My angel is gone and I miss her so much

[srhannon]

To be honest I am at a loss for words and really don't know where you start. I loss my mother August 27, 2012 just a little over a few weeks and I am still in shock. It was not expected at all and I think that is why it hurts even more I was not perpared for this and I really didn't see this happening until later down the line. My mother was only 54 her birthday is in December 24 she would of been 55 years old. I fine myself always thinking about what she will not be able to see now that she is gone. I am thankful for the things she did see like me get married, my sister and brother had a child and she saw two of her childern finish college. But she will never have the chance to see my child or my older brother child which he is expecting next year March, my mother did not know they where expecting it was a surprise for her to be told the day she past. My mother had five kids the youngest 25 I am the middle child and I loved my mother very much. I always was attach to my mother she was my best friend and my biggest supporter. She always made me feel like the best thing in the world to her, she did that for all of her kids. At my mother home going services so many people came up to me and told me how much they loved my mother, she was a wonderful person and that I look just like her. Its so hard to deal with losing your mother the only person in the world that loved me no matter what. So many people are telling me to keep being strong she loved me and she was so proud of all of her kids and we should contiune to make her proud because she looking watching us. But to me if you never been through this pain than you really can't tell me much, because nothing hurts more than this. I wish I could kiss my mother one more time, I brake down often because I miss her so much. The way she laugh her smile and just her being there when ever I neeeded her. The worst thing is one of our brothers is disable so it was very hard telling him that his everything is no longer around he took it better than we expected until the day of the home going he lost it like all of us. I am trying so hard to hold on to the good time but this is so new and I feel like falling apart. My mother was the best thing in this world to me and I don't know what to do without her, I am hanging in there for my family and I think they are the ones that keep me going. My husband is trying to help me because he know the feeling of losing your mother but nothing he say or anyone say helps the pain I feel. Why is all I keep asking I don't understand this at all.

[student12]

Hello and welcome. I am sorry for your loss. I too lost my mom and the hurt is bad. I wish I could give you an answer that would make things better. I can not. But I can make some suggestions to you. You can always look on-line to find information about the stages of grief. I feel it is important to have some knowledge of what the grieving process could be like. It is early on in the process also, so it will take time. How much time?? I do not know because everyone heals differently. I too feel the same way: sometimes I focus on what my mom will miss now that she is not here. That tears me apart. Then I think of all the things my mom was here for and the wonderful memories I have, and it helps a little. You might want to start a journal to express what you feel. You do not need to write everyday, just when you feel the need. Or you may want to focus on certain music, that was helpful to me. And my choice of music changes all the time, depending on my feelings. Another suggestion is to talk with the staff at the funeral home and see if they can give you references for support. Sometimes area hospitals offer support groups too. And of course, you have us here. Keep posting on here.

To be honest I am at a loss for words and really don't know where you start. I loss my mother August 27, 2012 just a little over a few weeks and I am still in shock. It was not expected at all and I think that is why it hurts even more I was not perpared for this and I really didn't see this happening until later down the line. My mother was only 54 her birthday is in December 24 she would of been 55 years old. I fine myself always thinking about what she will not be able to see now that she is gone. I am thankful for the things she did see like me get married, my sister and brother had a child and she saw two of her childern finish college. But she will never have the chance to see my child or my older brother child which he is expecting next year March, my mother did not know they where expecting it was a surprise for her to be told the day she past. My mother had five kids the youngest 25 I am the middle child and I loved my mother very much. I always was attach to my mother she was my best friend and my biggest supporter. She always made me feel like the best thing in the world to her, she did that for all of her kids. At my mother home going services so many people came up to me and told me how much they loved my mother, she was a wonderful person and that I look just like her. Its so hard to deal with losing your mother the only person in the world that loved me no matter what. So many people are telling me to keep being strong she loved me and she was so proud of all of her kids and we should contiune to make her proud because she looking watching us. But to me if you never been through this pain than you really can't tell me much, because nothing hurts more than this. I wish I could kiss my mother one more time, I brake down often because I miss her so much. The way she laugh her smile and just her being there when ever I neeeded her. The worst thing is one of our brothers is disable so it was very hard telling him that his everything is no longer around he took it better than we expected until the day of the home going he lost it like all of us. I am trying so hard to hold on to the good time but this is so new and I feel like falling apart. My mother was the best thing in this world to me and I don't know what to do without her, I am hanging in there for my family and I think they are the ones that keep me going. My husband is trying to help me because he know the feeling of losing your mother but nothing he say or anyone say helps the pain I feel. Why is all I keep asking I don't understand this at all.

[srhannon]

Thank you student 12 i will look up the stages and maybe that can help me. I have been trying to stay around family and friends and just think of the good times but I miss her so much it hurt so bad. I have started writing a letter to her I also heard that was good to do as well. I know time will help me heel but I just don't see that now, but hopeful one day I can wake up and smile knowing that my mother is watching over me and I can still keep her alive through me. But for now all I can do is cry and cry and sometimes I just stare into space just wishing this was some bad dream but it is not and I know I have to face it.

[srhannon]

Its not easy at all today just getting out of bed seem so hard I didn’t want to face the day without my mommy. But my husband and family keeps I going my mother had five kids and one has special needed but to be honest he is taking the news better than we expected (thank god). Right now I have so many thoughts going through my mind that I don’t know where to start. Most of my thoughts are to just live life and keep making my mother proud of me, my other thoughts are how can god take the one person I who loved me so much away from me why why why. It makes so sense she was only 54 and full of life, I cry a lot and feel bad when I smile that makes no sense but I feel like I should be in bed all day not up living while my one and only is gone. I am so lost. But than I think of how strong my mother was she lost her mother at a young age and had to raise her younger brother and sister as well as my big brother so I figure if she could be strong than so can I.

[wickedlilpixie]

I am so sorry for your loss Hurt, I too lost my mother suddenly and totally unexpectedly at the end of July. You will have your good moments and your cry it out moments, but really what I have learned in these few weeks is to just let it out. Cry if you need to cry, write when your heart is really hurting and laugh when something makes you laugh. Our moms wouldn't want us to be crying all the time, I can hear my mom clearly telling me to stop crying because I'm going to make myself sick. But really, what I have found has helped the most is to journal and to read anything you can get your hands on about grief. It makes you not feel crazy or so alone, and the writing helps you get everything off your chest without having to talk to someone else. Big huge hugs.

[wickedlilpixie]

I am so sorry for your loss Hurt, I too lost my mother suddenly and totally unexpectedly at the end of July. You will have your good moments and your cry it out moments, but really what I have learned in these few weeks is to just let it out. Cry if you need to cry, write when your heart is really hurting and laugh when something makes you laugh. Our moms wouldn't want us to be crying all the time, I can hear my mom clearly telling me to stop crying because I'm going to make myself sick. But really, what I have found has helped the most is to journal and to read anything you can get your hands on about grief. It makes you not feel crazy or so alone, and the writing helps you get everything off your chest without having to talk to someone else. Big huge hugs.

[srhannon]

Thank you Natasha C it helps to know that I am not alone. I am sorry for your loss of your mother. I have my good moments and I have my bad I guess that is going to always happen and there is nothing I can do about it. I just feel so mad sometimes when I hear other people talk about their moms I wish mine was here with me. My mother lost her mother at a young age as well and I must say I never saw her brake down or even hear her talk about why did that happen to her. She (my mother) was a very strong woman took care of all five of her children by herself as well as her sister and brothers when her mom past. I love my mother so much I cant help but ask why did god take her from us why??? I hope the pain easy up a little because it hurt so bad, the only thing that helps me is when I am around my family and we are laughing and talking about my mom. I am thankful that I do not have to go through this alone I have my family and friends and that has help me a lot.

I am so sorry for your loss Hurt, I too lost my mother suddenly and totally unexpectedly at the end of July. You will have your good moments and your cry it out moments, but really what I have learned in these few weeks is to just let it out. Cry if you need to cry, write when your heart is really hurting and laugh when something makes you laugh. Our moms wouldn't want us to be crying all the time, I can hear my mom clearly telling me to stop crying because I'm going to make myself sick. But really, what I have found has helped the most is to journal and to read anything you can get your hands on about grief. It makes you not feel crazy or so alone, and the writing helps you get everything off your chest without having to talk to someone else. Big huge hugs.

[breadandcircuses]

Hello, Newbie. I just joined this site about an hour ago. In essence, I lost my mother on the same day you did. That's the day she fell and suffered traumatic brain injury. Although she didn't take her last breath until five days later I feel I lost her that day. It is so very hard, isn't it? I hope you can find strength in your family but I wouldn't be surprised to know that you'd just like to close the shades and pull the blanket over your head and cry the pain away or hope that when you wake it will all have been a dream. You are not alone, my friend. Patricia

[srhannon]

Hi Patricia

everyday i wake up its hard to face the day without my mom. I cry a lot today was the first day I was able to work and not cry. All I think about is my mother her smile, her voice everything. I miss her so much It hurts. I wish this was a dream even after taking my mother to her grave site I still can't believe she is gone. Its so crazy how one day you are laughing., eating and talking to your mom and than the next day you get a phone call saying come quick mommy past out. I tell you I don't know how I am making it half of the time. I pray all the time that god help me and my family. My mother was the gule that kept us all together and now I feel like I have to do that and it is not easy. It helps to know that I am not alone I am sorry for your lost as well. I hate to see anything with 8/27/12 because it remind me that was the last time my mother was here on earth. She die that morning and every since I have been in a daze.

Hello, Newbie. I just joined this site about an hour ago. In essence, I lost my mother on the same day you did. That's the day she fell and suffered traumatic brain injury. Although she didn't take her last breath until five days later I feel I lost her that day. It is so very hard, isn't it? I hope you can find strength in your family but I wouldn't be surprised to know that you'd just like to close the shades and pull the blanket over your head and cry the pain away or hope that when you wake it will all have been a dream. You are not alone, my friend. Patricia

[immissingyou]

I'm so very sorry for the loss of your mom. I know that my mom struggled for awhile when her mother passed away and the only advice I can give is that grief is a process - there's absolutely no rhyme or reason to it. It is still so early and so fresh and you have to give yourself time. This is a great place to vent, lean on a shoulder, cry, get angry as there are many here that have experienced the same. It will get easier but you will be forever changed. I am so very sorry for your loss.

[srhannon]

Thank you immissingyou I am sorry for your loss as well. I have notice a change in me already some for the good some for the bad. I do wake up not wanting to face the day without my mother, the fact that I can't call her or when I go to her home and can't see her hurts me so much. I really believe a part of die with my mother she was my support system and my all whenever I needed her for anything she was there. A lot of the things I did was to make her proud of me and make her happy. She loved to talk to me and about me to others I am realy thankful to have had such a wonderful lady like her in my life. Most people wish she was their mother they even told her so and she never turned her back on anyone no matter what. There was so much people at her home going it was amazing I was really happy to know so many people loved my mother.

I'm so very sorry for the loss of your mom. I know that my mom struggled for awhile when her mother passed away and the only advice I can give is that grief is a process - there's absolutely no rhyme or reason to it. It is still so early and so fresh and you have to give yourself time. This is a great place to vent, lean on a shoulder, cry, get angry as there are many here that have experienced the same. It will get easier but you will be forever changed. I am so very sorry for your loss.