He lost his father yesterday

[Borders]

Hello all.

I'm actually looking to see if there is anything I can do for my boyfriend. His father passed away yesterday afternoon and I was with him when he got the phone call from his sister. I've never personally dealt with the loss of an immediate family member so I'm not sure of the best way to console him. I gave him my condolences and told him I'll always be there for him if he needs anything. But that just feels so inadequate. Is there anything more I can do or say for him? He just keeps saying that it feels surreal, like it's not happening to him.

Thanks.

-W

[ModKonnie]

Borders,

Let him talk and be there to listen. Let him cry and be there to hug him, or let him go for a walk by himself if that's what he needs. Offer to help his family make arrangements, or cook dinner, or pick up relatives at the airport. Just be there when they need someone, and you will be helping.

My condolences to your boyfriend and his family,

ModKonnie

[Rms1977]

I will be honest with you.. I am unsure that anything you say, or do, will make him feel better. I know this, because I lost my Mother 3 weeks ago today. Everything my fiance' tried to say to me, went through one ear, and out the other. He is my bestfriend, and has always been able to make me feel better, but not this time. Please understand, that the first part of grieving, is anger!! So please, please do not take this personal, and leave him. I was so angry, I ended up screaming at him, and telling him I hated him, and it was his fault!! Of course it wasn't his fault!!! We have never argued a day in our relationship.

When he get's to the point he's ready to talk about it, I would personally send him to this site. I cannot tell you how lost I was, until I found this place. There is NO ONE who can make him feel better, if they HAVEN'T been in our shoes!! Everytime someone would say "I'm so sorry", I wanted to scream "SHUT UP, you don't know!!!!"...of course they cared, but I was so hurt. I am still, very hurt.

Prayers to you both!!

[Borders]

I will be honest with you.. I am unsure that anything you say, or do, will make him feel better. I know this, because I lost my Mother 3 weeks ago today. Everything my fiance' tried to say to me, went through one ear, and out the other. He is my bestfriend, and has always been able to make me feel better, but not this time. Please understand, that the first part of grieving, is anger!! So please, please do not take this personal, and leave him. I was so angry, I ended up screaming at him, and telling him I hated him, and it was his fault!! Of course it wasn't his fault!!! We have never argued a day in our relationship.

When he get's to the point he's ready to talk about it, I would personally send him to this site. I cannot tell you how lost I was, until I found this place. There is NO ONE who can make him feel better, if they HAVEN'T been in our shoes!! Everytime someone would say "I'm so sorry", I wanted to scream "SHUT UP, you don't know!!!!"...of course they cared, but I was so hurt. I am still, very hurt.

Prayers to you both!!

That is pretty much what i am doing. I'm leaving him be until he feels ok. I just let him know that I'll always be there for him if he needs me, rain or shine.

[Borders]

Borders,

Let him talk and be there to listen. Let him cry and be there to hug him, or let him go for a walk by himself if that's what he needs. Offer to help his family make arrangements, or cook dinner, or pick up relatives at the airport. Just be there when they need someone, and you will be helping.

My condolences to your boyfriend and his family,

ModKonnie

Wish I could be more help like that, but he is the one that is going there, not them coming here. By the sounds of it, his father and step-mother had it all arranged already. I just sent him off with my condolences to him and his family, there wasn't much more that i could do than that. He has been in the same situation that i am in with him and he knows all that i am doing means well, but he knows there are no words that can express what the other is trying to convey. I feel that I've done all i can do for now.

[Daffodilfun]

Just listen to him and and hold him tight.

[immissingyou]

Agree with just listening. As little or minor of a thing that that sounds like, it is so imperative to healing just to have someone be there. Often times offering advice, making suggestions can backfire. I'm sorry for his loss and for what you're going through. It's not easy on anyone.

[cindypierce23]

Just hold him and comfort him. Be with him until you can, it's all anybody wants when they are in that situation, that someone will comfort them and stay with them, even if it is just funeral planner, as long as someone is there to comfort.

[star2000]

Definetly be there and listen to him. My husband always stayed away from funerals till last year when he was a pallbearer at his grandmothers funeral. He told me strait to my face that he doesnt know what to say and that if he says something wrong he doesnt mean to. He told me that he never had to deal with it and would be here for me. I broke down so much crying the 1st few days that by the time her viewing came around, I felt like there was none left. My mom and I talked on fb a lot and one night I was sitting in my recliner just reading through our messages and the tears started and wouldnt stop. I couldnt talk all I could do is cry, My husband came to me sat in my recliner and said absolutly nothing to me, he just held me. That helped a lot just knowing he was there for me always for a shoulder to cry on, or an ear when I just needed to talk. Just be there for him as best as you can because it will be rough for him but haivng someone who loves you there for you does help.