Night times are Nightmares for me

[kendi]

I always called Kenny my pillow and he would laugh at me. I used to sleep on his chest every night and listen to his heart beat as I fell asleep. When we would go to bed we would talk about anything and everything, bedtime was our time. He would hold me and I felt so safe in my arms. when I would have nightmares he would wake me up and then hold me and stroke my hair til I fell asleep. Now I have his pillow behind me, his covers over me but I still wake up all times of the night reaching for him and he is not there. I miss him so much, his smile, his touch, his hugs, and him just shaking his head at me when I would do something off the wall. I miss him waking me up in the morning saying coffee, coffee. I told him he was the best alarm clock around never failed between 530 and 6 I would him coffee. I would tell him he was my heart and soul as well as my pillow all the time it just hurts but I do Thank God he did not let Kenny suffer for years and years, That is my only comfort because Kenny would have never wanted that.

[gunnerswife]

I am so sorry for you, i miss scott so much too.

[drinwi]

Kendi, my heart aches for you as I understand your feelings. I too lost my husband very unexpectedly on 9/2. He was just 50, and it was the 4 month anniversary of our wedding that he left me. There are not words to adequately describe the roller coaster I find myself on. Just about the time I think I have wrapped my mind around this, my heart fools me and I realize all over again that I won't hear his key in the door, that he is not going to sit on the bed while I get ready for work and talk to me about everything under the sun, that "balcony time" is no longer going to happen and so much more.

He was the love of my life, we had just found each other and made a wonderful life together, and before I could even get past the feeling of "I can't believe we have this" I had to move on to "I can't believe he is gone." I am trying to be patient with myself but it is so hard.

I live alone now as my adult children all live out of state. I keep trying to find things to fill my time, things to distract me, things to bring comfort but it is overwhelming. Anyway, sorry to go on and on. I just want you to know that you can message me anytime, you can unload, cry, talk about him whatever you need and I will always be here to listen. I hope today you find a measure of peace.

Renee

drinwi

[naty0123]

I so can relate..I laid on my husbands chest and he would put his left arm around me and stick it right in the edge of my pj's...My bed is now empty!!! so hard to sleep...i sometimes put his favorite sweatshirt and spray his cologne and urn in my bed.....I sometimes think its crazy...but thats all I have now is his urn....U brought coffe to mg husband every morning and now I drink alone...all i do is cry al the time!! My partner of 19yrs now gone!! U can inbox whenever u want to talk...I feel the more people that feel like us the better it is....