Lost mother almost 10 years ago, just started university and I am really missing her. Cannot stop crying.

[CScully94]

My mother died almost 10 years ago in January and I have grieved for her in the past, and have the odd day/times I get emotional about her. But since I moved away to uni last week, I have been feeling horrible the whole time. I have tried not to drink so that it won't set off my emotions. But just all the time it seems I'm crying because I miss her, I know it's a whole new life event and that's probably why I'm emotional, but it's literally constantly and it's making me hate uni. I got to the point the other day where I really just wanted to go home and to be done with it all to see if that would make me feel better. So I really din't know what to do! Is there anyone who can relate? Or give advice? I'm really struggling at the moment and don't know what to do or where to turn.

[immissingyou]

I think it happens at pivotal moments in our life or when we hit milestones that we miss those that we love the most. Whether it's a parent, a sibling, a best friend and in some cases even a pet, that loss is felt more deeply. I think it's normal and I would suggest finding some way to feel that connection. Maybe it's something like writing her a letter, setting free a dream lantern, something that makes you feel her presence. It will pass with time and you'll start to feel a little better. Cut yourself some slack and realize that it's simply something you'd love her to be a part of. I'm so sorry.

[Strength & Orchids]

Hi Charlotte94,

I want to give you a hug and then tell you my story..

here's a *big hug*

and here's my story..

I lost my mother 19 years ago and I don't believe I have ever truly dealt with it. I was only three years old and obviously I didn't understand at first that she was not coming back to us. My father mostly avoids the topic, while my grandmother answered my questions as I grew older.

Because I was 3, I don't have memories of her, so I sadly can not say I miss "her", but I can say that as a girl, growing up without my mother has been one of the hardest things I've had to deal with. I cried at my high school graduation because she should have watched me graduate. I cried at prom because she wasn't there to pick out a gown and help do my hair. I cried when I won competitions because I couldn't come home and show her my certificates. I cried when I was accepted into university for a design program because I got my creativity from her. And I've cried a hell of a lot in between when things (especially song lyrics) remind me of her. Of course no one around me ever knew about all these tears because I didn't want to burden them with my grief you know..? I just sort of struggle quietly. I want her there for all those milestones...and I know she's watching me but I want to see her, I want to talk to her, I want her advice.

I just started my final year at university and I'll be graduating next summer..one more thing which I feel like I'm going to end up crying over. So what I'm doing this year in preparation, is using this situation of mine as inspiration for my collection (I study fashion design). Instead of avoiding my feelings I decided to talk about them to people who are in the same position as I am....so here we are. I have never done this before (posted on any forum, I mean). This is not something I would do. I don't usually talk to people I don't know, I'm quiet even in most social situations. I like being by myself or with just my closest friends. I have never come searching for one of these..the thought never even occurred to me..but once it did and I found myself reading your post, I felt like I absolutely needed to send you a reply.

So this is kinda huge for me! Anyway, I want you to know you're not alone and if you need to talk to someone who understands exactly what you're going through, I'd love to have a chat and help you out.

Apart from that I advise you to keep in close touch with good friends while you're at university, genuine, trustworthy friends. Allow them to distract you a bit, go out and have some fun with them. I find that sometimes friends are more helpful than family, simply because they are less attached to your mum. Also try not to be alone all the time, you know the saying "An idol mind is a devil's workshop". And one last thing, it's ok to be emotional every now and then, crying is not a sign of weakness; its humanity. But really, make sure you're not alone all the time, I'm sure you're less likely to start bawling when out in public with your friends and having a good time. At least that's what I try to do. I just assume that wherever she is, my mum is the most happy when I'm smiling too.

xx

[GuyRodgers]

My mother passed away in 2006. The last two years I've been working on a website so that I could honor her. I came up with www.deiningthedash.com which is a free online community where people can post tributes, memories, photos, videos and write the biography for our loved ones who have passed on. I hope this can help you as it has me.