Members finbear Posted September 14, 2012 Members Report Share Posted September 14, 2012 Hi everyone,I'm new to this forum and new to grieving. My dad died almost two weeks after a short four month battle with cancer. My mom and I were in the room with him when he passed and it was very peaceful but almost immediately I felt a huge loss from my life. I stayed at my parent's house for a week so I could help my mom get organized and just so she wouldn't be too lonely right off the bat. I'm now back in my city (which is about 600 km away) and I feel so lost and so alone. None of my friends have been through this and I can't control my emotions. Besides the obvious emotions of crying and being sad all the time, I'm also finding that I'm getting mad at my friends for over the smallest things. Everytime I think of my dad I cry. And everytime I remember how sick he was at the end and how much pain he was in I just can't control it. He only survived for four months after his diagnosis and while we all had the time to say our goodbyes, I still wasn't ready. Dad and I also had very different views on what happens after life and I've been struggling with how to keep a connection with him, if that makes sense. I don't know if this message makes sense. I just don't know how to handle my grief, while still getting along with my regular life. For example, earlier tonight around 9 I thought "two weeks ago about now I got the very last hug ever from my dad". How do I grieve while living a regular every day life? How do I not get so sad when I think of the reality of my life without him? I also have so much guilt over leaving my mom there alone. Her life will be changed forever and it breaks my heart that she lost her soul mate.I'm sorry, I know this doesn't make very much sense. If anyone who's been in a similar position could share their grieving process or anything that may have helped them I would really appreciate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Peanuts mom Posted September 14, 2012 Members Report Share Posted September 14, 2012 Hello and welcome to this unwanted place of pain... I am still pretty new to this gieving thing as well as I just lost my only child (son 17) on August 22nd so i am not sure i can be of any help, but so far for myself this place has been a huge help for me... If for nothing more than using the chat room as a place to vent and or just talk about my son... I am sure someone will come along shortly that has been on this path longer than myself to perhaps help you in your journey... I am sorry you have to be here... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members UnderHis Wings Posted September 14, 2012 Members Report Share Posted September 14, 2012 Hi everyone,I'm new to this forum and new to grieving. My dad died almost two weeks after a short four month battle with cancer. My mom and I were in the room with him when he passed and it was very peaceful but almost immediately I felt a huge loss from my life. I stayed at my parent's house for a week so I could help my mom get organized and just so she wouldn't be too lonely right off the bat. I'm now back in my city (which is about 600 km away) and I feel so lost and so alone. None of my friends have been through this and I can't control my emotions. Besides the obvious emotions of crying and being sad all the time, I'm also finding that I'm getting mad at my friends for over the smallest things. Everytime I think of my dad I cry. And everytime I remember how sick he was at the end and how much pain he was in I just can't control it. He only survived for four months after his diagnosis and while we all had the time to say our goodbyes, I still wasn't ready. Dad and I also had very different views on what happens after life and I've been struggling with how to keep a connection with him, if that makes sense. I don't know if this message makes sense. I just don't know how to handle my grief, while still getting along with my regular life. For example, earlier tonight around 9 I thought "two weeks ago about now I got the very last hug ever from my dad". How do I grieve while living a regular every day life? How do I not get so sad when I think of the reality of my life without him? I also have so much guilt over leaving my mom there alone. Her life will be changed forever and it breaks my heart that she lost her soul mate.I'm sorry, I know this doesn't make very much sense. If anyone who's been in a similar position could share their grieving process or anything that may have helped them I would really appreciate.I'm a mom who lost her husband to a very painful four month battle with cancer about 2 weeks ago. My daughter helped me get organized for about a week afterwards. We still cry. Sometimes we're doing fine, then a conversation will trigger a memory and out come the tears. I don't think you should feel guilty for leaving your mom. Can you phone her and tell her you're thinking about her? That would help her, I think. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members UnderHis Wings Posted September 14, 2012 Members Report Share Posted September 14, 2012 Hi everyone,I'm new to this forum and new to grieving. My dad died almost two weeks after a short four month battle with cancer. My mom and I were in the room with him when he passed and it was very peaceful but almost immediately I felt a huge loss from my life. I stayed at my parent's house for a week so I could help my mom get organized and just so she wouldn't be too lonely right off the bat. I'm now back in my city (which is about 600 km away) and I feel so lost and so alone. None of my friends have been through this and I can't control my emotions. Besides the obvious emotions of crying and being sad all the time, I'm also finding that I'm getting mad at my friends for over the smallest things. Everytime I think of my dad I cry. And everytime I remember how sick he was at the end and how much pain he was in I just can't control it. He only survived for four months after his diagnosis and while we all had the time to say our goodbyes, I still wasn't ready. Dad and I also had very different views on what happens after life and I've been struggling with how to keep a connection with him, if that makes sense. I don't know if this message makes sense. I just don't know how to handle my grief, while still getting along with my regular life. For example, earlier tonight around 9 I thought "two weeks ago about now I got the very last hug ever from my dad". How do I grieve while living a regular every day life? How do I not get so sad when I think of the reality of my life without him? I also have so much guilt over leaving my mom there alone. Her life will be changed forever and it breaks my heart that she lost her soul mate.I'm sorry, I know this doesn't make very much sense. If anyone who's been in a similar position could share their grieving process or anything that may have helped them I would really appreciate.I'm a mom who lost her husband to a very painful four month battle with cancer about 2 weeks ago. My daughter helped me get organized for about a week afterwards. We still cry. Sometimes we're doing fine, then a conversation will trigger a memory and out come the tears. I don't think you should feel guilty for leaving your mom. Can you phone her and tell her you're thinking about her? That would help her, I think. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members student12 Posted September 14, 2012 Members Report Share Posted September 14, 2012 Underhiswings,I am sorry for your loss. I lost my mom so I do know what it is like to go through the grieving process. Everything that you are feeling is normal. It is not fun, but it is normal. You need to cry, you need to be angry, you need to feel guilt. And you need to work. It will be challenging to handle everyday life and the grieving process but it can be done, it will just take time. You might want to google "stages of grief" to get some understanding of what you may encounter in each "step". There is no rhyme or reason. Somedays will be good and some will be challenging. Time will also help. Please stay on here and talk with us. That is a big help too; being able to say "outloud" what you are feeling and what you have experienced. You will find that it is somewhat comforting to know that others feel or have felt the same way. As time moves on you will also be able to offer support to others on here, which is part of the healing process. Feel what you feel, but don't get stuck in a "stage". When you get stuck in a stage of grief it sets you back in the healing process. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members sophiewedd Posted September 19, 2012 Members Report Share Posted September 19, 2012 Hi everyone,I'm new to this forum and new to grieving. My dad died almost two weeks after a short four month battle with cancer. My mom and I were in the room with him when he passed and it was very peaceful but almost immediately I felt a huge loss from my life. I stayed at my parent's house for a week so I could help my mom get organized and just so she wouldn't be too lonely right off the bat. I'm now back in my city (which is about 600 km away) and I feel so lost and so alone. None of my friends have been through this and I can't control my emotions. Besides the obvious emotions of crying and being sad all the time, I'm also finding that I'm getting mad at my friends for over the smallest things. Everytime I think of my dad I cry. And everytime I remember how sick he was at the end and how much pain he was in I just can't control it. He only survived for four months after his diagnosis and while we all had the time to say our goodbyes, I still wasn't ready. Dad and I also had very different views on what happens after life and I've been struggling with how to keep a connection with him, if that makes sense. I don't know if this message makes sense. I just don't know how to handle my grief, while still getting along with my regular life. For example, earlier tonight around 9 I thought "two weeks ago about now I got the very last hug ever from my dad". How do I grieve while living a regular every day life? How do I not get so sad when I think of the reality of my life without him? I also have so much guilt over leaving my mom there alone. Her life will be changed forever and it breaks my heart that she lost her soul mate.I'm sorry, I know this doesn't make very much sense. If anyone who's been in a similar position could share their grieving process or anything that may have helped them I would really appreciate.Hi finbear,Sorry to hear that. I lost my 64 year old dad to cancer in April, 2012 and it broke my heart. I know what you are going through. I felt guilty for leaving my mom and my seven younger siblings when I had to come back to college, but life must go on, and your mother will hopefully be resilient and mourn in her own way. As hard as it is, you just have to let yourself cry, and grieve and talk to people, and eventually realize that while he was in pain it no longer exists. Whatever your spiritual belief is, his body is free of pain and he is in a beautiful place. Your dad will be a part of you forever, and will always remain in your heart. I am now doing a senior project in college all about my dad dying and his spiritual leader (Osho) who has interesting beliefs about life and death. Talking about it in class and exploring my feelings is very healing, you should write, make art and talk about it as often as you can. This is his spiritual leader if you're interested: oshotimes.blog.osho.com/2011/02/understanding-the-fear-of-death/ He says that "Death is the ultimate blossom of life and that we must not be afraid of it because it is just another part of the journey." I am interested in hearing from you both in order to about talk about our feelings and to hear your thoughts in order to help me create this senior project. Be strong but also let yourself feel whatever you need to.Be well,Sophie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members franknbrenda04 Posted October 6, 2012 Members Report Share Posted October 6, 2012 hi,I'm sorry to hear about your loss . I lost my father to cancer 5years ago its a very painful things.I've gone through so many stages of grief.It was very hard going through a normal day to day rountine. going on with out him wasn't easy its still very hard. (losing someone so close especially a parent can be a very grievous thing.) My heart goes out to you and your mom at this time. May God comfort you and your family during this most difficult time. You have my deepest sympathies .I would like to share a scripture with you. One that I found to be comforting when I lost my father.(John5:28, 29) Do not marvel at this, because the hour is coming in which all those in the memorial tombs will hear his voice 29 and come out, those who did good things to a resurrection of life, those who practiced vile things to a resurrection of judgment. God promises to ressurect our loved one who have died.may this scripture encourage you during this difficult time.with Deepest Sympathy,Brenda ScottPS, If you ever want to talk just email me at franknbrenda04@aol.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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