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My father has a new lady friend... My mother only passed away a month ago.?!!


MissingMyMom10

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MissingMyMom10

Anyone else out there dealing with this situation? My mothers funeral was just over 1 month ago and within just a little over 1 week, my father had a 'lady friend' who he seems to be giddy over..?? My parents were married for 57 years and this new 'connection' has really thrown my siblings and I for a loop. We feel like he's not showing respect for our mother and we are now having such an anger / upset / hurt issue over this new 'friend' that I feel like it has completely taken over our time..?? Not only does he have this new 'friend' but she has baggage in the form of a very recent breakup with another man who is not completely out of the picture.. He shows up pounding on her door, calls and harasses her, shows up at the VFW my father and his 'friend' are at... It's like high school drama all over again in the elderly years..?!!! It's just crazy. This gal has had restraining orders against this other man, this other man has apparently been violent towards her physically and now - my father is involved in this entire scary scenario. My family does not need this drama that's for sure, but there's no telling my father anything at this point in time. He says he is NOT going to sit around crying and grieving and that he is moving on with his life.... and this gal will apparently be a part of it. WOW .... Anyone have any ideas on how to move past this myself ?? How to deal with it ?? How to accept it ??

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MissingMyMom10,

I am so sorry about your loss of your mom. I have to tell you that your father's reaction is not all that uncommon. He has been with a partner for 57 years, and he may be terrified at being alone. Hopefully, this will be a very fleeting situation.

My mom and dad were married 54 years. The night after my father died, my mother announced she was going to Italy on vacation with a travel group, and she then announced to me and my siblings she didn't plan to sit around and rot. We were all angry, hurt, confused and shocked beyond imagination. She met a very younger man who paid attention to her almost immediately, but that lasted for a few brief weeks (and it consisted of a few meetings at the VFW my father FOUNDED). She has been alone since, but in the meantime, we have all argued and debated about her dating. My sisters and I have come to terms with the whole concept, although my brothers are aghast at the idea. One thing that helped me to accept it all was to tell myself that my mother was completely and totally faithful and loving to my father. They had a good life together. Although my father's life ended, my mother's did not. Is it fair for me to want her to live alone just because I am uncomfortable with the idea of her enjoying herself without my dad? That is really a selfish concept, when I think of it.

By the way, my mother is 76 years old, just got her ears pierced for the THIRD time is as many years, and is now (and I can't believe I am actually telling people this) seriously considering getting a tattoo! It is so not her (or the mom that I know) that at times I think she either hid her true self from all of us all those years or she has become mentally unstable, or she just is trying to re-invent her life without my dad.

So, please be there for your dad. He needs you as he attempts to find his way in life by himself. It must be terrifying for him.

Keep us updated on what is going on.

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stargazer5510

I am so sorry for the loss of your mother and so glad you found your way here!

ModKonnie's post was great, but I just wanted to add one additional word. When your long-time beloved spouse dies, you are suddenly acutely aware of your own mortality. Thus, the tattoos, the trips, the dating.

I hope you and your siblings will be able to sort out your feelings. I can tell you that having made it to the "til death us do part" point in life, spending what time is left living can become huge.

Good luck with all of this and (((((((((((((((big hugs)))))))))))))))))))

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Stargazer,

I like what you said about realizing your own mortality. It makes sense to me, and it helps put a new perspective on my mother's odd behavior (Or what I consider odd behavior for her).

ModKonnie

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