Making decisions at the end

[boydgoat]

One of the things that has been bothering me since I lost my mom is that fact that my Dad and I had to make a decision on how she would spend her last moments.....I don't doubt that we made the right decision to remove medical support as she passed within minutes.....I am just shocked that I had to make that decision. My brother died in an ER, my niece in the bassinet, my grandmother in my old bedroom......but to actually be present standing next the the bed as she died breaks my heart. I pray I never have to make that decision again in my lifetime.

How have others dealt with this issue? From the religous standpoint I don't have any guilt or doubt, but I am having a hard time accepting that I had to be a part of that decision. Yet, I would not have been anywhere else on this Earth at that moment.

[ModKonnie]

One of the things that has been bothering me since I lost my mom is that fact that my Dad and I had to make a decision on how she would spend her last moments.....I don't doubt that we made the right decision to remove medical support as she passed within minutes.....I am just shocked that I had to make that decision. My brother died in an ER, my niece in the bassinet, my grandmother in my old bedroom......but to actually be present standing next the the bed as she died breaks my heart. I pray I never have to make that decision again in my lifetime.

How have others dealt with this issue? From the religous standpoint I don't have any guilt or doubt, but I am having a hard time accepting that I had to be a part of that decision. Yet, I would not have been anywhere else on this Earth at that moment.

Grieving goatwoman,

I had to talk to my father about signing a DNR and letting hospice come in and help him instead of opting for more treatments that would only have prolonged his misery.

I also had to listen as my mother-in-law screamed and cried as the nurse with her Hospice told her she was in fact going to die, and she needed to sign a DNR to make things easier for herself and the family.

Those two experiences tore me up as I realized how very spiritual the end of life really is.

Let me ask you this: Would you have wanted someone else to make that decision for your mother? Weren't you the very best person to make that decision, because after all, who loved her more and cared more for her than you? What if you wouldn't have been there? How would you feel--worse or better?

I am so sorry about your losses. It's never easy, is it?

ModKonnie

[hkuber2012]

Recently-my mom passed away from complications to septic shock and when she kept going into cardiac arrest-they docs asked me if I wanted to have her keep being resusciated. The docs told me that if she would have made it out alive-then she would have been in a vegitative state. I just told em "do what you have to do" I also said "if she was going to pass-let it be natural-i'm not dnr'ing her" it was too heartbreaking.

[mares2001]

The hospital called me, during a rangers hockey game, amazing the things you dont/wont forget and said to me well the drain we put in her head isnt working so we recommend you do a DNR which we can do right over the phone...I was like are you kidding me do you know who you are talking about..that is my mother. So off to the hospital we went and then I kept upping her drugs so she would be comfortable adn then I had to make all the decisions about taking the tubes out and like you said ..I dont want to have to do this again for a long time.

[kg4fxg]

Well,

My mother died in Hospice Care in her home. She was very strong willed. DNR, no problem. Hospital bed in the living room. She was only in it for a few days. Died of ALS and it was very fast.

Hospice was great, but she died around 9PM? Then my Dad and sat around just staring at the empty bed after they took the body, not sure what to do.

Fortunately my Mom made most of the decisions before hand, but never really admitted that she was going to die. From my perspective Hospice was wonderful, their advice was solid. I had no problems accepting it. And they were on my mothers side, they were there for her Primarily.

[star2000]

That is a hard decision to make. My mom wouldnt complain much about her pain but every once in a while she would ask for tylenol. When she got approved for someone to come out and care for her, she was also offered hospice. My dad got upset because she wouldnt be allowed to see her own doctor so my mom agreed and didnt get hospice. I was upset because I have been a caregiver for 6 years and I have seen what hospice could do for people. on September 28th we had to have her taken by ambulance to the local hospital. Her heart was racing, she was having troulbe breathing and ended up with a breathing tube, and lots of different Iv fluids to help with the different things going on. My mom had CHF. They sedated her so she wouldnt pull the tube out. We talked and she wasnt getting better, instead things was getting worse, liver failing, kidney failing, the drs said basically everything she was hooked up to was the only way she was still alive. We all agreed that she wouldnt want to be kept alive by machines if she couldnt live on her own. My dad asked us to just wait until the 1st because on the 30th of september 26 years before my dad lost his eye and my mom had to sign papers for them to do surgery that sadly didnt work and she felt guilty ever since. He didnt want to have to do the same thing on that day. We stayed with her the last 24 hours of her life. My dad never let her hand go the entire time she was in the hospital except when he had to leave for a few minutes. I held her other hand. They took the sedation off early so that we could talk to her but sadly she never spoke or moved again. Its not an easy decision but I know that your did what was best just like we did. I am here for you if you need to talk. I know that we have many beautiful angels looking over us now free of pain.