Almost at the end of the "firsts"

[JulieK88]

On October 12,2012 my dad lost his 2 and a half year battle with cancer. He was supposed to only have 6 months when he was diagnosed but we were very lucky to get a lot of extra time. My dad was so great, and was there for us for everything, even during his chemo rounds. I was always a pretty respectful child to my parents, but in the last summer my dad was here I kind of rebelled. I used to leave and hang out with my friends as much as possible, I dated someone who I knew he hated because he treated me poorly, and I just avoided my dad. I couldn't bring myself to be around and watch him get sicker, and it's something I've regretted a lot. Regardless, we all did say our good-bye's and my dad told us everything we needed to hear. The last month before my dad went into Pallitive Care, I tried staying home and I tried making an effort to just sit with him and be around him, I just always found it hard to find the words to say to him. I also was in the room with him when he passed which I think was good.

My dad was my best friend and now that's it's almost a year I'm starting to become more emotional. Going through all of the "firsts" without him has been hard, but we've gotten through it. Now that we're almost done them I'm feeling sad over it, and I have no idea why. I'm graduating in October with my second degree and I'm finding it hard to think that my dad won't be here for it. When I graduated with my first degree in May of 2012, my dad was to sick to come but he watched it online and had tears still in his eyes when we got home. I've started my first job this september, and the only reason I got it was because he pushed me to go get my second degree. I knew he wouldn't be here for it, but now I'm feeling really upset he won't be. I'm trying to be strong for my younger sister and brother and my mom but it gets really hard somedays. All our "firsts" will be over once I graduate, it'll be the first graduation he'll miss, and I just thought I would be farther along in the grieving process right now but instead I feel like I'm going backwards. Has anyone felt like this, and how did you cope with it?

[BreathofAngel]

On October 12,2012 my dad lost his 2 and a half year battle with cancer. He was supposed to only have 6 months when he was diagnosed but we were very lucky to get a lot of extra time. My dad was so great, and was there for us for everything, even during his chemo rounds. I was always a pretty respectful child to my parents, but in the last summer my dad was here I kind of rebelled. I used to leave and hang out with my friends as much as possible, I dated someone who I knew he hated because he treated me poorly, and I just avoided my dad. I couldn't bring myself to be around and watch him get sicker, and it's something I've regretted a lot. Regardless, we all did say our good-bye's and my dad told us everything we needed to hear. The last month before my dad went into Pallitive Care, I tried staying home and I tried making an effort to just sit with him and be around him, I just always found it hard to find the words to say to him. I also was in the room with him when he passed which I think was good.

My dad was my best friend and now that's it's almost a year I'm starting to become more emotional. Going through all of the "firsts" without him has been hard, but we've gotten through it. Now that we're almost done them I'm feeling sad over it, and I have no idea why. I'm graduating in October with my second degree and I'm finding it hard to think that my dad won't be here for it. When I graduated with my first degree in May of 2012, my dad was to sick to come but he watched it online and had tears still in his eyes when we got home. I've started my first job this september, and the only reason I got it was because he pushed me to go get my second degree. I knew he wouldn't be here for it, but now I'm feeling really upset he won't be. I'm trying to be strong for my younger sister and brother and my mom but it gets really hard somedays. All our "firsts" will be over once I graduate, it'll be the first graduation he'll miss, and I just thought I would be farther along in the grieving process right now but instead I feel like I'm going backwards. Has anyone felt like this, and how did you cope with it?

Dear Julie,

I presume you meant to write "October 12, 2011", instead of 2012 but I know it is hard to put one's thoughts completely together in situations such as these. I am very sorry for the physical loss of your dear Dad. I can see that he cared for you very much as you did for him. What may have transpired that you have shared with us must now be put to rest for your sake. One way to get rid of the thought of having done things that may have been displeasing to him is to forgive yourself now for that. If you feel led, it would also be good to speak out loud to your Dad and tell him that you are repentant for what happened. I know a man with a doctorate whose Dad is deceased but he told me that he still speaks to him daily out loud as those in spirit can still hear and see us. And it has brought a great degree of comfort to him to have these daily spiritual conversations.

Many times when there is much stress and tension in situations people can and often do things that they later regret doing especially when it has to do with their beloved parents. But obviously in his heart he knew what was happening and would not hold it against you. But it is now time to release that thought from your mind and free yourself of the negative energy that it can create. You were truly blessed by having your Dad for the length of time that you did and that is something that you can hold very close to your heart and treasure the moments you both had together. And don't be so sure he will miss your graduation, but only in physical body!

Be strong and face each and every new day with purpose! For without purpose there is truly no movement forward. Life continues and your heart must now rest from old memories that are not serving your best and highest good at this time. My prayer is that you find the inner peace that you are most deserving of with the help of God.

May your days bring you ample sunshine and beautiful roses!