I don't want to be here without you:

[caitlyncolfels]

I lost the love of my life October 21, 2012. I feel like im dying without him, to me there's not point to being here anymore without him. On the Sunday of him passing he crashed his motorcycle and hit a light pole/then pavement. It hurts me that I wasn't there for him, and I couldn't say goodbye or anything to help him out when he's always been there for me, always helped me out. I hate my life without him. Why would something so horrible happen to someone so wonderful. Things don't happen for a reason, what could this reasoning be? I couldn't even see him after the crash. No closure, no anything. Just memories are all I have and I don't even want them, I want him. I hate that we had to cremate him, to think of the love of you life, your fiance, your best friend/soul mate, long term boyfriend, everything MY LIFE...burning away, it literally kills me. How can I be so positive about any of this we were inseparable for 6 years of my life, always together at each other's hip. To me, I honestly don't feel like going on...everyday get's worse, I'm still in shock. Every day just gets more real and more painful to know that I'll never see him again, touch him, kiss him, hear him...anything.

[ModKonnie]

Caitlyncolfels,

I am so sorry about the loss of your beloved. It's just so sudden and soon, I'm sure you are still reeling in shock and trauma. One thing you can keep doing is to keep talking about your Love and try to just get through little by little. Do you have a support system at home? Do you have friends? What about his family?

We will be here for you,

ModKonnie

[caitlyncolfels]

hey modkonnie yeah,i do have my family and friends, as well as his mother and father who isn't living here though...it's just so hard because with talking about him and everything it makes you want to see them even more or just i don't know...you know?

[moonchild2012]

I lost the love of my life after 37 years of marriage. He was an avid cyclist riding his bike one beautiful morning and a petty thief that was fleeing the cops took his life in an instant. He was healthy and happy and had so many friends and was the support to so many of his friends and family. This tradegdy has left a hole in my heart and each day is a challenge. He left behind 2 sons and a daughter and 3 grand children. My heart breaks everyday missing him and it has been almost 3 months now. It doesn't get easier. The first year I know will be the hardest but I can't just lay down and die, life goes on. I am on an emotional roller coaster at times. His death was quick and tragic he was hit by a high speeding car and killed instantly. So unfair. How do I go on? I can only picture what happened to him as it plays over and over in my head and the last moments I did see him. Life is given and taken so swiftly. I miss him so much. I want him back.

[Mdanielson4]

I would like to say I am so sorry for your loss. That is for everyone here. I truly know your pain. I lost my wife May 16^th 2012. I am feeling the same way as many of you; I don’t want to be here without her. I also cannot just lie down and die. Not matter how much I want to be with her. It doesn’t work that way. We all need to carry out our loved ones dreams and desires because they cannot. It is not easy but I have no doubt Mary is expecting me too. I pray for all of you and wish you only the best.

Mike

[ericadc2]

I can certainly say, I understand where you are coming from....I lost my husband on Aug 19, 2012 due to a motorcycle accident as well...I wasn't there when it happened and I never got to say goodbye or I love you and he was also cremated, although that was his request. I keep hoping that it was some sort of terrible nightmare and that he will come home but it never happens...he was my EVERYTHING...we have 2 beautiful daughters ages 7 & 15 but it still isn't the same as having him here. I keep thinking of all the things that he will never see them do. I cry constantly and don't want to go on without him but I also don't want my daughters to have to lose me too, but in some ways I think they already have since I do not feel like the same person anymore. The say time heals all wounds but I think that it gets even harder to try to learn to live without him. And the memories that I have hurt like hell! I wonder why I was given someone to love with all my being for them to just be taken away from me so sudden. If you ever want to talk, you can message me on here. So sorry for your loss

[caitlyncolfels]

moonchild2012 and erica - i always had this uneasy feeling about the bike too, he loved it so much he got it in the spring. i was so afraid of it all the time. he would ride it and of course be a man and ride it super fast and do all of these crazy things on it. and i just sit here and think why...why did you have to buy that bike that took you away from me and my happiness. now im just left with this hole you're right. it's a hole that just hurts so god damn much and nobody can take this pain away. i just hope he didn't suffer that's a whole other thing i keep thinking about is him hurting, suffering, what did he think about his last second, did he even think...i hate it! i hate the what if's...and i hate the why's...it's so horrible god! why did he have to be taken away. you're right...why did god have to give me someone who i gave my everything to...my whole entire being and we were soul mates. why did he have to be taken away from me, and his beautiful life he had? i don't want to even go through any of these holidays or our anniversary. days aren't even the same anymore. weekends and nights are the worst for me. especially sleeping in a bed that i can't wake up to him anymore. i just truly hate my life. i also keep replaying everything in my head. im sorry for your losses.

[caitlyncolfels]

mdanielson4 - thank you mike, i give you your sorrow as well.