure. It would be difficult enough for you to focus on continuing your life's plans without having this added responsibility, despite the love and how wonderful your relationship is with your family and especially a young sister who looks up to you so much that she would ask such a question. She does need you more than ever now. And you need her too. And I am so sorry that your older sister is a little farther removed in college. It would be wonderful to have her help. I understand your dad will be working, and he will have to deal with the grief in losing his life partner in his own way--many times it may not be understandable to you, because everyone will grieve differently. Foremost, remember that and don't become so shocked is people are not responding in a way you hoped or imagined. Are there close friends, aunts, relatives, or anyone else that can help you care for your young sister when you have to be focused on school work and sports training? Is there a possibility that you and your dad could collectively seek a part-time nanny to come 2-3 afternoons a week to help care for her, clean and cook? Perhaps your local church would have some women, and even older women that would volunteer a little time each week? That's always a good place to look when you need help with child care. While you are the oldest and most responsible child at home, you still need to be able to function in your role as that high school student. It's unfair to have to be the homecare and childcare provider instantly. I'm sure you would do a wonderful job, but it's ok to talk through this with your dad and tell him how you feel and especially your needs. He may be able to help you figure something out. ANd if he is emotionally too removed to consider anything outside of the loss currently, perhaps talking with your school counselor/advisor can help to bring up ideas on how to get some help with your newly added and huge responsibilities.

Hearing your story makes me wish I was your neighbor. I would help in a heartbeat. I encourage you to think deeply about whatever possibilities there may be to reach out and ask for help in what you are facing. You seem intelligent and level-headed enough that you could sacrifice and take most of this on your own, but I am concerned for your long term well-being, your ability to grieve in a healthy way yourself, and your future dreams and goals. If it helps to print my response to you, along with your original post and leave it in a conspicuous place for your dad to read, (if that's a more comfortable way for you to open the topic for discussion), then do that for yourself.

I, reaching 44 years old next month, would never want one of my children's dreams and future to be sold short because of my departure if I were to die. I would want everything for my children that I always hoped and dreamed for them. I'm sure your mother would want that as well. And I'm sure your father loves you enough to hear your concerns and needs. He may not know how to readily respond, but it's always better to communicate penly, especially when the family is facing such a tremendous loss and challenge to carry on "together". And TOGETHER is the operative word here, as a family. That would honor your mom best, for her family to stay close and together in this huge life trial. I know some families have financial challenges and cannot afford a nanny or to pay outside help. Perhaps you can seek through grief counseling and services in yoru area if there are other resources for this kind of care.

I am praying for you and your family. I know I probably haven't much to offer in the way of sharing my thoughts and heart with you, but I pray that your burden is eased along the way, and I pray someone very special and caring will come alongside you to help you care for your home and your sister. I wish you countless blessings and much love, and I will be thinking of you as two weeks ago is such a short time. You have so much emotion to bear through the coming months and I know it won't be easy. But if you would like to speak to a "mom" who cares for what you are going through, please feel free to write me anytime at clab2010@yahoo.com I live in south america, and am a missionary here. I have one other son who is now 24. He is one year younger, and how strange it must be for him to move past the age of his brother now gone. But we are very close. I'd like to think I've been a good mom, and my son would probably say that I am. He is grown and on his own now for the past few years and intelligent and level-headed as you are, which I gues sis why your post resonated with me. I imagined what he would feel like if it were me that passed instaed of his brother. No matter how old or young we are, it's so hard when we lose someone so close. Take good care of yourself, and write, post and seek support in any way you can. Hugs, Claudia (4everjoey'smom)

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My 21 year old daughter lost her boyfriend on Sunday August 26th, 2007. She is so devastated. He was the first one she ever brought home to meet me. They just got a place together. She can't even go to the house. His dad came and got his things. I'm going to have to handle it for her. I just need to know she will get better, and won't hurt so deeply as she does now. It has just been horrible. They had beed arguing for a couple of days, talking about ending the relationship. He was very upset about it. She is feeling overwhelming guilt. I am so down. I didn't want my precious daughter dealing with a huge loss at such a young age. I need encouragement, so I can stay strong for her

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4everjoeysmom

Dear Jonaenae, I can completely relate to how you must be feeling in your daughter's loss. It was my son who passed last July, a week before he turned 24. And it was I that walked in grief with his girlfriend for a time after. She was devastated. They too had been having a difficult struggle, because she moved with a new job and he was having a difficult time with the distance. But they pursued to keep trying. She too felt very guilty and even went so far as to blame herself to a degree, even though there was absolutely no basis for that. It was just her broken heart trying to sort it all out. Your daughter may feel guilt, and I pray that in time she will be able to release that guilt, because there is absolutely nothing she did to cause his death or nothing she could have done to prevent it. We all have should-have, would-have, could-have moments when we lose someone we love so dearly. But guilt can be more devastating than the loss itself when it grips us. I can tell you that after 13 months, Joey's girlfriend has found some healing and is going about life. She is different because of this. And she will never forget. But she is living on and growing despite the horrible loss and adversity in her young life. She talked to me a lot, and I can tell you that just being there as a comfort and an ear or shoulder is the best you can give. You can't force it, but you can let her know you are there for her and willing to journey through the hirt and healing with her for however long that takes. There is always HOPE. And there is always LOVE. There are no cliches that are appropriate, as many of us hear from others when we lose a loved one. The best medicine is honesty and openness, and a willingness to travel that journey however painful and uncomfortable it is. Most of us here have found that when someone, anyone journeys with us, the road is less lonely and the healing comes more swiftly. That doesn't mean the missing and pain of loss fade. It just means that we can begin to put it into a different light in time and journey on in our lives, being richer for what we shared with the one we lost. Kee soming here for love and support as you need it too. My prayers are with you, from a kmother who knows all too well. Hugs, Claudia

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Signs and Wonders is a tough topic. My faith truly abides in the God of the Bible, Jesus--God incarnate who died and was resurrected for the salvation of mankind, and the Holy Spirit--third in the Godhead that abides in the saved. There is no half-belief. Either I believe in the God of the Bible and all that is written, the infallible inspired Word of God as it was written in its original form (Hebrew Old Testament, Greek New Testament), or I seek outside of the Bible--which if it doesn't come from God means it must come from somewhere else. This is a difficult and freaky topic to study, because so often as we are flesh and live in a fallen world, so much appears before us that seems true just because it's there. I ALWAYS go to the Scriptures, my Life Book, to see what God says about something. Because if I claim to believe in the God of the Bible, I can't be picky about what I choose to believe in. I either believe it all, or I become a heretic if I add or subtract and then its no longer the Truth of God. (I am merely sharing a Biblical view here, so those that don't agree can do their own study and obtain their own answers from wherever they choose. I choose the Bible.)

Scripture says of signs in the context of what we as mankind desire...

Mat 12:39 But He answered and said to them, "An evil and adulterous generation craves for a sign; and yet no sign will be given to it but the sign of Jonah the prophet;

Mat 12:40 for just as JONAH WAS THREE DAYS AND THREE NIGHTS IN THE BELLY OF THE SEA MONSTER, so will the Son of Man be three days and three nights in the heart of the earth.

In this, it refers to the sign of three days from the time of Christ's crucifixion to the time of resurrection. In the resurrection lies the Hope for Salvation and eternal life. The fact that Christ died to save me is all the "sign" I need to believe.

I have wanted so much to have a dream of Joey, some kind of sign. And I read of so many people receiving signs. But I know God tells me not to seek signs. Have you heard the old adage, be careful what you ask for? Well, I take that to heart. Because in summoning signs, we very well could summon signs from spirits of a world we don't truly want to know.

In the Bible, Jesus speaks a parable of Lazarus and the Rich Man. Lazarus is in Abraham's Bosom (the place is now heavan after the resurrection of Christ) and the Rich man is in Sheol (the place is now Hell after the resurrection of Christ). The Rich Man could see Lazarus there but he could not speak to him or communicate with him. The rich Man was hot and wanted a drink of water, and he wanted so much to ask Lazarus, but God said Lazarus would not hear him calling out. Then the Rich Man wanted to warn his relatives to straighten up and not end up where he was, but God said he could not communicate across the realm of where he was. Nothing is sadi about Lazarus being able to communicate outside of his realm. In fact, there is no place in the Bible that agrees with the concept of the dead sending signs to their grieving loved ones to comfort them. The Scripture clearly says in many places that seeking omens, practicing divination--mediums, fortune telling, sorcery, etc--is evil in God's sight. So from that information it's enough to tell me clearly that these things are not of God. It's quite scary really...

So in the case of signs, I believe they can happen, because they do. But I think the source of the signs are most often misunderstood and misinterpreted. I'll stick with God... and the signs He gave are enough to tell me that my faith in Him and His dying for me is the only sign I need to know with certainty that my loved one is well and eternally living with him, and that I will indeed see Joey. I don't need any other sign to tell em this--from Joey or otherwise. And if I seek omens or signs, I would do so at my own risk without God's blessing...

Honestly i think things like this are why the Bible turns off so many people. because It doesn't fall in line many times with the way we think or what we want. But I have to believe God knows above what i think or want what is truly best for me. Otherwise He would not have given the Gift of the Word, my Life Book, to follow and live by, to remain safe and in His purpose for my life.

Tough Topic, huh? Anyway, Angels4me, I am terribly sorry for your losses and the Oceans of Tears. In reading the year you lost your son... was he an infant or a small child? I lost my son Joey on july 31st this past year, and I have to say it is the worst thing I can ever imagine I will go through. I'm sure life will continue to bring trials my way, but I just can't imagine anything worse... In that way I truly began to identify the pain suffered when the Ultimate son was crucified... Sure he rose alive and well, but there must have been a horrendous pain to The Father in those moments of torturous death and taking the sins of the world upon Him. I can't even imagine. I just know my own pain. I'm so sorry for your pain... Blessings & Hugs, Claudia

Hello My name is Hope and I lost a daughter very sudden in November 2006 how do you keep your faith and believe so much .I am so mad at God ,I just dedicated my children and joined my church and boom she dies in my arms in a cold hospital from liver falure how are you so positive ,I am mad and hurt and my children see me cry and cry ,can you help me understand the loss of My Jade and did she know or does she know I loved her and so sorry I didnt know she was that sick and I let her down I tried killing myself and I failed each time ,Is this a personal punishment that God has put upon me to bear ,Please help a young mom understand Gods way
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Very Dear Hope, I am SO very sorry for your loss, your anguish, and your pain. The loss of one's child is seemingly more than a heart can bear. And it certainly is not a natural order of life as we dream it or know it. We always expect our children to outlive us. And we expect that we will see our children grow up and experience a life full of years accomplishments and dreams fulfilled. When that is ripped from our lives, it's like nothing anyone can ever imagine unless they've been there too. I don't believe the loss of a child is a "punishment" from God. God is not a revenge seeker against us or things we've done wrong in our lives. When we come before Him for forgiveness, His word says we are forgiven and those sins and misdeeds are cast into a sea of forgetfullness, never to be held against us again. He would never act toward us as we do toward one another and bring up old hurts and wrong doings and hang them over our heads to make us feel bad or to get even in some way. He is a God of Mercy. And He is brokenhearted and weeping with you for your loss and pain. I truly and deeply believe that. After I lost my son Joey, almost 14 months ago, God immediately lifted me up and showed me things. But after the shock began to wear off a couple of months later, I became very angry with God. I was just mad--at Him, at the World, at anyone in my path. I don't believe it was good or right to be angry with God. But again, His mercies were plenty and His patience kind. He understood, and He waited, never leaving or forsaking me during that few months when I turned my back on Him. His word says that is His nature. And He is an unchanging God. We can always count on His nature to be consistent--unlike our own human nature.

I wish I had answers about why we have to endure such a loss. It's so random it seems. No one is protected from this kind of catastrophic life event. To give an example, I am a missionary. I work for God. I sacrificed everything I had, and I laid down my life to be His worker bee. Even so, my son died. Why in the world would a missionary deserve to lose a child?? That's the point. I didn't deserve it for wrong things I did. And I didn't deserve to not go through this for the right things I do. And it is that way for anyone and everyone that experiences such a loss or even for those that literally are saints and endure a horrendously painful terminal illness. I do believe that illness and death are a reminder and a manifested result of a fallen earth, fallen man all those years ago in the Garden of Eden. We "taste" death in a physical sense here now because the earth is not perfect as it was in the beginning. And since the earth was no longer perfect, it became a place where God could come to us in flesh, (Christ), and be tempted by all that was sin and weakness, and be despised and hated, and be punished and abused, and ultimately be crucified, dying for the cause of humanity, to save us. If the earth was perfect God would have never been able to accomplish that. I think about that and sometimes wonder, well, if the earth was perfect, we wouldn't have needed that rescue. That is true. But if it was perfect, we also wouldn't need God. It wouldn't matter if Eve hadn't have eaten of the fruit. Somewhere along the line humanity would have disobeyed. It's in our nature to be selfish and of our own willful hearts. If no one would have fallen before I was born, I'm pretty sure I would have on my own accord. I admit that. But even so, I don't believe God takes from us what He gives to punish us. That is so not like God. The flip side of that is God is and will forever be Sovereign. He knows all that was, is, and is yet to be. Nothing happens that He does not know. And while we get angry and yell and stamp our feet asking why he didn't stop this from happening, I can only imagine that He doesn't play favorites and the answer to that question lies somewhere between here and heaven, and I may never fully understand while I am on this side of heaven. I have to trust Him, and know that while He did not cause this loss in my life, He knows everything about it--and He is here for me, and He was there for my Joey, to receive Joey immediately in His loving arms as he walked with God into heaven. I believe that with all my heart. And I believe it because I KNOW God's word, and He tells me so through His word.

The old saying is that when people experience such a loss or such a painful event in their lives, they either turn to God or they run from God. In my case I turned to God, then I ran from God for a short time, and then I came back. I know what my life was before I turned to God. And I know what my life was like in those few short months when I turned away from Him. And those times were way darker for me than at any time that I have looked to God, including having lost Joey. It is so awful that I lost Joey, and in the manner in which he died--so very tragic. And I will miss him and my heart will ache for every moment of my existence here. But at the same time, I have light in my life--the Grace of God. His word says His grace is sufficient, and I believe that. Like Job in the Bible, if everything and everyone were stripped from my life, I believe God would be sufficient for me. I amy not like it, and it would probably kill me, but the reason He is sufficient is because he is God--and no matter what happens to me in this life, I have eternity beyond this that will be perfect, and I will fellowship with God who will never leave me or forsake me, and I will be reunited forever with those gone before me who love God--all of this a greater reward than any earthly treasure. Everythin ghere on earth will die and rust and be destroyed with time and decay--Everything. But heaven will never cease being perfect. Joey is there, in heaven. And when I think about that for all that it is worth, I can honestly feel joy for him. It sucks for me here, but it is everything good for Joey.

Hope, I believe your baby girl, Jade, is with Jesus and with my Joey in heaven. She knows you love her, and she knows you are her loving mommy here. She will recognize you the moment you step into heaven, as she will recognize her brothers and sisters and grandparents and everyone else who loves her that arrives there. How could you know she was so sick? If she seemed well up to a certain point, then how could you know? Please know that there is no blame that is yours to bear. It isn't something you caused or could have prevented. I believe God foreknew Jade's life would be short here, but He gave her a purpose to accomplish in that short time. He could have chosen any other mother in the world to carry Jade and give birth to her and love her for the time she was destined to be here. But He gave little Jade to you. There is something very, very loving and special in that He chose you. He didn't choose you to hurt you. He chose you because He loves you, and He knew that you would be the best mommy for jade, even though it would be for a shorter time than you ever imagined. And He chose you to be mommy for Jade's brothers and sisters now and to come. One thing that gives me great comfort is knowing that heaven and earth are separated only by time and space. When Joey and little Jade went home to Jesus, time stopped for them. It goes on for us, and we long for them. We miss them so much. But years from now when we get to heaven to meet them once again, it will seem to them that they only took a breath since they last saw us. SO, don't you worry about jade or feel bad for her. She is basking in the presence and full glory of God. I can't even imagine what that is like, but my heart tries to imagine it, and it does bring me comfort and peace. And THAT is why I stick with God. Because God gave me assurance in His Holy Word that I can count on Him to deliver me into His Promise of heaven and a greater reward beyond this life. Please don't give up on Him. He will never give up on you.

A beautiful song written by Natalie Grant for a friend of hers who lost a child is called HELD. Basically she sings in her beautiful voice about or God who never promised we would not hurt, or suffer pain and loss. But He did promise that when we do go through such things, He will be with us, holding us, and seeing us through. We can blame Him and be angry, and turn away. But then we would choose not to feel His presence in our lives. It doesn't mean He wouldn't be present. But we would close ourselves off to Him. I want to feel Him in my life. And I pray you do too, no matter what life brings. Here are the words to that beautiful song. I am praying for you Hope--on my knees and with ever ounce of heart and soul I have. I am praying for God to show you more of Himself and to carry you through your pain. I am praying that He will restore you. We will never be the same, but we can be more than what our emotions reduce us to in our pain and loss. Be there for your other child(ren). Help that child to feel that God has given him/her the best mommy because he chose you...

I am here for you if you need me and want to talk more. You can e-mail me as well at clab2010@yahoo.com. God bless you and keep you Hope.

HELD (by Natalie Grant)

Two months is too little.

They let him go.

They had no sudden healing.

To think that providence would

Take a child from his mother while she prays

Is appalling.

Who told us we’d be rescued?

What has changed and why should we be saved from nightmares?

We’re asking why this happens

To us who have died to live?

It’s unfair.

Chorus:

This is what it means to be held.

How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life

And you survive.

This is what it is to be loved.

And to know that the promise was

When everything fell we’d be held.

This hand is bitterness.

We want to taste it, let the hatred numb our sorrow.

The wise hand opens slowly to lilies of the valley and tomorrow.

(Chorus)

Bridge:

If hope is born of suffering.

If this is only the beginning.

Can we not wait for one hour watching for our Savior?

(Repeat Chorus)

This is what it means to be held.

How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life

And you survive.

This is what it is to be loved.

And to know that the promise was

When everything fell we’d be held.

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Hello everyone. I lost my boyfriend recently and am trying to cope with the loss but its so hard. I lost my father 7 years ago and I still hurt from that. To have to go through this all over again is so hard. I wish there was a way to make coping with loss easier!

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(((Dear 4evermom)))

Your posting lifted me, I too, have leaned on God these last 15 months since my husband has been gone and your sharing really blessed me.

Thank You

GrannyCheryl

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For those of you who are so deeply lost because of a recent transition from a loved one from the physical realm, when you are ready, please read my site which is dedicated to spirit visitation. Our loved ones are still close to us and want to communicate, and it IS possible. Experiments are being done world wide by the greatest physicist's minds proving life after death, that the soul (divine energy) can never cease, nor can the spirit (the personality of the individual). There are so many techniques and so many ways to communicate. If you have ever had a small child or even a pet, they cannot form words, but we still communicate with them - we know when they want attention, when they want to be fed, etc. We learn to communicate at their level and spirit communication is no different. The spirit world just works at a higher frequency rate and the electromagnetic force allows them to do so much with today's technology. Please read my site, see the pictures, experiments, and videos to see that this type of communication is possible. www.etherealthoughts.com. Always feel free to contact me if you have any questions. My goal in life is to continue the work of my wonderful daughter, son, and grandson and if we can help just one person, then all the work that has been done will have been worth all the work that has gone into it.

I'm so glad that I found this beautiful message board. Grief is a painful or horrible thing so being in the company of others who know how you feel is very comforting. My prayers are with all who read this.

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Hi. I have a book recommendation that I think speaks to this group. Here is the ad copy:

New from Left Coast Press, Inc.

Last Writes: A Daybook for a Dying Friend by Laurel Richardson, Ph.D.

This new ethnographic work intimately chronicles a long-term friendship in its final months of life as one of the friends succumbs to emphysema. Last Writes: A Daybook for a Dying Friend began as a tool to help author Laurel Richardson cope with the illness and eventual death of her dear friend and colleague, Betty Frankel Kirschner. Rich in emotional detail, honesty, and reflection, this daybook becomes part memoir, part sociological analysis, and part eulogy as it portrays the deep relationship between two women as one dies, the care each gives the other through the process, and the impact that illness, death and dying has on friends and family alike. A very touching expression of intimate emotions and a very engaging analysis of the social and emotional management of death and dying from the unique perspective of a close friend.

Paperback (978-1-59874-187-2) $24.95

Hardback (978-1-59874-186-5) $65.00

A 15% discount on web orders to the United States at www.LCoastPress.com.

I hope members of this group find this book helpful to them.

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I'm really not sure how to begin. My 25 year old son was killed in a horrific motorcycle accident just around the corner from our home. I came upon the accident after it had happened. My son was not there any longer, yet the remains of his bike were scattered everywhere and I knew. This was on Sept. 17, 2007..on Sept. 18th I had to make the decision to remove life support. He had completely severed his spine from his skull, meaning in the 3% chance that he would ever wake, he would remain in a locked in state, being a quad. Not only am I dealing with the sudden loss, yet I have this worry about making this decision. I know Nick never would have wanted to live like that, yet it still weighs heavy on me. I'm in limbo and I have his two children to help through this. Hanna is 6, Aiden 1 year. I feel as if I can't motivate myself to deal with daily situations. I break down constantly, I don't want to go outside because people pat you on the back & say it's going to be okay...what kind of logic is that? I'm lost, angry, devastated. My faith makes me believe that at some point I will come through this, yet I do have my doubts.

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4everjoeysmom

Please don't feel guilty for the decision you made to release your Nick from the state that he was in so that he could go home to heaven. I know that's easier said than done, but my faith says that there is no possible way that you could be in complete control of Nick's destiny for heaven, because the ultimate one in control is God. I cannot even begin to imagine if Joey would have lived in that 3% after the accident that ultimately took him to heaven too. I know my Joey better than anyone, and I know it would have been the worst living hell for him to have to endure a life like that. He had way too much energy and way too much in his dream bank. I think he would have ultimately given up on living if I would have had the kind of power to save him yet only to be in that kind of state. I believe he would have hated me. I'm not saying that families aren't blessed if their children do survive and perhaps are left to live a life in that condition. My step-mom's daughter has a 20 year old son who is a quadrapalegic after a terrible car accident a couple of years ago, and it's a very, very, very hard life for both the mother and the son. Her son is angry all the time and he can't do anything for himself, not even speak. I just know my Joey would never have wanted that. He is in perfect peace and love right now, free of pain and suffering for eternity, joy filled and singing, and he does not miss anything of his dreams because everything he is and has now is more than anything he or I ever imagined. I'm sure of it. And I do know I will see him again one day forever. It's the missing him that is the most unbearable part of this loss, and it is that missing that makes me question sometimes what I could have done to have him still here. But I also know how sometimes our emotions can talk us into believeing we could have done something, when in reality it most likely isn't so. You made a very hard decision, and that decision was not made lightly. It was made because you love your son so much, and no matter how much it hurts, instinctively I think we moms know when it's time to let them go. We don't ever want to let them go, and it's a horrible and tragic devastation for us when we are forced to let go. But I pray as we journey on we find through our faith and a merciful God some peace and comfort in time in knowing death is not the end, only a temporary good-bye, that we will be together one day for all eternity. For us here though it seems a lifetime away, for our children in waiting it will be only a moment since we were last together. I hold onto that in my heart, and it helps me through. I know the outside world wants to pat us on the back and tell us it will be ok, because they want to believe that we will be ok. Truth is we will survive, but it won't all be ok until the beautiful day of reunion in heaven. Until then I will muddle through and do my best to honor Joey, to love and be thankful for the gifts I still have here in my surviving son and my family, but it isn't easy for me. When I think what could have been the alternative, I would much rather live this pain for the while I am in this world, and hope for what I know in my heart is my future in heaven with Joey, than to have had Joey live as something less than he ever could have accepted for himself. He has no pain or sorrow now. I always felt that if I could stand in the place of hurt and pain so that either of my children could avoid it, then that is what I would do. I guess in a huge sense that is exactly what I am doing now. I'm so very sorry for your loss and deep pain. I know what that is, and it is almost more than a heart can bare. I will be praying for you, for Hanna and for Aiden. It's all so raw still, and though it's overwhelming right now, I know God will lead you in his strength to be there for your grandchildren. Hold onto what you know of your faith and it will see you through... Love and Hugs, Claudia

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Dear Guest.

I cannot add much more than Claudia has said. I only wanted to say that I too had to face those decisions with my brother. I thought frequently afterward that maybe we should have given him more time to heal himself because he was such a strong individual. God would not let you make that decision without Him. If that was the wrong decision, then He would have interviend. We cannot choose life or death, that is only something that He can choose. No matter what your decision had been, the ultimate decision was Gods. I believe with all of my heart that no matter what I decided, God was ready for Jeffrey to come Home. I want to share this, because to me it says so much of how much God is in control. The day after my brothers accident the doctors came requesting to move more and more of the controls and medications that were helping him sustain life. This was my daughters 18th birthday, we prayed so hard that God would not take him on her birthday, as she had already lost her grandfather on her 16th birthday. Jeffrey left us just after midnight, passing her birthday by about 15 minutes. Again, God showing me that he is in control of all.

I have found talking with friends here has helped me so much. Sometimes it is hard to keep your faith when it seems that everything is lost, but you will find that it is actually your faith that will pull you through this. God has a special purpose and reason for everythinh, no matter how dark it seems to us and how we cannot see beyond our pain at the time. I pray that you find some relief and comfort in Nick's children. I will keep you in my prayers. Peace and blessings, Jackie

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deathofanangel

hi, i am new to this i recently lost my father. i kept most of his things that are special to me in a box. i decorated the box and put photos of him and me together. this helped alot but then i thought well i am putting all the good thinfgs in a box. wehen really i should be putting all the bad things.

lv deathofanangel

p.s i am 14 years old and i am depressant tablets. mum says i am too young but they help.

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[user=18668]deathofanangel[/user] - sorry that you have lost your dad.  Anytime is a bad time to lose someone, 14 just seems very young.  Your mum is right in one way, you are young to be on anti-depressants, as someones mum I think you might need a counsellor or therapist as well.  The meds on there own really only address half the problem.

The memory box sounds like a good idea.  You say you should put the bad things in too, not sure what you meant.  Would it help to have a journal to write in that you keep in that box?.  It might let you say some things that you don't want to share just yet.

Blessed be

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Hi.  I'm new to this site.  I'm 22 and I lost my father to cancer a little over a year ago.  I guess it's been almost 13 months now.  I was very close to my dad and I am lucky because I've had a wonderful friend who's helped me through everything.  We've been friends since freshman year of high school, we were roommates through the first three years of college and now even though she lives off campus and I'm an RA, we still have sleepovers about 4 times a week.  She's the only person I've ever been able to talk to about the death of my father, the only person who's ever just sat and listened and even though she doesn't understand, she always seems to know what I need.

It's our fifth and last year in college and I'm studying linguistics while she's studying to be a teacher.  As next semester is her last, she's doing an internship three hours away from school while I will finish up there.  I guess I just don't know what I will do without her.  Her friendship...the listening, trying to understand, the talking, the being there for me on really bad days and at night when it's always the worst, the hugs and shared tears...it's meant so much to me.  I feel like I can't even go on without her there to help.  All I can think about is the loneliness and emptiness and silence that will replace everything in my life when she's gone.  I almost feel like I'm losing someone else very close to me, even though I know she won't really be gone forever. 

I'm worried about all the changes...graduation and moving away from school and my sorority, and not having my best friend for so long...it all feels like just too much.  I'm sure this all sounds so petty and stupid, but I don't think I've felt so scared and alone since I got the phone call that my father had passed away...and I wasn't there.  I just don't know what to do to help myself...I don't know how I'll cope.

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Dear Emily260 - You've had so much happening to you that to me it would seem perfectly natural for you to be scared of the changes that are going to happen....but I feel that quite a few people are scared of change but they are also too scared to admit that they are.  Having lost your father and being so very close to you dear friend, I think that it is also natural for you to be frightened by the thought of not being close to her when she moves away.  Just try your best now to pack as many wonderful fun times into your memory and then once she moves, try you best to keep in touch anyway you can.  I kept in touch with my high school friend by long distance for more years than either of us cared for, and now she lives just 10 miles away....so even tho your friend will be moving away, it doesn't have to mean the distance will be forever.....and your friendship will endure.  I hope you are able to make sense of what I'm trying to say.  The thought of your friend moving away on top of your losing your father are making the move much more difficult, so I hope you can take a deep breathe and asure yourself that things will be ok.  Take care.

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Thanks, wyomingsgal ... I just printed this off to read later ... and I emailed it to my sisters. We JUST lost our beloved Mother on September 20th of this year and the void is deeper than the Grand Canyon. I never thought I could hurt so much ...

Thank you and Bless you.

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I have LOVED  and Lost......My world as I knew it has been shattered, my world that was so wonderful, so many to love, and gave Love and respect in return.  I am a different person, maybe that is why everyone treats me so differently...I am barely treading water at this point....I try so hard to keep going but everything in this life is now so different and so very hard  why must it be  ...I now after 2yrs believe that it will never ease, my pain and sorrow and grief, it is harder now than it was then.,..The longer I go on, the harder it becomes.... So many friends  have faded from my life,  the old faithfuls are still with me, and I shall always Love them for that,,I know it is me, but can't seem to become a person again,, will I ever....I know I will never be the person I was, many can not accept the person I've become.  So I stay isolated as much as I can and think my thoughts and cry my tears.  My Big Pity Party..Please God help me to get it together so that I may become at least 1/2 of the person I use to be.......I Miss You all so.......My precious sweet Lindsey Marie 09/06/83-01/03/2006......My fun loving make everyone laugh Mom  1/13/23-07/03/2007......My loving brother who could not tell me enough how thankful he was for me  05/21/1962-01/02/2006....My brother who was only 13months younger than myself and left me with our childhood memories many that he and I could only share 12/28/1957-08/18/1982....My father who loved me so, I was the only girl with 4 brothers  10/10/20-02/26/1993.   My Dalmation   11/04/1995-12/26/2007 LOVE U ALL

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hi lyndysmom, wow you have had a really bad run of luck. i lost my mums boyfriend jan 4th o7 my lovely pet mason mastiff ravaged my dad in september 07 an i had him put to sleep and fianally my wonderful mum only 57 died on 23rd of oct 07. i still cannot believe it......... i am really in denial about it all. its my sons birthday today he is 12 no one else seems to be very effected by it i have 2 sisters and my dad is still here all her sisiters just act like its not happened. your in my thoughts honey x x x

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