Members lostblu Posted October 12, 2012 Members Report Share Posted October 12, 2012 I often hear how we're just coping or how we're supposed to fully grieve. I'm not sure many of us are successful at either. It's amazing that as many different grief counselors that I went to, my feelings were rarely ever brought up. I was told about the process, how I'm just in the midst of the grief process and how it's tough but hopefully the counselor's anecdotes make you feel good for a day or so. I don't think my post is based around frustration so much as just disbelief with regard to this. During the time of my dad's illness and post-death, I challenged myself to read as much as possible indirectly to figure out just how we work, how our minds work in general. And 90 books later (lol) I realized two things - one, you can't grieve on your own and two, it's about talking about feelings not facts. It might sound like common sense but I think it's rare that anyone's there for your feelings during grief but more to either tell you the process of grief, to try and 'advise' you or to tell you that they're thinking of you while you're a broken soul, laying in bed with 2 days of dishes in the sink. Recently my mom had gone through a divorce, happened to be at my house and had had enough of her grief. My aunt was giving her the usual - you have to be tough, time heals all, you're being irrational, it gets better and so on. As I watched this I realized in my mother there were all these emotions desperately needing to surface in a natural way. Not in a forced way through a filter of anger and frustration, but to surface and be accepted and expressed for what they are. I began to ask my mom about her anxious thoughts at first and eventually chipped away at all her emotional frustrations bit by bit and her demeanor changed and it was like something lifted from her. After about 30 minutes it was strange because my aunt looked at me surprised and she had been silent for the 30 minutes or so which was rare. She mentioned how she had been just completely interested in the dialogue between my mother and I and it was interesting to see how my mother went from near hysterics to calm and natural focus. But my message today is to realize it's all about the feelings underneath sometimes. So often we are protecting ourselves because, let's face it, we feel very alone in the process and confused, but rest assured when we get those true feelings to surface and find their real light of day, it makes all the difference.Best wishes.Lostblu Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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