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Rainy Labor Day blues-raw emotion


val

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well, yesterday was Labor Day, end of season and it represented to me the end of Jerry all over again. All I could think of was that song "to everything there is a season..." Crying already, Depression is becoming more severe. I feel like there is no future. I am not looking forward to Fall though normally it is our favorite season here in Pennsylvania. There is no more "our". Tomorrow will be two months. I hurt no less now than I did two months ago. I appreciate the thread "dare you" but have nothing to add at this point. I have found nothing that comforts me, except escaping into sleep which i try and do as much as i can. I still have so many unanswered questions swirling around in my head. why, oh why, did God take Jerry from me in his prime? I don't feel like I am moving forward a bit. Maybe i am, or from time to time, I do, but i can't see it. All i can do is pray that God relieves some of this terrible pain and loneliness. I feel traumatized by the morning I found Jerry and couldn't wake him up. Every morning I feel this. Can't take much more of this pain. Day in, day out. Dear Jerry, please know how much i love you honey. Your presence is still all over our home and you are in my thoughts constantly. I cannot let go of our time together. Ten years was not enough. Why did you go? Why? I feel so alone without you here to emotionally support me. Please come back. All my love, val

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I feel bad for you and all of us ones going through this. I fear going on without him too. the counsler said you also fear the unknown. things happens that i need and want to talk to him and he isn't here. I love you Scott and miss you.

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Oh Val. I am so sorry for all the pain you are going through. It seems like some days are worse than others and those bad days are the ones that make moving forward seem impossible. However you have to keep pushing towards the sunny days. It simply takes time, grief is a process and I encourage counseling or therapy or some sort of outlet that helps release some of the pain. I think it's important to remember that the pain doesn't have to consume your every waking thought and by refusing to give in to the grief, even if it's only for an hour, that doesn't mean you love the deceased any less or that you've forgotten them. It simply means right at that very moment you're giving yourself a much needed respite from the grief.

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Val,

I am sorry you are having such a bad time. I truly understand. I wish you nothing but comfort and peace. I will be thinking of

you and hope you get a little relief if only for a short time.

Shay

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VAL I KNOW HOW YIU FEEL TOMORROW WILL BE A MONTH MY BABY HAS BEEN GONE EVERY DAY IS A STRUGGLE I LIKE YOU HAD MY BABY ALMOST 11 YEARS TOGETHER WE HAD SUCH GREAT TIMES TOGETHER AND SHOULD OF HAD MORE TOGETHER I DONT KNOWNTHE RIGJT WORDS TO SAY TO MAKE YIU FEEL BETTER BECAUSE I HAVE NOT FOUND THE RIGJT ONES TO MALE ME FEEL BETTER I HAAVE THO FOUND MUCH COMFORT IN THIS WEBSITE EVEN THO I HAVE PEOPLE AROUND THAT TRIES THIER BEST TO COMFORT ME BUT JUST IS NOT THE SAME NOT SURE WHY I DO FIND COMFORT ALSO IN HEARING MY HUSBANDS VOICE TELLING ME ME STUFF LIKE I DONT WANNA GO TO WORK BUT I HEAR HIM TELLING ME SOMEBODY HAS TO MAKE THE MONEY OR YHE KIDS WILL TELL ME YIU KNOW HE WILL GWT MAD AT YIU IF YOU DONT DO THOS ARE THAT EVEN THO KENNY WOULD NOT HAVE GOTTEN MAD BECAUSE WE NEVER ARGUED BUT I GUESS ONE OF MY WAYS OF DEALI.G IS BY GOI.G ON THE WAY HE WOULD WANT ME TO AND HEARING HIM TELL ME EVERYTHI.G WILL BE OKAY WHILE HE RUBS HIS FINGERS THROUGH MY HAIR IT HURTS SO MUCH WHEN I THINK OF THOSE TIMES ALL I WANT TO DO IS HIDE AND NEVER SPEAK TO ANYONE AGAIN BUT I DO THANK GOD HE GAVE ME SUCH A WONDERFUL HUSBAND TO HAVE SHOWED ME WHAT LOVE REALLY IS I HOPE YOU FIND COMFORT AS I AM TRYING TO DO IT IS ONE OF THE HARDEST THINGS I HAVE EVER WENT THROUGH PLEASE LET ME KNOW OF THERE IS ANYTHING I CAN DO FOR YOU AND MAY GOD BE WITH US THROUGH IT ALL

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Unfortunately we all know the pain you are goingthrough. I believe each of us wish wehad a different path right now. We haveto play the cards we were given. Thereis no easy way to get through this, believe me I have tried to find it. Until we accept that we were left here tolive, we will continue to struggle. Atleast that is what the Phyc Dr. told me. I am not ready to accept this yet so it doesn’t surprise me you are notthere either. Mary has died May 16th. I will never forget looking into her eyeswhen she passed. It drained me. It was like a part of me went with her. I have changed. I will never be the man I once was. I hope Mary will help me find my pathagain. I counted on her foreverything. A part of me is gone and shestill has it. I believe it was the onlygood part I had left.

Mike

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Unfortunately we all know the pain you are goingthrough. I believe each of us wish wehad a different path right now. We haveto play the cards we were given. Thereis no easy way to get through this, believe me I have tried to find it. Until we accept that we were left here tolive, we will continue to struggle. Atleast that is what the Phyc Dr. told me. I am not ready to accept this yet so it doesn’t surprise me you are notthere either. Mary has died May 16th. I will never forget looking into her eyeswhen she passed. It drained me. It was like a part of me went with her. I have changed. I will never be the man I once was. I hope Mary will help me find my pathagain. I counted on her foreverything. A part of me is gone and shestill has it. I believe it was the onlygood part I had left.

Mike

Mike, i have talked with you before and i don't think Mary took your only good part with her. I think you are one of the nicest caring guys i have ever met. how much you miss Mary sure shows that.

I do not know why these were the cards we were dealt. its very hard and i miss him so. the lonest part is killing me, we both hated to be a part, he would text me even if he was just in town for a few minutes, well we even text to the next room. I love and miss you Scotty.

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Hi Val, hugs to you. Keep strong, keep your fluid intake going, keep your nutrition up. Under stress and depression, you need to be extra sure that you are consuming healthy things, and take vitamins.

I have a couple suggestions that might help. It is some things I have been doing to help apease my pain, shock and lonliness. I started going to church every Sunday. In fact, I started going to a new church with a brand new community. It is closer to me, only 15 minute car ride. I find that helps. I pray a lot to God. I suggest that you go to this website, and find a local grief share support group near you, and see if you can attend that. Mine starts tomorrow night and I am looking forward to it. It is 13 weeks, and they meet once a week, on a thursday night for a couple hours. Here is a link for you. Hoping this helps. Just put in your zip code - http://www.griefshare.org/

The other thing that has helped me, is that when my body or mind, or both feel tired and fatigued - I sleep. If it means that after your work day is done, take a nap for a couple hours, don't worry and sweat the small stuff about what is not getting done. Our bodies and souls are wounded, and we need to take care of ourselves. I know Jerry would be nodding his head in agreement with me. He loves you and wants to see you healthy and ok.

The other thing that helps me at times is reading. When is the last time you went to the book store and picked up something that interested you. If you enjoy reading, you might enjoy a trip to the book store. Or, if you prefer, you can shop right at home at amazon.com I buy lots of used books there and save a fortune.

I have been trying to find for myself, a bottle of bubble bath that has natural ingredients in it and has a pleasant scent. I keep looking in stores, and I don't find much. I guess I have to shop on the internet for something like that. I preferred to buy it in person, so I can smell it. oh well.

Val, I completely understand and have compassion for you. As we discussed, our husbands passed away the same week, just three days apart. I was very happily married for 30.5 years and I miss him terribly. We are still in shock, numb and need to take one day at a time. Ask God to help you, tell him the things you are thankful for, and he will help you. I do believe he is beginning to help me.

I still have a fog and a heavy heavy depression or grief. I wish I could be there to give you a hug. We need to talk soon, we missed each other on the voice mail systems.

Love ya Val. Stay strong, we need to help each other through this. Count on me. xxoo

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dear diane, yes we need to talk soon. your suggestions are good ones. i do go to church every sunday now. my church is ukrainian catholic but believe it or not, they are having a spaghetti dinner on sat. the 22 and congregation encouraged me to come. i will go, alone. it will hurt but it will be a baby step. I think jerry would say go for it. yes, our men passed away just days apart diane. i still remember the beautiful fourth of july we had and ask why. believe it or not i still don't have a final coroner's report. it's like living in limbo. but then again what will knowing change. it is what it is. he is gone. i have to deal with it. as for reading right now my focus is bad, attention span short. as for you getting some beauty products, i love sephora and bath and beauty works. they've got natural lines i'm pretty sure. let's talk soon, hugs and peace, val

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