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32 years of happiness


gunnerswife

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Dear GW - it is Val. My thoughts and prayers are with you today; i am at work right now but will try and call later. I too am really going through it today.

I have to go to Social Sec. office to see if i can 'prove' jerry and i were common law married. i am scared, nervous and hating the thought.

but more importantly, know you are in my thoughts today and always. love, val

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Dear GW, My husband of 32 years passed away nine weeks ago tomorrow. We were together for thirty-three years. I miss him terribly and am very confused with how I am supposed to feel day by day. Some days I am fairly ok. Some days I am useless. He was ill for almost two years, I was his caregiver.

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I am so sorry, Gunnerswife, and blondannas. the sorrow we feel is profound, and these "days" that mark the time do take their toll. My husband, Mike, will be gone four weeks tomorrow, from pancreatic cancer, and like you, blondannas, I was his caregiver. What do I do with my hands now, my days are empty and seemingly at times meaningless. I do have two daughters and 7 grandchildren, but the one I want with me, who was with me for over 48 years, is not here and I am like an empty container. I do have many memories, but as I am sure you all know, some days they are hard to bring forth. VAL: I did the social security thing a week or so ago. Found out that the total amount after combining mine with his is almsot 500 dollars less than the estimate they gave me earlier. The woman who helped me could not have been nicer, so I couldn't even get mad at her! :-( I am so sorry that you are having to "prove" your relationship that took up your whole heart, and I pray things went well for you. VA has told me that they "won't even know if I qualify" for "at least six months" and they will "let me know" when the decision comes down. another :-( Blondannas: I am sorry that you feel such confusion as to how you are supposed to feel each day. I try sometimes to take one hour at a time. I also try not to let how others perceive me dictate how I will act. I left our grandson's birthday party at the restaurant last night to go to the bathroom and have my breakdown. It was the first family gathering without my husband, my daughter's dad, and the grandies' "papa." My heart goes out to you, dear.

You are all in my thoughts and prayers each day.

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LenFromToronto

Dear GW, My husband of 32 years passed away nine weeks ago tomorrow. We were together for thirty-three years. I miss him terribly and am very confused with how I am supposed to feel day by day. Some days I am fairly ok. Some days I am useless. He was ill for almost two years, I was his caregiver.

It has been almost 11 weeks since my wife died. We were married for almost 43 years. She died of colon cancer and I cared for her for more than a year while her cancer progressed.

I am also having a very difficult time. I relive those past weeks before her death, over and over... like a broken record. I felt so helpless that I could not relieve her pain and prolong her life. She was so kind, never demanding, and always told me how grateful she was that I looked after her so well. She was a wonderful wife and a wonderful mother to our two sons. Her diagnosis coincided with the exact time I retired. We were so looking forward to a European trip planned to celebrate retirement. All that ended with her sickness.

When I feel these extreme waves of sadness, I try to get out and walk briskly, usually for an hour. At the end of the hour, the pain seems to alleviate for a while. I have also registered with grief counselling sessions sponsored through our funeral home. In addition I have enrolled in some later life learning courses to try and preoccupy me. I really didn't feel like going at first, but I think it has helped. I hope that these suggestions may help you with your pain.

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My husband died 5-1/2 months ago from brain cancer. We were married 32 years and I was his caregiver for the past several years. I, too, relive his final days over and over. It's like a nightmare that you never wake up from. I wish I could recall happy times and feel some comfort, but remembering our good times together only makes me miss him more.

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stargazer5510

My first post here. Big hugs to all of you. I lost my husband over two years ago. I'm disabled and he was my caregiver. My worst nightmare.

"Til death do you part". Nobody ever tells you what the big prize is for making it to the finish line. You stand there alone. I am so lost and struggling. I'm so glad I found this place.

The only promise he ever broke was the promise I made him make that he would let me die first. I thought if there was a God, I would die one day before he did. And I'm haunted by the circumstances of his death.

XO,

CJ

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I'm new here. I want to let everyone know the how I can relate in some way with the pain. I lost my wife Su two weeks to the day of our 17th anniversary. I was her caretaker for more than 5 year with many differant illnesses. From a herniated disk in her back to lung cancer and others. She went into the hospital for three weeks with c-diff. She came home on a thursday evening. Saturday morning she woke me and said she was having a hard time breathing. I told the to take her inhaler cause she also had copd. That didn't work. She took the other inhaler. Nothing. I could see the panic in her eyes. I said I'm calling 911. I went back into the bedroom and see was flat on her back. I lifted her and her head just flopped backward. I layed her back and did cpr. Long story short, the doctors told my her blood ph was messed up and she had no heart beat when the emt's got to my house. They got her breathing but no oxygen was getting to her brain for 35 minutes. She suffered brain damage and the was not coming back. I had to sign the papers to turn the ventalator off after 5 days. I felt so guilty I turned it off even thought we made a pack that we would do that for each other if need be. She passed 8.27.12. I thought I could make it thru the loss by myself. Wrong! The day after our anniversary I took some of her pills to make the emotional pain go away. I ended up in the hospital. I was locked down for 6 days. After that I had 8 day out patient care. I learned some coping skills. It helped a lot. but I to still feel so lonely. I sometimes think its just a dream and she will walk thru the door. I learned to let her go. But the pain and crying don't go away. We were frinds for 36 years, married 17 of those years. After all the funeral and legal stuff in order is when all the emotions hit me. I was so busy taking care of her when she left I felt useless, angery, guilty, mad at God and didn't care what happened to me. I'm working one day at a time. I want to get to know some of you and share any support we can give each other.....Steve

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Steve, and everyone else too.

Some know my story and others may be new. My wife Mary of 32 years, passed away May 16th 2012 of Lung Cancer/Lymphoma/Liver Mary was not feeling well summer of 2011 she was coughing up blood, not a lot but anytime this happens it is warning signs something is wrong. Both her and I had been heavy smokers for many years. We worked in the medical field for the past 20 years and knew better but we ignored it as many do. Well that bout of sickness passed and she became ill in November of 2011. Working in the medical business she knew the Insurance and refused to go when she was in Omaha, (out of network) She came to me in Rockford, IL we worked in different Cities because of our Jobs, and I took her to the Dr for tests. Dec 9th 2011 she was diagnosed with Lung Cancer Stage 3, Lymphoma and a spot on her Liver. We started Chemo right away that day. The Dr put her in the Hospital. We tried two different kinds of chemo with no success. The Dr. finally put her on Hospice and within 15 days of that she died. This is the most difficult thing I have ever been through. Sometimes I wonder how I am going to continue on, but as you said one day at a time. The people that post here have been a great help to me. I read and respond to the posts. I feel a sense of belonging here. It helps.

Mike

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Dear Everyone on this board who has responded in the last few weeks. I went to my Grief group on Saturday and found out that I am in the Second stage of mourning which was not much of a help because it is the stage where the sadness is the most acute. It seems that each day I break down over some little thing. And the tears continue for what seems like forever, but actually is only minutes.

My dog, Molly Poo, is a tremendous comfort. Sometimes I think that Phil still lives within her. She comes to me and licks my face and tears away.

Phil was my caregiver as well. I was disabled from 1988 to the present. He took very good care of me until I had to take care of him. I was delighted to take care of him. I could take him to any appointments that he had and make sure that his O2 was available at all times. I could order his scooter and his lift for the SUV. He loved being out in his garden and spent much time out there in his scooter. I was so grateful that he was able to die at home. We had made all the arrangements ahead of time. He had a DNR and so there were no questions at the end. He was on hospice for the last two weeks.

The hard part is the isolation now. It will be eleven weeks on Wednesday. People have forgotten about me. Well, I guess they haven't really forgotten, but I am not on the top of their to-do list anymore. The phone calls have stopped. The invitations have stopped. People have rightfully moved on with their lives, while I am deeper in grief than before. It hurts. I have to take the initiative more often to participate in life. And I must do that, because the alternative is to sink deeper into depression and isolation.

I plan to take any suggestions I see on these boards. Walking is not always easy for me, but it is worth a try! Reading and watching ridiculous television are great for momentary diversion. I knew that this was not going to be easy but I did not know how hard it truly is.

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Dear Everyone on this board who has responded in the last few weeks. I went to my Grief group on Saturday and found out that I am in the Second stage of mourning which was not much of a help because it is the stage where the sadness is the most acute. It seems that each day I break down over some little thing. And the tears continue for what seems like forever, but actually is only minutes.

My dog, Molly Poo, is a tremendous comfort. Sometimes I think that Phil still lives within her. She comes to me and licks my face and tears away.

Phil was my caregiver as well. I was disabled from 1988 to the present. He took very good care of me until I had to take care of him. I was delighted to take care of him. I could take him to any appointments that he had and make sure that his O2 was available at all times. I could order his scooter and his lift for the SUV. He loved being out in his garden and spent much time out there in his scooter. I was so grateful that he was able to die at home. We had made all the arrangements ahead of time. He had a DNR and so there were no questions at the end. He was on hospice for the last two weeks.

The hard part is the isolation now. It will be eleven weeks on Wednesday. People have forgotten about me. Well, I guess they haven't really forgotten, but I am not on the top of their to-do list anymore. The phone calls have stopped. The invitations have stopped. People have rightfully moved on with their lives, while I am deeper in grief than before. It hurts. I have to take the initiative more often to participate in life. And I must do that, because the alternative is to sink deeper into depression and isolation.

I plan to take any suggestions I see on these boards. Walking is not always easy for me, but it is worth a try! Reading and watching ridiculous television are great for momentary diversion. I knew that this was not going to be easy but I did not know how hard it truly is.

Hello blondannas, My dog is good for getting mt mood up. I've also found insted of TV all the time I've been listening to music. Some songs will make you sad but other can be a comfort. I like listening to music that my wife liked even though I'm not that big a fan of it. I also listen to some when I was in my 20's and 30's (I'm 55 now) but it help me remember happier days. Not that I'll ever forget my wife. But music can help. whatever you like give it a try.....Steve
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Guest KackleDackle

GW

I am thinking of you. Its funny we all are around the same time frame. Mine is 32 years in a few weeks. Gosh I miss him like crazy and have so much to tell him. I use my journal often and hope he has some way of knowing what I need to say. Always thinking of you especially on these hard days. x

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