Just lost my mum

[dawnieuk]

Ive just lost my mum two weeks ago.Took her into hosiptal with what I thought was a tummy bug and she died 3 weeks later such a shock.I had taken her to the doctors they told her she was depressed but having being sick for over a week I knew something was wrong.Hosiptal did loads of tests and 3 days before she died they told me she had a tumor and her liver and kidney had packed in plus she had a blockage in her intestines i was heartbroken when they told me she had days to live.my mum was truly my best friend i was her carer for over 15 years and never spent a day apart we were always on the phone every minute of the day if i wasnt round her house just feeling numb right now and to be honest angry with my doctor who didnt listen when i kept telling her my mums poorly but i guess thats normal.mum was 66 and wasnt ready to go she fought till the end.I was with her when she died slept nexted to her the whole night i wont go into detail but her ending was very traumatic and every night when i go to sleep it keeps replaying in my head even if i dont want it too.this is so hard right now any advice would be comforting right now xxxxx

[ModKonnie]

Dawnieuk,

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your mum. Many people relive the trauma of the experience when they have to deal with what you have. In time, the nightmares will stop, and you will be able to remember happy memories. For now, try to just get through a bit at a time.

We will be here for you,

ModKonnie

[dawnieuk]

thank you hun least i now know thats normal to relive whats happened just think it was all such a shock its hard getting on with life without mum lost my dad when he was 42 as well but i never felt like this i know that sounds bad but i was so close to mum didnt spend a day apart my poor kids keep seeing my crying try not to but cant help it most days decided to change my doctor and see if i can get some help with this think i need it xx

[Vraymond59]

I am truly sorry for the loss of your mother. A dear person emailed me the following..."On this day I want you to accept yourself. How you are, where you are and who your are...right now, this minutes. It doesn't matter if you can't do this or you can't do that...All that matters is that you start where you are at and that's just fine". I had to embrace every minute on the minute when I lost my beautiful mother on the 12th of October. It's the adjustment to the loss of mother's presence I am so LOST...the interaction with her daily...my grief is woven in a blanket of sadness. Just know you are not alone, I will pray for you and your family.

[dawnieuk]

Thank you Vraymond59 and im so sorry for your loss too mum died the 14th of october but saying that I knew it was coming and think i started to grieve a week before she died and your .just hard when people keep saying how are you just want abit of space right now get my head round whats happened.Had someone ring me last night saying get on with my life now and mums dont want to out live their kids and to look after my kids now i am looking after my kids always have done but i cant help it if im sad right now did make me mad to be honest mum was only 66 and she wasnt ready to go days before she died she said dawn im getting better arent I. I couldnt tell her I was heartbroken.You do feel lost when mum wasnt with me we spent all day on the phone so quiet in the house right now with the phone not ringing.well your not alone too Vraymond59 xx

[Lou40]

Hi, so sorry for your loss. I lost my Mum on 16 Sept so must be about the same time as you. She was 69 and had a heart attack and although she had emergency angioplasty and we saw her on the Saturday, she died in the Sunday morning with my Dad holding her hands - they had been together 50 years and I think that makes it even worse because not only am I grieving, but worry about him :-((

[whatislife]

I can relate to your situation, as i have been going through much of the same. I lost my mom last month to cancer. She was only 59. it all happened very quickly from diagnosis, to the end, and my life has been turned completely upside down throughout this last year. the final days were so rough for her, i cant even go in to detail. in those days i remember thinking that it would surely haunt me for the rest of my life.

what has helped me the most is the good memories. Yes, I have relived those final nights, and how tough it was, but it doesn't haunt me as i thought it would. My advice would be to look at pictures, special places, and all of the good things. that has helped me the most in my situation. i too was with her at the end, and those days will always be remembered as the hardest days of my life, but time will heal, and the importand thing is to emphasize the good memories, rather than the traumatic memories.

[MissingMyMom10]

I just want to send you a hug. I am so sorry for your loss. It's a difficult thing to process isn't it ?

I lost my mother on September 10th of this year to cancer. Even though we knew Mom was sick - the doctor kept ordering tons of tests and the 'diagnosis' seemed to keep changing a bit and we had hope with treatment. Long story short - by the time I got home

(I live 12 hours away) I had only 15 minutes to chat with her. She was then admitted into hospital and became unresponsive and placed on morphine for horrible pain that we did not know about ? My parents (79 & 80 yrs of age) were good at telling all of us that they were fine, feel just fine. We believed this because my parents were world travelers and very active all of the time. Well, just 2 days later her doctor told us it was her breast cancer from 16 years prior that had returned and there was nothing else they could do - and that we needed to move her to hospice that very day. That day was so heartbreaking. I, too, won't go into details - but her last day was very traumatic and now I just keep reliving it every day and night. I went home to just help around the house and make things easier for her - we didn't know how bad things really were (even though tests were being done for the past month and we were thinking so highly about the treatments being used - we had a sense of security with them I guess.)..

I know that even though time doesn't really make things easier, it does make things more bearable. I still can't stop replaying everything in my mind. I, myself, have found some comfort in talking to a chaplain from a hospice here in my town. I know that I never thought that I would feel this level of grief and pain upon losing my mom. It seems almost unbearable at times. I understand the numb feeling you are talking about. I have come to find that our feelings are 'normal' I guess. There is no 'time' set on grief and you need to take the time you need. Take care of yourself. I have found a bit of comfort in listening to the same radio show that my mom listened to every single Saturday. Prairie Home Companion. She listened to it for years and years and I had listened to it with her on occasion. Funny, quirky 2 hour broadcast. I feel that I'm carrying on something for her and enjoying the humor for her - to honor her and to continue something that she enjoyed.. and because of her, I also enjoyed it. I am going to start a journal - but I haven't found that I'm quite ready to do so yet. I go for walks and talk to her often. Sometimes it makes me cry and sometimes I can hear her say something funny to me. I didn't get to see her but once a year or so, but I talked to her on the phone almost daily. It is very quiet not hearing my phone ring. Sometimes I catch myself getting ready to call her - only to realize I can't.

I find that talking to others who understand the feeling, the loss helps me. I have 2 siblings - but have found it harder to talk to them because we are on different levels of our grief process. We still have our father - but he all of a sudden had a new companion just within a week after Moms funeral. Strange enough - that seems to be 'normal' too. However - it has caused more anger/grief amongst our family. Whew !!!!

I hope that it helps to know you are not alone at this time... and that 'we' are apparently 'normal' in our feelings. We will have a new 'normal' but it will take time and we need to be kind to ourselves in this grief process. Allow ourselves to cry and to grieve. Allow as much time as we need to process our feelings.

HUGS to you and I hope you are finding some sort of comfort in knowing there are others out here and WE are all here for you and others going through grief. Here for you if you need to talk. I wish you comfort in this process.