The end of a Perfect Love story

[JBG]

Hello all,

I am new here. I have lost both of my parents in a short time and am really struggling. I was so very close to both of them, as were my husband and children. They moved to our town 12 years ago and we spent the last 12 years having a great time. My parents were my ROCK, my foundation, my unconditional love. I am 47 and I never expected to feel this way. My Father had a massive stroke in April of '11 and died 5 days later. My mother and (who has always been my best friend) pulled together and grieved through it. My mom had a pretty miserable 16 months and really felt that although she was trying so hard that after 55 years of marriage that she was so lost and alone. She was "living for us". Long story is my mother was having back pains and it lasted on and off for about 5 weeks. We went to a cardiologist who confirmed that she had blockage. She had an angioplasty and was supposed to have stints. She failed that and ended up having to have tripple bypass. She was doing well after surgery and the day before she was to come home I really thought that (although it would be a hard recovery) that she was going to be ok. All the while she was in the hospital she kept telling me that she was really ready to go if it was her time. She wanted me and my family to all be ok. We told her that if it was really hear time that she could go and be with the Lord and My dad. That night before I was to bring her home we had a nice talk (looking back) she was saying goodbye to me. I left and at 4:00 am got the call that she was unresponsive. It took me 45 min's to get to the hospital and when I got there they were still working on her with no luck. I had to tell them to let her go. My mother died of a broken heart. I have been on auto pilot every since but just in the last few days the hurt has started. I don't know how to do this this time without her. I had her when my Dad died, now I don't have her. I reach for my phone every few mins. I can't believe both of my parents are gone. I am dealing with my children's grief as they were all so very close to my parents. I feel so lost and alone. My husband loved my parents very much but he has a very strained relationship with his parents so I know he really doesn't understand my pain. I thought I would reach out here. I will be honest....I am tired of being sad after 16 months of it with my Dad and taking care of my Mom, BUT now it is so so so very hard. I want to feel better. It has only been three weeks since my mom died so I know I have a long road ahead of me

[ModKonnie]

Hello all,

I am new here. I have lost both of my parents in a short time and am really struggling. I was so very close to both of them, as were my husband and children. They moved to our town 12 years ago and we spent the last 12 years having a great time. My parents were my ROCK, my foundation, my unconditional love. I am 47 and I never expected to feel this way. My Father had a massive stroke in April of '11 and died 5 days later. My mother and (who has always been my best friend) pulled together and grieved through it. My mom had a pretty miserable 16 months and really felt that although she was trying so hard that after 55 years of marriage that she was so lost and alone. She was "living for us". Long story is my mother was having back pains and it lasted on and off for about 5 weeks. We went to a cardiologist who confirmed that she had blockage. She had an angioplasty and was supposed to have stints. She failed that and ended up having to have tripple bypass. She was doing well after surgery and the day before she was to come home I really thought that (although it would be a hard recovery) that she was going to be ok. All the while she was in the hospital she kept telling me that she was really ready to go if it was her time. She wanted me and my family to all be ok. We told her that if it was really hear time that she could go and be with the Lord and My dad. That night before I was to bring her home we had a nice talk (looking back) she was saying goodbye to me. I left and at 4:00 am got the call that she was unresponsive. It took me 45 min's to get to the hospital and when I got there they were still working on her with no luck. I had to tell them to let her go. My mother died of a broken heart. I have been on auto pilot every since but just in the last few days the hurt has started. I don't know how to do this this time without her. I had her when my Dad died, now I don't have her. I reach for my phone every few mins. I can't believe both of my parents are gone. I am dealing with my children's grief as they were all so very close to my parents. I feel so lost and alone. My husband loved my parents very much but he has a very strained relationship with his parents so I know he really doesn't understand my pain. I thought I would reach out here. I will be honest....I am tired of being sad after 16 months of it with my Dad and taking care of my Mom, BUT now it is so so so very hard. I want to feel better. It has only been three weeks since my mom died so I know I have a long road ahead of me

JBG,

I am so very sorry to hear about the loss of your parents. The heartache you are experiencing is so painful. I am so glad you had 12 years of such a wonderful relationship with your parents. So many times today, people don't have a good relationship with their mom and dad, and it's such a tragedy. Let me ask you what your mother would say to you right now if you told her you were lost and lonely? What would she tell you to do? Three weeks is certainly no time at all after losing your mom, but you will one day be able to smile and laugh when you think of her. Right now, it is so okay to keep crying. Have you thought about any type of professional counseling? Perhaps a counselor can help you sort through your emotions. I will tell you that feeling lost and alone is normal after losing both or even one parent. You may even feel anger or fear. That is okay, too. Don't be afraid to talk about your mother and your father.

As for your children, please try to allow them to talk about their feelings, and remember to tell them it's okay to feel sad, anxious, fearful, lonely and anything else they are feeling. Together you will be able to help each other.

Are you eating? Sleeping? Have you gone back to work? Are you talking to others? Family to talk to? Church or other group support? Try to eat some, and drink water. Avoid caffeine and alcohol because it only increases some of the anxiety and stress in the long run.

We will be here for you,

ModKonnie